lost as a candle lit at noon [closed]

Many a sleepless day was gifted, thanklessly, to Tanglerose in the moon since her naming. Not one part of her was spared by the tragedy that had befallen her mother, nor the betrayal of her sister. Worse still was her name, which she viewed with spite, for a reason unidentifiable to her at that time. To a cat who did not walk a confused, cyclical, wandering path that she meandered down, it was a best case scenario. Tanglepelt, Tanglefur, Tanglestorm: those were the names she expected from Flintstar, or more broadly, from her clan. Something obvious, or something surface-level. Had she been named Tanglestorm, it would have cemented all that she believed to be true about ShadowClan. Flintstar would have made it abundantly clear by the simple act of renaming her that the Clan's acknowledgement of her was shallow, that they only valued her or knew her by the way she churned with angst in her silence. By naming her for a rose, he spoke to something more. He spoke to a beauty, or a dangerous power, or value above skill and ferocity. To any other cat, it would have been a blessing; it would be cherished above all things as a symbol that the Clan cared for her. But that was precisely the source of Tanglerose's bitterness. If Flintstar had named her for a beautiful, thorned flower, then that meant her preconceptions were wrong. It meant she was not worthless. It meant she had depth beyond her thorns. It meant that, as those needles protect their rose, the power she held was defensible, and that she could rise beyond herself. Tanglerose knew for a fact that she had no such thing.

In the few dreams she had, Tanglerose saw flashes of calico fur, felt a muscular flank glide against her side, smelled the sweet nectar of a strange tom (so faint in her nose, whispering about secret places), low purrs serenading her. She always woke with disgust, her claws dragging across her face as she willed the wistful visions and that handsome eidolon to stop dancing in her mind. She could not ignore the odd, almost cloying feeling the dreams gave her, like a belly full of honey, saccharine and sticky, but with the heat of a fire in a dark tunnel, inescapable as it seared her flesh. There was no feeling more juxtaposed in her frank mind than this. She hated it. She scorned its presence, occupying herself with anything that might distract her from both the pits of grief and the high cliffs of yearning that tugged her desperately in opposite directions, as though she may be split apart. Still, it lingered in every motion. In time, she determined that there would be no escape from temptation until she acted.

His trail was easy to find. Iniko's scent was imprinted in her nose, like an old map that she had not opened in seasons. She left at dawn, letting a clanmate or two know that she was going to try and look for signs of her sister. The muddled gaze of concern and pity was all that she needed. It was a suitable cover from the true intention of her leaving. The first inkling of scent she found was just on the border of ThunderClan. He had been in the marsh recently, she supposed, and had left. Tanglerose hesitated at the thunderpath. The trail was quite fresh, she wasn't far behind him. Losing the last of her reservations at the thought of meeting the stranger again, Tanglerose located the secret tunnel and slithered into ThunderClan land. She followed the scent through foreign territory, body low to the ground as she trotted alongside his old pawsteps, well aware of the potential punishment that trespassing would bring. Of course, Eveningpaw's disappearance was tragic news; hopefully, it was tragic enough for a ThunderClan warrior to let her continue on her way. Once or twice, she heard the chatter of a patrol and hustled faster along her way. The farther she walked, the quicker her heart pounded in her chest. The sun was rising high into the sky, and most clan cats would be returning to camp to share tongues. As the trail became stronger, Tanglerose found, quite curiously, that she was nearing SkyClan territory. He must have taken the long way around, perhaps hoping to catch another clan cat as he made his way to Twolegplace.

Something rustled to her left, near the Highpine. Tanglerose bounded over ferns after the noise, the scent powerful in her nose. She was right, and as the young warrior emerged into the clearing, on neutral ground, she met the eyes of the traveler. She refused the urge to smile, but found herself moving briskly towards him without inhibition. "I should be offended," she began, smirking wide. "All that chivalry when we talked, and it still took you this long to see me again. I was even named in that time. Did you at least find something interesting, while you were sightseeing?"

It hadn't been long since his gaze had first rested upon the pelt of the gray-furred Shadowclan cat. Enough time had passed that one might find themselves more engrossed in the present. Iniko, ever devoted to his own devices, was never the cat to dwell on that which was not part of his chosen cause. And yet, the musk of the she-cat was imprinted into his nose. A spar had not erased the faint mixtures of peat and moss. The scent was drawing and intoxicating. He made a futile effort to abandon the memory and draw closer to the task at paw. But she haunted his dreams. As he rested, nestled in dark corners of the treetops, Iniko remembered Tanglepaw as clearly as if she were right before him. When he awoke, the tom wanted to laugh at his own kittish desires. It was not in his nature to be so reckless in his own desires.

