Hedgepaw's Battle Assessment

Hedgepaw had been so worried while Quillsplash was gone. Way too many cats already had vanished, or gotten ill, or been otherwise unreachable for a long period of time--her father and her brother Stagpaw among them. Thinking about them always felt like the cold, icy snowdrifts of leaf-bare returning, only to freeze and cluster around her heart and squeeze any warmth or breath out of her chest. She hated being sad. She hated not being able to know if the cats she cared about were okay. It worried her, and she worried anytime she wasn't busy thinking about anyone else. Of course she still had Silverhawk and Hawkmist and Fernpaw and Wolfpaw and of course Mamma, but... but. She worried. So when Quillsplash had finally returned--though she'd been out of camp upon his initial arrival--she'd nearly fainted with joy. The relief had overwhelmed her for a moment and she'd been forced to simply sit there, taking in the emotion. He was okay. He'd come back. He was okay.

So now that routine had returned, and their regular patrols and trainings with it, she threw herself in with even greater enthusiasm. After all, they had to make up for lost time (even though that time hadn't been anywhere near as long as it really felt like). If not for her newfound clinginess and eagerness to please, Hedgepaw may have been far more apprehensive about this idea of attacking a predator on her own for the assessment. As it was, she still felt the trembling beginnings of fear tightening her throat and tensing her muscles. But... this wouldn't be like the time with the owl, when she'd been surprised and caught off guard, nor would it be as terrifying and awful as the time with the fox snarling and chewing up Silverhawk, so much bigger and stronger than either of them. This time, she'd be attacking the owl instead of the other way around. This time she had Quillsplash with her if anything went wrong. This time... she knew a few battle moves. It would be okay. It would have to be. So even though she worried, even though she knew it could go wrong, she let out a shaking exhale and nodded. "Okay."

Even knowing her mentor was behind her, ready to step in at a moment's notice, it still felt daunting to step forward without him towards the owl's tree. Even seeing it before her, more old and haggard than the strong young specimen that had attempted to steal her away, her pulse quickened. I can do this. I can do this. It was scary. It was. But if she wanted to make Quillsplash proud and ensure that he would never leave again, she had to do it--and she had to do it right. So once the small brown she-cat had mustered her strength, she darted forward just like he'd taught her to do. Quick, decisive, claws unsheathed. Hedgepaw struck the first blow.

Hedgepaw used Claw on Owl, dealing 5 damage and costing 5 EP.

Hedgepaw:
20/20 HP
35/40 EP

Owl:
25/30 HP
90/90 SP (EP? I don't know, just grabbing this from the Hunting System stats.)

Of course it wouldn't be that easy. Once Hedgepaw struck at it, the owl flared to life, rearing up with its wings to slash at her with talons. She knew firsthand just how much it hurt to get hit by the sharp claws tearing into her fur. It was all she could do not to flinch away, but to stand still, even as her green eyes grew wide with fear seeing the predator lunge at her. She had to wait. She had to dodge it, like he'd taught her. If she just ran away how would she ever be worthy to become a warrior? Would Quillsplash and Mamma and Silverhawk be disappointed in her? No, she had to do this. So the small apprentice stayed put and attempted to jump away at the last moment, just as she had been taught. Unfortunately, in her moment of frozen fear, she'd waited just a smidge too long and the talons grazed her side. She winced, more out of despair at her mistake than out of pain, since the adrenaline running through her veins numbed the small scratch that opened. A far smaller wound than last time. Though she'd dodged unsuccessfully, the attempt had at least been graceful, and she landed easily behind it, ready to strike again once she regained her bearings. Hopefully she hadn't failed the assessment.

Hedgepaw used Dodge, costing 10 EP. It was unsuccessful.

Hedgepaw:
13/20 HP
25/40 EP

Owl:
25/30 HP
80/90 EP

The member 'Ash' has done the following action : Dice roll

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'Effect Dice' : 5

The member 'Copperbeanz' has done the following action : Dice roll

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'Effect Dice' : 1

Before Hedgepaw could entirely get her bearings and force some breath back into her lungs, it was practically over. Since she'd missed the dodge and gotten hurt, Quillsplash had apparently decided that was enough for now. She hadn't been able to fight it on her own. The strong warrior lunged in, expertly pinning down the owl with a single swift movement. Amber eyes latched onto hers, and she could hardly meet them. It felt as if a pit in her stomach had opened up and sucked in all the fear and anxiety and hope she'd been feeling. I failed. He'd picked the easiest foe he could find, and she'd already messed it up. She had only been able to land one blow and she couldn't even dodge the slowest strike. How was she supposed to become a warrior when she was so awful at fighting? Still, despite the way she wanted to squirm out of her pelt with the shame that burned through her veins, she managed to give him a reluctant nod. The assessment wasn't over, technically. It was still going. He'd just... helped her. Because she needed it. Because she wasn't brave or strong or smart enough. Frustrated at herself more than at him or at the owl, Hedgepaw struck a blow at the owl with sharp pinprick claws. But her heart wasn't in it.

