coursing river [c]

It had been a long discussion. One filled with tears, heartbreak, and words that perhaps had best been kept inside of the mind. But it had still happened. In the end, an understanding was reached. One that was rooted purely in logic on the end of one tortoiseshell, with emotion and just the smallest shard of hope in another. Grief had been a heavy burden, weighing down upon the taller of the two. She still moved silently, the epitome of the night triumphant. Beside her, the thundering empress, a tiny but mighty force that an entire Clan bowed to. It should have been a startling, lethal duo that the two of them made. The queen and her princess. Mother and daughter. Yet, it felt so much different than that. It felt more like two strangers, walking a path together that they had never shared once in their lives.

Perhaps that was how it had always been. Mottlestar had failed to consider just how different her children were from her, having inherited much more of their father's traits than she ever could have considered, especially given their upbringing. They had been nurtured and cared for in a Clan that had seen harrowing times, forcing them to grow up much faster than they should have. It was in reflecting those moments that the much smaller tortoiseshell often contemplated the way Nightstalker had been shaped. Relief had flooded over her upon news of Murkyripple's return, only for grief to shift its heavy paws onto her back as her return came with bittersweet news. In the end, it was the love of a mother that understood. That allowed it to pass.

For the tortoiseshell who moved like a shadow, she seemed still much more like a husk. That critical light that had once blazed was nothing more than the smallest ember, held deep, deep down within that plunging, splintered void. Every sharp fragment of her had turned outward, dedicating whatever service they had left to protecting that small flicker. It was the last that she had, the last she could give. The very last tether of her soul that could handle existence upon the mortal plane that had seemed so keen on ripping everything away from her, shredding and raking its angry claws at whatever she dared try and care for. Fate was a sly fox, one that she had once bared her teeth at. Every night, all alone.

Now, it was time for her to see if the river would be on her side. Would it betray her too, just as the shadows had?

Mottlestar pressed her nose affectionately into her daughters fur as they neared Sunningrocks. She had purposefully attempted to delay their trip, but she knew. She knew what she saw in her daughter, and as much as it hurt, she had to give her the chance. Allow her passage to the river for the sake of a new life. If it was the last gift she could give her daughter, then she would. In a heartbeat, the Thunderclan leader would give everything for her kits. Always, always would.

"And you're sure?"
"Yes."
"Very well."

Taking a deep breath, Mottlestar moved away from her daughter to take one step ahead, leading them closer to the Riverclan edge. The dichotomy between their steps was... interesting. As leader, she moved as the rolling thunder. A warning of the storm that lurked beneath, of the thorns that pricked despite her rose-like appearance. Murkyripple moved as a fluid shadow, though there was a new description that seemed to fit her more. She moved as silently and smoothly as water herself, a new stream forging its path amidst the forest. Nothing slowed her down, even as she moved in a way that suggested she would have rather vanished into a thin, hidden mist. It felt all that had made her who she was had been turned into such, anyways.

At the glimpse of a Riverclan warrior, a simple request was made. "Greetings. Could you fetch us Perchstar, by chance? Thank you."

Simple words for such a heavy exchange about to take place. All that was left was to wait.

Perchstar had not been expecting a summons at the border. For a moment, her heart careened forward in her chest, mind ablaze with the possibilities of anything that could go wrong--before remembering that ThunderClan were now their allies. Softfall was long gone. Stoatstar no longer stood at the head, let alone any of the leaders who had been hostile to RiverClan. If Mottlestar wanted to speak, it was likely about details of the alliance, or a request for help, or some such. Not a challenge or a threat. Still, as she cut short her moment of brief respite in the shade of the leader's den, she could not help but square her shoulders in anticipation. Hopefully it was not anything that would require the unsheathing of claws. Though some available warriors offered to accompany her, she refused them. As a gesture of trust, she would attend the summons alone. There was no need to bring an elite guard simply to meet with Mottlestar... and whoever this companion was that had been briefly mentioned. And besides, if she walked alone, then she would not have to put up any appearances on the journey. She could traverse the terrain as slowly as she needed.

