Faded Hope [Shadowclan Finale]

Redwing let out an exhausted breath as her opponent finally dropped to the ground. It was over. A single glance upward showed that the stars burned even brighter tonight than usual, making the heavens absolutely shine with their brilliance. The living ShadowClan cats began to rejoice.... At the same time, a deep sadness tore at the pit of her stomach. This was it. She had given up her life to free these cats, none of whom she knew. While Murkystar got to say her last goodbyes to her family, Redwing would have no such luxury. Asterspark, Rowanpaw, Firestone... Poppyheart... Forgive me. At least I could serve my Clan in death, rather than causing turmoil as I did before.

There was a bittersweet smile on the russet she-cat's face as she stood in the background, watching the living cats greet each other and commiserate their losses. Their lives were saved. ShadowClan would continue. And that was why she had sacrificed her life... wasn't it? No... it was more selfish than that. I wanted to make up for my mistakes in life. To do what I never could. I wanted to be of help to ShadowClan. I wanted my dignity. Realizing that her decision had not even been completely selfless, she stared at the ground for a moment. Was it worth it? What she had to do? Giving up a potential eternity in the stars with her mate, finding the happiness they'd never had in life? Was that worth an homage to Firestone's death, worth the apology to Thornstar for dying in such a pointless skirmish? Worth the loss of her mate? Worth dying for good? Well. Whether it was worth it or not, only time will tell. And unfortunately, I will not be around to know. Grief tore at her insides. She felt her eyes begin to sting-- a sensation she had not experienced in so long, that she almost welcomed its foreign pain. It's over. I'm dying. Again. It had been easy to think of death, even after she'd experienced it the first time, but... This was it. She would be gone, for good. Her spirit would not even walk among the stars. And she did not even get to say goodbye to those she loved.

Yet, as the stars burned insistently above, she felt her fur begin to shine brighter as well. The stars that laced her thick, fluffy red fur were glowing brilliantly, almost obscuring her from sight. It's time... isn't it? Forest-green eyes looked longingly once more at the crowds of living cats, mourning, celebrating. She knew none of them. None of them would mourn her loss. All eyes were on Murkystar, their beloved mother and leader and friend. None spared a glance for the unknown former deputy, lost moons before their parents were born. None of them would notice when she dissipated like smoke in the night. Was it worth it? She didn't know... at least this time, she could have her dignity. The few tears that began to fall from her eyes were lost in the starlight. This was it.

Redwing said something. A farewell? A plea? A prayer? It was uncertain. Her quiet voice was lost in the chatter of the ShadowClan cats. Sitting outside the circle of the living, yet basking in their warmth for just a moment, the starry she-cat said her last words. And then-- just like that-- she was gone. Her fluffy, corporeal form simply faded away, becoming another part of the cool night backdrop that was so familiar to her Clan. Her spirit dissipated like a breath on the wind, vanishing from the mortal plane of existence without so much as a warning. Gone.

Redwing was dead.

Three starry figures made their way into the camp, splitting up among themselves. Two had gone to join Loudnose with his group. A small tom that resembled the figure of Mistyfalcon himself, and a calico that appeared to have a flattened face. The smaller StarClan cat raced over to Loudnose, a wide grin on his face. "Come on Loudnose! We get to go home!" The tom butted his head against Loudnose, whereas the calico turned to speak to Murkystar and Mistyfalcon.

"Don't worry, Musty, I'll take care of him." She grinned, looking towards the elders den. "Or should I call you guys Busty, now?" She let out a snort of laughter, before turning her gaze to Murkystar. Her eyes seemed to cloud with grief, and she dipped her head to the leader. She knew what would happen now.

Meanwhile, the third figure, a large white molly with a ginger "cap" and "saddle", made her way towards Ratrunner, dipping her head with a smile. "You ready to go, darling?"

Snowfoot's silent comfort was the only thing Leopardsun welcomed, in the aftermath of the battle.

She listened as Duskflight and Swiftheart spoke reverently of StarClan, in what she thought was maybe sort of an attempt to comfort her, but it wasn't much of one as far as she was concerned. She'd never known their ancestors before this night, not as anything more than whispers and nursery tales, and they hadn't made a very good first impression when the prelude to their arrival was Deerleap and Sootwhisker dying right in front of her. She may never see the cats of StarClan again until her own dying day, but the way they had fallen before her eyes would never leave her.

