The Last Thing That I Wanted [Open War Return Topic]

OOC: Takes place after the war! ...And Acorn's solo. And Firefly's death - also that one hunting patrol. A LOT HAPPENED IN A SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME.

IC: Acornstem had not moved from her spot. Not even when other had started to poke their head into the elder's den at the sound of her grieving. Not even when the fate - the death - of her mate was likely shared in hushed breaths around the clearing. Not even when other cats carefully pulled their way in to pay respects and offer hollow apologizes as if there was anything that could have changed this fate. She knew. She always knew this was going to happen - that Firefly's heart, the thing she loved so much, would fail her. It was a bitter reality she had accepted when she spoke of her feelings, that what little glimpse of happiness they would have would be short and bitter-sweet.

But knowing it, accepting it, had not prepared her for the pain - of how empty her heart felt as her pelt brushed the cold fur of Firefly. That their nest would lay empty from this sunrise on - she would return to the warrior's den and sleep alone once more. That she would have to tell Mottlestar that her daughter had died and that nobody had been there for it - so sudden it had happened. That she had only found her mate... Her ears pinned back, her heart sinking. Ho-How was she to break this news to the leader? To Vipershade - if he did have any feelings on his daughter past the fact she had attempted to kill him upon first sight.

She didn't know - she struggled for words as tears still threatened to roll down her face at the weight of everything upon her.

The faint sound of rustling, of the gorse entrance of the camp being shifted caught her ear and she froze. Already the heavy smell of blood rolled into the camp, carrying with it the scents of those who had been sent out to war. They were back. Slowly, with silent agony, the deputy pushed herself to her paws as she fought to choke back the tears. Raising a paw to swipe her face dry, taking in a shaky inhale as she fumbled for what words she would offer to Mottlestar when she saw her leader. Something deep down bothered her thought - the blood, it was far too rich. Too strong, but she had not the energy - so drained by her mate's death - to put together what it could mean.

An so, the deputy, unaware of what laid on the other side of the den's entrance, let out a long exhale as she took a few extra heartbeats to compose herself. "I'm sorry, my love, I...I wish we had more time together," she murmured as she turned to stare down at Firefly, before she quickly spun away before grief could steal her heart again as she made her way to the entrance and slipped into the camp clearing proper.

Forest Speak
Feral Speak

With each step towards camp, the body on Silverdusk's back felt heavier and heavier. A burden, physically and mentally that they now carried. Every step she took just meant they were closer and closer to having to reveal what had become of their beloved leader. Silverdusk had steeled themself into a cold mask as the three cats, once five, of ThunderClan left the battlefield. She couldn't return a mess, tears in their eyes, sobbing. They had to be as cold and harsh as the truth that they carried. ThunderClan was without their Mottle and SkyClan would pay. Faces of their clanmates flashed before her eyes all wearing the same grief stricken expression the patrol had worn, the realisation of what this meant. Acornstem especially having to step up so suddenly, in such an awful time. If the silver warrior had left the SkyClan rat to die, had not let their emotions get the better of them as her enemy cried, maybe Mottlestar would still be here. Silverdusk would have given their life for Mottlestar, for Thunderclan, but now she felt like they had failed in the promise they had sworn before the tortoiseshell and the rest of the clan.

The gorse tunnel, and the bramble trench came into view and all the silver molly wanted to do was scream, to turn tail and run. The scene awaiting the returning party played out in her mind over and over. The looks, the growls, the sobs, the questioning, the words that would fly, the words directed at Silverdusk. "Why did you pick such a new warrior?", "Maybe if we'd had someone more experienced on the patrol Mottlestar would still be here!", "They were probably still sick how can anyone defend their clan while ill?", "Mottlestar was worth ten of you!", "Greenpaw!", "Softheart!". "Mousebrain!". They were all right. Every single nasty word and cruel insult thrown their way would be deserved. If anything it was merciful for what Silverdusk had allowed to happen. She should be demoted, exiled, kicked from the clan she adored so and every cat they loved for all the suffering they had brought down upon ThunderClan. To save the enemies life during war... It had been treason, a treason that left them unable to save the cat on the battlefield that mattered most to her.

The thorns pricked at the tall warrior's hide and they let them. Let them draw blood again, and open fresh wounds, ruin their pelt, let her look like the filth that they were for allowing the clan of dirt to leave with their lives. Vengeance would come for SkyClan, delt by Silverdusk's paw whether they remained amongst the ranks of ThunderClan or not. Revenge was a fools game, but this wasn't revenge. There was no place for the murderous traitors and liars of SkyClan in this forest or elsewhere.

