A Shaky Confession

Mosspaw had padded alongside her family, offering to help where she could for hunting patrols and watches. Her dreams were still filled with the visions of the dog, and as the days past she found herself continually avoiding her leader and his deputy. As the sun rose a few days into their journey, she was sitting up, looking up to the stars once more. She knew that the thoughts in her mind would not, could not be soothed by her alone... They would not be calmed until she faced whatever punishment came her way. Taking a deep, shaky breath, she cast her eyes around to find the familiar pelt of Leopardstar, and groaned internally when she found it among the others and recognized the dark pelt of Marshstorm beside him. Her paws shaking, she swallowed back her fear and made her way over to the pair.

As she finished her approach, the calico apprentice's tail was held just above the ground, and she raised her eyes to look at Leopardstar, then Marshstorm. Her voice caught in her throat for a moment before she forced it out, ignoring the quick beating of her heart. "L-Leopardstar? Marshstorm? Could I... talk to you about something?... There's something I need to tell you.." She trailed off, her nerves getting the best of her as she broke eye contact and studied her paws intently.

Marshstorm padded in silence next to Leopardstar. His demeanour strong and confident, though he dreaded what they would find back at camp. Or what they wouldn't find. Every moment he thought of her, his heart ached in despair. He wanted to believe she was alive... but... did he inadvertantly cause her death? She was a strong warrior, but barely concious. Pricklebush had been doing his best to aide her when the floods had happened. He shook his head. He couldn't think of this. Not now. It was bad enough Duskpaw was still missing. He could not, and would not, let this keep looming over him. He had to be stronger, for his kits. For Leopardstar, for his Clan.

The sight of the calico's coat caught him off guard as he turned his head. A curious look to his amber eyes that hid the more painful thoughts away. Instead, he tilted his head curiously at her tone. The scent of nervousness was plain, and as cats began to settle for the evening he sat down with a flick of his tail.
"You can always talk to us Mosspaw." He offered kindly as he looked over to Leopardstar. With a tilt of his head, he stood. "Let's talk in peace shall we?" He meowed as he lead Mosspaw towards a couple small trees. He gaze flickered between Mosspaw and Leopardstar as he waited for the other tom. As he watched her, he frowned a little. Hopefully this wasn't a forbidden romance. The clans had been getting rather close to one another... he shouldn't have been surprised as the thought crossed his mind.

"Have you had many chances to hunt?" He asked suddenly. "I realise that your mentorship hasn't gone exactly as planned... I fear most apprentices may be suffering that." He added kindly. Training was a topic he knew well. Perhaps she was nervous about falling behind. That, he could completely understand.

Leopardstar's ears pricked up at the sound of pawsteps, and he glanced around to see Mosspaw approaching he and Marshstorm, the young she-cat's demeanor seemingly oddly hesitant.  His eyes narrowed curiously as she spoke, and he nodded agreement with Marshstorm, lifting himself to his paws and following the deputy to a more secluded spot.  As they spoke of delayed apprenticeships and hunting, the leader felt a twinge of guilt and sorrow; it was true, may young cats should've been warriors by now, but alas.  Once they were home though, things would continue as they always had, he was certain.  Sitting down and licking a tangled patch of fur on his side, he nodded at Mosspaw with a low meow.  "What do you have to tell?"

Mosspaw shuffled her paws nervously, and felt a whisker of relief when Marshstorm mentioned moving somewhere more private. She trailed behind the deputy, and missed his frown as she kept her head lowered, trying to pick how she would tell them. Was it too late to say that things were fine and to forget she even came? Probably. She stopped as she noticed that Marshstorm had stopped walking and sat down, wrapping her tail tightly over her paws, and before she could form the words she wanted the tom had spoken again, asking about hunting and her training. She looked up at him in surprise, making eye contact with him as a small spark lit up behind her eyes.

"Oh, yes! I went hunting as much as I could while we were at the shore by the abandoned twoleg nest. I was lucky not to be terribly injured by the flood, so I helped wherever I could. At least until..." She looked down to her chest where the four pink scars still remained fresh across the white. Giving the fur around it a quick lick, she continued. "Flintfang joined me for a hunt, and while we were out a thing he called a raccoon attacked us. I jumped in front of him to take a hit, and then I woke up in this really strange place and spoke to a pretty cat named... Sageleaf, I think. She was really nice. But when I woke up the next time, everything hurt and I was back on the shore, and Amberdawn confined me to my nest for a few days while I healed up..." She trailed off, remembering everything she had done. "I also helped collect herbs, and Amberdawn taught me and some of the other apprentices about what they are and how they help. So I've learned a lot! Emberheart is a wonderful mentor, and what she taught me in the short time we had together really helped, I can't wait to tell her everything when we get home!" She ended on a high note, for a moment back to her original self.

When Leopardstar spoke though, it reminded her again of why she wanted to talk to them, and the smile faded from her face as she swallowed hard against the rapidly forming lump in her throat. Before she could freeze up again, she spoke quickly, trying to get the words out before she found she couldn't force the sound anymore. "The morning we left the shore to follow Amberdawn's sign, we were attacked by two dogs and a twoleg... The first one, a really dark one, we were able to fight off, along with the twoleg... The second one... It... It killed Lightstep... And so I stepped forward..." Tears began to trail down her cheeks and she stared down at the ground, afraid to close her eyes as she knew if she did she would just see the body of the dog lying at her paws again. "...I didn't mean to... I just wanted to scare it away, because it didn't run like the other one... I just wanted to help keep everyone safe... But I... I k-killed it..." The tears were freely falling now, and her ears flattened against her head as she hunched her shoulders, bracing herself for the reactions of her leader and deputy, two cats that she respected more than any other. She was terrified that they would be disappointed, and scold her, even if she may have deserved it. Shoulders shaking with her silent sobs, she waited for their response quietly.

