Back To Square 1[Open]

She shouldn't have come here. Call it foolish, call it mouse-brained, but she wanted to be somewhere where she had known what she was doing. Before everything went downhill. When she still had her family and friends and a perfect life just round the corner. Copperlark closed her eyes, taking in the stale scents of the cats that had trampled this ground for a single night every moon for as long as the Clans have existed. She was no longer a part of the Clans, but most of her life had been spent in the comforts of ThunderClan camp. Well, comfort was an exaggeration. She had struggled to navigate the forest like a fish out of water, and she always had trouble getting along with some of her clanmates. Cloudychase hadn't made things easier. That was part of why she left.

But was her life now any better? She couldn't say. It seemed like every life she got to know was doomed to be taken away. Maybe... maybe she should leave Bird somewhere, under the care of cats more capable than she to take care of him. Maybe that was the only way she could prevent him from sharing the same fate as his littermates. Copperlark's heart crumbled as she realized that she was thinking about abandoning her only child. But what else could she do?

Copperlark froze at a voice that she had once loved and hated at the same time. Blazefang...? Her throat went dry as she whipped around to face her mother for the first time since she left ThunderClan more than six moons ago. What was she doing here? What was Copperlark doing here? She had to get out, before they dragged in a whole patrol and took away the only thing she had left to love. Her mind instantly turned to Bird. Where was he? Had they found him already? The she-cat began to bristle, tail lashing as the urge to return to her kit become more and more urgent.

Blazefang- what did she want? Copperlark forced herself not to throw herself forward, teeth bared and claws unseathed. When did violence become something she was so used to? "Blazefang," She acknowledged at last.

OOC: It's fine, I didn't think much about when both topics were happening so we'll just say it happened on different days

Copperlark watched as her mother grew more and more distressed, wailing her apologies to the wind before turning to run away. She had thought herself was too horrible of a mother, too emotional and not there enough for her kits. That maybe if she hadn't been such a mess none of them would have died. And Bird wouldn't be stuck hunting for himself when he shouldn't even be out of the nursery. But now as she watched Blazefang, the thought came that maybe it wasn't her fault.

"W-wait!" She called out to the leaving figure. Why? What did she want? She had no idea why she wanted her mother to stay, even though she had never been very close to her. Maybe it was just the relief of seeing a familiar face again. Maybe it was the comfort of not having to be an adult anymore.

Copperlark flinched when Blazefang touched her, fur rising at the unfamiliar touch and the confusion in her mother's eyes. What. Was. She. Doing? The dilute tortoiseshell struggled to keep her own emotions in check, but with each heartbeat she wanted to first embrace Blazefang only to want to claw her eyes out the next. "Failed me?" She repeated in a soft murmur. That was what she had previously thought as well, that if only her mother had been there their deaths wouldn't have hit so hard, but she always assumed such thoughts were a product of her wanting to shift the blame from herself to someone else. She thought it was all in her head.

"You failed me, but how can I blame you when I've failed even myself?" She whispered at last, shoulders sagging in defeat. She recalled her son, his patch-furred pelt buried deep in moss. Or was he hunting now, placing himself in danger simply because of how much of a failure his own mother was? "I've failed everyone..." She continued, seeming to be lost in her own world.

Copperlark listened to the words coming out of her mother in silence. They fell like hollow shells, none of them weighing more than a feather to her. That's what Shrewpaw had said. That's what Cedarstalk had said. They said that they would always be here for me, but they're gone. How do I know you won't break your promise like they did? This isn't a promise you can make, aren't words you deserve to say-! Her thoughts howled like storms in her mind, and when Blazefang held her close the clouds broke and the rain came down like hail.

Her body shook with each sob, her wails echoing through the Fourtrees like the storm that had stayed in her heart for so long. Stars, what had she done? How did her life turn into this mess? Where did it all go wrong? Kits that never should have been born and lifes that should never have been lost. It felt like StarClan themselves that come down to destroy whatever joy she may find in life. Was it because of her birth? Her and her littermates, borne of a broken code, that should never have seen life... had she always been born with tragedy in her blood?