The God Who Speaks With Thunder[C]

I wish I could go back in time; not to change anything, but to feel a few things twice.

A patrol, an ordinary patrol, that was what she was on. Just a normal patrol, consisting of her and a clanmate she had not gotten to know very well! That's right, that was allll there was to... it... Juniperpaw's gaze darted to the spotted she-cat for what felt like the hundredth time that day. No sooner did her eyes land on the leader did she pull it away again, the drumming of her heart echoing through her ears like a siren. She did not know Leopardstar well, only ever heard stories from her Mama about her. Mama had called the leader a friend, but Juniperpaw didn't think she looked like a very good friend. Any cat who had the fire in them to project their voice over the Clan, anger rippling through the air like static, would surely not make a good friend. Friends were nice, gentle, caring and kind. Leopardstar was not kind. Leopardstar was...

Yet again, her gaze snapped to the leader. Leopardstar wasn't scary, she was... she was stubborn, and prideful. And a little mean. As the silver-furred cat turned to look at her, Juniperpaw squeaked and quickened her pace. Whatever the leader had to say, Juniperpaw really didn't want to hear it. She was trying to stay alive today, was that too much to ask?

Leopardstar knew how to tell when a cat was on edge, unless they were particularly good at hiding it. Juniperpaw, who seemed to wear her heart around her neck, was not good at hiding it. The apprentice's skittish attitude had her double-checking the area for potential threats, finding nothing in particular.

She flicked one ear. "Is everything alright, Juniperpaw? Even a fox would struggle to sneak up on us in this part of the marsh--there's nothing to fear here."

Well. Not nothing, with the lingering threat of WindClan's trespasser. But there was no need to cause more panic than was due, and it was perfectly possible nothing like that would happen again.

"Or is something else bothering you?"

Truthfully, it was nice to be on a simple patrol. Not the frequent border-scans she went on alone, not the various things she needed to attend to as leader, but the familiar patrol routes she'd followed since the early days of her own apprenticeship. She could only hope that someday the younger cat would look back on these days with the same fondness she felt.

the gods can judge me when i'm dead || code (c) kieer

I wish I could go back in time; not to change anything, but to feel a few things twice.

She stumbled when Leopardstar spoke. Though the spotted she spoke with a normal volumme now, Juniperpaw could still feel the vibration in the air from the Quatar Moon Meeting. She could've sworn the fur along her neck had been striked by thunder; they tingled as if a thousand ants were crawling under her skin. The leader spoke with little assurance, despite the intention of her words. The black she-cat regained her composure with little grace, glancing back at the older cat with a poorly-disguised look of nervousness. It was lucky, then, that she had a couple excuses stored away to answer Leopardstar's question.

"Oh... I'm just not over getting taken by the Twolegs yet... it was as if they came out of nowhere..." The lie had been, unfortunately, said too many times that it was almost as if it were the truth. If Juniperpaw was bad at lying, this lie would prove that practice made perfect. A small, nervous smile was attempted to help the lie along. "B-but I'm sure with you here, I won't- we won't encounter any trouble," She added hurriedly, tripping over her words as she did so. Did she trust Leopardstar? Absolutely not. But at the very least the leader was a strong fighter and could keep them both alive for this patrol... if she did not attempt to take Juniperpaw out.

Leopardstar considered the apprentice's words, observing her with obvious concern. To be captured by Twolegs and return was something that most couldn't claim to have done, and Juniperpaw was still so young. Yes, she'd had Quillsplash, but still...

"I can't say I blame you for being afraid, Juniperpaw," she offered. "You managed to return safely from something that has stolen a great many warriors from the forest across the history of the Clans. To venture beyond the safety of camp anyway... That shows its own kind of bravery. But is there anything we could do that would make you feel more at ease?"

She paused, wanting to give the younger cat her full attention. "This place is your home, as it is to all of us," she said simply. "You deserve to feel safe here."

the gods can judge me when i'm dead || code (c) kieer

I wish I could go back in time; not to change anything, but to feel a few things twice.

What a strange thing to say. Juniperpaw mulled over Leopardstar's last few words-- "You deserve to feel safe here"-- for a few heartbeats. Did she feel safe? That was a... question she had never considered, actually. What did safe mean, anyway? By logic, she knew she was safe here-- there were plenty of warriors to care for her, and medicine cats to treat her when she got sick or injured. And she had friends... some friends. She trusted Sablestrike, Swiftheart, Hollowgrove, Quillsplash, Pineblossom, Boartusk and Willowpaw to keep her safe. That was a lot of cats keeping her safe, right? And then she was here, alone with Leopardstar, out of the comforts of Camp. Safe. She didn't really feel safe here, not really. But there was no reason not to, right? Leopardstar was, despite her first impression of the she-cat, trying to make her feel safe.

"You deserve to feel safe here"

Did she? Did she deserve to feel safe? Was there anyone who didn't deserve to feel safe? And what was the difference between feeling safe and being safe? So many questions, so little answers. Juniperpaw's head hurt, and it took several more moments for her to get any words out to the leader's question. "I just... it would be nice having another warrior around, which, well, already happens, so there's not much... there's not much that can be done." It would be nice to not have to exit the Camp at all, too. But she didn't mention that bit.