Perhaps this was the reason he had subconsciously drawn closer to the borders that separated the enemy clans. He strayed across the rocky terrain, skirting it as he crossed into the twoleg place. There he had met Bloodstrike, another cat who intrigued him. The ambitions alone were enough to draw the calico tom's gaze. He'd been both cursed and blessed with a curious passion for the uniqueness of all beings. Inik had studied them, learned them as he had been taught. The natural draw of learning another's desires and features made it a natural talent. Even so, it was cats like these that peaked a more precipitous zeal. How many moons had he sought to tame such fleeting thoughts? And Tanglepaw had dashed it all away with the flicker of a tail. As he trailed back across Skyclan territory, his whiskers twitched with the thought. Curiosity and pleasure mixed with disdain for such a careless indulgence.

Fleeting thoughts were interrupted by the faintest pawstep, almost too delicate to agitate the soft fur of his ears. An aroma, the very scent that haunted his subconscious, filled his nostrils. The loner found himself facing a slate pelt complimented by glowing eyes. Recognition peeled back the edges of his maw. Iniko returned her gaze in equal measures. His tail twitched slowly behind him as he took a step forward to meet her. He'd left something behind for her, an offer of sorts, something tense and frail. It was an impetuous actions. As much as Tanglepaw had seemed resigned to her own beliefs, the fact that she now stood before him meant it had not been forgotten in the murky earth of the marshlands. There was a glimmer in the depths of his green gaze before he dipped his head, an apology of sorts, "My dear Tanglepaw, I hope you didn't miss me too much while I was away on my expedition. I don't deserve to be graced with your presence."

He paused, straightening up once again, "Enlighten me with this new name; I'd love to know what name they gifted you. Sad I wasn't invited to the ceremony but I can reassure you the time was well spent." The calico settled causally back on his haunches and beckoned her closer with the tip of his feathery tail. Iniko twisted his shoulders, showing the faint reminders of his spar that still marred his coat.

Tanglerose's face twitched, the faintest hint of true joy breaking through the hood of her eyes and the coyness of her smile. Her tail, which to this point had been curled up, swept around in a wide arc to rest at her haunches. She admitted to herself, as the tom greeted her with an alluring mew, that the tom's erudite prose brought an agreeable, warm sensation to the tips of her ears. Being more comfortable, she followed him to sit on the dense grass. After one or two moments of shifting, she moved her legs out to the side, lowering herself down to her forelegs, curling her paws in towards her, which allowed them some repose from the time she had taken to walk to the border.

It was strange to hear her old title again, like it existed within the confines of a dream she very vaguely remembered. Tanglerose recalled how Iniko felt about names, and was happy to grant him access to something he seemed to find important to her character. She surrendered that, at least now, her name was an amalgamation of how the world saw her. No longer was she held hostage by transitional names, like "kit" and "paw." Her name was hers, now, to remain this way... whether she liked it or not. Her eyes fell to her paws as they plucked thin spires of grass, pulling up ants and gnats with them. "Tanglerose," she whispered. "I don't know why. They could call me anything else, and they call me a thorned flower. A tangled bush, peppered with red. I thought I was so clever, but I can't make sense of it. Would you have expected it?"

When she lifted her eyes, she had released herself from the trappings of his emerald gaze, and was finally able to look upon the rest of him. Even Iniko was subject to her intense and sharpened scrutiny. Upon the quick-moving flitting of each yellow dagger, she saw the unnatural slump of his posture, the slight parting of fur that was not there before. Her brow lowered, her lips parting in confusion. "Did someone have a go at you?" she asked. "You have to be careful out here, you know. A particular sense of justice oozes out of some of these cats. Having prey-scent on your maw in their territory is reason enough for them. I mean, SkyClan trusts rogues less than they trust foxes."

Her lax disposition drew warm recognition from the depths of his own pelt. Iniko felt himself inclined to settle down into the dust, shuffling away a few bone dry leaves. It was as if he was sharing a meal with an old friend, a lifetime companion. The waxing and waning of her soul drew him in and intrigued him. How prickly her nature had been that first time she met, and now she greeted him with a familiar benevolence. At the mention of a new name, carried gently across the breeze in little more than a whisper, the calico tom was informed of her new name. Tanglerose. Ah, these clan names were such foreign things and yet as it slipped from her tongue, the loner found himself considering how it seemed to fit as easily as the ruffled gray pelt she had been born into.

"It suits you." Inik muttered, letting his eyes connect with hers. The glistening of his gaze betrayed the slight smile that had etched itself onto his maw. So many moons he had managed to travel along, finding ease in the way not caring for another cat's well being in the moment made everything easier. This was the first time he'd truly found himself reveling in the presence of another. Claws flexed into the earth as he considered this feat. Was it softness worming its way into the soul or learning new depths of strength and devotion? There were a couple seasons of experience between them. As a younger cat, the loner thought he would be able to carry out his duties for a life time. As moss-headed as it was, he considered what it would be like to have the opportunity to settle down for countless meals and easy casual conversations. Would it grow boring?

