scribbled in daylight [c]

”Over there, Swiftheart! I think I see some parsley near the Thunderpath - but don't you dare get too close! ” It had been both a blessing and a curse to be tasked with being Sablestrike's babysitter by Leopardstar as the deputy's punishment. It was rather amazing how many different herbs, sticks and cobwebs one cat could carry on their back at once. There hadn't been too much complaining from the midnight tom when she had asked him to accompany her alongside Swiftheart for this little excursion, which was nice. Perhaps it was the company he seemed to attract that got him into verbal and physical fights with others. With Swiftheart and herself as company, Sablestrike didn't seem to put up much of a fight. He was… Well mannered today. Sweet, even.

She smiled to herself, only briefly forgetting the anxiety that plagued her over Sablestrike's recent actions. Her smile then dropped at the reminder his missing eye gave her: he had no qualms over attacking a child. What was to say he wouldn't do the same for the ones in her belly? The ones she had meant to tell him about but just couldn't get herself to stomach it. She loved him, yes. But did she trust him? ”Thank you for accompanying us, Sablestrike. I'm sure Swiftheart and I could take on a predator if one came across, but it's always nice to have an extra set of paws.” The question of trust lay solely on if he held the ability to properly judge a situation instead of letting his pride lead the way. She couldn't stomach another Nightstar. Couldn't stomach birthing the kids of a tom who took after a cat who destroyed her family. Who crippled ShadowClan. If he fell away from the tom she first fell for...

Another issue about where they had chosen to do this herb hunt: the Thunderpath. The place her mother had died, crushed to death by a monster. But she was in good and safe company... Monsters wouldn't harm them if they stayed off the black earth they traveled on.

Deep in thought and halfway bent to pluck some moss from boulder, Heatherberry suddenly crumpled to ground with a painful huff. This would be the first time she had ever experienced pain as great as this, but her body instinctively knew that time was up. ”Swiftheart–!” She called for her friend with a panicked sense of urgency.

***
It felt like it had taken much longer than it should have, her head laying still in the snow that had begun to melt from her body heat as exhaustion took hold of her. But she wasn't done yet. She hadn't even seen the bundles of hope she'd carried for what seemed like an agonizingly long time.

Her head lifted, body shifting to sit up and look at her children for the first time since their arrival into this world. To truly look at them outside of cleaning and fluffing them out: four little bundles of joy wriggling against her belly, desperately seeking the warmth of their mother, all seeking the milk only she could provide them in this moment. There was no one else in the forest besides her and these kits, all anxiety washed away now that they were finally here. Physically here.

Her green eye examined each and every one of the carefully as both a mother and a fully fledged medicine cat: one a she-kit with tiny white freckles that dotted her face, another she-kit a beautiful mixture of black with a slightly lighter ombre of another shade of black, the third was yet another she-kit who held the white speck on her chest just like her mother did, and the fourth a tom whose fur held a hint of rust just like her own when the sunlight shone down through the pine trees just right. They were all so… Beautiful. Lovely. Darling. Perfect. She couldn't wait to meet their gorgeous little eyes when they grew big enough to open them. Would they be yellow like their fathers, or green like their mothers? Would she…. Would she even get to be there to see them open their eyes for the first time…? See their first wobbling steps? Hear their first squeak of words?

Her tail moved away from the black ombre one as her stomach began to turn in on itself with the sickening feeling of anxiety once more, resulting in the an ear piercing wail from the she-kit's tiny mouth as she became exposed to the afternoon sun. ”Ssshh… It's okay. Mommy is here, my little Hollowkit.” The name had come so easily - the endless wailing making it seem as though her daughter had endless, almost hollow, lungs to supply the power needed to scream so loudly.  

Hollowkit's screeching disturbed the she-kit next to her, tiny body falling backwards in surprise. Heatherberry was quick to stretch a paw out to catch her and pull her back towards her own white tufted chest. Giving the kit a soothing lick, she found the top of her little head to be oddly sweet and somewhat sticky. At some point, it seemed one of the ripe juniper berries from the bush the medicine cat happened to give birth next to, had transferred its juice to the she-kits head. She laughed softly. ”Juniperkit… The white on your chest looks just like their leaves, too.”

The third was perhaps the easiest, tiny white freckles dusting her third daughter's cheeks, nose, under her eyes, and tips of her ears in both a haphazard yet delicate fashion. Strangely, she felt odd about this one, but she wouldn't quite put her claw on why. The one white paw was reminiscent of a tom she hadn't had the displeasure of seeing in quite a few moons now. And now perhaps never again. She shook her head. ”Frecklekit. For your beautiful freckles.” She purred, her eye beginning to move on to her one and only son. Only to be swept back into reality as she remembered Swiftheart and Sablestrike were still here.

