Sweet Child o' mine

((Happens right after this topic like a day or so afterwards or something:
https://warriorclancats.forumotion.com/t55618-is-ignorance-bliss-or-lies))

As a summery of the past couple moons, Swiftheart's life had been flipped on its side and rolled every which way.

It had started out as just keeping Heatherberry and Sablestrikes relationship a secret that she would help them hide their love for each other.
It quickly became a scramble to pass herself off as the secret lovers mother to their kits.

Ever since, she had been living a lie to protect her friends and to let the kits have a mum. She was doing the absolute best she could ... all things considered, she found it very hard to live a constant lie and the exhaustion of that made her withdrawn from the family at first missing a lot of their earliest days.

And things somehow got even worse when their beloved med cat Heatherberry went missing and not seen for moons at a time now.

The sudden disappearance of the kits real mother put even more stress and worry on Swiftheart, now she was their mom in secret that only she and Sablestrike knew.

Hollow was missing as well. And so it was Willow and juni left, neither of them knew that swiftheart was not actually their biological mother.


However, slowly thing got a little better, swiftheart was slowly realizing she had to be better at actually being around for them. She knew the lies constantly were hard to deal with. For her especially as she didnt like to lie so much, but Juni and Willow deserved to have a caring mum.


She had tried to see if they were ready to learn the truth, but it had ended badly with Juni in tears before she could even tell her the truth, something she was very glad was still a secret given that reaction because she couldnt imagine acciently telling Juni that while she was so already exhausted from needing more family time as it was.


To try and start being their more for their kits she had planned out a family meal today, something casual where they didnt have to focus on hunting, patrols or predators. Just time to be a family, or at least whatever they were... The kits saw it as a family she saw it as a mess and a half but that would be something she worked on to see them more as a family instead of a web of lies weaved by her and Sable to hide that he had broken the code.

She had originally agreed to this to protect Heatherberry. Her relationship with Sablestrike was a complicated one... they were friends yes but pretending to be a mate with your friend so that he wouldnt be caught breaking the code was strange, not to mention their matching scars they had given each other before all this in a spar that blew up added even more complexitiy to what they were.


She got to the little corner of the camp that they were going to meet at and saw Sablestrike she exhaled a bit and went over to him smiling a bit shy for herself given that she was usually such the extravert. Even though her nerves about being the mom were getting better, they were still there.

"hey you" she meowed and nuzzled a bit at his shoulder with her forehead. They were in public, that meant pretending to nuzzle at him every now and then so that no one in shadowclan would be wiser to their games of secrecy.

"you know... all things considering you are a pretty good dad" she whispered winking at him.

"I talked with Juni... she is not ready at all for the truth... I dont think we can tell them ever" she whispered to him settling down by his side and even leaning against him.

She waited a bit longer and soon their two kits were there.

"hey you two!" she meowed happily with a wave of her tail inviting them over.

"Juni, willow, my kits i'm so glad we get a day to ourselves. Come on over we have a little picnic"

Sablestrike returned Swiftheart's nuzzling with affectations of his own, all completely mechanical at this point. It felt... Wrong. He had never been this lovey with his true mate, but he had been able to overlook that since... Well, she had still been here. Now that she was gone he felt dirty for showing another molly such affection, even if it was an act. He couldn't help but laugh at Swiftheart's comment. Him? A good father? He had lost half of his kits, his mate, and he was barely present in their lives. "I wasn't going to tell them either way." Not now, not when they wouldn't even be able to meet the she-cat that bore their blood.

The deputy perked up as his children approached, forcing a smile that became genuine as the got closer. He had lost Hollowgrove, Frecklekit, and Heatherberry, but the two that remained still filled him with an otherworldly kind of love. It felt so starkly different from the love he had for their mother. "There you two are, I was starting to get tired of waiting." Sablestrike beckoned them forward.

_______

Willowpaw glanced at his sister, a smile cracking his face as he gave her a nudge back. "You're so lucky you're carrying alla that, Juni, Otherwise I swear I'd have you on the ground by now." He swatted playfully at her bundle. "What's in it anyway?" Willowpaw moved his head next to hers and peered at the bundle of seemingly random ingredients. Bird feathers, flowers, vines, if those counted... It all just seemed like garbage to him, but Juniperpaw knew how to find the beauty in creating things with smaller things. It felt like a waste of time to him, but if it made her happy he wouldn't bend her ear over it.

