Because Emotions Are Hard [Thornstalker]

It was late - or early, depending on how one looked at it, but Graypaw had found herself tossing and turning, unable to sleep, and so had taken to sitting outside the apprentice den. While her brother's sleep was often disturbed by nightmares, Graypaw's was disturbed by her own thoughts, a racing mind unable to relax. She wasn't sure why, in truth. Thornstalker had taken up her training, and it almost felt like Graypaw was getting somewhere... But it also didn't. Falconmoon was a warrior, Sunpaw was surely going to be one any day now. Most of the apprentices that had been in the den when she and her siblings had been named were also warriors in their own right. It was to be expected, really, and there wasn't anything wrong with it. At least, common sense told her that. It shouldn't have bothered her at all... But it did.

Was it jealousy? Graypaw didn't think so. At least, she didn't want to be jealous, especially of her own littermates who had earned their place and worked hard. Yewfrost had abandoned the clan, abandoned her training, and it wasn't Graypaw's fault her training had stalled in such a manner. She knew that, but it didn't feel that way. The more she thought on it, the less she was able to let her mind relax.

The silver apprentice stared up at the waxing moon, a sigh escaping her.

Thornstalker didn't know why she was awake at this time, it was a little too early for dawn patrol. It seemed her mind didn't want to let her rest, because no matter how hard she tried to sleep it didn't come. Maybe it was just one of those nights. The pale warrior pulled herself out of her nest, giving a quick look around before exiting the den.

Once she stepped out into the night sky, the small warrior pulled herself into a deep stretch, letting out a quiet sigh to relieve tension in her body. Once that was done, she took to looking around the camp, doing checks to see if there was something she could get an early start on, but her thoughts were stopped as soon as she spotted her apprentice sitting alone. Thornstalker tilted her head, at this time of night?

The pale she-cat quietly approached her apprentice, not wanting to break the quietness of the night. "Everything okay?"

Graypaw jumped slightly at the sound of Thornstalker's voice. She wasn't one of the night guards, who were content to leave Graypaw alone since all she'd done was sit outside the den. The apprentice ducked her head, feeling a sense of mild embarrassment at being caught off-guard by her new mentor.

"I couldn't sleep. I'm... Fine." She answered softly, but the words sounded like a lie. Deception had never been something Graypaw was particularly good at. "Kinda. I don't know." And then she hesitated. Thornstalker was her new mentor, but Graypaw didn't know her that well. She was reasonably certain that she wouldn't get laughed at by her, but would she be upset if Graypaw admitted to her misgivings? Her gaze dropped to her paws, too uncertain to attempt to make sense of her feelings with words.

Oh. Great. It was one of those situations. Something she wasn't great at handling. The warrior settled down beside her apprentice, tail tip thumping against the ground slightly as she fought against her unease with the situation. Her apprentice needed help, and that was more important than her aversion to tough conversations. "You can talk about it, I may not be the best with advice but I can listen." She hoped that was enough to put Graypaw at ease enough to open up. If not she might have to ask someone else to speak with her apprentice on the matter.

Thornstalker's response was reassuring, and Graypaw let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding. Maybe... maybe this wouldn't be so difficult. Thornstalker seemed like she was willing to listen, but Graypaw found that it was still hard to get the words out. Hard, and awkward, and maybe a little bit shameful.

"I just... I know I'm not where I should be with my training. Yewfrost was barely present and then just... left." A huff left the apprentice, bitterness that she did not want to feel creeping into her expression. "My siblings are already becoming warriors and I feel like even the younger apprentices are doing well."

"It's not your fault I just... I feel stuck, I don't know... I'm not jealous of my siblings but I feel like I should be right along side them and I'm not." She shrugged, gaze dropping back down to her paws.