As she began the walk to Sunningrocks, a light drop of water fell upon her nose. Then one upon her back, followed by several more, until a gentle rainfall turned into a torrential downpour. Though it may have been bad timing, Perchstar welcomed the rain. It soothed the heat that seemed to burn unceasingly beneath her pelt. Recently she had felt more exhausted, bone-tired, than anything else. It was easy to assume that the sun bleeding into her fur must have been the cause. Now, though the rain fell hard and fast, pummeling the ground and the leader with equal force, she reveled in it. Water was her element. Smooth and rough, fast and slow, simultaneously gentle enough to offer respite and forceful enough to carve paths through solid rock. Unmovable and unchanging, yet always bending to best suit the situation. Once she had aspired to be the stones. Many moons ago, she had given up on the foolish yearning. Instead, she had become the very river itself--and in doing so, in opening herself up to change and vulnerability in the only way that she knew how, she had experienced both warmth and pain the likes of which she would never have known otherwise. So the rain, far from dissuading her, strengthened her on the journey. By the time she reached Sunningrocks, Perchstar felt almost like herself again.

Anything... That was my promise. Anything for RiverClan.

Sure enough, two forms stood just at the edge of the cluster of stones. One was instantly recognizable despite now being even slimmer, drenched with rain. The short, yet imposing tortoiseshell was unmistakable, her amber eyes glowing in the cloud-dimmed lighting. As always, her positioning was strong and befitting of her position. But unlike the RiverClan leader, Mottlestar had never quite been able to keep any hint of emotion from her eyes. That gaze, though impenetrable, showcased the quietest hint of conflicted feelings with nothing but a slight shift of the spark inside them. The approaching she-cat took a moment to try to read them. Uncertainty. Resolve. And... guilt? Or was it loss? It was like attempting to speak a language that was entirely similar and yet different from her own. Perchstar gave up her attempts at translation and turned her own ice-blue gaze to the ThunderClan leader's companion.

The other she-cat looked like an echo of Mottlestar, but also altogether different. She was taller--more heavily built--with longer fur and tail. The pelt was tortoiseshell, but mottled with more white. The eyes were a slightly different color, orange, deeper than the leader's amber both in shade and in the thoughts behind them. A light scar even crossed over one, barely visible in the fur until she shifted slightly. She was... less readable. Perchstar was not quite sure what to make of this stranger. So, she didn't.

Instead, the RiverClan leader stepped forward, moving from the border of her territory onto the neutral ground. Sunningrocks. Doubtless some of her ancestors would be wailing at her gesture of good faith, turning the long-sought-after piece of territory into a place of sharing tongues rather than a battlefield. But if that was what it took to make her Clan stronger--to make allies that would ensure they were never driven from their own homes, that they were never without prey or without defense--then that was what she would do. Perchstar moved in an effortless, streamlined way that conveyed absolute grace without being overdone. Her steps were easy and effective, but her tall form swayed lightly. Steady and intentional, her white paws did not slip on the rain-slick stone, but found sure purchase despite the downpour. The way that the storm pressed her fur to her frame did not make her look pathetically drenched. Rather, she seemed somehow to become one with the raindrops, to move around them, almost, as she made her way forward. In a moment, she reached the very midpoint of the flattest rock. Carefully she sat down, curling her tail over her paws, suggesting with the simple movement that she was open to discussion, and not here in any kind of threatening capacity. As always, her gaze remained straight and even. Smooth and rough, fast and slow. The river. Eyes of lightest blue lingered for one more second on the cat whose name she did not know, before shifting over to meet Mottlestar's level amber gaze. "Mottlestar. To what do I owe the pleasure?" Her voice was calm and imperturbably neutral when she spoke. The greeting was simple and to the point. Whatever the reason was for this meeting, she was open to the explanation.

And yet something... something... prickled at the back of her mind. What could this summons possibly be about?

