Greykit’s Apprentice Ceremony

After a quick stretch, Ivystar leaped onto the Willow Branch and called put across camp, “All those old enough to catch their own fish, gather beneath the Willow Branch for a Clan meeting!” Today she would be filling in for Loonwhisper and performing Greykit’s apprentice ceremony, as he’d turned six moons of age and was ready to begin his training as a warrior.

The sound of many cats shifting, moving as if in unison is what woke Greykit from his slumber. For a moment he just grumbled, burying his muzzle into his forearms while cursing his clan for dare waking him from such a blissful rest. The long-furred kit tried to shift into a more comfortable position, only to oh-so elegantly fall off his perch.

There was a thud as he hit the dusty ground, and for a moment he didn't move, as if giving up on the very concept of awakening. Finally, though, he stirred lifting the front half of his body off the ground with his ivory paws and yawning grandly in a very uncharming way. Lifting one soft paw he rubbed at his eye, blinking blearily with his fur ruffled oddly, like a walking bedhead.

He looked around, trying to focus, only for his eyes to land on Ivystar perched on the willow branch, much more elegant than himself. The kit blinked, what were they meeting about now? Was it something to do with the outsider? Simple border patrols?... No, then Loonwhisper would be up there, or... somewhere, he never paid attention to that sort of stuff.

'Oh well, not like I can join anyway, might as well fall back asleep... He was about to do just that until a thought struck him. Oh... wait... I'm six moons old. He let out a melodramatic sigh, hauling himself fully to his paws.

"Troublesome..." He muttered, swaying his way into the group of larger or-same-sized cats. It was the beginning of his end. He'd have to actually work now. The horror, the indignity, the blasphemy-

His thoughts were interrupted by another yawn as he sat somewhere he could actually see his leader from. Idly he wondered where Loonwhisper was, then proceeded t shrug the thought away. Periodically he'd blink his eyes rapidly and rub at them, trying to clear himself of his lethargy and failing.

He ignored the fact that he had no mother to hover around him, scolding him about how messy his fur was or how slouched his posture was, no father to look on proudly as his son took a step towards becoming a warrior like him, no brother and sister to sit at his side, teasing each other in hushed whispers as they awaited their future.

His ear twitched, face becoming unreadable as he stared straight ahead, eyes half-lidded as he firmly tried to shove the haunting false memories away, the memories of what should've been. Idly he closed his eyes, frown on his muzzle.

'Tch, troublesome... this is why I didn't want to be an apprentice... not without them.

He banished the thought, ready to lock this scene firmly away. There were no emotions, no pride tied to this. It was just another day, another whim of life.

Nothing more, nothing less.

Once Greykit had approached and was near enough to be considered part of the ceremony, Ivystar cleared her throat and called out, “Greykit, please step forward.” Once he did, Ivystar gave a firm nod and continued. ”Greykit, you have reached the age of six moons and it is time for you to become an apprentice. From this day onward until you earn your warrior name, you will be known as Greypaw. Dewlight will be your mentor. I trust that she will guide you with a careful paw.” Leaping from the branch, Ivystar allowed time for the Clan to celebrate and congratulated the tom with a nod from several foxlengths away.

He listened and accepted the apprentice ceremony in silence, dipping his head as he got a new name along with his new expectations. He endured whatever congratulations there were as he suddenly shifted from being 'that one kit that was always napping on a rock' to 'A new apprentice that will hopefully serve our clan well'.

Serve the clan, huh? What was really tying him here? Caprsplash was dead, and eventually, Troutbelly would die as well, sooner rather than later. Greypaw didn't expect to see the elder to his own warriorhood, that was a rare thing to happen, so soon all his ties to Riverclan would be lost, he'd be sent adrift into a void of working for a clan he felt detached from.

Absently, he nodded back to his leader despite their distance, with no emotion behind the acknowledgement. The molly he stood up for against her own son in a fit of past-addled passion stood before him, now a superior to his stance in the clan. She would always be of a higher priority than him. If they were in battle she would be saved first not him, unless she stated differently. It didn't matter how romanticized being a warrior was, he'd always seen past the farce, and he'd only tolerated it for his siblings' sake, to help their dreams stay intact, but when that was no longer applicable he had seen no favour in it.

His future was either dying an elder, dying a traitor, or dying for the sake of cats he didn't know. That was the destiny of a warrior, there was nothing glorious about it, nothing that put them on the higher moral ground than other creatures of the forest. They were just cats laying down their lives foolishly in denial of basic survival for strangers or cats that should've been put to rest long since their deaths.

His head remained dipped as he stared at the ground with unfocused eyes, tuning out the world around him as the words circulated around his mind ceaselessly. 'Why am I here?'

His tail twitched idly.

'Survival? Trading self-preservation for a steadier supply of food? For protection? What protection? I'm just another apprentice, no one of worth to them in the slightest.

His claws flexed, digging into the soil below. Why was he here? Should he just abandon the clan? Abandon them as they had done to his parents who had died for nothing?

He still remembered the vigil. There had been no bodies, he and his disparate siblings were left alone with a pile of flowers, they were the only ones standing vigil, most of the others in the clan had only left with faintly mournful dips of the head ore useless words of comfort. Grey hadn't been allowed to join in with their distress, he had to stay strong for them, to give them a foundation to stand on.

