The future's in your paws. Shape it well.Roleplay in a cat Clan of warriors. Based off the Warriors series by Erin Hunter. Takes place in an AU before the cats in the books existed.
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Characters : [C]indersky, [W]olfpaw Clan/Rank : RiverClan, T3 Warrior| ShadowClan, Apprentice Number of posts : 327 Gender : They/She Age : 20
Subject: fear is the tax (c) Sat 3 Feb 2024 - 3:08
cindersky
t3 warrior | riverclan
Home. She remembered imagining how she would return to it. The last time she stood here, in that shaded part of the medicine den just outside its mouth, she had been an apprentice. She had left still just a 'paw, still fearful of the world and so naive of it all the same. She became a warrior in a foreign land, on a valley that she did not recognise and among cats that were not her own. She remembered being afraid of it, and being comforted by two eternal presences that were always at her side. They became warriors under their own sky, at least. And then one was sicker than she and that eternity was put on hold, and the other had to fill the gaps. He filled the gaps, and created more spaces. And then... Green, amber, ivory, red, black. Her chest caught and she could almost feel it tearing again. Her jaw clenched so hard it popped when she slacked again, her heart racing like it had been then.
She felt ill swallowing against a scratchy dry throat to force that fear back down again. She did not notice straight away when a shape moved past her. It was the scent that brought her back, that refocused her eyes in the present and had her lift her head. "Larkspring," She murmured, her eyes resting delicately on him before moving to the floor again. She felt strange. Not guilt, not shame, nor pride or anything in between those. Something resting on the shoulders of a kind of nervousness she didn't know the cause of. "How are you feeling?" A simple question. Her favourite question.
Characters : [P]oppyshine; [Pi]neblossom; [W]hisperear; [C]rookedlight; [L]arkspring; [Wi]llowwisp Clan/Rank : RC T5 Deputy; SC T5; WC T5; SkC T5; RC T4; RC T4 Number of posts : 2961 Gender : Any Pronouns Age : 25
Subject: Re: fear is the tax (c) Sat 10 Feb 2024 - 12:57
Larkspring
Larkspring froze when Cindersky said his name. He hadn’t been avoiding her, per se, but…he was not glued to her side now that she was better and could get around a little easier. He wasn’t sure why. Being near Cindersky—it caused a churning in his stomach that he couldn’t describe, but he didn’t like it.
He finally looked at Cindersky and that tightness only grew. He replied, “What does it matter? Are you caring for yourself?” His tone was clipped too; different from how he usually spoke to her. There was a tenseness in his entirety, like he was being held in place by an invisible force.
Characters : [C]indersky, [W]olfpaw Clan/Rank : RiverClan, T3 Warrior| ShadowClan, Apprentice Number of posts : 327 Gender : They/She Age : 20
Subject: Re: fear is the tax (c) Sun 11 Feb 2024 - 10:51
cindersky
t3 warrior | riverclan
Cindersky's ears swung back. Her mouth parted, but no noise came out. She thought she was used to this, the occasional bite in his tone, but it was different now. Like the time they had spent together on the Journey had been forgotten. The empty nest in the medicine den, that only made it worse. She had gotten so used to someone else being there, keeping the dream monsters away. Now, they were there again, and she had chosen to forgo sleep as much as her body allowed.
"I have been," She answered, and honestly. Littlepaw looked at her with so much worry every day that the mere notion of passing up treatment or food for someone else to have never crossed her mind. She didn't want to cause him more upset. "But-- What do you mean, 'what does it matter?' Of-- Of course it matters, I don't... I don't see you that much anymore and I--... I want to make sure you're okay. I mi-..." She glanced aside, and let out a soft sigh. Calm. Perhaps he was just back from a patrol that went awry. It wasn't too far fetched. "I just want to know how you're doing..."
Characters : [P]oppyshine; [Pi]neblossom; [W]hisperear; [C]rookedlight; [L]arkspring; [Wi]llowwisp Clan/Rank : RC T5 Deputy; SC T5; WC T5; SkC T5; RC T4; RC T4 Number of posts : 2961 Gender : Any Pronouns Age : 25
Subject: Re: fear is the tax (c) Tue 20 Feb 2024 - 19:01
Larkspring
Larkspring’s tail flicked like he was striking something that could not be seen. His paws pressed closely together and his whiskers twitched with some kind of intense emotion. He replied, “I am doing fine. You should worry more for yourself. You are the one with a senseless injury that is still healing.” He lifted his chin and suddenly he could not hold his thoughts back. “What in the world were you thinking, attacking a beast like that? You did not have to! You did not have to do a foxdung thing! That stupid medicine cat apprentice still had feet. He could still move—he proved as much after the fact! What purpose was there to fling yourself at that monster?!”
His heart hammered in his chest as he berated her. His fur stood on end and his pelt felt hot. Larkspring was not entirely certain why he felt so strongly. There were plenty of stupid cats who threw themselves at wolves. Perchstar did it after all, and he did not give her a passing glance. But with Cindersky…Larkspring felt more. Felt too much.