Hedgepaw used Claw on Owl, dealing 5 damage and costing 5 EP.

Hedgepaw:
13/20 HP
20/40 EP

Owl: (Pinned 1/1)
9/30 HP
80/90 EP

Quillsplash:
60/60 HP
145/160 EP

Just like that--with a few easy movements from Quillsplash, whose practiced claws and fangs would have taken it down seamlessly even without any help from Hedgepaw--the owl fell. She stared blankly at its limp form, at the glassy eyes that had previously been focused on her, at the talons that had barely scratched her but led to a failure of her assessment. Stars... a failure of her assessment. She'd failed. She was never going to be a warrior. Wolfpaw would've eaten the owl whole. Fernpaw would've come up with some smart way to kill it. If any other apprentice had taken this assessment, they would have passed. Quillsplash had given her the easiest opponent possible, and she'd still failed. This level of disappointment swirling around bitterly in the pit of her stomach was near-unfamiliar to her. She didn't like the feeling.

Her mentor's voice, low and clear, reached her ears. Hedgepaw forced herself to look up. Did he pity her? Was that why his stoic face seemed so soft? Her pelt itched, but she tried to sit still instead of squirming under Quillsplash's gaze. His praise normally made her feel light and floaty, but right now she felt like a stone. She didn't deserve that praise. She hadn't done well. It was true, she hadn't run off, but she could have finished the fight--she should have finished it without his help. Even big brave warriors like Silverhawk sometimes got hit once or twice when they were taking down difficult opponents. Why was Quillsplash being so nice to her? As if she was a kit? She wasn't a kit. She wasn't a baby. She was an apprentice, and cats younger than her were becoming warriors all the time, and she still hadn't hit her "growth spurt" yet that Mamma kept talking about, and she would stay in the apprentice den for her whole life if she didn't get better. Something hot and uncomfortable writhed inside of her.

"Even if fighting never turns out to be your strongest skill, you have proven yourself to be an amazing Clanmate."

"But what if I don't have a strongest skill?" Hedgepaw burst out, trying to blink back the stinging heat that rose from the corners of her eyes. "I'm not strong enough, or brave enough, or smart enough. I'm not super bad, but I'm not really good at anything. If I'm not strong at fighting, or hunting, or an'thing, then how can I be a warrior?" It wasn't polite of her to talk like this, she knew. He was her mentor--she should be respecting him and taking what he said to heart, like she always had. But... after her failure, why did she need to be comforted? She shouldn't have failed! She hated feeling like this. None of this should have mattered to her if Quillsplash was proud of her. Her mentor was proud of her, but why couldn't she accept that? Hedgepaw tore her eyes away from his and stared at the ground, deflating slightly. "I'm sorry," she muttered. "I'm just... frustrated. I wish I was big an' strong, or good at... I dunno. Something. Guess I'm just scared that I won't ever earn being a warrior."

Hedgepaw regretted her explosion as soon as the words had left her mouth, and she only felt worse when Quillsplash fell silent. Why was she being so unkind to him? Her failure wasn't his fault--far from it. He'd been a wonderful mentor to her. He had always worked hard to make sure that she understood, that she improved, that she learned. The fact that she'd failed despite his teaching was a problem on her end, not his. Still, eventually his deep, rumbling voice began to speak up again. She glanced up hesitantly, green eyes meeting his. The story that he told chilled her like she'd swallowed a pile full of snow. No wonder he'd tried so hard to teach her about safety while fighting predators. How would she have felt, if Silverhawk had been injured by the fox they fought? It was just like her big brother had talked about, when he'd gone out with Honeylight, except... Honeylight had died. She wanted to step forward, to comfort Quillsplash and say it wasn't his fault, but she stood frozen. Her throat felt too tight to speak. It would be impolite to interrupt him, anyway.

To hear that Quillsplash had once been less than good at fighting, or hunting, or the other skills of warriorhood was almost unbelievable. She'd never seen him fail at anything. He always seemed so strong, so sure of himself... had he been worrying about his own prowess this whole time? But, if he'd improved... then she could improve, too. Even if she wasn't good enough right now. She still couldn't help but feel that he was praising her a little bit too much--that of course any Clanmate would be willing to help others, wouldn't they? That wasn't something special that only she could do--but it still felt good. His words warmed her after the previous cold that lingered in her chest. Hedgepaw straightened up, no longer hunching in on herself. A tentative smile touched her face. "Thanks, Quillsplash," she murmured. "You always know what to say. If you could b'come the great warrior you are now, then maybe if I work hard enough, I'll get as strong and smart 's you. And--for what it's worth..." The smile grew into a warmer expression. "I think you're a great mentor. Thanks for being such a big help. I'll keep working, and I'll get better."