There was no possible explanation that the smaller of the two tortoiseshell felines could offer for just why she managed to keep the tears at bay. Every rhyme, every reason pointed to the assumption that she should have been crying. Every emotion should have been pouring forth from her, the heart of a mother being born for the pain she was currently attempting to process. She couldn't help herself from attempting to regard just what that reason may be, just why she was able to guard herself in this instance. Had she already been able to find some semblance of closure from the small discussion she had with her daughter just moments prior? Was she too stunned to have processed it yet?

Ultimately, the answers seemed to come once the welcoming sight of the queen of the river came into view. There was an instinctive need to guard her tightest wounds, though that reason was easily enough dispelled by the simple fact Mottlestar had already trusted the fact of one of her deaths in the molly that now approached. No, it was that the love of a mother was saved for her kits, and not for any spectators. From what she'd gleaned, Perchstar herself had taken on that title not too long ago. Releasing a shakily held breath, the uncertainty in it even surprised the tortoiseshell. If there was any place for her daughter to consider, this was the best.

With the leader seemed to come a strong storm. The tears that Mottlestar had wanted to cry seemed to spill from the sky, immediately hammering themselves into her pelt like pebbles that were sent to bludgeon her. Doubts swirled in her mind, the idea that she had somehow failed her role as a mother in providing her a home eddying away her mind. Closing her eyes shut for just a moment, the leader had to dismiss them. No, this was a force beyond her control. Far beyond it.

In almost complete opposition to her mother that seemed to flinch and sway beneath the beginning of the rain, the warrior beside her did not move. No, she stood perfectly still. Perched with a frame that far suggested she hardly even registered the storms presence, or even welcomed it. Her longer fur didn't offer her any better protection than one may have presumed. Memories trickled in her mind of that first night, of the storm that had accompanied her as she had thoroughly submerged herself in the icy waters that had numbed the daggers that sunk into her entire being. For just a moment, she felt those sharp daggers again, taking in a breath as to not let them hurt. To turn them away, ignoring their bite.

As Perchstar approached, the lonesome shadow that had otherwise been silent beside her mother dipped her head to a respectful bow. Having been born of two mighty leaders of the forest, the notion of showing a display of respect hardly ever crossed her mind. In this instance, it was fitting, though she didn't keep her head tilted for long. While she had thought for herself to find allegiance within the flow of the river, it was apparent that in front of the leader herself, she was far from the maneuvering currents than she had thought. Grace and regality adorned the molly she carefully studied in a gentle cloak, one that rested so close she practically was one with it. While it was for only a moment, the hollow orange gaze dared to regale the icey cool blues that considered Murkyripple herself. In them? That same coolness, fortitude that had been so carefully constructed with the shade.

There was no need to size up this feline as if she were a foe. While she had created herself into the night sentry of Thunderclan, no longer would she hold that title. Instead, she would still likely be a warrior of the stars, but march beneath a different banner. The idea of challenging her hopeful commander was ludicrous at best. Sitting straighter, her body settled into its familiar stance of a protector. Ready to glide among the shadows and currents to defend what she deemed important, purely out of instinct. Her posture wasn't hostile, no, it simply conveyed the fact that there was a sensitive topic at bay. One that she wanted to be kept closely guarded.

Thankfully, her mother would be the one to speak first. "A topic of conflicting nature, though thankfully, of nothing that should be too troubling on your end I hope." Speckles of grief littered her tone. Try as she might, Mottlestar was a creature of emotion. She met Perchstar's logical chill with a warm heart, and it was perhaps because of that balance she found it so easy to get along with the Riverclan leader. Glancing towards her daughter, the tortoiseshell couldn't help but loose a heavy sigh. "My daughter, Murkyripple, wishes to speak to you. While it is not my place to tell her story, the tumult of the forest has left her feeling as if Thunderclan is no longer a Clan she can call home. She's already asked my permission, and I've granted it- but it is up to her to ask."

It could have seemed like Mottlestar was speaking in tongues, and Murkyripple only seemed to straighten at the mention of her name. Words had always failed her, and in that moment, she wanted nothing else than to resume her silent existence. To let that little flicker die, to be buried deep down and smothered. It would have been easier, so much easier, to let it all consume her. And yet...

