Shared Connections [C]

Icepaw

It has been hard to focus on much of anything lately, but the moment that Icepaw heard that Swiftheart was going to have kits soon, and that they were Ratrunner’s kits, Icepaw knew that she had to speak with Swiftheart. They hadn’t shared many words at all, but…she felt like she had to.

She waited for a time when Swiftheart was not busy and then she approached her. “Er…hello,” she mewed softly. She immediately regretted this, but there was no turning back now. “Did you…need any help with anything today, Swiftheart? I’m not…doing anything today and I figured that I would help…around camp…” Icepaw bit her tongue. Why was she struggling to simply speak now? She was so good at speaking to other cats, once upon a time, but here she was bumbling her way through  her words at all.

Icepaw

After the training she had been doing with Thalia, Stagshade, and other Dark Forest cats, tending to the nursery sounded like the kind of break she needed. Icepaw nodded and mewed, “I would love to help. Thank you.” She followed Swiftheart into the nursery to begin helping as she could. Icepaw remained quiet for several long minutes. Any words she wanted to say kept getting stuck in her throat, leaving her unable to speak.

The voice that spoke in the back of her head continued to hiss at her as she worked. Just what do you hope to accomplish here, besides bring up bad memories? For yourself or for Swiftheart. Do you think that tending to some nesting will make up for it?

Icepaw shut her eyes tightly against the intrusive thoughts. She blinked a few times and tried to focus again on the task at hand. It felt like she was being pulled away again, into that distant ocean where the current swept her conscious mind away for hours.

“Do you miss him?” Icepaw asked. The words had leapt from her mouth of their own accord and she couldn’t grasp them before they already hung in the air. She felt like she couldn’t breathe as she froze, paws half buried in moss and grass for the nest. She almost couldn’t get out the specifying name, but the name finally pried out from between her teeth. “…Ratrunner.”

Icepaw

The few seconds of silence felt like hours and Icepaw already began to regret bringing up Ratrunner at all. When Swiftheart finally did speak and Icepaw heard the anguish in her voice, Icepaw only felt worse. She really should have kept it to herself. All she was doing was bringing up new painful memories for Swiftheart who was supposed to be looking forward the blessing of her kits in a few moons.

Despicable.

Icepaw took a deep breath and looked back to Swiftheart. “I’m sorry,” she mewed. “My question feels redundant. But…what happened, at the Gathering…there was nothing that could be done. All we can hope is that he found his way to StarClan.” She paused and walked over to Swiftheart’s side. “At least he gave you another gift before he was taken. You’ll have beautiful kits to welcome into this world.”