to the leader, the pariah [clan meeting]

Leopardsun sat at the base of the Jaggedrock, a very familiar place to her now, and swallowed a sigh. She'd been doing that even more than usual lately, between her grief-driven haze and the disasters that served to snap her back to bitter reality.

"All cats old enough to silently stalk in the shadows, please gather in the shadow of the Jaggedrock for a Clan meeting! Those in need of healing, I ask that you instead go to the medicine den."

Her voice sounded foreign to her own ears, carrying loudly over the hollow with a false confidence she hadn't felt in what seemed like a lifetime.

In the distance, the sun was starting to rise; a reminder of her name- the name she had failed to live up to, time and again, failing to be a light in the darkness of the marsh they called their home. Failing to challenge Nightstar as she knew she should have, failing to follow him as the code demanded.

Nightstar had made a great many mistakes, and every day she was more and more certain that choosing her as his deputy had been the first.

But there was nothing to do except pick herself up and face the rising sun, face the cats they both had failed, and do what she could to pick up the pieces and begin to rebuild.

"ShadowClan," she spoke, voice heavy with sorrow, "those of you that were at the Gathering already know what transpired tonight. Those who are not: Nightstar and Shrikestar angered StarClan, enough that they split the sky with lightning and injured cats from every Clan. This is what petty feuding has brought us. All this, just to preserve one cat's ego- we cannot carry on like this. I believe it's clear to all of us that Nightstar is no longer fit to lead ShadowClan."

She closed her eyes, the ghosts of the dead hiding behind them.

"This has to end here, or it won't end at all. I won't stand for more pointless bloodshed."

What was it she had asked, that night in the marsh? The night she left her heart to the fireflies?

If she let herself be Leopardsun, just for a moment- knowing that moment would be the last, that she would never have this chance again- if she let herself wish, then what would she wish for?

I want to see my kits, all of them, alive and well. I want to scream at the stars with Honeylight. I want Echomist to see me the way he used to.

I want to go back to my warrior ceremony, that silent vigil under a starless sky. I want my sister back, I want my parents back.

I want to go back when Nightstar first named me deputy, so I could say no.

I want to know what I could have been.

None of that mattered, though, did it? None of it was possible.

So, if she wanted to be realistic, what would she wish for?

Good things for ShadowClan, she supposed. Her Clan, her work, that was her life; or what remained of it, in the absence of the things that once made it worth living. A moment of peace was all she'd wished for, talking with Honeylight so many moons ago; she had vowed to herself during her rite of passage that she would claw her way to it if she had to, that they would see brighter days.

How much darker things had gotten.

But she couldn't afford to stop now.

"I know that I have failed you. I failed to challenge Nightstar when I should have, and even then I failed to follow his word as the code demands. My judgment was poor, and the consequences of my mistakes have been severe. I can't ask you to trust in me. But if you'll allow me another chance... I can't promise to be perfect. I won't lie to you. But I will swear an oath, here and now, to do my best. To put ShadowClan's well-being first, before my anger and my pride, and to not let my judgment become clouded again. To listen to all of you."

Skunkkit was chilling in a nice moon patch when a meeting was called. He knew something had happened but didnt know what cause he really didnct care about other cats and their conversations. When Leopardsun mentioned what happened at the gathering, skunkkit showed something rare on his face, an emotion. He was shocked in complete disbelief at what his leader did. Kits were raised with stories of their great leaders, but this the first time he heard anything about nightstar and it was bad. Was he born into a clan with a bad leader? What was going to happen now? Are the clans mad at them for something most of them didn't do?The meeting gave skunkit so many questions that he silently padded towards the rest of the cats, wanting to get closer to hear better. Would his questions be answered? His small tail twitch in nervous anticipation.

Badgermask had quietly followed after her mother without a word, her tail still hung low and her gaze focused on the ground beneath her with every step but there was something new in the way she carried herself compared to the recent moonhighs - a calculated that was small but far different from the mindless shuffling from point to point. As they entered the camp, she broke away to take a spot well aware from the gathering crowd as Leopardsun wasted no time calling a meeting - taking a seat near the medicine cat den.

Her gaze lifted slightly, her expression hard to read as she her mother started to speak - explaining the events of the night...And declaring that Nightstar was no longer fit to lead. Her whiskers twitched, her eyes narrowing ever so slightly. Hm. It should have been done when Nightstar first chose to sulk like a kit about his punishment for lying to ShadowClan. It should have been done before Batswarm and Moondancer had...