"...Forgive me, for I do not find words easy, ma'am." She began, her ears seeming to dip back for a nigh-imperceptible moment as she considered just what details to share.

"I have suffered a great loss... one that has... made me lost." Her claws slid into the cracks of the stone beneath her, the physical act a maneuver to root herself in the ground as a wave of dizziness clouded her mind. It stayed behind those impenitrable walls of shadow, ones that rippled and waved with emotion that she could not contain. Did not know how to contain, though somehow stayed within. "I cannot pledge allegiance to Thunderclan in good faith after this. As I was lost... I found myself in the river. For... longer than I should have been." It hurt to admit. She was a creature of pride, and whether that was a gift or a curse from her father she was still deciphering. But if she were to have the best chance... she had to set it aside. "One of your warriors... Rowansong. He is the reason I still walk this forest."

Rising her gaze to meet that glacier-like neutrality, Murkyripple willed that tiny spark to show, before it was once more swallowed by the shade and abyss that otherwise consumed her. "As a daughter of a forbidden romance, my entire existence felt... wrong. But in allowing myself to be at the mercy of the river, I hope for a new path. ... If you would allow, ma'am, I wish to shed my place as the night guard of Thunderclan, and pledge my future to Riverclan as a warrior under your helm." So, so many words. Her voice grew hoarse by the end, the warrior clearly not adjusted to speaking so much. But with her case stated, she allowed her gaze to hold for just a moment, before lowering just slightly out of respect. While she was of nothing but noble blood, that didn't put her above those that actually served in such a position.

Whatever Perchstar had been expecting, it certainly wasn't this. No sign of astonishment showed on her face. She simply blinked, taking in the words that Mottlestar said, hearing the sorrow that was audible even above the sound of thundering raindrops. Why would such an emotion be necessary? When she spoke of her kits, normally the ThunderClan leader expressed only joy and pride. Maybe a little bit of worry when the affairs of her Clan were causing undue worry. But it seemed that whatever the reason was, it was one that carried grief for the kind, motherly tortoiseshell.

There was naught to do but listen. Her expression did not change. Her ears were pointed towards the strange cat--no, Mottlestar's daughter, Murkyripple. What could she possibly have to say? What would be causing such distress?

A great loss. Help from Rowansong. And finally... a shift in allegiance.

While the words were somewhat clumsy and uncertain, they were heartfelt. The emotion that briefly shimmered in Murkyripple's orange eyes was compelling. For a moment, pelted by the storm, Perchstar remained sitting still, contemplating what had been said. A loss that made one feel lost. She... could certainly relate. As much as she wished she hadn't, she had experienced deep, bone-chilling grief just the same. No more details were necessary. She couldn't help but be surprised that Rowansong, of all cats, had offered assistance--but she supposed that she shouldn't have been. All in all, that tom was his mother's son. The kindness and empathy of Poppyshine ran deep within his veins, whether he acknowledged it or not. And it seemed, whatever he had done, it had been a good deed. Murkyripple still walked the forest.

"I wish to shed my place as the night guard of Thunderclan, and pledge my future to Riverclan as a warrior under your helm."

This was only the second time that a cat had asked to join her Clan. The first had been Mapleleaf, many moons ago, seeking shelter from Shrikestar's intolerance and a home for her forbidden kits. While the sanctuary had been given grudgingly, it had produced many strong and capable warriors... of whom only Hawkshriek now remained, a testament to his mother's bravery and sacrifice. And yet, here was a strange dilemma. A she-cat who had not been exiled or cast out. One who simply wished for a new path. A change. A shift. In how she viewed herself, or in who she really was.

