Pretend Everything is Alright [O]

Falconmoon felt his strength returning by the day, thanks to efforts of the Skyclan medicine cats. As days wore on, came and went, the tom found himself growing restless. He wasn't Bloodstrike, he knew he needed to take it easy, but he felt his mood souring laying in a nest sunrise after sunrise. "I'll take it easy, but I'd like some air and to stretch my legs. I won't be gone long." He said softly and with a reassuring smile. He meant it. He'd be kind to himself and he'd be back soon. The pale tabby removed himself from his nest, stretched his legs luxuriously, and set out on a short walk. He inhaled the cold, mid-morning air almost greedily, like he'd been holding his breath until he couldn't anymore. He still had a caugh and on occasion would spit out white mucus, but at least it was no longer black or green. He knew who he was, where he was and no longer suffered delirium.

He could tell that his stamina was not at all normal yet, however. He wouldn't strain himself by trying to climb trees, as much as he'd like to. He felt his mood returning to normal, almost even joyful with the slow walk around the new territory. Almost. Thornstalker was dead. He now had kits. He knew their names, had seen them briefly here and there, but he didn't know them at all, nor they him. He'd been too sick to interact and far too gone out of his head with delirium at the time. Even now, he was unsure of what to say. It was like falling asleep to one reality and waking up to a new one. He'd think he'd be used to this feeling by now, alas he was not. It was unsettling, and for once he didn't have a plan for how to approach an awkward situation.

Falconmoon found a spot by the water and bent his head to drink, his tongue lapping the water with the ferocity of an animal dying of thirst. He wasn't of course, but being sick for so long had taken it's toll. Water was his new favorite thing. He had an intention to approach his kits eventually... but what to say? He hadn't gotten that far just yet.

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Falconmoon's ear swiveled in the direction of approaching paws. Directing his gaze to the apprentices, a wave of guilt washed over him. It was entirely unjustified, but he felt it's crushing weight nonetheless. What was worse that they either didn't know him, or they didn't care. Surely they knew he was their father even though he'd been deliriously sick for quite awhile... or maybe no one told them in case he didn't pull through. You should be used to your children hating you or not knowing you by now. The truth of it stung. He took a breath and forced the memories of his now much older litters aside. He'd ruined any chance of a relationship with those ones... but maybe... maybe he could salvage these.

"Shatteredpaw. Honeypaw." He said kindly in greeting. He didn't have much of a plan for this, so he treated it as if he was greeting strangers, though it felt like swallowing thorns to do so.

"The medicine cats have done their jobs well. You should thank them for their efforts. You can finally actually meet your father now, and have his responses make sense instead of listening to mindless fever talk." He spoke casually and calmly, hoping that his softer tone of voice wouldn't shock them quite as much. As a matter of fact, he dipped his head once more to take a few more laps of water, as if this conversation was so casual and nonchalant it warranted no real emotion.

His feathery white and gold tail wrapped from one side of him to the other while the tip twitched. He was thinking, hiding the fact that he felt tense and uneasy. It would do them no good to see him like that, not after moons of being sick. Why had Starclan brought him back just to make him suffer illness and delirium anyway? Was this some other sort of lesson? Was this from Bloodstrike as a final "Fox you"? There was no telling.

Brackenpaw watched as Honeypaw bounded from his side to join the ever moody Shatteredpaw. He followed his sister, several tail lengths behind, listening to his sibling’s conversation, before noticing the warrior opposite the three apprentices. The tom’s blue eyes narrowed taking in the flame point tom. Falconmoon was so familiar and yet so… If only Brackenpaw could put his paw down on who the tom was. It was so close nagging at his mind, the sensation that the warrior wasn’t just another clan mate, but someone far more important. His brow furrowed as he thought and thought and when Falconmoon opened his mouth the connection finally clicked.

