August Medicine Cat Meeting

Mothpaw took her time as she walked to Highstones. To an onlooker, it might have seemed like she was reflecting on all that had happened so far; and that was partially true. But more than that, she was reflecting on how much still had to be done. Yes, ShadowClan was still around, but between Thornbriar's approach to deputyship and Scorchstar's refusal to lead... Well, she wasn't sure how much longer they could last. Whatever happened to ShadowClan, though, she would be there to guide them through it as best she could. But to help, to guide anyone at all... She needed some guidance of her own.

"Please, just... Tell me what to do..." she whispered to the stars as she approached the medicine cats' sacred meeting place. Maybe seeing her friends would cheer her up, at least a little bit, and she could forget about her problems for just a moment before confronting them again.

Her ceremony had ended the night before, Pricklebush presenting her to StarClan as a full medicine cat, even if she were still going to be working with and learning under him. He had stayed in ThunderClan, much to her relief, and as they walked together to Highstones she looked around for Amberdawn. Her naming ceremony had brought a spark of something to the newly name medicine cat's eyes, even if she still felt hollow, and she wanted Amberdawn to be the first to know - as well as apologize for her sudden leaving the day Flintfang had perished. She frowned as she realized that she couldn't scent the she-cat, so she paused at the border of ThunderClan and RiverClan territory, along the path that Amberdawn had waited for her before.

"I'm going to wait for a few heartbeats, to see if Amberdawn is close behind us. I won't be long, Pricklebush." She mewed, her voice still fairly flat and hollow, but a familiar old lilt had returned. Perhaps the close proximity to StarClan, and the reminder that all things happen and get moved past, had restored a tiny fragment of her hope. She kept a close eye on the area Amberdawn would be coming from, her tail twitching occasionally with concern. Surely she would be coming soon? When she felt she couldn't wait much longer, she turned to continue, taking small, slow steps and hoping that Amberdawn would catch up before long.

For the first time since Amberdawn had become a medicine cat, she had considered foregoing the medicine cat meeting. She wondered if anyone would notice her absence. Her stomach burned with the guilt of having even considered staying home, but in the torrential storm of her mind and her heart she struggled to find the motivation to present herself before the ancestors. Mintwhisker, her mentor, still was not home, for she was still training WindClan's medicine cat far away from her kin and Clan on the moors. Fortunately, the time before, Amberdawn's trip hadn't been so terrible because she didn't have to make it alone; she had met up with Mosspaw of ThunderClan on the way there. It wouldn't be the same anymore, though; they probably wouldn't ever talk to each other again. The golden tabby's heart fractured a little more as she thought of Mosspaw. Mosspaw, Mosspaw...

... and her father Flintfang, the tom that Amberdawn had unwittingly killed. Nothing would be the same between the SkyClan and ThunderClan medicine cats ever again, she felt. Amberdawn had taken away all the peace Mosspaw had ever wanted and all the love she'd ever desired. The toneless way that Mosspaw had said "thank you for trying" stuck like a bird's claw in Amberdawn's throat; the way those green eyes, always warm and welcoming, were cold and blank instead had shattered the tabby's heart and shaken her faith in herself in a way she'd never thought she'd experience. Mosspaw had walked away from the scene of Flintfang's death silently, stoicly. Amberdawn had been left to clean up the mess with only dark stormclouds of thought to accompany her.

The storm had only strengthened in that time. At the Gathering, Aspenpaw's accusatory stare felt to Amberdawn as though he'd practically stripped her of her medicine cat name. It wasn't even Flintfang's death which drew his anger (for that hadn't occurred until after the full moon), but Sparrowpaw's, a SkyClan cat who had been executed by Tinystar during the end of leaf-bare. No, Amberdawn had not raised a claw to Sparrowpaw, but nor did she raise her voice in protest or rush in to defend the living, breathing cat. She had, in some way, allowed Sparrowpaw to die. She had allowed Tinystar to kill her. In the past, she tried to cling to the fact that she hadn't known Sparrowpaw - that she couldn't have known, that she was only obeying her leader... Those thoughts brought no comfort. She was responsible, just as she was responsible for Flintfang's death. Two medicine cats knew now of Amberdawn's ineptitude.

... or perhaps three. Maybe that was why Mintwhisker had gone away, to train an apprentice with some promise.