It took only another moment of contemplation before Perchstar's perfect stillness shifted. She inclined her head once. It was the same gesture that Murkyripple had given when she approached. But it was not a nod of deference, but of respect and acknowledgment. This could not have been an easy choice. "I accept," the leader said simply. "So long as you know what this truly means. You will be leaving your family behind. Though we are allies with ThunderClan, and I do not expect that to change anytime soon, you must be willing to make your allegiance with another Clan entirely. My Clanmates will be your Clanmates. My home will be your home. My word will be your warrior code. Is this acceptable to you?"

The tail that had been curled around Perchstar's paws now moved, swaying once behind her. "And that is not all. You will need to gain an understanding of an entirely new way of life. You must learn how to swim, how to fish, how to walk silently on a very different territory from what you are used to. You will have to take on the mantle of an apprentice and start from the very beginning. I am willing to teach you, but you must be willing to learn." Light blue eyes were thoughtful, but still an even and level gaze, as they looked at Murkyripple. "It will be difficult to leave everything that you know behind. Are you prepared to face that difficulty? Will you be able to take this desire for change and transform it into a true metamorphosis? Will you be able to become a RiverClan cat? If so, then I will welcome you gladly as one of my own." Perchstar looked once at Mottlestar, taking in the deep sigh and aura of self-uncertainty that radiated from her friend. "I have a very deep respect for your mother. As she has vouched for your character, I will trust you wholeheartedly. If this is what you both truly wish, then it would be my honor to invite you into my home. You will have RiverClan's full grace and protection."

Right now, all she thought of was the current situation. There was no space for anything else in her mind. And yet... something else that Murkyripple had said was bothering her. That being the product of a forbidden romance had made her feel unwelcome.

...What if her kits wished to abandon RiverClan?

For her daughter, Mottlestar's heart thundered. Whatever anxieties should have been curling around the molly aside her instead crept at her own paws, all while her gaze shifted gently between the two felines before her. Both of them were mighty warriors in their own respects. Perchstar had proven herself and as much was simply respected by the mantle of her title, whereas Murkyripple's dedication had been proven ever since her apprenticehood. It was one that the small tortoiseshell was intimately familiar with, and at that moment, felt the pang of loss that would come with her no longer being there. At the very least, she had taken the time to talk to her siblings. In a very strange way, it was a relief to not have to worry about having to deliver that news. Images of Morningsun's passing flashed in her mind, and for a moment, her claws sunk into the softening sand that padded itself between the stones they sat on. She couldn't break her kits hearts again.

However, this was entirely a path she had chosen. As the Riverclan leaders decision was made, she felt her tension ebb away. Every hardened drop of rain that struck her pelt seemed to take yet another ounce of that concern, each word of her ally allowing her to truly know her daughter would be in good paws. She had given her blessing, and it had been accepted.

While shadow contemplated river, her gaze did not waver. It matched that stillness, even as the rest of her frame seemed to shift just slightly with the rain. Following its heartbeat, the pattern that it thrummed onto the stones around them. Each little pluck in a rhythm that only the earth knew, that only those who bothered to care could respect. She had allowed herself to tune into it, to truly wager her own inner feelings about the sensation of water while there was still time to assess that part of herself. There would be no choice for the shadow that dwelled at the root of the trees beyond this point. She would either begrudgingly become one with that river that had given her a gift, or do so willingly. Kindly.

The moment that acceptance was uttered, she knew it would be with kindness.

Another slight change happened in the warrior's frame. A subtle shift in her weight, leaning back just slightly to allow herself to rise as if a soldier was being called to war. Somehow, as the tamed orange of a dying ember met the blue of the purest ice, she for once found words. "The warrior oath I swore said I am to defend my clan, at the cost of my life." For a moment, those who only listened to her words would have considered cowardice. It was far from the truth. "As I have lost that life, I accept. Should a time come where I must face Thunderclan in battle, I will do so with my whole heart... but I will be honest, Perchstar." Doubt. The only lick of it. Once more, the shade set aside her pride. Truth in exchange for hope. For a new life. "I can face any cat in battle that is not of allegiance to my Clan. My sister is why I bear the scar across my eye... but my brother. Thrushnose. He is the only kin I will never be able to fight, not without facing doubt. I lay this truth plainly at your paws."