Swiftheart seemed overjoyed, but the dropped jaw of Sablestrike reminded her that she hadn't gotten to even tell him she was pregnant. ”Sablestrike… I'm… I'm so sorry I didn't tell you. There just never seemed to be a right time to.” Not when he went out and did the things he did. Honestly, it was this moment that brought back her previous thought on if she trusted this tom with the lives of a child or not. Her own children. His children. His response to her keeping this secret from him until it was far too late would make or break this relationship. ”They are yours, Sable. Ours. Your daughters and son. Our family. H-Hollowkit, Frecklekit, Juniperkit… Aren't they beautiful? Why don't you name your son?” Her tone was almost like she were pleading with him; coaxing him back to earth. Although she smiled, a hint of uneasiness swept through her mono gaze, brow scrunching ever so slightly. Would he be angry? She hadn't even hinted to him that she was even carrying such a heavy secret.

And would he keep the secret? Did she have to tell him that - much like their relationship - their kits would have to remain as unspoken knowledge? This was something they couldn't tell anyone else. They couldn't risk the backlash that might happen should anyone find out she broke the most sacred of oaths that she swore to. He may need to step down if the clan didn't approve of this obvious break in The Code… She would need to beg StarClan just to remain in the position she was to look over her kits. She would do anything for them. Her gaze turned to Swiftheart, a silent question on what to do about this now that they were finally here clear as day reflected in her forest green eye. She couldn't make the decision herself; Sablestrike or Swiftheart needed to take the lead on how to handle this. With the sun so bright in the sky, it was impossible to know if the stars sparkled in anger or not.

She did not know the world she had been born into. There was simply no way for such a small form to be able to even begin comprehending the various intricacies of the situation of her birth. Such a fresh, impressionable, young mind had no way to be able to truly feel the weight of the mantle of her lineage. All she knew was that there had been silence. Silence, accompanied by being cramped against the other forms she would come to eventually know as her siblings. A silence and warmth she had thoroughly enjoyed, knowing nothing else but the occasional sensations of pressure.

All it took was a heartbeat for that all to change, though. A heartbeat, and what had once been silence became cold. And an urge to breathe. A need to live. Had she truly been living before, or instead, simply flitting about in some endless sleep? It didn't matter. She felt the cold, and there was an urge in her to say something about it. Her tiny head had tilted back, the onyx fur a stark contrast against the remnants of white, and she had screamed. Whatever little voice had found itself in her had been fully unleashed until there was simply nothing else to say, nothing at all. Just squeaked the cry loud enough to-

Ssshh...

It may as well have been a siren-song that had beckoned her to silence, the voice somehow carrying with it the warmth and scent of the very thing she was after. She wanted that warmth back, and whatever vibrations caressed over her form, it was like calling to like. The wailing of the ombre-tinged kit ceased soon after, quieted to nothingness as she squirmed in closer. Closer to where it was warm... to where something told her instincts she would be safe.

The air was cool and crisp as it tugged and dried newly named Frecklekit's fur. Wet from the rasping tongue of a doting mother as she was cleaned of fluid, lightening an already very dark pelt with white smatterings like the stars. Although there was a nasty stench in the air, and vibrations thrummed through her body, there was also the care and the protection of her mother and her warm body and tongue. Frecklekit was quick to to latch onto a teet, and when she was done taking her share she happily and easily fell asleep amongst the wriggling masses of her siblings.

It had seemed lately that any looks Heatherberry directed at him weren't the same as they had been. Once they had been filled with a tender love, but that had been replaced by something that looked like fear. He hated seeing that look pointed at him. The tom was starting to think he'd rather have let that Windclan apprentice have her way with him if it meant not having to deal with this, but that was the past now. On days like this he could try to forget about those looks. He could focus on picking herbs, avoid her gaze and that look. "Glad I can help you two." Sablestrike offered a smile to the medicine cat. This was his punishment, but with these two it didn't feel like he was being punished. It was actually quite pleasant, even the weak warmth of the sun was appreciated. That pleasantness was taken the moment the medicine cat fell to the ground, shouting for Swiftheart. Though he wasn't called, Sablestrike rushed to the molly's side.

