the bubbling creek [c]

Since returning Brackenpaw wanted to make a constant effort to get to know his clanmates better, to find where he fit in after his absences. He hardly knew where he stood, he just felt alienated. Without him, Honeydew and Harepaw had prospered, he felt like a hinderance, and now he was back what if they both went backwards again? That was the last thing he wanted. In an effort to repair broken bonds, and forge essentially non-existent ones, he'd sought out Bubblebeam's company. The cheerful she-cat was one of Honeydew's closest friends, even if he guessed they hadn't been friends for long. Their pelts brushed together as they enjoyed each other's quiet company. The brindled tom usually was a lot more outgoing and conversation, but he'd found that after rejoining SkyClan his social skills were more than lacking. He wished he was better company.

His blue eyes slid to hers and he offered the grey-furred warrior a warm smile. "Sorry," he snorted, realising he'd been staring at her as he'd searched for a way to start the conversation. "I'm not as good at starting conversations as I use to be. I didn't mean to stare." he admitted, heat creeping up his neck. "How are you Bubblebeam?" Brackenpaw laughed again, shaking his head. Small talk certainly wasn't going to improve the growing awkwardness. "Can we start again? I want to make a better impression than that, I promise I'm not a weirdo."

Just a patrol. It's just a hunting patrol.

Living life as if everything was completely normal had become increasingly difficult as the days went on. Still Bubblebeam woke up, still she went hunting and went by the borders whenever she could. For Ploverpaw, for Sorrelmist and Hemlockfox. For Honeydew and Thymelight. For the rare chance of running into Silverhawk or Hawkmist at the border. She had been surprised, though, when someone asked specifically to go on a walk today. It wasn't a cat she'd been expecting; it was Honeydew's brother, Brackenpaw. She couldn't recall whether they'd really spoken to each other before. He had been missing for a long time and only returned recently--to find his sister now named deputy of the Clan. It must have been a shock. How did she go about starting a conversation when that was all she knew about him?

The walk was awkwardly silent for the first minute or so as they made their way to the Moonlit Creek. One of her favorite parts of the territory, though she wasn't sure how she felt about it at the moment. Any thought about it fled her mind though when she turned to look at Brackenpaw and saw him staring at her. Bubblebeam blinked--had she done something wrong? He didn't feel resentful towards her for being close to Honeydew, did he? But no, he'd just been feeling as awkward as she had. Why were conversations so difficult for her these days? Sheepishly, the blue-furred warrior returned his smile. "No, that's okay. I should've been talking, too. Don't know why it's so hard right now. It's not your fault." At least he was being a good sport about this. It could've been a lot worse. Bubblebeam laughed, shaking off the strange heaviness that lay over her pelt from the recent happenings. "Okay, I believe you. I'm doing all right--as much as I can be, right now. A little bit chilly. I can't wait till leaf-bare is finally over." She fluffed out her pelt. This was as normal a conversation as she could manage; hopefully it proceeded less awkwardly from here. She could use something to take her mind off of red fangs and ripped throats. "What about you, Brackenpaw? How are you doing?"

The air felt a little lighter. "Well I suppose up until a few sunrises ago I was assumed dead, it would be pretty weird speaking to a ghost." offered Brackenpaw, reassuring Bubblebeam the silence wasn't her fault. His eyes fell on the creek that ran parallel to them, Honeydew had showed him it on their little tour of the territory. He'd never been one to admire the beauty in nature, to pause and smell the flowers, but even he acknowledged how lovely it was. The sound of running water was calming, and the quiet chatter of birds above made him smile wider. "Me too, at least the territories are warmer than highstones, and prettier." His gaze was turned back to the warrior "I hope after my moonstone I won't see the mountains for a long time." The badger pelt had been his saviour for the last few days they had spent there, the warmth it offered had just about stopped his paw pads from freezing off, now he just used it to line his nest. It was far too clunky for him to wear everyday especially as they were entering Newleaf.

Brackenpaw laughed at his own comment, eyes closing slowly. "I think I'm doing okay?" he answered, he wasn't too sure how he was feeling, he could hardly process everything he'd learnt. "My siblings are okay, and I have a real nest again, which is a massive relief, but..." he sighed, the brindled tom hated thinking about the losses SkyClan had endured, and how uncertain the future seemed to be, as well as his own struggle to fit in again. "A lot of things have changed, it's a lot to adjust to after being away for so long." The deaths that had happened hung so heavy over the whole camp, he wanted this outing to be happier - for both of them - but he had no clue how to avoid the past moon.

