good things [C]

Pigeonpounce tried to smile at Poppyshine’s appearance, but she felt like the expression was weak and half-hearted. She was quick to duck her head to hide it and shuffle past the calico into the den. She paused once she was inside, cause for coming momentarily forgotten. She wasn’t sure what she expected the interior of the den to look like… but it wasn’t this. She’d expected to see it more barren. Maybe it had been, until recently; the reeds still strewn about, not quite in place, made it seem like Poppyshine was in the middle of decorating. Hopefully she didn’t mind having the chore interrupted too much.

Oh. Right. There was a good reason Poppyshine’s work was interrupted. Pigeonpounce retreated slightly into her shoulders and her tail swayed side to side, an early display of nerves. ”Well… I had a kinda, uh, kinda weird dream the other night.” She could not keep her paws from shifting nervously across the ground. She could hardly keep any part of herself still, really. Pigeonpounce shifted and rocked side to side and her tail continued to wave. ”I think-- well, no, I don’ think, I- I know...” Trying to introduce the information slowly made her feel like her teeth were being pulled. Pigeonpounce frowned, took in a deep breath, and decided to speak all at once.

”I gotta dream from StarClan an’ that Cloverheart cat was there ‘n’ she said I gotta be RiverClan’s new medicine cat.” That was all there was to it, right? Right…? Pigeonpounce looked down at her restless paws before dropping numbly onto her hindquarters. She wouldn’t meet Poppyshine’s eyes. ”Bu-but… I dunno… I dunno why. Or what to do. She told me t’ tell ya, but...” She shrugged lamely and scuffed the ground. ”I dunno. Tha’s jus’… what she told me.”

When Poppyshine moved in front of her, Pigeonpounce finally looked up to face her former mentor. She listened silently, nodding along as Poppyshine spoke. She understood the words, and yet… they didn’t make sense. What made her fit for the position? What in the world did StarClan see in her? Pigeonpounce continued to shuffle her nerves out. ”I-I guess, yeah,” she agreed quietly. She would’ve been content to leave it at that, but Poppyshine’s final statement earned a wince Pigeonpounce couldn’t quite suppress. It wasn’t a question, but it invited her to speak. Pigeonpounce’s teeth grazed across her tongue.

”’S just-- ‘s just, I’m a warrior, y’know? I’ve spen’ my whole life waitin’ ‘n’ trainin’ to be one, ‘n’ now that I am, I don’t get to be?” She looked down at her paws again. ”I mean, I don’t-- not that I think I was a very good warrior anyway, but--still.” Now that she’d started talking, she didn’t want to stop. But if she continued, she’d just end up talking about Starlingflare or Scarletflare. The thought of bringing up either made her pelt crawl with preemptive embarrassment. ”’S just… frustratin’, at all. I don’ think I even wanna be a medicine cat, but… ‘s not like I gotta choice.”

Pigeonpounce’s round eyes got a little wider at the suggestion that her experience as a warrior was exactly why the stars chose her. Her toes flexed, splaying and pressing together. Her experience--and how much, exactly, was that? Spiraling thoughts threatened to crowd Pigeonpounce’s mind, but they were tempered by the softness of Poppyshine’s smile. A unique perspective, one that none of RiverClan’s recent medicine cats shared; not even Cloverheart herself, as far as she knew. Pigeonpounce swallowed thickly. She wasn’t that great at anything, nor was she particularly smart, but…she was unique. The idea was both reassuring and not. She wanted to be better than just unique… but at least she was something. Something that Poppyshine believed in. But of course Poppyshine believed in her; she’d been the cat to raise her to warriorhood, after all, and Pigeonpounce had faith in her former mentor’s teachings.

Pigeonpounce sighed and forced herself to smile. ”No, it… it’s ‘kay. RiverClan needs a medicine cat, yeah?” She said. Then she blinked. Why did she say that? Poppyshine had offered her the out she’d been hoping for--why hadn’t she taken it? Did she want to be a medicine cat after all? Did she want to be a warrior, truly? Her paws shuffled again. Maybe medicine had been her calling all along. Pigeonpounce didn’t know what she wanted. She only knew what was necessary to do.

Besides--she couldn’t feel too bad. Not when Poppyshine smiled at her like that, when she already sounded so sure of Pigeonpounce. Some great ability--it sounded a little laughable, with the way Pigeonpounce reflected on herself, but she nodded again and swallowed the words down as truth. She reached out and put a restless paw on top of Poppyshine’s, toes flexing again. ”I gotta do what I gotta do. I don’t… not want it, at least, I guess. So… all we gotta do is go t’ the Moonstone, right? ‘M okay with that. I’m… okay with this.”