___

The first thing the kit heard was a loud, endless screeching noise right beside him. It hurt his ears, but the kit had something to combat those screeches. Opening his tiny mouth he let out a fearsome screech of his own, mirroring his littermate's intensity once and once only. The small exertion had already left him spent. Thankfully, a gentle soothing voice filled the air, quelling the constant screeches and giving way to the sounds of suckling. The tom joined his sisters in their meal, each one receiving a name from that lovely voice, except for him. The name that called for him was bestowed by a rougher voice. It wobbled and broke, the opposite of that song-like voice that had called for his sisters. Willowkit didn't pay any mind to that however, he was too focused on drinking his fill.

_

Though Sablestrike had assisted Swiftheart with simple requests during the birth, he had remained shocked for the entire experience. Even now as four kits squirmed at the molly's belly he still couldn't muster any words, couldn't change the look on his face. Hollowkit. He knew what these kits were. Even before Heatherberry had a chance to tell him, he knew. Juniperkit. How long ago had this happened? How could he have not seen the signs? Moons of travelling together, of finding any reason at all to keep Heatherberry company in the medicine den, the moon of having to assist her. Through it all he had been blind to her growing belly, the sickness, all of it. Frecklekit.

Each new name was locked away in the tom's mind, melting into their pelts as he continued to stare in shock and awe. Shadowclan's medicine cat had broken the code by birthing these kits, it had to be brought to Leopardstar's attention, didn't it? Even if he had been involved, it needed to be revealed, just as he had done with his sister. The tom's last golden eye rested on the four, and he knew that wasn't an option. It made him a terrible deputy, but he couldn't. The repercussions for letting this secret out would be massive. That made him a terrible brother too, didn't it. He could so easily give up his own sister without a second thought, but when it came to these kits he just... Couldn't.

Heatherberry spoke and confirmed what the deputy had already known. All at once Sablestrike's pelt heated and prickled, prodding him to break out of his stupor. He could understand the molly not wanting to tell him, especially given the recent events, the fear. That only pained him more. She had never trusted him to be sane about something like this. "Y-Yes, they're beautiful." His voice wavered as he spoke. There were too many emotions clogging his throat, he wasn't used to any of this. Fear, anger, sadness, but the one that choked him the most was love. A single sight of his offspring, and all he could feel was love. Four tiny bodies that couldn't speak nor see, only alive for a couple of minutes and yet he could feel a bond to each of them like none he had felt before. Three lovely daughters, and only one son. His son. The tiny rusted kit had given off one strong squeak before finding his way to his meal. Heatherberry had taken the liberty of naming the rest, but this was his choice. Something strong, dangerous, just like his father. All the possibilities swirled in his head, but those didn't seem like names Heatherberry would approve of. Something strong... Resilient. To match his clan. They had all been through so much these past moons, and instead of withering away they had weathered the storm and even began to flourish. "I'll name him Willowkit." With this name he would embody his own clan perfectly. Strong and resilient just as they had been. A sturdy presence for Shadowclan to lean on if they needed it. A symbol of their strength. Sablestrike would guide him on the right path, a better path than he had taken. It may have been a bit presumptuous, but he firmly believed Willowkit would be shine brighter than he ever could, just as the rest of his kits would.

He could look past Heatherberry keeping this from him for now. They could speak about it later, if she ever brought up the topic. Sablestrike wouldn't force her into that conversation, partially because he was afraid of what he might hear, but they also had more important matters to worry about now.

"I'll be careful" Swiftheart promised as she picked the parsley Heatherberry told her about.  She made sure to stay well clear of the thunderpath while doing so.

It felt like moments later that her friend was calling for her in a pained sounding way?  Swiftheart's eyes widened her first thought was that somehow a monster had come since that is what she had just been thinking of but moments later she realized what it really was rushing to the medicine cats side.

--------

She helped where she could in the process of the birth.  She had been through it herself and so knew what to do for the most part though she was used to having a med cat as well helping but in what seemed very quick they had four meowing kits laid gently into their mother's side and belly.

"aww... look at them" she whispered eyes watering with emotions.

Each of the kits all appeared to be very healthy and strong.  She glanced at the deputy who appeared to be in total shock.

She slowly realized that Heatherberry had not told him about this at all later confirmed by their words as well. She shuffled on her paws a little glancing at them.  That was a little awkward, she had known and had just assumed Sablestrike had as well.  She was silently thanking the stars she had not said anything incorrectly to him before all this.

It seemed to her that there was now two conversations going on.  One conversation was spoken aloud, about how cute the kits were and was reinforced by the gentle actions from the two parents.

