then let my heart be hardened [RC/TC vs SKC BATTLE TOPIC]

The battle raged on just as harshly and merciless as it had always been. Thymelight kept herself near the base of the tree and let her body hug the base in an attempt to keep herself as far away from the violence as possible. It was so easy for cats to get wrapped up in bloodshed and war, and it would be just as easy for anyone on ThunderClan or RiverClan’s side to throw themself at her in a fit of rage. She had to have some sort of faith that, even in the heat of battle, the warriors before her would still follow the code. Her eyes then landed on Beechfang’s corpse once again. Well, the code had already been broken, but she still believed that the rest of it could be followed. She crouched low to the ground as if she was attempting to hunt a mouse or a leaf and let her eyes jump from Clanmate to Clanmate. She needed to stay alert, she needed to be brave, but there was nothing in her but a longing to change the past so that today would never happen. The she-cat sadly shook her head as more tears cascaded down her cheeks.

She lifted her gaze as Sunfire left the water’s edge to pursue his next opponent. Confusion flooded Thymelight once again as she watched the bloodthirsty beeline. Every other eligible cat was already engaged in close combat… unless.

No.

Her eyes opened wider than the center of a sunflower as the tom raced toward Littlesplash.
“SUNFIRE, NO!” She screamed, shoving her own body weight up as she rose to her paws in a swift and jerky motion. It was far too late. She watched in horror as Sunfire’s teeth met the RiverClan medicine cat’s neck.

No… no. No. NO!

Thymelight was attacked, not by claws or teeth, but by a flurry of emotions. Guilt and disgust tugged at her heartstrings as she watched the blood pour from the wound and drip from Sunfire’s teeth. For her own Clanmate to attack a medicine cat… Thymelight was unsure if she had ever been so repulsed in her life. She had never felt this way, she had never felt so horrified by the actions of a Clanmate. She had already been afraid of the tom for his rather disagreeable ways, but something seemed to snap inside of her as she stared at the unfolding scene. There was no more fear, only a deep sense of anger that swirled in her belly. Had this been her fault? Without her medical assistance, Sunfire wouldn’t have been given the opportunity to attack a medicine cat. A deep frown spread on her maw as she scaled the edge of the battleground and slowly moved around the side in order to get closer without putting herself in imminent danger.

There were a lot of aspects of Clan life that Thymelight disagreed with, but she knew that not every cat was the same. The code ensured that every cat was forced to have some sort of morals and some sort of honor, but she could see now that Sunfire had neither. The medicine cat stared at the older tom as if he was a monster, something akin to the wolves that had run the Clans out of their makeshift camps a couple of moons ago. It wasn’t fair to her how StarClan punished those who didn’t deserve it. Hemlockfox was being sent away to WindClan, cats carried burns and scars from the lightning that represented StarClan’s wrath, and yet the ancestors never seemed to penalize those that sincerely deserved it. Her whole body seemed to ache. She never wanted to wish ill on a Clanmate, but Sunfire continued to prove that he was a tom that Thymelight would never be able to see as anything more than dishonorable.

“The stars may not punish you… but I hope someone else does.” She muttered under her breath, relieved that the sound of her voice was easily drowned out by the sounds of war and the river. She was almost taken aback by the disbelief and rage in her voice and the sheer malice of her wish, and guilt seemed to push her under once again.

She was no longer terrified of Sunfire… but she certainly was afraid of herself. What had Clan life done to her? Was this who she really was?

thymelight is spiraling.