Seeking Connections (Closed)

Chirp watched from her bird-feather lined nest in the to-be's cave as the rising sun bathed the cave in streams of pink and orange light, an undoubtedly beautiful sight.  Yet, the usually peppy to-be only rested her head on her paws, heaving a depressed sigh.  It's been so many sunrises since SkyClan arrived...and yet...I haven't seen him.  Of course, she didn't really know what her cousin, Night of Stormy Gales, actually looked like.  Her grandmother, Flower that Blooms at Twilight, had only said that his pelt was as black as the night sky, with green eyes that shone with both wisdom and kindness.  Not much to go off of...but still, only a couple cats in the Clans fit that sort of description, and none of them belonged to SkyClan.  So...where could he be?  Maybe he stayed behind...or...no, he can't be dead!  The leaders spoke of a flood, and a dog attack but...  With a whimper, the small calico molly shook her head rapidly, as if she could shake away the scary thoughts like they were a drop of water on her pelt.  He's out there, somewhere.  And I think I know who might know...  With a sudden flash of determination passing through her brown eyes, the little to-be rose from her nest, making sure not to wake Hawk, before slipping out of the cave.  The sun felt nice on her pelt; new-leaf was in full swing, and the mountain air sang with both prey and plant scents that made her heart sing, but now was not the time to sunbathe.  She was a cat on a mission and that mission was to find the smallest cat in the cave.  There he was; the cave was almost empty apart from them, what luck!  Ducking around the bodies of the many sleeping clan cats, she came up silently behind the leader, applying all the stealth Daisy had managed to teach her.  Once she was a couple of tail-lengths away from the short-legged tom, the to-be took a deep breath and spoke.  The voice that came out though was one she almost didn't recognize, and could hardly believe she was capable of producing.  Serious and urgent, while still keeping its usual high-pitched tone, she broke the silence between herself and the cat who must hold the answers she sought.

"Tiniest Star, I need to speak with you...please."

It was a recurring theme for the small leader; not being able to sleep. After what had happened a few sunrises ago with the tribe cats, Tinystar found himself even more restless and eager to return home. If simply being here was enough to make his pelt itch with anxiety, being persecuted by the cats that were supposed to be their allies certainly added to such restlessness.

So there he was, crouched in a dimly lit corner, his eyes heavy, but not enough for him to fall asleep. Lost in a somewhat nauseating train of thought, the sudden appearance of a tribe cat sent his pelt up and he quickly sat up. Thoughts now racing, he was unable to hold back a shiver at the sight of a mountain cat and realized that he hadn't really heard what she'd said to him, but if he had heard correctly, it sounded like she'd said his name in an odd way and had asked a question. Looking up to the she-cat, he roughly studied her curious gaze and after a few moments, it was obvious that she wanted nothing more than to talk, which was a relief to the little tom.

"What is it?" he mewed, trying to hold back a yawn. While the cave was mostly dark, Tinystar soon realized that this was the same young cat that thought he was a to-be, or whatever they called their apprentices and gave him the name 'Tiniest Star,' which he couldn't really complain about, for it suited him, none the less.

Chirp wasted no time before getting on with her explanation, voice becoming more and more breathy and excited with every syllable, but also more desperate.  "I'm sorry to disturb you this early but...ooooh, I need to know so so so badly!  You see, my name is Chirp- Chirp of Cricket at Sunset- and I'm descended from a long line of prey hunters.  My grandmother's sister had kits ages ago, and back when half the Tribe first left the mountains to find the Clans, one of those kits went with them. He's my cousin, and his name is Night of Stormy Gales!  He left to find SkyClan...the clan you lead, and I was wondering if you knew where he is.  I was hoping to meet him, but..."  Her brown eyes fell, settled on the small she-cat's paws.  For a moment she chewed her lip, clearly nervous to continue, but finally found her voice once more.  "...did he die?  In the dog attack Jay Star mentioned?  Or did he not make it out of the flood?  Is he missing?  Please Tiniest Star, I need to know!  I was raised on stories of his bravery and kindness and wisdom...just...if he's dead after all, I need to know."  She felt very uneloquent as she finished, but there was nothing more to ask.  Her cousin, a cat she had looked up to for moons...she needed to know his fate.  It was only fair.

Listening to the young she-cat as she spoke, Tinystar's ears perked when she mentioned Night of Storming Gales. It took him a moment, but he soon remembered that the cat that she talked about was Nightstorm, and his heart quickly dropped and his ears laid flat on his head. Just as the wave from the flood had done, memories and emotions crashed over him, sending his heart racing for the hills. Nightstorm... the once loyal warrior whom he'd exiled because of his hollow competence. Not a day passed where he didn't regret what he'd done and said to that warrior, but in the end, what was done was done and he would never be able to make it up.

Lost in overwhelming thoughts, Chirp's words began to blur together, but he shook his head and focused back on the she-cat, just able to catch her words of affirmation towards the former warrior. Just what he needed, even more guilt. What in StarClan's name was he supposed to tell her? The truth... or a lie? While the thought was tempting, he knew that it would someday come back to somehow bite him in the rump, so there was only one possible answer, unless he wanted even more pain in the future.

Talking a few moments to collect all of his harrowing thoughts, the little leader took a deep breath. "Nightst- Night of Storming Gales... he was a loyal and appreciated warrior," he began, swallowing the lump in his throat. "But, I ex-exiled him. I need to know that the cats who follow me support me all the way, and when he showed me that he didn't trust me, I felt that I could no longer trust him either," Tinystar mewed softly as he looked down to his paws and began to pray with all his might that such news didn't cause the young cat to lash out and start something.