Duskflight was Deerleap's father. They were kin, just the same. She wondered if he would be haunted as she knew she would, or at least in some similar way. Couldn't he understand?

She looked to her paws, not meeting his eyes. "Yeah, well... What about us? How am I supposed to face my sister, and tell her that our parents are dead?"

It wasn't that she held any sympathy for the Dark Forest cats. She hoped they rotted after all the trouble they'd caused, if anything. But she wasn't about to fall over herself praising the stars now that they were back. Maybe, if she'd known what it was like before, things might have been different...

But it wasn't. She shook her head, slowly. "ShadowClan won this fight," she whispered. "I don't know what it means to you, that StarClan came back... But it doesn't matter much to me, at least right now. The Dark Forest is gone, because we drove them away. Maybe they helped, but... We'll still be here, when the sun comes up."

Leopardsun rose to her paws, and turned to face them. "Would it kill you," she asked, "to focus on the living?"

Without another word, she walked away; gesturing to the remaining cats of ShadowClan with her tail. She would find some quiet place to collect her thoughts, and then she would find Vixenpaw. She couldn't do anything for herself, but maybe she could do something for her sister.

Murkystar's non-beating heart settled as her family and clan gathered around her. Basking silently in their presence for a few heartbeats, their words brought her reality crashing forward again. A lump formed in her throat as she nuzzled each and everyone that approached, lowering her head to acknowledge Duskflight's thanks. She flinched as Rosekit didn't recognize her, but it was a fate that was to be expected. A fate that would continue. Others joined, familiar faces and visages that Murkystar longed to spend an eternity with, but was unable. Out of the corner of her eyes, she spotted one of the other StarClan warriors dissipating, and she knew she was almost out of time. She choked as she tried to swallow the lump in her throat, lifting her gaze to look at each of her loved ones.

"I'm sorry.. I did the very best that I could. In returning to fight alongside you all, I have relinquished my position as ShadowClan's leader and given up my remaining lives. In addition, I have given up my eternity among the stars.. This will be a final goodbye. I'm so sorry, and I love you all so much."

"No!" Nightstalker shouted? Cried? His eyes already shining with unshed tears as he limped over, his jaw clenched and teeth bared, but if that was because of the pain or the surge of grief running over him. "You don't just- You don't get to just leave like this!" Nightstalker snarled vehemently, his tail lashing and his fur bristling angrily. He felt like a 'paw again, with how outwards he was being with his emotions but, how was he to be smart about it? They regained Starclan, fought for their lives - their way of life - Starclan used some of Shadowclan's own bodies and souls - his mother was alive - and then suddenly he's being told that she wasn't sticking around? But... despite everything... now wasn't the time to be mad, this was the last and only time that he'd get to be with his mother again. He'd never get to see her even amongst the stars.

Nightstalkers heart clenched, and his throat seemed to try to suffocate him. Nightstalker could only imagine the guilt he'd feel if this was how he let his mother leave him. He wouldn't get a third chance, a fourth, or a fifth. She would be gone forever, never to exist again- never to hold him and tell him things would be okay after a nightmare. Never to look at him fondly, never to be there when he would need his mother the most. Not even in death, or Starclan, his biggest comfort for those whose paths end that he was close to. He was only so well put together at the hope, at the knowledge that those that have passed on, he'd get to see again, but not her. Never her now.

The young tom pushed his head into her throat fur, doing his best to cuddle up to her, to seek a warmth that isn't there, the soothing from an absent heartbeat. He wanted his mom back, he didn't want to lose her, he didn't want to lose his mother forever. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." Nightstalker whispered, begged, cried, hoping... praying that she was just joking, that she wouldn't have to go so soon.

As more and more of her siblings gathered around and joined the embrace with their mother, Basilbloom gasped as a distinct starry form appeared out of the crowd.  "Loudnose...Loudy! I...I missed you..."  Sniffling, the tortoiseshell medicine cat leaned against her brother's shoulder and was shocked by how cold it felt.  He was a spirit now, destined to return to the stars, not to her.  However, her reunion with Loudnose was cut short, and it felt like an icy arrow had pierced her soul as Murkystar spoke.  No...no, she can't be right.  That's not how it works.  A strange sight off to the side caught her attention, a red-furred StarClan she-cat...fading away.  Gone.  Basilbloom couldn't breathe, and panic overcame her.  