In the end, Amberdawn had to go to the medicine cat meeting. She had no choice - she couldn't let SkyClan be left without guidance, even if it did mean she'd be out of camp and leave them without a medicine cat for the day. Surely they'd understand... She only ever wanted to do what was best for them - what they wanted her to do. She picked out her travelling herbs and added an extra juniper berry and some thyme leaves to it before chewing them up, and then she checked in with Tinystar before at last she left.

Amberdawn hadn't expected to run into Mosspaw, and the second she saw the tri-colored calico's familiar shape moving through the forest along their usual path, she stopped and froze. She wasn't certain what to do. You're such a bother, a voice sneered at her in her head. Can't you just leave Mosspaw alone? She clearly doesn't want you - you killed her father, and all he said as he died was that he hated her. You caused that. Amberdawn couldn't protest, and so she didn't. Stars, she didn't know what to do... She had no choice but to travel in the same direction. Her tail tucked itself slightly against her leg as she let out a low, sad sigh of resignation and began to move forwards again, slowly but certainly catching up to Mosspaw. She'd have no choice but to face Mosspaw, she supposed.

Her mentor. Her grandfather. Her mother. What would Starclan be taking from her next?

Mistlepaw waited at the border between Thunderclan and Riverclan diligently for a couple of hours, eager to see the tan pelt of Pricklebush. The fellow medicine cat became close to her, almost like a brother during the time they spent together. She remained there patiently, tail twitching with excitement at the prospect of seeing him again. After the deaths of the only family she had, a friend was just what she needed. The gray and white she-cat waited and waited, but a fluffy tan tom never came. It was Moonhigh now, and the journey to Highstones would not be quick, so the sole Riverclan medicine cat set out on her way. She was absolutely crushed by Pricklebush's failure to show, but she suppressed the emotions once more. Whenever the tears threatened to spill from her eyes, she pushed them back. Whenever her emotions raged inside her like a devastating fire, she swallowed the pain and forced the flames out. Again and again, this cycle continued until she felt..numb. Her heart no longer burned. Her eyes no longer stung with tears. She felt..nothing. And for the first time in several sunrises she was at..peace. 

This peace was short-lived, and ultimately shattered when she spotted Pricklebush and his calico apprentice, walking side by side, seemingly without a care in the world. She stopped in her tracks, staring in disbelief. Under normal circumstances, she wouldn't have cared as much as she did now. But after getting tossed around in a flood of her own grief, these were no longer normal circumstances. Abandonment clawed its way into her heart and the voices hissed in her mind. Had he forgotten all about her? Was there something..much more special about his original apprentice that he completely forget to wait for her? Didn't he..didn't he still care? "He doesn't love you..he never cared..burden..burden.." After losing everything, it was the only conclusion she could come to that made sense. She was no longer good enough for Pricklebush. She had failed him, just like she failed Fallowlight and Jaystar and Hailsong and..and Riverclan. She was a failure. 