"I... I didn't want to exile him, I really didn't," he blurted out suddenly, snapping his head back up so that he met Chirp's brunette gaze. "He was a good warrior and I... I was a fox-hearted fool," he added, shaking his head back and forth in shame as he looked back to his little while paws. He'd never shared anything of the sorts to any other cat, but it only seemed fair for some-cat who adored the former SkyClan warrior so much.

As Tiniest Star finished speaking, Chirp realized that, unconsciously, she had fallen completely still.  Her paws, once kneading excitedly, now stood tensely, holding up the rest of her rigid body; she had even stopped breathing, holding in a long breath she knew would have to release eventually, but she didn't want to.  Her calico ears quivered, before falling flat against her head, making her round, sad eyes look even bigger.  This...this wasn't a joke?  No, the weird little cat didn't look like the type to joke about something so mean, so...so devastating.  After a moment where her eyes dashed between him and the floor, and her mouth hung open as if preparing to speak but never finding the words, Chirp's face hardened.  Her chin jutting out stubbornly, the tiny to-be looked anything but truly threatening, but there was a spark of anger in her eyes that she had never experienced before, and could not put a name to.  When she finally spoke, her high-pitched voice was tinged with ice, and bleeding with suspicion.

"...E-Exiled?  You cast him away, from his home...?"  At first her voice was vague, unfocused, but all at once a fire flared, and she took a small step closer to the leader.  "If he was really such a 'loyal' and 'appreciated' warrior - as I know he would be, then why did you toss him away like a piece of rotting crowfood?!  If he didn't trust you, then he must've had a good reason, I won't believe anything else!  Night was a Tribe prey-hunter...we're trained to put our group above all else, even if we have to give our lives!  Him choosing SkyClan over us was a big decision, one I don't think the rest of my Tribe liked very much...and it sounds like it was all for nothing!"  Almost nose-to-nose with the short-legged tom, Chirp flicked her tail pointedly before stepping back, looking down at him - a feat she usually couldn't accomplish.  "Well, at least he's not dead...maybe.  If he got caught in that flood though...no!  He has to be alive, I just know it! I...I just wanted to meet him..."  Her brown eyes brimmed with held-back tears, and she shook her head as if willing away the bad thoughts that assaulted her like flies.  No, don't cry!  Don't cry like a little kit...I don't know what's going on, but all I know is that...  "I-If h-he is dead...it would be your fault!"  Her voice came out as a wail, but at that point, she was too upset to worry about waking anyone up.  She sniffed, trying to force back her tears, but failed miserably, left standing pathetically before Tinystar, utterly helpless.

Not breaking eye contact with the young she-cat, Tinystar's body was as stiff as a rock and for what seemed like ages, he couldn't remember how to breathe. Tears streamed down his face, staining his white fur grey and he tried his hardest to not start externally sobbing, though his insides aches almost as bad as when Moonlight had died. Everything the she-cat said was true and struck him like claws to the chest, but instead of pain, all he felt was a sinking feeling in his stomach; one that made him want to vomit.

So much had happened over the course of a few sunrises and now he had to face such horrible demons again... was this his punishment from StarClan? Was his mate's death and now him having to rethink his dishonorable actions punishment for what he'd done in the past? Surely it had to be, for the weight on his shoulders had never felt heavier.

Sniffling, the short legged tom looked down to his paws, breaking the emotion filled stare that the two of them had been holding. "I, I'm sorry," he choked. He probably could've said more, but what difference would it have made? Chirp was obviously furious at him and even a simple sorry most likely wouldn't help anything.

Seeing a leader cry came as a bit of a shock to Chirp; she had never seen Stoneteller dissolve into tears like that, and now that she had seen the sight of a supposed paragon reduced to such weakness...she only appreciated the Tribe's healer even more.  Brown eyes flashing furiously, the calico lifted a paw to wipe her eyes, feeling the moisture of tears upon her soft fur.  It was okay for her to cry, even though she didn't want to, but Tiniest Star?  He had a job; he needed to be strong for his clan, for the cats who she knew succeeded the Tribe's place in the Clans.  What he was doing right now though, wasn't that.  With a great sniff, Chirp hissed as the tom broke off their gaze, and whipped around to show him her back, a disrespectful gesture, and shot her last words over her shoulder.

"If you really are sorry, Tiniest Star, then be a better leader, one who doesn't cry in front of to-be's and exile honorable cats.  Your clan are my Tribe's successors, and even though I never met them before now, I always loved them.  Don't let them down like you let Night down...be a bigger star."  With that, she walked away, calico tail dragging on the ground as she headed off back towards the tunnel she shared with Hawk; after a moment though, a great wave of heartbreak came crashing over her, as if she had finally fully come to grasp the fact that Night wasn't here.  He was gone, probably lost out in the big wide world...or maybe, already in the stars.  Lip quivering, the small she-cat burst into a run, paws slapping against the stone as she raced off towards the elder's cave, where she knew her grandmother would be waking.  For a little while...she just wanted to be a kit again.

The she-cat's words jabbed him like thorns in his side, but he knew that he deserved every word of what she'd said. Wincing as Chirp ran off, Tinystar plopped him rump down where he was, his head hung low. He had to be a better leader, he just had to. Seeing cats so distraught from his transgressions... he hated it more than anything in the world and could feel their pain.

"Be a bigger star," the tribe cat's voice rang over and over.

Sitting still and silent for what seemed like ages, the little leader sniffled and wiped away his tears with one of his little snow white paws. Lifting his head, he took in a deep breath, and in that moment, he vowed to himself that he would be a better leader. There would of course be tough decisions ahead, but that didn't mean he couldn't do the right thing and from now on, he would be a bigger star.