A sense of relief washed over Marshstorm as he listened to her story. His gaze fell onto the healed wounds when Mosspaw's did, curious about how they were aquired, but held his question back. As she continued, his question shifted to Sageleaf... a cat he didn't know. It could have been a ShadowClan cat... perhaps WindClan...  He smiled as she praised Amberdawn and Emberheart. The raccoon attack must have been terrifying, but the she-cat pulled through as a warrior should.

The mention of dogs sent a chill into his chest. Breath freezing as his hind leg ached in sympathy. The old dog bite had long healed, but his limb still remembered the pain of the wound. Things only got worse as she explained, dipping his head in silent respect for Lightstep. A RiverClan warrior perhaps, but still a warrior who had died a valiant fight against a dog. Her tears, and final words made him pause. Did she... regret... killing a dog? The idea seemed laughable, but Marshstorm didn't laugh.

He stepped forward and settled down next to the grown she-cat. Wrapping his tail around her in a quiet embrace as he would have done for his own kits.
"I am glad you had Flintfang and Emberheart. Amberdawn as well, I know it must have been quite a trial for you." He meowed slowly, as she cried next to him. He paused to take a deep breath. "Killing isn't a light action... but, you did the right thing Mosspaw." He smiled down at her.  "We kill to eat, and to protect our clans. If you had not killed that dog, it would have killed more cats. They do not have the ability to feel things as we do. Dogs do not know pity, or remorse. They know the hunt and the kill. It's death, has saved the life of an unknown number of cats." He lifted his gaze, looking at Leopardstar expectantly.

At first, Mosspaw's reaction truly worried him; even amid these difficult times, it had been moons since he had last seen that expression upon an apprentice's face - guilt.  StarClan please, not another conflict! Not right now...  As soon as his heart started to beat a bit faster though, it quickly began to slow, giving way to a surprising twitch of his black-tipped ears.  "Mosspaw, you felled a...dog?"  Hazel eyes open wide, he watched as Marshstorm wrapped his tail around the young she-cat, offering her comforting words.  When he eventually looked back to him, Leopardstar had recovered from his initial shock, and couldn't hold back a proud purr as he stepped forward to stand in front of the calico, gently touching his nose to her forehead for a brief moment.

"To take down a dog is an accomplishment not many warriors can achieve Mosspaw, I myself have never been given the opportunity, and I am very proud that you held your ground to protect those you care about, no matter which Clan they hailed from.  You have no need to feel guilty, your actions were very honorable."  The golden spotted tom smiled.  "Though, I know some cats don't handle death and the killing of others in the same way I might...many moons of battle have hardened me, it seems.  It's okay to regret your actions, but the fact that you can feel remorse at all is good, healthy even.  It means that you're a sane, good-hearted cat Mosspaw...so I ask that you don't allow this act of bravery to sadden you.  ThunderClan needs your courage and your compassion on this journey in equal measure.  So, chin up, alright?"  Reaching out with his tail, he flicked the she-cat's chin, a soft mrrow of laughter escaping him.

"I'm proud to call you my clanmate."

Surprise and a feeling of comfort washed over Mosspaw as Marshstorm padded forward and wrapped his tail around her. Turning her head to look up at the deputy as he spoke, her tears slowed, and she sniffled. He believed she did the right thing?.. As he continued, she thought back to the shore. The twoleg nest with all of the injured cats, all of the others that had gotten hurt and had to already retreat, Flintfang, Falconwing, Leafpaw and Ravenpaw.... And so many others... An image of Lightstep in her minds eye crossed her vision, and she found herself slowly relaxing. She hoped that the white-furred warrior had found peace and happiness in StarClan, he deserved it after all that he had given up to care for Sunpaw and help her. Marshstorm was right, had the dog stayed in it's confusion, and been allowed to continue to wreak havoc on the clan cats, how many others would have been injured, or killed? She hadn't meant to kill it... But maybe that didn't mean that killing it was completely wrong.

Leopardstar stepping forward made her turn her gaze from Marshstorm to him as he walked forward and touched his nose to her forehead. Surprised and honored by the gesture, the apprentice looked at him in awed silence as he spoke of how he was proud of her. An unseen weight that had been placed on her shoulders by her own fears and hesitations was suddenly lifted, and she felt the lightest that she had in a long time, since she was a kit playing with Lilypaw before the flood really. A small smile formed on her face, and she nodded to her leader. Her voice cracked when she started to speak, but for the first time since the battle with the dogs her voice was almost back to how it was, rather than sorrow-laden and heavy. "Thank you... Thank you so much Leopardstar, Marshstorm. I was so scared that I would disappoint you.... Thank you for listening and hearing me. It means more than you could ever know." A ragged purr formed in her chest as Leopardstar flicked her chin with his tail, and her smile brightened even further.

"I'm proud to be able to be a part of your clan, and I promise that I'll work as hard as I can for the rest of my days to not let you down."

After lowering her head to her leader once more, she turned towards Marshstorm again and touched her nose to his shoulder. "Thank you both again. I feel much better now." Looking back towards the rest of the group, she found herself excited to be around her friends and family again, instead of wanting to hide from them. "I think I should go talk to Flintfang and Falconwing. They'll be wondering where I went." She waited for a signal that she was free to go before standing, and with one last smile at the leader and deputy pair, she turned and headed back to the main group, her paws light and the wind blowing through her whiskers. They had helped her understand that while yes, she had killed a creature, she did it in order to protect those that couldn't protect themselves, and with a small flower of pride blooming in her chest for being able to help take care of those who need it, even as she silently vowed to herself to try to avoid having to be the one to end a life, unless it was the only option.