Light began to spill into the tunnel, and then the patrol was emerging on the otherside - finally back in ThunderClan camp. The weight born by Silverdusk's shoulder was so heavy, unbearably so. They strode forwards, feeling the eyes of many burning their pelt as they watched. The tension in the camp could have been sliced by a claw. The sound of Mottlestar's body hitting the ground far too loud and final. There was silence, and while it should have been Fawnshine that spoke first as the high rank amongst the patrol, when green eyes met Acornstem's tear glossed amber eyes Silverdusk felt words rushing to be let out, to make things right. "Acornstem, I am so so sorry." How they loathed apologies. loathed the word "sorry", but here, essentially standing trial as witness and defendant for what had occurred, nothing else seemed to fit. "There are no words that can fix this. We cleaned Mottlestar's body before returning... To bring her home in dignity. She should be here alive, but Birdstar..." Silverdusk's lip curled upwards at the memory of the dead leader's action "Birdstar was a blood-lusted fool."

they stepped back, their piece said. Fawnshine and the others could say what they felt, inform Acornstem of Vipershade's death too, though that was already clear. Their was relief in having spoke first, instead of letting the crushing weight build and build, it gave the tall she-cat a slight reprieve. Her gaze scanned the crowd of assembled cats, looking for a familiar spotted pelt, one she knew (or hoped) they would be able to find comfort in. They were quick to find the pelt, but slow to break away, not wanting to betray their grief so openly in camp, or to allow anymore assumptions about her to be made. All they needed was to be held, to stop the fractured pieces of herself that had been haphazardly stuck back together at the river, from shattering all over again.

Wiggleworm felt like a warm Greenleaf breeze, as Silverdusk buried themself in the crook of his neck. At least he was alive, at least he was safe, at least it hadn't been him on the patrol. They looked up at him, so undeserving of his warmth after everything. She hadn't even delivered on making Sunfire pay, another mistake they had made in order to keep the tree rat alive. A shuddery sigh escaped their maw, and she nestled closer to him. "I think I made a mistake, Wiggleworm." whispered Silverdusk in the feral language so that only him, and him alone, could hear and understand them "I let the enemy live, no, I ensured they survived. There was a point when everything went wrong... When... SkyClan revealed just how vile they are. The fighting... It stopped, and the cat I was facing, she apologised... and I... I don't know? She collapsed, and I knew then I didn't want her to die, to be as cruel and evil as the clan of filth she hailed from, so I carried her to her medicine cat. I made sure she lived..." The words became stuck in Silverdusk's throat "But saving her, it left me unable to save Mottlestar or to put down the cat that killed Softpaw, that took two of Mottlestar's lives, that killed Vipershade. I chose the enemy before ThunderClan in an act of mercy they would never show us. I was a softheart, and I made our clan pay the ultimate price, Wiggleworm. I don't know what to do, I am so ashamed and so angry with myself. Quailprowler taught me not to show mercy as our enemies wouldn't, and when it mattered most I ignored her lesson... Now look at what I have caused. ThunderClan should hate me, you should hate me, I would not blame you. It is only a matter of time before it all comes out."

Acornstem's breath came out as a shaky exhale as Echosong came to a stop next to her, relieved for her friend's company. Once more, she was pulling up the words from within - to have them ready on her tongue to tell Mottlestar but as the patrol finally pushed past the tunnel and only three set of walking paws greeted her, the words died in her throat. Three cats were standing with two hauntingly familiar bodies laid across their backs.

There was no breath in Acornstem's lungs as the first of the bodies was slipped to the floor - so small that one would think it belonged to an apprentice and not their beloved leader. Perhaps if it was any other moment, the deputy would hold onto false hope that Mottlestar was unconscious - but having spent countless heartbeats studying the still form of Firefly while she waited for their return... She knew that Mottlestar was dead. Truly dead. The other body hit the ground - Nightstalker. Vipershade. The start of a mangled cry started in Acornstem's throat but it found itself caught, the deputy struggling to take in breath as her eyes darted back and forth between the two bodies. Firefly's parents. Sh-She hadn't just lost her mate, but- No. No it wasn't possible. Vipershade, perhaps, but Acornstem knew the life count of Mottlestar. The leader had multiple lives left, there was no way that she was- She couldn't!