Bubblebeam winced a little bit at the reminder. Right--Brackenpaw had gone missing, while they were all fleeing from the wolves. She'd been so shaken that she hadn't noticed, and she'd never really spoken much to the tom before so it hadn't impacted her greatly. She'd been too overjoyed with Ploverpaw's return. Honeydew must feel the same, she realized. "Well, for what it's worth," she said, smiling. "I'm glad you made it back." It was calming, really, to be out here. Newleaf would be here soon, she hoped, if the light warmth on the breeze was anything to go by. Though she didn't know Brackenpaw well, he was all right to talk to, and so this was already better than sitting around in camp. She was glad she'd gone out.

The mention of how things had changed didn't make Bubblebeam's smile fade completely, but it did grow a little smaller, a little more contemplative. It was just a true statement. There wasn't really a way to talk around it. "Yeah... it's a lot to return to, I bet. I've been here for all of it and I still have trouble comprehending it, sometimes." The end of her fluffy gray tail twitched. It was a nice, sunny day--too nice to complain about how awful things had been. But it would be dishonest to avoid the topic completely. "Things keep changing. It's a lot to keep up with. But optimistically, I kind of hope that we're reaching a slower point. That maybe, things will start getting easier. We can all slowly get used to the new way things are, together." The platitudes she whispered to herself when the dark seemed too impossible to sleep in. She almost believed them, saying them aloud like this, with the bubbling sound of the creek nearby. "I kind of have to believe that, anyway, or things will become too much to deal with. Newleaf is on its way, though, and I hope that it's a sign of better things to come... or something like that. All we can do is wake up and live each day bit by bit."

"Really?" mewed Brackenpaw, perking up at Bubblebeam's compliment. "It's nice to know it wasn't just my siblings and Wolfblossom that missed me." Even if she was just saying it, it was nice to be reassured, especially with how uncertain he felt recently. He could see why Honeydew enjoyed her company so much, and he wished he'd gotten to know her at the lakes too when starting up a conversation wouldn't have been so awkward. It was just nice to also talk to someone who wasn't his sibling, he'd clung so close to them before, but now that wasn't really possible. They were all warriors, and he was in there dust. There was no need for him to feel like he had to prove anything to Bubblebeam like them, being a -paw wasn't really an issue with her. She was older -if only by a few moons- and so naturally she would be a warrior before him, it was different when you were the same age.

His own smile faltered as the hers did, and it seemed to grow smaller still as she spoke. Bubblebeam's last sentiment hung heavy in the air. Brackenpaw wasn't good with feelings, though he'd been trying to act like he was more emotionally intelligent since coming back. It was hard to comfort someone when everything they said was exactly how he felt, even if he lacked the vocabulary to voice it. The brindled tom swallowed thickly. "I'm figuring it out." he mewed "Just like everyone else." he added a smile returning to his maw, and he offered Bubblebeam a reassuring shoulder bump. "I think you're right too..." Brackenpaw looked through the trees in the direction of Highstones, remembering what it was like to be in such a frigid, unforgiving place. It was so contrasting to SkyClan's territory, everything was so different. Like, the trees there were all the same grey, but here they were a mottling of various shades of browns and reds and whites. Here there was life, while Highstones to him had been a reminder of death. "... Like when I was lost, everyday it was the same weather, the same scenery, the same..." Maybe he shouldn't be mean to Ambersun, he owed her. Brackenpaw sighed "It was the same weather, and it looked how I felt, but here? The snow is melting, and the sky is clearer. I was always heard Newleaf was the start of a new chapter, a new life, a new dawn and I think that's what it will be for SkyClan when it comes." He drew his eyes back to Bubblebeam, smiling softly "It is okay to live bit by bit, sometimes it is best to take things slow and to think... I wish it didn't take me trying to fight a wolf to learn that."

It felt nice, to get along with another cat like this. It reminded Bubblebeam that not everything was completely awful; a sunbeam peeking through the clouds. The world wasn't black and white. Between those she loved and those she feared, she did have Clanmates she could feel positively towards. And despite the strange way everything had been lately, regular life still continued. Cats could live without blinding rage or crippling fear. They could just... exist normally. She stayed quiet for a moment and listened as Brackenpaw spoke. It must have been difficult, to be lost like that--to wander around never knowing if you'd make your way back home and see those you loved again. She knew firstpaw that it was difficult from the other end, worrying yourself sick about a lost sibling or friend and unable to ascertain whether they were dead, but it seemed awful from both sides.