Then they died as well, just like before there had been no bodies. He was alone in that clearing once again, alone, and unable to mourn. He stayed strong, but the act was pointless, there had been no one else to be strong for, but he couldn't drop it.

His face remained apathetic as the dark thoughts pulsed in his mind. He was unmoving like stone with his claws piercing the dirt below. Most had returned to whatever they'd been doing before after he gave them no reactions.

Why was he here?

Should he leave?

Or stay and find the answer?

After a long stretch of silence, he finally looked up again, face lethargic and full of passivity. The perfect mask was then disturbed though as he blinked, a thought struck him, a revelation he had never expected to actually have to endure.

"... Who's Dewlight?"

Dewlight's head lifted as her name was called, having been lost in thought through the ceremony. Her? Ivystar was entrusting her with another apprentice? After what happened to.... No, she couldn't even bring herself to think of his name, the betrayal still raw in her chest as she stared up at the leader. After what had happened, she hadn't wanted another apprentice, and never thought that she would be given one. She had been a failure of a mentor, or surely he wouldn't have left. What was stopping Greypaw from doing the same? She had witnessed his silent heartbreak time and time again as he lost his family one by one, being left to mourn with a head held high. Now, he was alone. What power, what sway did she have to stop him from feeling that way?

She blinked, realizing suddenly that she hadn't moved over the heartbeats that had passed. Getting to her paws, she walked forward to hear the young tom's words. Stars, she wished she could be excited, to look forward to training him... But she had failed once before. Fear of failing again haunted her as she stepped in front of Greypaw, looking at him with a forced smile, trying to at least be friendly. It wasn't his fault he got such a terrible mentor.... She would have to try, for him. At least do the best she could. "Hi, Greypaw, I'm Dewlight. Training will begin tomorrow at sunhigh, so get plenty of rest." She mewed softly, her small smile not quite reaching her gaze as she touched her nose to his before turning away.

His steel grey hues shifted as he noticed movement. Head lifting he observed the grey molly approach, tail twitching slightly as he sheathed the claws he had instinctively bared before. Her expression was not quite one of joy, there was something in her eyes, something dampening what might've been excitement.

Why?

He scoured his mind for the bits of information he gathered while feigning sleep on that rock, the disturbances that he might've witnessed from a distance with a detached gaze.

'Dewlight, Dewlight, Dewlight, Dewlight, Dew... light...' He blinked, nothing. This cat was a stranger to him, a face in the background of the churning, ever-constant activity of Riverclan. The new apprentice let out a sigh, looking up slightly as his mentor approached with that haunting expression of forced happiness.

He didn't understand why some cats did that, forced a mask on themselves, a mask that was often the exact opposite of their true feelings. Those masks were hard to craft, a hassle. It was much easier to mask emotion with apathy, lethargy had been his choice, and it has worked much better than the half-baked facade his mentor was putting on. How unnecessary.

He passively listened to the words of the molly, short, to the point, that was preferable. His ear twitched as she touched her nose to his, and his gaze burrowed into her back as she turned away.

"Don't force yourself." He intoned bluntly, "Don't force yourself to act happy." He looked away, the last part was muttered. Watching cats force cheer was painful, it made him inwardly grimace because he wasn't strong enough to even attempt to be joyful with his situation.

Something probably happened in his mentor's past, unsurprising, warriors usually tend to have many experiences weighing them down, sometimes Greypaw wondered how they could keep standing in spite of it all.

What unnatural force drove these cats? Why was he seemingly the only one lacking it?

A burst of irritation, at himself of course. It wasn't these cats' faults, they hadn't made him like this... right?

The young tom dropped the line of thought, he needed to stop thinking about something like that so much, if he kept picking at it his foundation would collapse, he'd be swallowed by the unmerciful water that bordered their lands.

"It's unhealthy." He grumbled, keeping his eyes averted. He sat there in silence for a moment, not knowing how he should follow up his tactless observations. How annoying, being social was so troublesome, he didn't know what to do when he spoke to these strangers. It always left him feeling even more alone like he was just a bystander watching the world around him go by.

He didn't like it when that truth was shoved into his muzzle because of his attempts to leave that state.

"... I'll see you at sunhigh then, I suppose. How troublesome." He stood as he spoke, murmuring the last part to himself as he padded towards the apprentice den hesitantly. How weird, too weird, he didn't feel like he deserved to sleep there.

... No matter, no point fighting against it, that would be too much effort.

With that, the new apprentice disappeared into the mouth of the place he'd supposed to be sleeping in from then on. A feeling of dissonance buzzing in his mind, Greypaw curled up in a nest and feigned sleep until he actually dropped into a world of dreams... or, more accurately, a realm of nightmares.

It was time to face the river again.

[Greypaw is no longer interacting in the thread.]

Dewlight blinked as she registered her apprentice's voice behind her, but she didn't turn back to him. Her tail flicked to one side in response as she paused to hear what he had to say, frowning as the words sank in. So her half-hearted attempt had been seen through, not that she was terribly surprised by it. She would have to try better... Greypaw wasn't Yarrowpaw, there was no reason that he should leave the same way her first apprentice had. She at least had to give him the opportunity to walk his own path, and give him the skills to do so independently should he so choose. Lowering her head, she continued on towards the warriors den, unable to bring herself to leave the camp despite the suffocating feeling it was giving her at the moment.