Mottlestar blinked in surprise at the admission. She had simply been told that it was a predator they had chased down-not a scuffle between siblings. Which sister it had been took hardly an ounce of thought, as she knew the way her little flame often spoke in the language of battle. Her dissatisfaction didn't last much longer than that. Acornstem adored Firefly, as did Murkyripple and Rosepaw. So clearly, whatever had actually happened, had not harmed the bond between them. She had just wished to have known about the cause sooner.

"If that is acceptable... Then yes."

Looking towards her daughter at that point, the smaller tortoiseshell rose to her paws. "Murkyripple, you have chosen to walk the path as a cat in another Clan. Do you promise to leave the secrets and ways of Thunderclan behind you? Do you accept the punishment that would come from treason if you share them for the purpose of harm to Thunderclan? ... Do you accept the fact that you will have to face old clanmates in battle, and that they will treat you no different than any other?" It was her final piece in this. To strip her own daughter of her Thunderclan name, of her place in the clan. She had a hard time saying the words out loud... but it was necessary.

"I do. I thank Thunderclan for raising me, but... it's not home."
"Then I, Mottlestar of Thunderclan, strip you of your warrior name and place within Thunderclan. You shall be Murky, until your new home deem you otherwise."

Murky. A shadow. It felt... odd. To no longer have that title, but in a way, the molly couldn't help but let out a dry chuckle. A ripple. Water. Somehow, she couldn't help the feeling that this was always meant to be. That she never was supposed to stay as one of the cats who patrolled the roots of the trees, who worked in the brambles and brush. Stepping forward, it was perhaps the only time she had ever initiated any connection to her mother. A single press of her nose to her forehead, her goodbye. One that she felt safe showing in front of Perchstar, before stepping away and once more donning the stature of a soldier.

"I promise to train in the ways of a Riverclan warrior, to no matter how long it takes. It would be my honor to be your apprentice. ... My honor to serve and defend Riverclan." Her voice strained. She had never spoke so much in her life, not even when training her apprentices. A feline of few words, of few notable actions. Part of her could have perhaps been likened to the stone, if not for how she stayed away from the gaze of most cats.

Letting out a gentle sigh, the leader couldn't help but produce a small smile. "Thunderclan's traditions are complete, Perchstar. I know you'll take care of her." That last sentence, spoken mother-to-mother. It was the only reason she could give that weak smile. There were no other paws she would otherwise leave her daughter in, lest it be that of the stars. Only once it was her time, though. The fact that they had tried to take her daughter all too soon... Words for a particular starry-pawed medicine cat would be said. Dipping her head in farewell to them both, it was time for the tortoiseshell to depart back home.

It was time for that dim ember that was otherwise consumed by darkness and despair to be shaped by the currents of the river.

One cat. One cat from ThunderClan that she could not fight. Compared to anything else it could have been, Perchstar considered that to be an acceptable caveat. Again, she nodded. "So be it. Hopefully, you will not have to cross claws with any ThunderClan cat for the forseeable future. But in the event that we do need to fight your former Clan, you may simply pick any other opponent." A new name. A new Clan. A new life. It was a big responsibility, but one that Perchstar believed that Murkyripple--no, just Murky now--could bear well. Something about the glimmer in the she-cat's orange eyes made her believe it was possible.

Once more, the RiverClan leader locked eyes with the tortoiseshell. It couldn't have been easy. Some quiet part of her wondered if the situation was reversed--if this were Mistwalker, perhaps, or Willowpaw--whether she could be able to be as gracious. Instead, she lowered her head in a nod of acceptance. Deference, eve. "I promise." The vow needed no words other than that. And with those last few words, Mottlestar returned to her own side of the border.

Perchstar looked back at Murky. "Your promise is accepted." There was no smile, nor welcoming embrace, but there was a slight glow of approval in the calm coolness of her blue eyes. "Come with me back home. There, I will officially appoint you, and you will meet your Clanmates. I imagine that they will be excited to get to know you."