Swiftheart's voice called out to them. The apprentice swiftly pulled a flower his sister's bundle and hurried over, proffering it to his mother with a sweet smile. "Picked fresh just for you, Swiftheart! Sablestrike, I didn't get you anything because you don't like anything." The joke earned Willowpaw a light cuff to the ear.

Swiftheart glanced at her 'mate' so he didn't feel anything with this either, between them? She wasn't sure if that felt a relief or something else but at least they were on the same page.
That page, was of feeling trapped to each other but not being able to break away from the pretend without shattering the lives that they were supposed to be raising and protecting.

Sable was her friend still and they were in this together for better or worse as strange a situation it was. She wished she could tell him that she still considered him a good friend. There was so much pretending between them over all this she was not even sure what he considered her as?? Just a cat to hide his lies behind? A friend? Something else entirely? Perhaps their relation had grown so complicated between the lies of being 'mates' and the scars they had physically given each other that there was no clear one thing that they were. Perhaps they literally were just friends and clanmates trying to survive one more day without having the world around them crumble into pieces.

She had no idea, with all the pretend and lies that they did daily it was unclear what was real and what was just an act to hide and protect this little family unit. Family... that word hurt a lot to think about. Yes, she had whatever this was. But she was dreading if Juni and Willow ever found out... They would hate her. Wouldn't they?

As awkward as this situation was, it was the only family she had left.

Well she of course had her little sister but she had been busy beyond belief and she hardly recalled the last time she even was with her. With her younger sister's own litter - her own REAL litter to look after she was not around much at all.

All this to say, as much as the lies hurt she felt the lies were the only thing that would protect what little thing left she was clinging onto here.

Where did their acting end? Where was the boundary that separated what they really were from the smoke and mirrors that were in place to hide what had really happened.

She blinked as their kits got closer, right acting time. She gave Sable a final nuzzle and stopped leaning on him making sure that Juniper and Willow would see it, no point in doing it if the kits were not going to see the acting after all. As it was, she was much more comfortable to be sitting on her own now, and she was sure Sable felt the same way.

She stepped forward towards the kits and gave a welcoming purr.

Juniperpaw was carrying a lot of things over towards them, and ope, there came her brother racing up behind her.

She couldn't help but to smile, for all the suffering of having to lie to everything her whole life, she could finally have some small sliver of peace from it all. She had accepted Heather was gone, she didn't feel as much a complete imposter around the kits anymore. It was good timing too, Juniperpaw had been feeling isolated from her, which Swiftheart felt horrible about, but seemingly she had recovered it just in time.

As uncomfortable as she was acting to be Sablestrikes mate she was getting a little more used to being Juni and Willow's mom at least and that would be needed it would seem.

She gave a motherly glance as Willowpaw took one of Juniperpaws flowers and ran ahead. She tilted her head as he present the flower to her.

She delicately took it careful not to hurt any of the petals. She held it between her paws so careful as she examined it. The delicacy of this flower felt like the bubble of lies that was protecting the family she had here... so fragile, one wrong thing could happen, the secret being uncovered and it would wither up and die just like this flower could be if it was trampled underpaw.

Gingerly she stuck it in her fur. Turning to her 'mate' she gave a little purr.

"Well? how do I look?" she asked


She turned her attention back to her kits. She gave a subtle wink to Juni and smile as if to silently say
'Don't worry, I know that was from you... thank you'

Willowpaw's comment about dad not liking anything did manage to get a chuckle out of her. "Your father just has different tastes, right dear?" she meowed.

"Like his battle scars that show how brave he is." she meowed giving a soft and clearly pretend hiss at them and a playful and harmless paw swoosh at them in her usual playful energy.

never mind one of his scars is from me. Never mind that his eye was cut out due to his own breaking of the code by a rabbit breathe windclanner she thought to herself but wouldn't dare say that in a million year to the kits.

She managed to upkeep her playful spirit however and playfully tapped at Willow's shoulder with the tip of her tail giving him something to focus on that would be more productive than stealing his sisters presents.

She flicked her tail around letting him chase at it if he wanted, a good practice for future hunting perhaps.

She gave to Juni a frog from the fresh kill pile, this was meant to be a picnic after all.