What have I done?(open)

Hazeflight face turned to horror.He can't do that!They're my kits!"No!You are not sending my,I mean,these kits away!Flamepaw is right,they're kits and who would take them in during Leafbare?You seriously can't be considering that!They'll probably die on the way there...Please Thrushstar let them stay."she yowled despairingly.Her pale blue eyes were full of rage.How could he?How could he do this to me?What if I have to tell him the truth?...It would be better than giving them to WindClan or RiverClan or ThunderClan,I suppose.Her ears flickered backwards and her claws dug into the moss bedding .Can he tell I'm lying?

The Shadowclan leader huffed in annoyance. He had already said what his decision was. Gritting his teeth, he tried to keep calm and composed. "I understand this," he responded. "But I... cannot allow more rogues into my clan! Too many times have I trusted them and been betrayed!" He paused, trying hard not to lose his temper. "I... told you. I swear that these kits will... be safe. We will send a group to take them wherever we can. I just... can't do this to Shadowclan. Not again. Please, both of you, try to... understand."

"Do you still see me as a rogue, Thrushstar? Is that why you haven't made me a warrior yet? Have I done anything to make you feel like I'm not a loyal Shadowclan cat?" The apprentice allowed moons of suppressed anger to creep into his voice. The way his leader spoke about these kits and rogues in general hit him personally. And he doesn't even know yet that they're clan kits... at least half Shadowclan. Flamepaw had spent his entire life, minus the first few days, serving and giving himself to the clan that had kept him from death out in the marshes as a kit. But here his leader stood, talking about all rogues as if they were traitors and judging innocent kits as if they had already committed treason themselves.
"I have seen just as many, if not more, disloyalty from clan cats with warrior blood," He hissed softly after a moment's hesitation. Forever, the tom had spent staring down at his paws, ignoring remarks from the clan. Flamepaw had never been one to anger quickly, this was a long time coming. And now, he did not care what would happen. If the leader banished him, so be it. He did not want to serve a leader that did not trust him.

Hazeflight's ice blue eyes narrowed her tail lashing in annoyance.She'd always liked the leader and never understood what most of the clan had against him.Now though Hazeflight understood,he never cared for other cats feelings and that would be his undoing.Hazeflight was faced with no clear way out of this and possibility of confessing was coming ever closer.If it was the only way to keep her kits in ShadowClan then so be it."Wait,Thrushstar.I lied to you and Flamepaw..."she hesitated"They're my kits.You can smell SkyClan because...Their father is a warrior of SkyClan.I'm...Sorry,Thrushstar"Hazeflight dropped her head.Her secret was out soon they'd all know and then she'd be even more hated.Now he knows...What will he do to my kits?My beautiful kits.Will he hunt down Eagleheart?Will he exile me?Hazeflight hated herself and was now full of regret for even opening her mouth to tell the truth."I'm sorry,I'm sorry,I'm sorry."she repeated."I swore loyalty to ShadowClan,I promise you I will never break the code again.I hate myself for it and I'm sorry..."

As soon as he heard the apprentice speak, Thrushstar turned towards Flamepaw, a sudden look of realization crossing his hardened features. It was quite surprising. Somehow, the Shadowclan leader had managed to forget Flamepaw's heritage. In seconds, he nearly regretted what he had said about rogues but it only lasted enough time for him to feel sorry for a split moment. Thinking back on it, this should have been a conversation he and Hazeflight should have had. Flamepaw shouldn't have been there at all. But now, it was too late and the damage was done. With a deep breath, the leader tried to think of the best way to explain his thought process to the apprentice. "I will admit, Flamepaw. You have exceeded my... expectations. You have gone above and beyond any other cats I've... ever taken in. Thankfully, you are one of the very few exceptions to what I have said. However, I am... done taking chances." He tried his best to sound civil about it. He really did not want to run out an apprentice, but if it happened, then there was nthing he could do about it.

