moving on and on, so very bittersweet [c]

It had become a habit to make as much noise within the den as she could, rustling leaves and rolling sticks around as she worked to maintain the steadying supply of herbs. With Burdockroot gone... Stars, was sitting alone in the dark ever so miserable. On top of it all, a vigil had yet to be held in honor of both Echomist and Burdockroot, meaning closer hadn't been given to many who missed them. She heaved a sigh and shook her head, feeling the slight pinch in nerve pain in her missing eye as she did. She made a mental note to replace the cobwebs again soon.

It was the voice of Pineblossom that drew her from her thoughts, her shoulders dropping after realizing she had been tensed up for who knows how long. "It's good to see you, Pineblossom. Busy? No, not at the moment. Just some idle sorting is all. Come! Sit. Chat." Her head turned to give a brief smile of acknowledgement before she turned back towards the herbs she was laying out to dry. How had she been...? She had half the mind to lie outright that she was fine. To end this conversation here and now before she had to talk about the nasty pit in her heart and the nausea that came with it. But she had already asked the molly to take a seat, hadn't she? "...I've seen better days, in all honesty. But haven't we all? " She mewed quietly, unable to even pretend; at least not in the face of her mentors close friend. It would be an insult to pretend they didn't both hold a shared grief. "There are quite a few new paws running about, but somehow the camp feels... Empty. How are you fairing?"

Heatherberry couldn't get herself to say anything in return to Pineblossom's sweet words, but she did blink a few tears away. It was nice to know she was not alone in the urge to call out the name of a only recently passed friend. Her green eye blinked in understanding and thanks, her throat forcing her to swallow the sarrowful lump that felt like she was being choked.

She listened intently on the older molly's words, giving a genuine smile at the mention of the kits. "Those kits of yours are quite the handful. I haven't the opportunity to truly get to know them, but every time I cross paths with at least one of them, some sort of trouble is afoot. They're lively. You've raised them well, Pineblossom." A particularly troublesome dried leaf got stuck in to her paw pad as she listened, picking it away with her teeth. She was absolutely listening, though the words that followed the talk of her kits and the genuine praise not ones she was ready to face. She winced as she accidentally nicked her paw pad with her teeth when her eyes wandered to meet Pineblossom's. Her gaze was that of a mother trying to get her kits attention and it made Heatherberry sigh. "I... Don't think I could rest even if I tried. Being busy all the time has helped keep me from wandering through my own head. The last time my head was free of burden..." She really couldn't remember. Grief so recent that she felt like it was a constant.

Reluctant in her movements, the ShadowClan medicine cat left her idle herb sorting to sit closer to Pineblossom. "What can I do? Does time truly heal all wounds?"

"The pain will always be there in some way, it will just be…quieter." Realization washed over ShadowClan's medicine cat as the passing thoughts of Batswarm and Moondancer inevitably made their way into her head. She thought of them, but not as often as she used to. Didn't have nightmares of their deaths as often as she used to. When she did, however, it still hurt. But they didn't haunt her anymore. She nodded slowly as Pineblossom mentioned Burdockroot's death. She may be right. While the wounds created from that were much more fresh, perhaps the moments of pain would be more fleeting that than the last as time marches on - just as it seemed to be doing with her long gone siblings. Even now... New ones had seemingly taken their place. Ones she had yet to truly meet.

"Then... Bare with me for just a moment, would you?" Perhaps this was inappropriate to speak about when it was Heatherberry who was normally the therapist; part of her job description. But Pineblossom had come to her as a friend. She hoped the mention of talking it out and it having helped a bit was an invitation for the greying molly to also speak up. "I rarely got to speak of Batswarm and Moondancer. My family fell apart at their deaths, leaving Burdockroot to be the one and only left to speak with. At some point I felt I had overburdened her with my sorrows and stopped completely. What helped was I had seen Moondancer during my trip to the medicine cat meetings. Just her. But it was all I needed, I think. She told me that it wasn't any of our faults. Not Badgermask, not Leopardstar, not me... And it wasn't yours, either. What was it she had said...

'She [Pineblossom] couldn't have known that would happen - either of them.'

Things she said to me that I should have told you long ago. That I should have told the others if they would have only been willing to listen. It wasn't our fault. They didn't blame us for how they died. Moondancer, at least. I haven't heard from Batswarm at all."

She looked down at her paws in shame, guilt taking over as she finally finally got the chance to repeat what had been passed on to her all those moons ago. "There is no excuse for letting it go for so long. I know she was your apprentice. I know you were there the night she died... I am so sorry." She couldn't meet Pineblossom's eyes after that, fully expecting to get backlash for allowing her to think letting that WindClanner go was the catalyst for everything.

Pineblossom had taken this late news rather well, the surprise and relief clear on the medicine cats face. With everything happening one after the other, it had been hard to find time (and courage) to tell the ones this mattered to the most. It hurt to even think that she had let others stew in their sorrows with questions of if all those deaths had been their fault. But it was out now. As late as it was. "Know that if - StarClan forbid - something like this happens again, I will not put it to the wayside. And... Thank you. For listening. For choosing to listen. It's nice to know that perhaps my very small circle of friends is growing... If that's not too forward."

There were only a few names that she could count on each claw that she trusted with most everything. Pineblossom was proving to be one of those with every new interaction.

"Thank you. While it doesn't feel great to know time is the only cure for heart, it helps to have another cat who lived her own sorrows vouche for it." She offered a smile, her tail briefly tapping the brown and white shoulder of the older molly. "How have things been for you?"