Everything he said made sense, and she found herself sympathizing. The same, over and over again... that was what worried her, too. That the "new" state of things, the anger and worry and violence, would stay forever and become normal. But newleaf was coming. "Yes," Bubblebeam said, returning his smile. "I think we're all tired of leaf-bare. New things are coming--and I think if we all work for it, we can make them good things. A new dawn... I like that idea. I was beginning to be sick of sunsets. We could all use a sunrise." Living bit by bit... it was good advice. Thinking too much about the future would lead the present to be lost, and wallowing in the past would only make you lose time. It was something that Bubblebeam was trying to learn, herself. "Sometimes big events have to be the catalyst for change. It's very difficult to work on your worldview slowly, so... sometimes the world comes along and changes it suddenly. It hurts when it happens like that, but in hindsight, you can look back and take it as an opportunity. Maybe acknowledging what you learn from your past pain can help to clear the path forward." Her fluffy tail waved behind her as she thought. For some reason she thought best in conversation with others, rather than just sitting introspectively by herself like others did. Talking to Brackenpaw like this had helped her realize something similar about herself. "I think all of this is changing me, too. From the skirmish with ThunderClan to the lack of prey, from the journey to the war. Things are changing, and so I've been forced to change with them. We all have. I don't know exactly what the changes will look like yet--I don't think I will until they're behind me. But I really hope they're good changes."

Bubblebeam's praise made him flush slightly. It was rare Brackenpaw was praised for having good ideas, because more often than not he didn't have any. He'd been having more and more lately, especially as he started to get back into the motion of clan life and adjust to the changes, albeit slowly. It was nice to be acknowledged for being smart, a trait that was more than usually associated with Harespring or Honeydew. "Me too." he said in agreement, whiskers twitching. "Sunsets are too finite for my liking anyways." he said with a laugh, gently bumping her shoulder.

When the blue warrior spoke again, Brackenpaw listened in silence, letting her words seep into him. Occasionally he would offer a hum of agreement, but he remained mostly in thought. The wolves and being alone had been his catalyst, that he was certain of. Nothing else could have made someone as dense as him see things differently, to look at something from a different light. Ajex, the badger, Ambersun, being lost, the uncertainty of his siblings lives, there was no room for a one tract mind. A mind of self absorption and impulsivity. Bubblebeam, from this conversation, seemed the opposite of who he had been. She spoke with kindness and a broader scope. The change she talked about within herself, he hoped that it only made her better, like Honeydew's own change. "It's not surprising, you've been through so much, Bubblebeam. I'm sure whatever happens will be a good change. I think we all deserve some decent luck around here, and either way it goes, even if we're not friends yet, you're more than welcome to seek me out." he mewed gently.

Though their patrol--and subsequently, their conversation--hadn't gone on all that long compared to how much time Bubblebeam had spent with many of her other Clanmates, she felt like she knew Brackenpaw much better by the end of it. He was actually a lot more like her sister than she'd thought. Though he was more likely to use claws than her and more pragmatic in his methods, deep down, he was gentle. It warmed her heart slightly to hear the way he laughed when he bumped her shoulder. Both of them seemed to be in a far better mood than they had at the beginning of the patrol. And... she couldn't deny, what he said brought a bit of a flush to her cheeks. Most cats apologized for what she'd been through, but his reaction--acknowledging it, and praising her change--was one she preferred. "I think we're friends," she said, offering him a smile. "Or we can be, if you want, that is. And yeah... I think SkyClan's future could be pretty bright. I hope these changes are all for the better."

"Really? Honeydew will be glad to hear that." mewed Brackenpaw, a fond smile dusting his maw. Newleaf, new friends and a new dawn, it really seemed to be falling into place. Bubblebeam was of the same mind, and he was grateful. A cat so gentle, so contrasting to who he was, empathising with him, understanding him. And he understood her too... Or he hoped he did. She was smiling, and wanted to be his friend, so that had to count. A purr rumbled in in the brindled apprentice's throat "I'm glad to hear it too, I'd love to be your friend, Bubblebeam." He laid his tail over her back, a comforting gesture. "I've really enjoyed our walk and talk, thank you." he added.