“Father!” shouted Brackenpaw out loud, his whole body lightening at the realisation. So his siblings weren’t to be orphans then. Brackenpaw grinned, leaving his siblings’ side and moving closer to his father, inspecting him. Making sure his father was real. “It is good you are well.” he meowed, tail flicking as he took the moment in. “But they need to do a better job on Harekit.” Brackenpaw sniffed, thinking of his sick brother, and how worried he was for him. His sibling and him had been apprentices for almost a moon now, and he still sat in the medicine den. It wouldn’t do, but if Falconmoon had seemed to have been just as sick if not sicker was now out and about maybe there was hope for Harekit.

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Falconmoon watched the reactions of the apprentices carefully. He hadn't even noticed Brackenpaw until he came bounding out the way he did. The white and gold tom guarded his emotions carefully, uncertain of how they would react to the news... and unfortunately being all too familiar with the hurtful reaction that Shatteredpaw gave him. As he had done many times over... he couldn't blame his son for his emotions. They were more than fair, and Falconmoon was willing to put in the work necessary to bring him around. He watched him go, with a soft sadness and a glimmer of defeat in his gaze, but quickly wiped it away to turn his attention to the others. At least some were happy to see him.

"I believe Harekit will be alright. Everyone heals at their own pace and it's better to be patient. But I thank you for your concern." Honeypaw... Stars her name almost hurt. There was a thorn lodged deep in Falconmoon's heart from a different lifetime when he lost his first and only true love. Honeycomb. He'd cared for Thornstalker, as she had been a sweet and supportive she-cat. He could even say he probably loved her, but there was never a love like your first, even if it did seem like a literal lifetime ago.

"It's a privilege and an honor to finally be able to talk to you. I don't know that I will go back on patrols quite yet, but I am feeling much better. I'll be out with you all soon enough." He gave her a warm smile and a light, affectionate headbutt on the top of her head. "I promised the medicine cats I would take it easy for now. There is no use having all of their efforts go to waste just because I over-exerted myself. But I am eager to go hunting with you all. Perhaps we can spar too and you can show me what you've learned!"

He sounded enthusiastic, and even that much took some wind out of him. Stars... he needed his stamina back soon. He hoped he hid it well, but Shatteredpaw leaving still stung, especially in the manner that he had. One step at a time. He would recover fully, and then he would address his angry, wayward son.

I'm never going to have a normal family, am I? He thought to himself both with some misery as well as comedy. A tom his physical age probably would have panicked, yelled, pleaded... but no. Falconmoon knew where that path lead. He was content to give Shatteredpaw his space for now and approach him at a better time.

Brackenpaw scoffed as he watched his brother leave, whiskers twitching in amusement. "Don't mind him father, he just doesn't understand how to act like a normal cat." he meowed, sitting beside his dad. The lightly brindled tom raised, a paw to his ears and began washing himself, listening to his siter exchange back and forth. His eyes briefly, skimmed over Falconmoon, between licks, really taking in that this was his father. Brackenpaw crinkled his nose, with a sniff. It was certainly interesting that his father was miraculously better over Harekit, and how come they were never even brought to see the warrior as kits either. He wouldn't have gotten sick, Brackenpaw was certain he must have inherited immunity of some sort and he'd survived the disease before being born, Harekit just hadn't gotten over it as fast. They should have been with their dad, he didn't care about this stupid sickness. He could have done with a father figure.

Yet, Falconmoon was here now, and he was alive. Barely. Maybe that should count for something. Things would change. Shatteredpaw would come around. If Falconmoon believed Harekit would be joining them soon, then everything could begin to fix itself. There was one thing that Brackenpaw knew couldn't be fixed he'd grappled with that already, made up his own terms. There would never be a repeat, no more death in his family.

The apprentice shuffled slightly, setting his paw down neatly, and puffing his chest out. "You can patrol now with us." meowed Brackenpaw trying to make up for lost time, the medicine cats had kept him from his family for long enough, their opinions meant little to him. "Honeypaw and I are both well... Exercise will help you build muscle." Well, the latter advice from the medicine cats he did take into consideration.