Pressing her forepaws against Murkystar, claws gripping her fur desperately, the small she-cat trembled as she spoke.  "That...isn't fair, you were promised an eternity!  You're our leader, one of the finest cats ShadowClan has ever seen...they can't just let you fade away!"  Amber eyes wide and pleading, her mind raced with ideas.  "Maybe I can speak to StarClan now that they're back...they have to do something!  I can't lose you like this Mama, I just can't!  I want to see you again!"  Tears were running down Basilbloom's kit-like face, and she succumbed to pressing her head against her mother's chest, where no heartbeat could be found.  This couldn't be the end...how could it be when she loved her so much?  "I love you...I love you...please don't leave us..."

The small, dark tom stepped away from Loudnose just then, moving to address the distressing cats. "Mama is going to be okay, guys! She is Mama, after all! She is the coolest cat there is! And sometimes cool cats have to do scary things. That doesn't mean you have to be afraid!" And he wasn't afraid. He never was. But that didn't stop the claws that seemed to grasp his heart. Even StarClan would mourn these losses.

He turned his gaze to Basilbloom. His big sister. "I'm sorry, Basilbloom. We can't do anything. We are just as helpless as you. If there was another way to drive off the dark forest, we would have taken it, I promise. I don't want to lose Mama anymore than you do, but she made her choice. Mama was even braver than me..." His eyes met his mother's, stinging as he fought back tears.

This was really going to be goodbye.

“L-Loudnose! Wait for me!” Ratrunner cried as he raced behind his friend and companion, wrong-footed and stumbling on the slippery-soft mud they knew so well. But it wasn’t for hesitation: joy and heart-breaking hope rose beautifully in him as the stars lit the sky and the sounds of life filled the dark.

I thought we had been left behind, was something he’d never voiced, but then they were home. And… there was blood, but also the sounds of victory and joy. Loudnose left, rushing to rejoin his family, but for a moment Ratrunner was entirely still. Small and dark and trembling, half-hidden by the brambles, he let it sink in. They’re… they’re all okay. It’s over.

And I’m okay, too, he told himself softly, thinking of the stars.

The sight of white fur and shimmering blue eyes settled a gnawing worry in his heart. As did the dark, familiar figure of his friend. Their eyes felt heavy, but… okay. Are they standing closer than I remember? He saw Mistyfalcon too — so much frailer, now, but still himself — and his cousin, and a few unfamiliar pelts. (The clan had moved on, and grown… and of course they did.) It was Nightstalker’s cry, however, that truly startled him.

Instinctively, his paw shot forward… but then, like a stone falling soft against the earth, he brought it back to his chest. No. They’ll have to go on without me.

It felt sad, but… he’d known that. His heart ached.

And then his grandmother was there.

“Amberdawn!” he squeaked in surprise, and then belated joy, as he rushed to embrace her. They were still near the side, and he was half-hidden as he always was, but to her he was seen.
“You ready to go, darling?" she mewed warmly.

He buried his nose in her chest. Yes. No. He knew he had to. But then he heard Basilbloom and looked up at Amberdawn, startled. “Is it true?”

He heard his voice.. he felt his fur. "CONDORPAW!" he squealed. He was elated, looking down at his brother. My brother! Loudnose stretched upwards and then brought himself down upon Condorpaw's shoulders. Some sort of extreme hug. The tabby tom felt himself almost burst with happiness. The happiest he'd ever been. "I missed you so so much! I am so glad to see you! Oh my Starclan how have you been? Look- we get to go to Starclan with Mama!" he turned eagerly to Murkystar, meeting her eyes with hope and joy.

. . .

He was quiet. Quieter than a whisper, but as sharp as a hiss,

"What?"

Nightstalker started screaming, he felt tempted to follow. Basilbloom tried to bargain, he wanted it it work. Condorpaw tried to comfort them all, he wished he was right.

He was distraught. He felt a pain he had never felt before. Agonizing. Unbearable. He was certain this was worse than everything that had ever happened in life and in death. This was worse than his stupid mistakes, worse than watching his family grieve, worse than Condorpaw dying, worse than his own death.