Mistlepaw did everything she could to hide the pain and hide the tears but nothing stopped them from streaking down her cheeks. She had nothing now. She was alone, just like how the voices foretold. She was alone and empty and nothing and it was all her fault. She did this to herself. She deserved this pain. After the pain she wrought on her now deceased family and her suffering clan, she deserved it. Sobbing quietly, she raced into the cavern, stumbling through the darkness. This was nothing new, though; she had stumbled through this darkness before, following the death of Fallowlight. Why did it hurt so much more this time, then? Was it because the blood was truly on her paws? She wasn't there to save Jaystar, and she couldn't stop her mother from leaving. Yes, that was it. Their blood stained her paws. She was the cause; that was why the pain was more intense. She crawled from the depths, briefly blinded by the Moonstone's light. Still, she wasted no time in clambering towards it and collapsing, touching her nose to its surface and curling up tightly. She didn't want to feel the pain anymore. She just wanted to sleep.

~~~

Mistlepaw expected to be greeted by the lush forests and spacious meadows of Starclan, but instead woke up in Riverclan. Confusion was written on the she-cat's face as she looked around. The small creeks that cut through the territory, the slightly damp ground, and the roaring of the river nearby. Yes, this was definitely Riverclan. Her home that was slowly beginning to not feel like home anymore. "Riverclan...why would Starclan send me here?" She thought silently, slowly standing up. As she did, she noticed that her paws her..a different color. Was she always a gray tabby, or had she been imagining things? She turned over her shoulder and sure enough, her pelt had seemingly shifted in shade. She let out a startled cry and tried to make sense of it all, but before she had the proper amount of time to comprehend it, she was moving. Internally, she panicked and desperately tried to gain control over her limbs, to no avail. It was like some unseen force had suddenly taken control of her body! What was happening to her!? After several more moments of her struggling, she gave up, and let her paws carry her to wherever they wanted to go. Eventually, she stopped at the Riverclan border, where a figure stood on the other side. 

The figure was distorted and blurry, making it difficult for the young medicine cat to make out who it was. The only detail she could pinpoint was its ginger fur, mimicking the colors of a bright flame, and its various scars. She stepped closer and nuzzled them, a purr rumbling from her chest as she inhaled their sweet scent. "Nobody needs to know," She meowed in a deep voice, one that clearly did not belong to her. When they pulled away from their embrace, she tried to get a closer look at this mystery cat, but their face remained blurred, as if Starclan itself was not ready to reveal any identities yet. What did it all mean? Was their a traitor in their midst? Who could she tell? Who could she trust?! She had no one. She was alone. The vision began to fade and Mistlepaw promptly fell out of the cat's body, into the dark abyss below. She expected to wake up, but she never did. Instead, she floated in the darkness, finding it rather..comforting than doom-impending. She didn't try to fight it, ideally allowing herself to relax in this temporary moment of bliss. She free-fell for a few more moments before her eyes slipped shut, and she only knew sleep.

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'StarClan Revelation' :

Pawsteps sounded behind her bringing her pause, and she turned slowly to see Amberdawn slowly walking up looking uneasy. Her stomach dropped as her tail faltered in it's wave of greeting, she must have been more harsh than she could ever know. Waiting for her friend, and hoping beyond hope that it wasn't to late to try to mend things she lowered her head to Amberdawn once they were next to each other. Without raising it, she spoke, her voice low and laden with sorrow at the expression on the SkyClan cat's face. "I'm so sorry. I was harsh to you, that day, and it was completely inexcusable. You had really tried your best, and I knew that, but in my sorrow I came off cold and rude, I'm sure of it. I know that nothing I do could make up for it, but... I wanted to try to explain myself, and maybe mend what I shredded that day.... It was all just a little bit too much, and as I shut everything out I shut you out too, and for that I'm so sorry."

She raised her head slowly, nervously, and tried to meet Amberdawn's gaze. "Pricklebush performed my naming ceremony yesterday, and Sageleaf, the StarClan cat who has spoken to me several times including this one, helped me find some peace and begin to heal once more... Even if it still hurts. I know I have a long way to go, and you have no reason to forgive me... But I wanted to tell you I'm sorry." Lowering her head once more, she waited for a few heartbeats, nervous about the response she would receive, feeling like butterflies were fluttering in her belly.

Sure enough, the gap between the two medicine cats was quickly closed, and Amberdawn saw Mosspaw's steps falter as the ThunderClan cat detected her presence. Immediately the golden tabby felt her fur burning with shame. Mosspaw slowed to allow the other she-cat to catch up and Amberdawn only felt more panicked by the gesture. Still, Amberdawn kept her pace and eventually reached Mosspaw's side, though she kept her head lowered and gaze cast away. The other she-cat spoke and broke the silence, and Amberdawn wished she'd stayed home instead as soon as her apology was uttered. The SkyClan cat slowed to a stop just before the she-cat. She apologized for the outburst, and apologized further for her shortness and sharpness at the scene.