Her eyes shifted onto Silverdusk as the she-cat promptly launched into an apologize - an explanation. Mottlestar's body. Birdstar...a blood-lusted fool. The words barely managed to register in the deputy's ears before Silverdusk was pushing away and Acornstem's head simply turn to stare at the two still bodies as her whole body quivered. She made not a sound as she stared, her tail limp behind her as not a flicker of emotion crossed her face. The deputy was frozen in the moment, swearing she could hear a faint cracking noise in the distance - or perhaps deep inside her. It creaked under the pressure...

The deputy - leader - had all but shut down as she swayed on her paws.

Auburnpaw had returned to camp not long before the battle patrol did. It was the scent of blood and residual fear that caused him to look up to peer through the den before Silverdusk and the others burst in the camp entrance. Cats pouring in looked as if they had been run over by a monster, or somehow worse. The boiling in his veins that had been persistent since his clanmates had left reignited once again. He wanted to charge across the forest and single-pawedly take out whatever Skyclan cats were still walking, whatever cat felt justified in continuing their carnage after taking innocent lives. A growl rumbled lowly in his chest and his tail lashed back and forth.

Whatever grief had laid over camp he had chosen to ignore, mostly out of a lack of idea on how to deal with it. While these cats were his kin, his clan, by birthright and decision, the fact remained that he was still getting to know the majority of them. The pain of loss was one he had yet to experience. Still, there had been a pang of sympathy tightened his chest when he looked at Acornstem and Firefly. Tonight several unjust vigils would be held and he would be present for all of them. But that time was later, now, Echosong's voice pulled him visions of carnal justice.

In an instant he was on his paws and following the directions of the medicine cat. Quickly, scooping up the herbs, he returned to Echosong's side. It was nearly impossible to prevent the neat bundles from spilling as his maw dropped. Two bodies had returned to camp. Once vibrant with life, now reduced to limp bundles no more animated than prey. Realization set in as he digested the familiar patterns of fur. Both meant something different and entirely unique to the young tom. Mottlestar, a beacon of strong leadership and hope, a cat whose stories had been told during his kithood due to connection to his parents. And Vipershade, the ever-present menace watching over camp since he had returned to the forest.

Both figures had been larger than life, unkillable, until this moment. Auburnpaw felt impossibly small at the thought even they could die. Further more, he felt unspeakable rage at the fact any Skyclan cat believed they had the right to strip away these lives so thoughtlessly. Brutes. Vile, rotten, filthy creatures. His fangs were bared as he drank in the scent of the enemy, one he had only smelled in fleeting border patrols but now permeated the camp in a reminder of the way in which they had slain Thunderclan cats. He started ahead at the entrance with a smoldering gaze and snarled lowly, "Everyone of the rogue-ish beasts who did this deserves ten times worse. And I want to give it to them."

Forest Speak
Feral Speak


Silverdusk allowed Wiggleworm to envelop her, to reassure them. She sniffled into his chest, turned away from their clanmates, as his words sank in. Words were on the tip of their tongue, wanting to disagree with him, yet thank him for everything else, but Echosong spoke up. The medicine cat's keen ears had not misheard her. For a brief moment they pulled away, just enough to meet Echosong's eyes. It seemed the attention of the clan was redirected towards them again, no sooner than when they had just shaken themselves of its shackles. Silverdusk stared at the tom's eyes unflinchingly, sensing the demand, the urgency."Your ears do not deceive you." they replied, tail lashing with the memories of Birdstar. "Perchstar felled her for killing Mottlestar, an eye for an eye I suppose. Though the death granted by Perchstar was better than what the mad fox deserved." meowed the tall molly, before turning back to Wiggleworm, features softening. "I do not deserve you." she mewed quietly "Thank you," They blinked, vanquishing the tears that so annoyingly threatened to fall. Exhaustion weighed upon them, more from emotional turmoil than the act of fighting. "I need to sleep, but..." Her eyes graced over the forms of Mottlestar and Vipershade, if they squinted -blurring the scars that split their pelts- it was almost as if the pair were napping together in the centre of camp. Silverdusk huffed. A silly idea. Both were dead, never to wake. Clanmates moved forward to share tongues with both cats, at the river the patrol had shared tongues then. Part of the silver she-cat wanted to leave it at that, to be selfish and seek out the nest that awaited her in the warrior's den. But this was a rite shared by the clan, and to leave would be a marker of disrespect to not only ThunderClan, but to Mottlestar and Vipershade. "...I have to join our clan, let us share tongues, come." mewed Silverdusk, rising to unsteady paws. The trembling was unexpected, more than likely attributed to the tiredness they felt. Her tail brushed against Wiggleworm as they padded to join the others. They inhaled, pushing the maelstorm of grief back down, deeper and deeper. She would not crack, not here. Not in front of everybody.