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"It's alright. Shatteredpaw is entitled to his own feelings at this news. We'll talk eventually. If he wants some space for now, that's fine with me." He didn't need any of his kits having issues with eachother. It never ended well. At the pleading from both of his kits to go on patrol, he flicked a brief, guilty look in the direction of the medicine den. His uncertainty and guilt didn't last long though. He too wanted to spend time with his kits, and as long as he was careful with himself, that should be okay. Right?

"I can handle collecting some moss." He chuckled as he stood, ready to follow them to where ever it was they wanted to go. "You're going to get me in trouble. Let's do it." He gave them a playful grin. Resting and healing was valuable, but time with family was never guaranteed and was far from replaceable. He'd graciously take whatever scolding the medicine cats would have for him when he returned.

"You'll have to show me where to go. This territory is still new to me." They'd probably like leading him around anyway. And likely... they would show him places that excited them and made them happy for whatever reason, details that he intended to memorize and use later.

"Not really," meowed Brackenpaw, flicking his tail "He should be thankful. We already lost mum why does he want to lose his father after getting him back? He's spoilt... Probably because he's the youngest. With a sigh, Brackenpaw pushed himself to his paws, and padded towards Honeypaw. He grinned at his sister "We should have been named Mischiefpaw and Sillypaw for all the trouble we get into." He winked at Honeypaw reminiscing on their owl escapades, and the time they almost killed Harepaw - all in good spirits of course. The tom paused, waiting for Falconmoon to follow them. "Well come on then!" meowed Brackenpaw impatiently, dancing on his toes excitedly. He lowered his voice and turned his attention to Honeypaw "We should go to the rocks by the lake, they're covered in moss, and we can show our father the territory on the way." A greater journey would mean more time for them to bond with Falconmoon.

Honeypaw

Honeypaw's eyes lit up as her father accepted her invitation.

"That's great!" she yowled, leaping into the air. Her eyes glittered as Brackenpaw agreed to go with them. "I'm so excited! That's a great spot. Lead the way, Brackenpaw!" She bounced around her father, nuzzling up against him. "Don't worry about the medicine cats, father," she mewed, "It'll be good for you! We won't go far, and if we have to turn back, it's okay." She grinned. "Besides, I'll tell them it was my idea."

Moss patrol with our father! Honeypaw mused. I never thought that could happen! Her tail lifted high, she followed Brackenpaw as the little patrol started to make their way out of camp, her heart soaring higher than it ever had before. You see us, Thornstalker? she prayed, hoping her mother was watching from StarClan as her kits meet their father.

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Falconmoon followed them both, feeling optimistic albeit awkward too. He should know them better than this. It wasn't his fault. He would have been there more, but it still didn't sit well with him that he felt so uncertain of what to do next. Aside from Tornshadow, Calypso, he rarely had a close relationship with any of his kits. They'd always hated him. As for Brackenpaw, he was entitled to how he felt about his brother. Falconmoon wasn't here to tell them what to do or how to think, not after being so absent from their lives for so long.

"Well, Mischiefpaw and Sillypaw... as long as you both take the blame I am sure a fully recognized warrior will be forgiven. You've convinced me." He was not unkind, nor was he expressing his unwillingness to go further. Not in the slightest.

"So which of you is Michief and which of you is Silly?" He thought he might know, but he wanted them to talk. Despite his history, he wasn't as sharp on the socializing as he used to be. His silver tongue had rusted after all, it would seem.

A kit like giggle escaped Brackenpaw's maw as Falconmoon played into their game. "It's this way." he meowed trotting ahead, his tail held high like a signal beckoning Honeypaw and his father. He allowed Honeypaw to do the talking for as excited as Brackenpaw was to hang out with hs father finally, he couldn't form the words or emotions he was looking for. It was best to stay out of the way, and leave the tricky thinking bits up to Honeypaw. Brackenpaw halted suddenly in his tracks, hardly giving any notice. 'There!" he yelled excitedly using his tail to point to some rocks in a clearing "They may look like nothing, but that's the best rocks you'll find for sunning on round here." he cringed a little having interrupted thier conversatioon, but kept moving towards the lake.