Her lips curled slightly but she quickly stopped herself - no, that would give the game away. She would continue her act, to pretend to still be lost in her grief. It would give her time to judge, to come to terms with things - it wasn't easy, the pain in her chest at the simple acknowledgement that she did not trust her mother anymore. She had been part of the meeting - it was not Nightstar who declared the war against WindClan first, but her mother. She had put in motion the battle that claimed...

But Leopardsun seemed to acknowledge that - begging to be given another chance. To put ShadowClan first. But that was what she had thought she had been doing when she demanded bloodshed, wasn't it? She hadn't been protecting Nightstar's ego but ShadowClan's pride. ...It would take more than simple words to earn her forgiveness - not when her littermates were gone. But she held her tongue, lowering her gaze once more as she perked her ears to listen to whatever reaction her Clanmates would have...

After all, what did Nightstar think about all of this?

Rookfire silently followed Leopardsun back home. He grew a lot of respect for Leopardsun for (finally) standing up to Nightstar, but the black tuxedo knew that he couldn't completely trust ShadowClan leadership at this point in time. Leopardsun's made a lot of mistakes in her tenure as deputy.

But honestly, who was he to talk? He made mistakes, too. He didn't fight as hard as he should have for what he knew was right. He didn't fight against the war. Perhaps he felt like his voice would have been overruled, but it shouldn't have stopped him from speaking his mind. He should have spoken out. He should have spoken out. He should have spoken out. He should have spoken out. 

If he did... Moondancer and Batswarm might still have been alive.

Besides, ShadowClan basically agreed to exactly what Batsong wanted them to do, just with Leopardsun dealing the punishment. In the end, this war was fought for nothing, which made the deaths of Batswarm and Moondancer even worse.

When he was young, he found himself in tragedy early on, losing his mentor Iniko in the night. However, the adrenaline of having to save the still-living Frecklewish at the time helped distract him from the grief. Tavora's anger at Rookfire not saving Iniko forced his grief into anger, as Rookfire knew - even back then - that he couldn't have saved Iniko, so he had to save the one cat he could. Honestly, that was the best thing he could have done. He can't take back what he did, even if he wished to StarClan he could, so all he could do was move forward and save the cats he still can.

And he did, at least somewhat. He supported Echomist's rebellion against ShadowClan's leadership, even if the attack on Leopardsun seemed like insult to injury (he also omitted that to keep the group as a whole more united). He stepped up onto the Great Rock to call for peace between WindClan and ShadowClan. None of this would bring ShadowClan's lost cats back, but it could prevent any more loss of life from this war.

It seemed like Leopardsun was on the same log, so he found it a lot easier to forgive her than he expected. "I understand exactly how you feel, Leopardsun," he said, stepping forward to speak. "I should have pushed back more when you suggested to go to war with WindClan."

"But... at the end of the day, nothing any of us can do will bring them back. All we can do is try and do better, learn from our mistakes, and protect our Clanmates that are still alive." After speaking, the black tuxedo stepped back, before glancing at Nightstar. Judging from his Gathering brawl with Shrikestar, he may not give up his leadership position peacefully, so Rookfire had to be ready for anything.

Snowfoot’s heart felt torn in two. On the one paw, her daughter Lighttail had been carried into the medicine den severely injured. But on the other paw, Leopardsun was addressing the clan, doing probably the hardest thing she’d had to do in her life, aside from maybe burying her kits. The she-cat paused. Her daughter was hurt, but her niece (who she loved like a daughter) needed her support. Finally, the black-and-white cat padded to join the growing crowd.

Sunflare, meanwhile, had his own thoughts to deal with. Leopardsun may have dismissed him once, but she was certainly acting now. If he wanted to be on her good side, Sunflare couldn’t afford to go back even a single pawstep on his word. He would support Leopardsun. But who would she choose as her deputy? Sunflare was no fool, he knew he was too young to be a prime candidate. All he could do now was hope she chose an old cat who wouldn’t be deputy very long.

Harriertalon didn't venture far from the medicine den, only going as far as sitting at its entrance with a scarred shoulder leaning against it. Her tail had found Badgermask's, and it rested next to it in a loving and mutual silence. She listened carefully to every single word her mother had to say, her gaze remaining neutral. An oath that repeated what Harriertalon had already thought the duties of deputy and leader were, was not enough to move her or regain any of the trust lost. But it wasn't her who needed to be convinced. It was ShadowClan.