Mosspaw sought Amberdawn's gaze, and the medicine cat sensed it; after a moment she reluctantly looked up, her dark amber eyes locking with Mosspaw's soft green. Their depths were full of sincere apology and concern, but the grief that lingered in the edges was still clear. "Pricklebush performed my naming ceremony yesterday," the she-cat stated, and despite herself Amberdawn felt her ears perk slightly. If that was the case, then her friend was no longer Mosspaw. What new name had she gained? She didn't say immediately, instead finishing quietly, "I know I have a long way to go, and you have no reason to forgive me... But I wanted to tell you I'm sorry."

Amberdawn looked away as her friend's head lowered, and after a moment of silence Amberdawn murmured quietly, "We're going to be late." Her tail gently brushed the other she-cat's, gently urging the both of them forward. She felt her throat swell with the threat of tears and her eyes turned glassy, so she clenched her teeth and focused straight ahead as they walked. She didn't want to not forgive the ThunderClan cat, but right now she couldn't bear to think of what she had done. Why was the other medicine cat sorry, when it was Amberdawn who killed him?

The Mothermouth came into view at long last, and as they drew near to it Amberdawn looked aside at her companion and asked softly, "What's your new name?" Talking felt wrong. She was looking forward to disappearing into the darkness of the tunnel. She spotted Mothpaw sitting at the entrance and, though she was still a fair distance away, she flicked her tail in greeting.

From her place near the cave entrance, Mothpaw spotted Amberdawn and purred at the familiar sight of her friend. Reassured by the presence of her friends, just as she'd hoped, she made her way inside; touching her nose to the Moonstone and closing her eyes.

The starry grounds that greeted her were familiar, and the cat before her was vaguely so. Gray and white, and she had a faint memory of seeing the same cat - though larger than she appeared now - stained with red... Wasppaw's mother? Thornbriar's friend... A name she knew but couldn't quite place... Swanpetal? She opened her mouth to ask, but the cat cut her off.

"We haven't got time for pointless questions." Well. Assuming this was Thornbriar's friend, she could see why. Though the serious words contrasted with her youthful voice and superior tone. "I've come to you with a message."

"A message...?"

"No pointless questions," Swanpetal said again, sharper than before. "As for your message... No one is above the Warrior Code." At this, the starry cat began to fade, leaving Mothpaw alone for those few brief moments before she finally woke.

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'StarClan Revelation' :

Amberdawn had been reluctant to meet her gaze, and Mossbloom's stomach twisted with guilt and sorrow. Had she been too late to try to make amends? There was a moment of silence before the SkyClan medicine cat spoke, their tails brushing slightly. Nodding through her own eyes clouded by tears, the two walked in silence until Mothermouth was in view, along with most of the other medicine cats. She wondered if Pricklebush had already descended into the tunnels, along with the others... In fact, the only medicine cat she saw was Mothpaw. Casting a nervous glace to Amberdawn out of instinct, she scented the air and murmured. "I smell Mistlepaw, she must have already gone down... I don't smell Aspenpaw though, they must be running a bit late." Her concern rose slightly before she was distracted by Amberdawn's question. "Mossbloom. Pricklebush almost seemed surprised by it, like he hadn't been planning it, it just happened."

She mewed a quiet greeting to Mothpaw and looked one last time at Amberdawn sadly before descending into the tunnels, making her way to the Moonstone. This would be her first medicine cat meeting since her ceremony, and she found herself anxious for the news that StarClan would share... Hopefully it wouldn't be anything bad. She pressed her nose to the Moonstone and quickly fell into the darkness of sleep.

When she woke, she was surrounded by bushes, as if she had been hiding in them. Whispering voices reached her ears, speaking of secret promises and unspoken agreements, ones that may or may not be broken in time. Another whisper came, echoing in her mind as if only she could hear it, as the two unseen cats on the other side of the bushes parted ways, leaving their hidden spot. "Love is a strange and fluid thing, it does not discriminate and is not always controlled by rules and borders." Slowly climbing out of the bush, she stopped where the two cats had been only moments before. A sense of wonder and secrecy shrouded the area, the hidden rendezvous unseen by any others. The wind whistled in her ear fur as she slowly started to wake, a final statement on the breeze. "Some do not consider the consequences of their actions. Help them find their paths." Mossbloom woke up, the Moonstone now pale and cold. She was still confused, having no idea who it was that had met, but certain that real, true love couldn't be a bad thing... Or could it? After all, she had only loved unconditionally, and look where that had gotten her. Noting to keep an eye out, and vowing silently to try to understand better, she stiffly got to her paws and padded out of the cavern through the tunnels to wait at the entrance of Mothermouth for the others.