In a manner much unlike what is usual for her, Sleepycloud found it hard to rest. Of course, knowing that her clanmates were off trying to protect her new clan didn't help matters. So, when the patrol arrived home, Sleepycloud quickly peeled herself from her kits, who, for once, slept soundly. The sight she saw sent shivers down her spine. The small form of Mottlestar, a force in the forest for so long, was gone. Even Vipershade, who had shared the camp with her, Stormsong, and Auburnpaw. A friend, in his own--brooding way. Despite what the other cats told her, there was a trust that she had shared with their little group that inhabited the camp. One born out of a need for it. Seeing the tom gone now made the camp feel emptier.

They all did. ThunderClan lost powerful cats today. Though few, the queen assumed, would grieve the loss of Vipershade. Working up her courage, Sleepycloud approached the gathered cats. She certainly didn't know much about all her clan members yet. But there was something she could do, even for a fallen one. "I will sit for Vipershade's vigil." The queen announced, though quietly. Vipershade had been willing to sit through the long, cold nights while they were on their own. It was his turn to rest. It was her turn to sit the watch. With a heavy heart for her friend, Sleepycloud gently groomed away the rest of the gore from the battle. Silently giving her thanks to the warrior for his protection of her family.

Redsun’s chest felt cold and subdued as he sat outside the elder’s den, ears pinned back against the sobs that forced similar feelings into his throat. He and his sister had never been particularly close, and he never was the most tactful cat, but even he knew Acornstem needed privacy to mourn Firefly’s sudden, but familiar death. Rosethorn had died in a similar way. They’d both had stuttering hearts. It was something cruel, he thought, how death taunted them before taking them both so early. It made him wonder if any of his other siblings had the same condition. But what he thought about most was how his mother was going to react when she returned from the battle. And the time seemed to be here, with the rustling of underbrush slowly getting closer. His gaze followed Acornstem as the deputy solemnly exited the den, still beholden to her duties despite her loss.

Eyes of electric blue flicked to the first warrior to re-enter camp, Silverdusk. At first he wondered what she carried on her back, perhaps an exhausted apprentice? No, no apprentice was part of the battle patrol. It wasn’t until the body slipped down onto the camp floor that recognition shot through his limbs and he quickly stumbled forward in alarm. “Mom!?” His head whipped up at Silverdusk’s words, and in utter disbelief he looked between the faces of the other patrol members for information. Why were there so few? At his paws, Mottlestar grew cold. He felt sick.

“What happened out there!?” His voice rose to a fever pitch, shaking the bushes and trees in and around ThunderClan camp. “She- She had more lives, didn’t she? Didn’t she?” Searching eyes scoured the faces of Acornstem, Fawnshine, and Echosong. He felt sick at the thought that he hadn’t known how much time his mother had left. How many did she lose while they were both so sick? How many times had she stopped breathing and no one had noticed because she eventually woke up again? Disbelief gave way to fury, his heart thrumming in his chest, pulses strong enough he could feel it shooting through his paws and throat. He had the thought that perhaps it was beating too hard, that he should try to calm himself down, just in case, but… he didn’t want to. He needed to feel this. This fury, though blinding, why shouldn’t he feel it? Why shouldn’t he let it carry him back to the battlefield to tear those snakes apart?

Birdstar was dead. Envy towards Perchstar for being the one to ensure that trickled in the back of his mind, yet the deed was done. But not Sunfire. That foxheart still breathed. The thought of it made his blood boil. Who would stand up and stop him if he said he was going to take that thing’s life? The one that had taken one of his mother’s; the one that brought them all closer to this day?

His gaze lingered on his mother’s body. She had always been a small cat – she was who he’d gotten his own stature from, after all – but without breath in her body, she looked smaller. It seemed an obvious thing. Obvious, but no less heavy. His mother was gone. Redsun’s face twisted in grief and vehemence. “They’ll pay for the suffering they’ve caused us. I’ll pull their fangs out myself.” His raw, emotional growl ended as he pushed his muzzle into the tortoiseshell she-cat’s scruff. There was no point in hoping his flaming tears would somehow warm his mother’s cold pelt, her still heart. She would’ve never wanted it to be so, but today onwards, a flame of hate lived in his chest.