Characters : [C]indersky, [W]olfpaw Clan/Rank : RiverClan, T3 Warrior| ShadowClan, Apprentice Number of posts : 327 Gender : They/She Age : 20
Subject: Re: fear is the tax (c) Fri 23 Feb 2024 - 12:17
cindersky
t3 warrior | riverclan
Cindersky stared, one paw raised, mouth partly agape, eyes as wide as a full moon. Her pelt stood on end, and every strike of his words felt like a fresh new tear on the poorly scabbed wound that was what was left of her tail. The silence was long, drawn out, pregnant with fears, worries, and nightmares from both parties. Her ears were flat to her head, and she looked almost frozen with time.
She, even when he had stopped his outburst, did not know what to tell him. Tell him she had made peace with death in that instance? Tell him she had believed it her only option to let Littlepaw live? Tell him that the only thing that truly pained her about it all was that she may end up leaving them behind and watching them live without her-- Or their expressions when she well and truly had survived? The way they sometimes avoided looking at her tail, or how on the mountaintrail, they could never meet her eyes?
"I'm sorry." Was the only thing she could work out, choked and ripe with a crack in her voice. Her eyes were glassy, and her throat felt tight, but she could not think of anything else to say. She wanted things to go back to how they were before, but to do that she would have to erase what she had done. And she wouldn't, not when she wasn't certain all of them would have survived.
Characters : [P]oppyshine; [Pi]neblossom; [W]hisperear; [C]rookedlight; [L]arkspring; [Wi]llowwisp Clan/Rank : RC T5 Deputy; SC T5; WC T5; SkC T5; RC T4; RC T4 Number of posts : 2961 Gender : Any Pronouns Age : 25
Subject: Re: fear is the tax (c) Mon 26 Feb 2024 - 12:06
(OOC: Mobile Post)
There was a twinge of sour feelings in Larkspring's stomach as he saw Cindersky shrink and struggle with her own words. His anger crashed in after that, swallowing it up. Larkspring always felt everything so strongly, and that included now. He was angry that Cindersky would put her own safety on the line. He was angry that she felt someone else was more worth her own life. He was angry that she thought she could just die and leave him, without even a second thought. Larkspring had never been so angry at Cindersky before, and Larkspring drowned in the overwhelming emotion that plagued so much of his childhood.
"If you were sorry then you wouldn't have done it!" Larkspring hissed. "Do you think so little of yourself? Or are you so desperate to get away from the hardships of our clan that you would practically dive into the mouth of a beast? And for who, Littlepaw of all cats?" His tail lashed behind him and he idly dug at the sand with one paw. "No, for not just say sorry! What if I had lost you?!"
moonazyne
Characters : [C]indersky, [W]olfpaw Clan/Rank : RiverClan, T3 Warrior| ShadowClan, Apprentice Number of posts : 327 Gender : They/She Age : 20
Subject: Re: fear is the tax (c) Mon 26 Feb 2024 - 12:33
cindersky
t3 warrior | riverclan
Word after word felt like a set of claws on her. The wolves teeth again sinking into her and it just kept coming-- She could not dare rip her eyes off of him then, even as he lashed into her with his words and now she wasn't sure if he hated her or was afraid for her.
"Lark--" She tried to get out, but her voice was so feeble and he spoke so strongly that no matter how many times she said it it only came out as a mere whimper. Her breath came quick, and she could feel her paws trembling and she didn't want to admit it but she was scared right now. She didn't know whether he, or the possibility of him turning tail on her now, scared her more.
"I wasn't desperate!" Her voice cracked, her tone raised in a pitiful shout as she tried so hard to be heard over him despite the shake in her voice making it so hard. He was a blur now, and maybe that was for the better. She did not want to see his expression-- She couldn't. "I was scared. I was scared for Littlepaw, for Rookflight, for you-- I- I thought that if... I don't know what I thought! Littlepaw was so scared and Egretswoop was right there and the wolf and--" Her words were all melding into one, her breaths coming so ragged they sounded more like gasps. "I thought you would all make it out alive-- Littlepaw, Rookflight, you-- I was so, so scared of leaving you all behind but if it came to it and I didn't do something and you had died instead-- I- I couldn't-- Living without you would be--"
Her words cut off harshly, just as she took another set of rapid breaths. She couldn't get them out anymore and everything ached and her paws felt cold and she couldn't stop shaking and she wanted to ask for forgiveness but she couldn't look at him. She hated it. She hated that she had tried to do good and it had hurt him and she wanted to take it away instead of letting him hurt and StarClan why did his anger hurt so badly?
Characters : [P]oppyshine; [Pi]neblossom; [W]hisperear; [C]rookedlight; [L]arkspring; [Wi]llowwisp Clan/Rank : RC T5 Deputy; SC T5; WC T5; SkC T5; RC T4; RC T4 Number of posts : 2961 Gender : Any Pronouns Age : 25
Subject: Re: fear is the tax (c) Tue 27 Feb 2024 - 20:01
Larkspring
Cindersky’s voice was wet with tears, which did cut through the flames that seared in Larkspring’s skull. He faltered for only a moment before the words she said made it come back all over again. He replied, “And what if you had died?! Do you think that the same would not be said about the rest? That you would not have devastated Littlepaw, Rookflight, m—me?”