Suddenly, Hazeflight spoke up. After his short explanation to Flamepaw, Thrushstar turned to the queen. In a flash, both shock and disappointment flashed across his face but it was instantly followed by another neutral expression. Now was certainly the time that he needed to be alone with the queen. "Flamepaw, will... you excuse us for a second please?" he asked, hoping that the apprentice would give them some privacy. The leader was not going to talk about this while others were present. That would be disrespectful, especially with a matter so pertinent as this.

Tigerflower was deeply distressed when she returned to camp. There was scent of SkyClan in the territory and leading to the camp entrance, and she was afraid that there was someone in camp who shouldn't be there. Normally she'd be helping out in the nursery, and the fact that the scent led directly to it frightened her. She sprinted to the entrance, nearly running into Thrushstar and hardly comprehending the scene. Here was Hazeflight, by all means her daughter, with a litter of kits and producing milk. 'But... she never told me...' Of course Tigerflower couldn't expect Hazeflight to tell her everything that happened, but she thought she might have at least come to her for advice on relationships... so much for that thought. She had just caught the tail-end of Thrushstar speaking to a young tom, Flamepaw, and saying something about leaving them alone. She was deeply concerned, naturally, and her motherly instincts kicked in. "Oh, Thrushstar... I hope everything's alright?" Tigerflower meowed, uncertain because she didn't often address the leader and unsure how much of a right she had to hear whatever he had to say about her adopted daughter and her new kits. "I really don't mean to interrupt, but she is my daughter and I want to know that she's okay..." Her green eyes traced over the little kits, and her eyes softened. She was very proud, but... which tom was the father?

"Glad I was able to please you, for a rogue," He meowed dryly, spitting out the last part and glaring at Thrushstar momentarily. When Hazeflight revealed the truth behind the kits, he wasn't surprised. They would talk about it later. The warrior aged apprentice shot his mentor a reassuring look and Thrushstar a scathing before turning to stalk out of the nursery.

Hazeflight flicked her tail in goodbye to Flamepaw.Her expression was blank and her tail settled.She reached her paw out for Wolfkit as Flamepaw left and turned to face Thrushstar again.Hazeflight's expression brightened as Tigerflower walked in and she dipped her head in greeting to her mother."I'm fine and so are the kits, Tigerflower."she meowed.

The leader rolled his eyes and gave Flamepaw a narrowing glance as he finally left to give them some privacy which Thrushstar was thankful for. However, as he was just about to speak, another voice cut in, throwing him off for a moment, sending him back to where he was sitting down as he turned to Tigerflower. He shouldn't have been surprised to see the queen coming in at such a convenient time, but the shock he felt quickly turned into a bit of irritation. However, he kept himself composed and dipped his head to the queen. "Greetings, Tigerflower," he said to her before glancing between the two she-cats for just a moment. "Everything is... fine. We were just discussing her, uh... situation," For the first time in quite some time, Thrushstar was a bit at a loss for words. How was he supposed to explain that he was just about to toss out some kits to a queen who spent nearly her whole life as a mother to the young? Even as the leader of Shadowclan, it didn't make it any less awkward. With a quick glance at Hazeflight, his face was no doubt trying to convince her to tell Tigerflower what was happening, his face tight and slightly judging.

Hazeflight glanced at Thrushstar and gave a small nod to acknowledge she knew what his expression meant.She turned back to Tigerflower and began to explain,her voice full of shame.I was so mousebrained.Why did I fall for Eagleheart?Why not some tom in my clan?

At that moment, a tiny bundle let out a loud mewl, sending a pitiful noise ringing across the nursery. Her fur had finally fluffed up from all the washing Hazeflight had given her, and now it stuck out in puffy clumps, pale like down from a baby owl.

The kit's tiny paws twitched as she squirmed away from the rest of the litter, ending up beside Tigerflower's feet. Her head swiveled side to side twice, blindly, and then the kit named Puddle rested, nearly the size of a leaf, beside her grandmother. The newborn's breathing became slower, calmer as she slept, oblivious to the tension rising in the air, innocent.