Perhaps he simply needed to consider a thing more realistic, sensible. Maybe Iniko longed for a partner in his endeavors, a thing that hardly crossed his mind until she appeared before him. There was a flicker of his feathery tail and a few passing heartbeats before the tom allowed words to slip from his tongue, "You might be two close to see it, but I believe it encompasses you beautifully. The cat who named you must have some brilliance about them." One claw mindlessly cut through the earth. Regardless of these unusually selfish desires, Inik possessed more measures of devotion than to simply abandon what he had sacrificed his life to. At the mention of his scars, there was a grin. He glanced down, shaking his broad shoulders.

"Simply a spar. I was testing the skills of a Skyclan cat. You know I'm more inclined to make a friend than start a war." Something lit the depths of his gaze, a flicker of fire. But it was extinguished with the shrugging of shoulders, "Regardless, I won. Both in actually and in achieving what I set out to do. My paws were busy in your absence."

It wasn't difficult to ease into the moment. Neither space nor time touched Tanglerose's fur; she was beyond any sort of pain or rage that threatened her uneasy heart. He needed not say a word, because when he met her eyes she finally felt seen. So lonesome she had been, how much she had longed for companionship and love since her sister left her. The chasm of grief, the desire to flee, and the unending toil of clanhood... all of them, meaningless concepts and jumbles of ideas. It made her feel light and airy, as if she was drifting over the gorge. Below her, rather than tumultuous, churning water, there was a soft bed of moss. Irregardless of the nature of their blooming relationship, Tanglerose prayed that Iniko might one day help her find freedom.

But not today. If she left ShadowClan, her future was insecure, and her safety unpromised. There was nothing for her there... at least she had kin in ShadowClan. At least her belly was full, most days. Even so, she felt the gnawing of agitation on her heels, urging her forward. There is a better way, it whispered to her. She hated these clans, even if she couldn't always explain it. "Just because" was a kittish and angsty excuse. Perhaps it was the deep, systemic way they placed honor above survival, health, and love. Perhaps it was their archaic rules, which never changed and were not allowed to be disputed, no matter how many cats broke them. Perhaps it was nothing more than a deep loneliness that could not be satiated by the members of her clan, however she tried. The weight was agonizing to bear, especially in light of current events.

The churning and stirring of her restless soul did not distract her from the musings of the tom before her. Tanglerose's cheeks flushed at his compliment, though she was quick to let it slide off her back, forgotten to time. In her mind, she denounced it as a pleasantry, but she could not ignore the moth's wing fluttering in her ribcage. As he recounted his recent spat with a SkyClan warrior, she returned his previous praise in earnest. Though, being a cat of little eloquence, it came in the form of a sweeping tail, a sly grin, and an amused purr. Tanglerose was decidedly satisfied with his answer.

"Wish I could say the moons have been kind to my raggedy pelt," she sighed. "Maybe I'm a little cynical, but... I lost someone, so I think I deserve to be a little bleak. It's been weird. Jarring." The young warrior continued to pull up grass at her side with fretting paws. "I think that, in the pitch-dark, all alone, you have to sit with yourself for a long time. And in the dark, you begin to realize who you really are. And I feel like my dawn is about to arrive. Do you know what I mean?"

As Tanglerose finished in a quivering breath, she shifted just a bit closer.

Anticipation budded and blossomed all in one swift moment as she spoke. Her presence was enough to stir the tom's pelt, but it was her words and her soul that enticed him further. Iniko leaned into the conversation that muddled the stagnant air around them. Loss. It spoke to grief he'd felt over the many moons of his own life, something palpable and real that connected all cats who felt such things in their chest. Bowing his head, the calico tom allowed himself to slip into a solidary silence. The fringes of his gaze caught sight of her paws plucking at the earth.

She spoke of the dawn and moved closer. There was something between them, there had been since those first moment. Something about the pair of cats that mingled from their respective worlds and danced around the concept of finding solace in each other, even if it felt wrong to speak of it. But it was obvious that the she-cat understood, as well as he had. Iniko was enamored by the concept of a selfish indulgence. So many other things should have flitted through his mind in that moment, spoken of the sensible and level head he possessed, and yet, the tom drew forward and rested that untamable mind on top of hers.

The idea of retaliation hardly flickered through his thoughts; he sought solely to comfort her and share in this moment more deeply than a taillength apart. It spurred on those unholy thoughts of fracturing his endless resolved. But if she were to join him, this would hardly be a hindrance. The loner subconsciously slipped into defending this rash infatuation. Regardless of where their companionship might lead, Iniko knew he wanted her next to him. This was why his next breath no longer flirted with unspoken ideals, "I can feel it too, you're not alone." Something edged into the smooth husk of his voice.

"You'd be safe, you know, protected too. I can promise you something better than a clan, with paws protected no matter your step, even far beyond this forest." The revelation failed to dissipate in the thick draft of greenleaf humidity. What a foolish proclamation, one that broke through his tempered facade and drew from a wealth of personal longing. He told himself it was harmless, faultless, but to fall victim to such beliefs spoke against everything he knew. In wait for a response and wrestling with his own ideal, the feathery calico tail behind him flickered. And he hardly sought to draw away from the soft down between her ears.