Maybe that was what it was. The thought of losing Cindersky, of her becoming a pile of broken bones and fur just as Egretswoop had…It was terrifying. He thought, for just a moment, that she was truly gone; died as Egretswoop had, disappeared as his father had, and he then had one less person in this world who was kind to him. She had lived, and instead she was left with an injury, a lost tail, pain, and Larkspring was left with all of these thoughts and feelings jumbled up like a rotting mossball that would not stop kicking around in his brain.
“You and Egretswoop both—sacrificial mousebrains is what you are. You are lucky that you did not end up just like her. But life does not run on luck, Cindersky! You need to have thoughts above all else!” His breaths for a moment came out in gasps. His jaw trembled and he looked down at his paws. He felt everything, so much, all the time. It felt like a storm was raging inside of his head. He didn’t know how to stop it; only how to let it out and throw it back at Cindersky.
Characters : [C]indersky, [W]olfpaw Clan/Rank : RiverClan, T3 Warrior| ShadowClan, Apprentice Number of posts : 327 Gender : They/She Age : 20
Subject: Re: fear is the tax (c) Thu 29 Feb 2024 - 9:50
cindersky
t3 warrior | riverclan
His words made so much sense that she could not refute them, and they were not wrong, and she knew that-- She knew the reality of it now because she had lived, rather than the opposite. In the moment she did not think of the future implications, but rather the current; keep them safe, keep them as well as she could. Do what she could not have done in early kithood, before her eyes had even opened.
"I know that, Larkspring, I do--" She began, choked and stuttering but she tried her best. "I... I don't know what to say, I just wanted you all to live, I wanted Littlepaw to be able to grow up, I wanted Rookflight to be able to return healthy, I wanted you to be able to come back home and-- And I-- I wanted you to be able to be happy, and live, and thrive, and become the cat you wanted to become and--" Was she blabbering nonsense at this point? She didn't truly know what she was saying, except all of it was truth and it was running out of her mouth like a river-offshoot freed from roots and kelp.
"I did have thoughts and that's what they were-- If it did go badly, I could watch you from above, I could keep you safe, I could--" It grated her. Not being able to live alongside them. The thought of it, not being able to watch Littlepaw turn into the bright spark she knew he would, not being able to see where Rookflight and Larksprings life took them, not being able to--... Her breathing stuttered, and she thought if she did not speak again she would not be able to anymore. "But it didn't go badly, and-- And I'm still here. You're all still here, and I-..." She took a deep breath. 'Hysterics will not help. Save them til later, Cindersky.' "You're safe. And I don't have to watch you from the sky. I can... I can still see you, right here."
Characters : [P]oppyshine; [Pi]neblossom; [W]hisperear; [C]rookedlight; [L]arkspring; [Wi]llowwisp Clan/Rank : RC T5 Deputy; SC T5; WC T5; SkC T5; RC T4; RC T4 Number of posts : 2961 Gender : Any Pronouns Age : 25
Subject: Re: fear is the tax (c) Sun 3 Mar 2024 - 11:55
Larkspring
Larkspring’s ears pressed downward and his heart skipped a beat at Cindersky’s words. It still felt like she didn’t quite get it. He didn’t know how to explain it to her. He didn’t know if there was a point. It wouldn’t change what happened, and he didn’t know if berating her would change the future either. The threat of war still loomed and part of him feared that if Cindersky was chosen to go…
He let out a sharp exhale. “Don’t do it again,” he growled. “This self-sacrificing nonsense—we can all take care of ourselves. Even that runt Littlepaw. Your life is worth no less than any of ours. So don’t…don’t you dare throw your life away for anyone again. Not ever.”
Characters : [C]indersky, [W]olfpaw Clan/Rank : RiverClan, T3 Warrior| ShadowClan, Apprentice Number of posts : 327 Gender : They/She Age : 20
Subject: Re: fear is the tax (c) Tue 5 Mar 2024 - 9:49
cindersky
t3 warrior | riverclan
Cindersky flinched and braced herself for the next round of shouting when the breath huffed out of him, and none came. Still angry, tense with the simmering down aftershocks. She let her eyes drift back to him, and felt her chest twitch at the very sight of him. She had often seen him angry, but never at her. She wanted it to go back to how it were on the journey, nevermind her illness during it.
"I promise," She said, as calmly as she could though her voice still trembled. "I promise." She would not throw it away. Not against an infallible enemy, or something she could not thwart. If she could trade it, however? She would. Not because she thought of herself as lesser-- that was inherent in her promise-- but because if either of them ever had to die, she would rather it be her. Her life would be over if he-- If any of them were gone.
"And..." She inclined her head forward, trying to lock her eyes with his so that he would at least acknowledge what she were saying. And a comfort for her, too. "Thank you, Larkspring. For caring. Thank you."