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'StarClan Revelation' :

At her subtle greeting, Mothpaw seemed to relax a little. A moment later the brawny ShadowClan she-cat had disappeared into the Mothermouth, leaving Amberdawn alone again with her ThunderClan companion. The calico at her side was not the only one to notice a distinct lack of WindClan - a scent which Mintwhisker had begun to take on by this point, no doubt - or that Mistlepaw of RiverClan had already passed by and disappeared. Amberdawn nodded, but she didn't want to consider it anymore. Mintwhisker obviously wanted nothing to do with her or her Clan anymore. It was a wonder she hadn't declared allegiance to Finchstar by this point, really. And Aspenpaw... maybe he was protesting the ancestors that they hadn't said anything about Sparrowpaw.

Fortunately, the ThunderClan medicine cat's new name was a good distraction for the both of them. "Mossbloom," the pretty calico answered, and Amberdawn felt some of her grief evaporate ever so slightly at the sound of it. When Mossbloom explained how Pricklebush was surprised by the name and how it had seemed to come from nowhere, Amberdawn nodded slightly. "It's beautiful," the tabby responded in a lukewarm murmur. Say more! a voice thought desperately inside. She's trying - you have to try, too! But she couldn't. Her eyes fell again and the moment was lost. Mossbloom had slipped into the Mothermouth, and Amberdawn followed wordlessly behind.

Amberdawn found her way to the Moonstone easily as always and settled herself at its edge, near Mossbloom. Tendrils of longing had snared the SkyClan cat; she just wanted to trust again. She wanted her friends again, her family. Talking with Mossbloom and hearing even just the briefest glimpse of her ceremony had made Amberdawn's heart warm. Amberdawn closed her eyes and pressed her nose to the Moonstone, wondering what she might see in the stars that night.

Did the ancestors know her doubts?

---

The golden tabby awoke to find herself perched in the bough of a sycamore. Amberdawn quickly sat up, surprised she hadn't fallen out. "You can't fall in StarClan," a familiar voice said gently. Her dark amber gaze followed the voice out to the end of the branch, and Silverplume - the first cat she had ever seen in StarClan - sat there, his massive tabby frame seeming like the half-moon itself on the limb. "But you can fall from StarClan."

Amberdawn's stomach knotted, and she looked desperately into Silverplume's eyes. "I... I've been doubting my path recently, it's true, but I've never doubted StarClan," she pleaded.

Silverplume's tail flicked slightly, reassuringly. His yellow eyes were full of sympathy and understanding. "Your path was complicated when your mentor diverged from hers," he stated. "The discord that has befallen your Clan is not her doing, though, nor is it yours." The large warrior's eyes darkened then, and he added, "Sparrowpaw's execution is not forgotten and not forgiven. The sun will spill blood for the blood that was spilled; when a life for life is given, then the injustice will be fulfilled."

The golden tabby stared at the tom a few tail-lengths away before whispering, "I... I don't understand. Finchstar told everyone about Sparrowpaw at the Gathering... Certainly he wouldn't come for Tinystar, would he? He said he only asked for StarClan's judgement - he said nothing about giving his own. I-In fact, he said he didn't want that. He--"

"Amberdawn," Silverplume interrupted. His voice was stern, but his eyes were soft. "It's out of your paws, Amberdawn. What comes will come, whatever your feelings on it. I've only come to tell you what's in the stars. You did nothing to earn this, yet it is happening anyways. I give you this knowledge in the hopes that you will know what to do. Perhaps your blood isn't involved - perhaps it never was, and perhaps it never needs to be."

The silver tom disappeared with a gust of wind, and the branch beneath Amberdawn vanished. She let out a cry as she fell, but no sound came out. The medicine cat was simply falling to the infinite stars below.

---

She woke beside the Moonstone, trembling slightly. Mossbloom had awakened... She had seemed willing to understand at the Gathering. Amberdawn wondered what Mossbloom really thought of what had happened. What might she think of what was to come? The tabby cat exited the cavern of the Moonstone to venture out into the moonlight after her friend.

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'StarClan Revelation' :

Mossbloom had located a wide rock just outside of Mothermouth, still slightly warm from sitting in the sun all day. She positioned herself on it, idly watching the opening of the tunnel to the Moonstone while she waited, mulling over StarClan's words. Love.... She sighed to herself, her tail wrapping tightly around her. How could she be expected to watch for it when she had no idea what it was all about? Every time she thought she knew, or at least had a paw on the idea, something else happened to shatter her belief. Movement at Mothermouth made her raise her head, and she was greeted by the sight of Amberdawn. The pretty golden tabby seemed shaky, and preoccupied, her pelt made pale in the light of the moon. She stood up and waved her tail to her as she climbed back down the rock, making her way over. As she drew closer, Amberdawn seemed even more unsure.

Speaking quietly, Mossbloom pressed her shoulder to her old friend's, trying to comfort her. "Amberdawn? Are you alright?"