One or two cats not being happy with Leopardsun meant nothing in the face of a promise of change; one that Harriertalon would hold over her mothers head should history repeat itself. Though Rookfire was right to think he should have been more vocal on disagreeing when Leopardsun mentioned war, it had never been a suggestion. A reason Harriertalon had kept her mouth shut during the entire ordeal was that her words would mean nothing to someone so filled with hate for another. A sideways glance at Badgermask comforted her just a little as she saw her one and only sister fight back a scowl. It seemed they may have had similar thoughts. Healing would not begin today, but all gaping wounds took time to heal; even ones you couldn't see.

If Nightstar wished to speak at all, his first words had better be 'I'm sorry'. An apology from Nightstar may not benefit anyone, but it was needed. A sliver of reassurance that not all of the good tom she had originally thought him to be was lost.

"I ought to spare every cat the tension. Starclan spoke to me tonight, and as they did, stripped me of every one of my lives except for one. I'm no longer Shadowclan's leader in their eyes, and I won't fight to be it. I do not think the clan I had led would be there if I needed you all, so there is no one for me to lead anymore. I won't put my life on the line for anyone who would not do the same for me." He paused, his freshly scarred lips curling. "That being said, I'd like to ask our new leader and pariah. If I wanted to continue to fight to be Shadowclan's leader, would you fight me for it? Would you kill me for it?" Like Redice, went unsaid.

Would Leopardsun make the necessary motions to take a life if it came to it? Would she get her paws and jaws bloody if it meant killing one of her clanmates for the greater good?

The will of the stars. As if that means anything.

Leopardsun listened as Nightstar-- no, Nightstalker; he had decided to relent without a fight, and all she could feel was an immense sense of relief-- spoke, voicing a single question of his own. It was something she had to deliberate on.

"Your leadership has been wrought with poor judgment, on both our parts," Leopardsun began, holding his gaze. "Trust is built. It is earned, when those you lead deem you worthy of it. I know that I have not, that I have sentenced myself to a lifetime of atoning for my mistakes--"

That I can never truly forgive myself for everything that I have done.

"If you would fight to keep control of a Clan that had already forsaken you, then I would fight back for their sake. My duty is to ShadowClan's safety, even when I let myself be led astray, and you have proven yourself to be a threat to that safety time and again. I hope that you would not force my paw, that even if I had to fight you I would not have to kill you... That there would be some other answer. But if there wasn't..."

She swallowed her doubts.

There was no place for those now.

She had to be decisive.

"Only if I knew that more would die if I did not, and only if the rest of the Clan decided it was for the best. I don't want to bury anyone else before their time, and we have seen more than our fair share of bloodshed."

Echomist had been sitting in the shadows at the edges of the camp when the whole group returned. He had heard the storm, and the loud rumbles and saw the strikes in the distance. He knew something bad had happened and it would only be a matter of time before everyone came wandering back into camp. Everyone looked worn out, anger radiated off of a few cats, and he couldn't blame them.

The spotted tom remained silent as others began to speak up, his mate even stepping up for Shadowclan, and answering Nightstalker's challenge. Of course Echomist wouldn't let that happen. He wouldn't let Leopardsun be the one to fight him. Echomist would handle it himself, kill the former leader himself. After everything, Leopardsun didn't need more blood on her paws.

Worry wormed its way into the tom's chest as he forced himself to still. His sister had been carried to the medicine den with serious seeming wounds. Sablestrike had held himself back from immediately following his sister, though he still took small steps toward the den as Leopardsun spoke. Yes, she had failed. As an acting leader Leopardsun should have had more say in the war than Nightstar, yet she had still lead them to their "war". Leopardsun had paid for her failure however, two of her kits had fallen in the first- and hopefully only fight.

"No, you won't. The tom meowed aloud. His words weren't loud enough to be heard by his clan, just loud enough for Starclan to hear. He would make sure Leopardsun never went back on this oath of hers. Whether wanted or not, council member or not, Sablestrike would not let his lack of power lead his clan towards another disastrous mistake. "I will make sure of that."

Sablestrike held back a groan as the disgraced former leader spoke up. His question however, now that was an interesting one. The tom pushed his growing worry deeper as he listened to Leopardsun's response to the tom. Honestly it wasn't very surprising. Faced with no other choices and the wellbeing of her clan in the balance she claimed to be ready for such a task. How true that was would hopefully never be tested. The tom tossed an approving nod in Leopardsun's direction, though he didn't stick around long enough to see any form of acknowledgment from the molly. He had already slipped into the medicine den and found himself place to settle next to Lighttail.