All he ever wanted, was to be with his family. Happy. They were supposed to all be together one day, living above all that could worry them. They were supposed to welcome each family member to Starclan and rejoice and play. Together. Happy. He thought that was all over when he was trapped within his death. When Swiftheart cried and Ratrunner died and all looked doomed. But he persevered with hope. Trust, in Starclan. For that moment when Starclan shared that message with him- that prophecy, he had thought he could actually have the perfect ending.

I was wrong.

Loudnose could feel his throat tighten. He could feel it strain him. He couldn't breath.

‎‎ ‎ "Hic-..."

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ "Hic-..."

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎  ‎ "Hic-..."

His nose began to run. The short, tabby tom stared up at his sorry mother. He would miss her too much.

"Please," he gasped, posture completely terrified. Ears back, crouched over. His crooked tail hiding in itself.

"Mama PLEASE!"

"I don't want to say goodbye."

"What..?" A weak voice called out from the entrance of the elder's den. Batglow had hid away most of the battle, not in the condition to even risk fighting. The first time he tried to fight a dark forest cat he ended up with an infected wound.. one that left him weak and broken, and now he felt even more defeated than before, hearing the news that he wouldn't ever see Murkystar again.. He approached sluggishly. "You.. you are leaving us? I..." He didn't even know what to say. He could feel emotions welling up in his chest, but all that could escape his mouth was a coughing fit. "I love you Murky.." Were his words after the coughing fit cleared.

--

Echopaw had slowly approached the growing group of cats.. There were a lot of cats around, but seeing his dads approach one particular cat, he could only assume it was his mom.. Not to mention his fur matched hers to closely.. So.. this was his mom.. She was alive in front of him, well as alive as she could be but she wasn't sticking around. Why? What about Harepaw, Leafpaw, and Rosekit? Who would look after them? Batglow couldn't do it because of his condition, and Mistyfalcon couldn't keep up as much as he used to. Bright green eyes watched the cats carefully avoiding saying anything, voicing his thoughts wasn't going to help.. Not with everyone as emotional as they already were, but the only thing he could feel was some anger. They were being left behind again.

Silently, his ears flattened back.

"Would it kill you," she had asked, "to focus on the living?"

No, it wouldn't. But then why was that so hard? Duskflight looked for Snakepaw and Fuzzypaw, yet all he could focus on were the shadows of his friends — why? Stopping the frustrated tears from his eyes, he'd go to Murkystar once more, where the major amount of the clan had gathered to. Murkystar... She'd not be with the stars, not even after the battle? His throat tightened, so much like before, when he never found the correct words to say. What am I supposed to say now? Others pleaded for her to leave, yet some reluctantly accepted. Duskflight found himself in the middle, unsure what to do. "Thank you for fighting us alongside the battle, both as our leader and as our clanmate, Murkystar. I'll miss you. We'll miss you, all of us," He gave a shaky smile, tears flowing from his eyes. He'd admired her from when he was simply a kit — yet so much has changed now. She was going to leave ShadowClan. He wished she could've stayed, in fact, it seemed as if everyone did. Everyone had so much admiration for her.

“L-Loudnose! Wait for me!”

He paused, ears swiveling back. Everything seemed as if time had suddenly stopped. Ratrunner's voice... Was he truly here? And he turned. That was it — but they were leaving, for a second time. Forgive me, Murkystar, Leopardsun for being so selfish. He took a deep, shaky breath as he raced over to his friends. "I wish you all could've stayed longer, Loudnose, Ratrunner, Amberdawn. I'll miss you all." Soft, frustrated sobs came out of his maw, no matter how much he wished to contain them. He placed his head on his friends' pelts, each for a while before he could face them all again. "Goodbye, all of you. Thank you for being here once more, and thank you for letting me have a chance to properly say goodbye to you." His throat felt as if a stone had clenched itself inside it. Don't go, please. He wanted to say.

But they were leaving now. And there wasn't anything he could do about it.

Marshmallow thought the chaos would be over. But cats were disappearing all around her, she found herself panicked. She didn't like it when she didn't know what was happening, it made it harder to control her emotions. She focused on her paws, then a familiar voice made her ears perk.

Is that...

She lifted her head, her eyes widened.