Thrushstar seemed very uncertain in his words, and it didn't help calm her down at all. Tigerflower's face shifted from concern to pain when she heard Hazeflight explain where the kits came from. Apparently she never learned from Mousefang and Hawkfrost's bitterness, nor was aware of how much Tigerflower herself had paid for having them. "Oh, Hazeflight..." Was all she could choke out past her building emotions. The old wounds of her past love in WindClan and how he had betrayed her felt as though they had been ripped open again, but this time it was different because she felt it for her daughter instead. Had she been a poor mother? Should she have done something differently, or said something when Hazeflight was younger? Her gaze was drawn to the small scrap of fur that wailed, testing its little lungs. It was just a kit. It didn't deserve the circumstances.

With expert care from moons of caring for the youngest members of the clan, Tigerflower gently lifted the she-kit by the scruff and returned her to the nest. Sometimes she thought she had too much compassion. She could never make the decision that Thrushstar faced. She glanced at him, distressed, and then back to her daughter and her kits. "I love you, and I always have. I would never wish this kind of life on you. I hope the kits will become strong enough to handle the consequences. But, please... don't go back to him." The tabby queen pleaded, dreading the repercussions.

She stared down at her paw as she realised how foolish and stupid she had been.How her step brother and sister had suffered and not to mention herself from cross clan relationships.But here she was now putting six kits through the hardships all because she had fallen for some SkyClan tom.In all honesty Hazeflight still loved him and wished he was here,helping their kits thought this,but he wasn't.And he never would."I'm sorry,"choked Hazeflight"I am sorry for falling for Eagleheart.I am sorry for putting all my kits through this.I am sorry that I have put you through this too,Tigerflower.I am sorry for myself and the fact I will never see two of my six kits become amazing warriors.I am sorry for everything and I always will be."Hazeflight still hadn't promised her mother anything all she had done was apolagise repeatedly for everything.Now she lay in her nest all the happiness of before gone as she realised everything that happened tonight was all just pain for herself and Eagleheart."I will not go back to Eagleheart no matter what.I swore loyalty to ShadowClan and I have failed everyone.I failed you,Thrushstar.I failed you,Tigerflower.I failed my mentors,Mudfoot and Adderfur.I failed my apprentice,Flamepaw.I failed my brother and sister.I failed my friends even if they joined StarClan long ago,I still failed them like I failed everyone."meowed Hazeflight sorrowfully"But I failed my kits more than any of you and now they have to suffer the most."

Looking between the two queens, the leader fell silent and listened to their conversation and the emotions that were shared between them. They had such a deep bond suddenly between their mistakes, it was almost intriguing to watch. But as the two, talked, Thrushstar took a deep breath and looked at Hazeflight. Of course, this wasn't the first time that this had happened with a Shadowclan cat and he knew for sure that if things played out like they always did, this wouldn't be the last. No matter how hard he wanted to fight against it, he couldn't bring himself to kick out half-clan kits. Rogues were one thing, but with half-clan cats? Getting rid of them would be a disgrace to Mistflower, and he couldn't have that. The queen had found the tiny soft spot in his heart for the kits. "They can stay, Hazeflight," he finally meowed. "We were going to have a little chat about... this situation, but I feel you know full and well what you have done and know why it was wrong." He paused for a moment, glancing at the kits, watching them wiggle around in their nest. "If I may ask, what... are their names?"

Hazeflight gazed at the leader,she was rigid with worry.Thrushstar won't kick them out.He's not that cruel.The moment the words left Thrushstar's mouth the queen relaxed.She would of bowled Thrushstar over she was that happy,but then she would leave her kits who were already frozen from the journey here.Hazeflight was thankful that he understood that she was truly sorry.With eyes far brighter than before,she looked down at her kits."They're names are Emberkit,Marshkit,puddlekit and Wolfkit."mewed Hazeflight flicking her tail to each one in turn to indicate their names.