The other conversation was a silent one: one of little glances and the look of thinking on their faces of what they would do next.  Even without words, Swiftheart could guess and just feel that neither of them wanted to tell anyone else about this. She for one would never say a word to anyone about this.  She did not want to be the one to bring it up either however.

Heatherberry was exhausted and surely that would be the last thing her friend would want to talk about right? And Sablestrike he still looked half in shock from it all.

Between happy glances at all the kits she kept looking over her shoulder and kept her ears on a constant swivel, looking and listening for any approaching clanmates.

She wished for time to pause for just a little so that she could go hunt something for Heatherberry but leaving her to do so didn't feel right either.

"They are all so beautiful, congrats both of you. she purred and kept close while also giving the new family some room to themselves.

The unspoken conversation would be resolved soon enough... it would have to be.  For now she just wanted Heatherberry to enjoy this moment.


(Written after a long work day and very sleepy. Sorry if any of it sounds weird. :D I'm so excited for this plot)

Willowkit… A strong, resilient name. The embodiment of ShadowClan. She smiled at that, giving Sablestrike a reassuring purr. The look of shock on the toms face did not come as a surprise to her after she failed to breathe even a hint towards him that she was with kits. That would be a conversation for later for sure, but for now a new and more pressing matter was at paw: their kits. As much as she celebrated their birth, it was unlikely that ShadowClan would approve knowing StarClan's rules.

Her gaze cast downwards to watch over the wiggling kits. Out of everything she was made to go through… This might be the one to finally break her. ”...No one else can know who these kits mother is. Not even Leopardstar. If it got out that we shattered the code like this, we would both lose our positions. The ones that allow us to watch over these kits from the highest peak.” Her eye looked back and forth from her mate to Swiftheart. ”This is a huge ask and you don't have to say yes… But I don't trust anyone else. Swiftheart, from the deepest trenches of my heart, please claim these kits as your own. Be the mother to them that I can't be. Until StarClan rips me from my position. Whenever that may be.” She was prepared for Sablestrike and Swiftheart to fight her. Especially Swiftheart when it wasn't her burden to bare. ”Know that I don't plead lightly. The weight of this burden will be heavy. I understand if you both decline.” It would allow the kits to at least have their father. That was the least she could do for them after so selfishly wishing them into existence.

At some point, the sun had begun to slip past the canopies and the sky began to melt into an orange hue. Her tail wrapped around her four kits in a comforting and protective manner, knowing full well they would need to be brought before Leopardstar. That she would have to look her own mother in the eyes and lie.

Swiftheart nodded hearing the part that no one else could know. Sable and Heather had both worked so hard for their positions it felt wrong that the stars should remove them just because they were in love and had a family now.

Heather's next words made her freeze up staring blankly ahead. Her chest got all tight and she felt her mouth go dry. The white furred warrior who so often was so talkative was speechless for a solid minute.

She looked at her medicine cat and close friend. Then to the four bundle of fur cuddled up to their mothers side. It was all so unfair, these kits would be judged unfairly if the secret ever got out. The entirety of starclans rules made no sense to her, how was love as tender as this a wrong thing? She felt so anxious it ached. Thinking back to her late brother night she remembered how fast everyone else turned on him when he broke the code. Though his breaking of the code was under very different circumstances she could not help but to be fearful that the same cats that had turned against him would turn against her friends now as well.

Heatherberry was right no one could ever find out about this, not under the current standings of things. Still, at the same time, claiming to be their mother... what that would do to Heatherberry her beloved friend? She couldnt imagine being forced to watch someone else raise her kittens. Would Heatherberry have days where she would regret her decision? Would her friend hate her later if she agreed to this?

She didn't ever want to lose her friendship with Heatherberry and friends had to be there for one another right? She squeezed her eyes shut just thinking for a little. If she agreed, it would mean every day she would be living a lie having to be careful of what she did or said. She would have to fully commit to pretending to be their mother whenever anyone else was around. She could do that ... right?

She pawsied at the ground a bit taking out as much stress as she could on the forzen ground below her claws as she kneeded the earth with stressed out claws.

"Heatherberry" she whispered

"I'll do it... but I'm terrified."

What if I mess up?? she thought panicky to herself, all her own kits had died. She wouldnt be able to forgive herself yet alone look at her friends that happened to their kittens.

She looked to sablestrike letting out a long shaky breath of nerves.

"what do you think? We will have to pretend to be mates...

She looked between the two of them nearly shaking with nerves from the anxiety of it all.

"I'll try, I promise I'll do my best for them