Amberdawn! Grandmother... And Ratrunner... are they? She wasn't sure. They looked transparent, they... they had to be, though.

She approached them slowly, head a slight tilt. "Grandmother?"

Her ears flicked back when she heard they were leaving. Oh. Murkystar's leaving? Will I be free from being picked on? That means Frostgaze is leader! She held back a smile, keeping her eyes wide. "Are you two going... Forever?"

The voices of his Clanmates cried into the night, even after the fighting had stopped. Their dead had returned, one last chance to say farewell; Murkystar, in particular, was leaving them. Forever. It was a shock to all of them, that she would not be returning from her untimely death, the surprise punctuated by painful wails from her family members. Webshadow caught sight of her starry form, and offered a low, deep nod to his leader. She had been good to them, and he would miss her dearly; but family had already crowded around to say goodbye or plead for her to stay, and so the dark tabby skirted around the swelling group on tired paws. The rest of the crowd was a blur to him. Half of them stood on his blindside; the other side, covered by the haze of exhaustion. The fighting had caught up with him, and his legs shivered from exhaustion. The least he could do though was make rounds along the camp, check for the wounded, and find Frostgaze. He will be leader soon, Webshadow thought, a little sadly. Frostgaze would be Froststar, and he would be busier than ever. But not yet, not tonight; tonight, they would celebrate and they would weep.

As he went, the shape of a glittering pelt caught his eye. He almost missed it, tucked away in the corner and hidden in the bulk of fluff of another cat they had lost moons ago. Amberdawn, and... with sudden energy, Webshadow jogged over to them, drawing himself up just short. A polite nod, a silent thank you to the late queen, and then all attention was turned to his former apprentice. "Ratrunner," he rasped simply, usually stoic voice tight with emotion. "I am... I am sorry, for what has happened to you. I am grateful to see you once more. You were a wonderful apprentice, and a better warrior, young as you were. I am sorry you did not get to see more of it." Almost ashamed, he ducked his head, screwing his eye shut in pain. The loss of Ratrunner had been one he'd tried to ignore, hoping maybe the little tom would come creeping back from the dead one day. Slowly, looking up again, "I hope to see you in StarClan someday, Ratrunner. I hope it is as warm and plentiful as they say. And, Amberdawn, make sure he reaches Silverpelt safely. Please."

Snowfoot’s heart raced as conversation swirled around her. Murkystar was leaving. Frostgaze would be leader. Who would be the new deputy? Snowfoot first thought of Swiftheart, but then remembered she’d be busy with kits. Speaking of kits, Snowfoot still couldn’t find Vixenpaw. Finally, she just flopped down in the middle of camp. Alone. She’d lost so many close to her.

Early on in the battle, Frostgaze had been taken down. Not for lack of strength, perhaps, but his call to battle had made him a target for the vicious machinations of his enemy. Blood poured from his new wounds as he stumbled back, utterly useless for the rest of the battle, crumpled against one of the walls of his camp. Shadowclan's camp. He was not out for long, but he was out for long enough to miss the battle, Starclan having delivered divine justice, Murkystar included. As he roused himself from his injury, the deputy limped over to the faintly sparkling form of Murkystar, and the rest of his fallen clanmates.

He sat silently, allowing the clan to ask their questions. If he was going to be honest, Frostgaze was still confused about how his ancestors had figured out how to do anything like this, but it wasn't quite his place to ask such a question when there were more important ones to be asked. His was shaken from his thoughts as Murkystar delivered news that he hadn't expected, and he expected just about everything.

"What?" Frostgaze mewed, his voice rising higher in his sudden disbelief. "You-" Frostgaze pushed through the crowd to come face to face with his leader. "You can not do this. Take it back, I would go in your place if you would only take it back! You are our leader, you had lives to spare, I-" Frostgaze's voice was choked, the shorter tom feeling deep resignation well up inside. "I... I will do what I can to keep this clan safe. I do not believe myself ready but if this- if this is what you must do. I know not what comes without Starclan, but I am sure that you will traverse it well. May your prey, whatever it may be, run plentifully, Murkystar. On behalf of your clan, we will cry for you, we will grieve for you, but most of all, we will remember you, and your sacrifice. I swear it." Pale eyes glistening uncharacteristically, Frostgaze dipped his head deeply, leaving it hanging low.