gently they weep [closed]

It was certainly a series of thoughts to mull over. More than enough time had been spent in thinking about it, more than enough sleepless nights had been sent as the evidence that it was time. She'd searched for ages, trying to find an answer to her silent prayers, to the demons that lurked in the dark. She was ready to leap at any moment, to attack whoever it was that dared sneak up behind her. In no way was it a manner fit to live, in no way was it something she could go through fixing again. It weighed too heavily on the mind to even consider. But there was one final order of business for her to conclude, one last piece of the puzzle to put together before she confirmed her decision.

Yewfrost.

Something about the tuxedo-pelted tom made her heart ache at the idea of simply disappearing, much like how the moon set each day. Except after this, it wouldn't return. She wouldn't, anyways. Gentle steps followed the path they always took to the nest they shared together, to the place they both resided. It was in his familiar pelt that she found comfort, and she was more than thankful to see him. Her head immediately pushed into his shoulder, the breath that had been held finally releasing. Her anxieties melted away with him. Her mind was once more her own, she was in control of it all. Could she really do this?

Could she even ask this of him?

All of that had to be swallowed away as she let their silent greeting hold their moment, before she began. "Yew... it's time. I talked to her." He knew. Of course he knew, how could she ever keep it from him? He was the one who kept her sane. Who helped her mind stay, who was always there to comfort her when the nightmares jolted her awake. He may have been the smaller of the duo, but she certainly felt like it most of the time. He protected her with a ferocity that she couldn't ever give enough gratitude towards. It was why he knew. He knew everything about her, in fact, even knew her better than herself sometimes. It only made the choice that much harder... even harder to convince him to try and stay. Deep down, she hoped he wouldn't. But that was an impossible ask. Or was it?

A pattern of pawsteps he heard even in his dreams. Soft, plush fur fresh with the scent of pine needles and snowflakes. This little home of theirs kept peaceful and quiet, a home that moved to wherever they needed to stay. A home that existed wherever their shared den may be. It should have felt the same out here. But there was a thing back in SkyClan now, a thing with a name that if it’d been in a kitten tale it would’ve been far too on-the-nose in his opinion. If it were just him he could simply avoid the beast as best he could, but with her… she couldn’t do that. It made bile rise in his throat to think a parent could expose their own children to such acts of violence and afterwards deny the pain and suffering they’d caused. Refuse to repent or make right. Yewfrost’s teeth clenched and he slowly breathed in, then out, hoping to cool the ball of fury dwelling in his heart. Little else had ever made him so angry before.

His heart only truly quelled with Moonlily’s return and her wordless press against his shoulder. She seemed tired. Not physically, but emotionally. He knew who she meant when she finally spoke, and he silently rested his own head on top of hers, pressing his cheek into her fluffy fur. Their time together in SkyClan had come to an end. He wasn’t going to try to convince her to stay. He knew, he saw just how much she thought this over. Wrestled with this inevitability. All he wanted to do was to see her go where she wanted to go. And to live without fear.

Her happiness, her freedom, that was what he wanted. A flicker of amused self-deprecation flashed across his face. ‘So that’s what this is.’ A word he could not bear to say even in his own mind, lest it doom the she-cat standing beside him. It was superstitious – he knew that well enough – but the pain of loss defied reasoning. When she’d been taken away he’d found himself moving aimlessly, like some vital part of him was missing. Restless, agitated, inconsolable. It made the great joy and relief at her return feel even more intense. He liked to think of himself as a sharp-eyed warrior, but just like everyone else he had been blind to his own heart. Yet to speak the word itself terrified him like nothing else. So perhaps he wouldn’t acknowledge it. At least, not here. Where disaster seemed to strike wherever he whispered it. It could wait.

“Do you plan to go tonight?” Hushed tones like wind through grass. He had to wonder what Birdstar would say to the rest of the clan and when. If there would be anyone trying to stop them. “If you will have me, I will follow you. Away from here.” What would he do if she denied him? That thought hurt a little more than he expected.

Fear was the first thing she felt after speaking. She should have felt it sooner, felt it while she spoke to Birdstar about her decision. Fear when her rank was truly stripped from her and she was no longer Moonlily of Skyclan, but simply Moonlily. What would come next? What was for her beyond the territory she'd learned so thoroughly? That was what should have made her feel chill to her bone. To force her to reconsider her options, to make her wonder if she could make it all work. But somehow, it wasn't. What truly brought her fear was what to come from the tom in front of her, from the only clanmate she could truly consider a clanmate.

It felt as if a potential lethal attack had been spared to her the moment he asked to join her. Her maw immediately parted to speak her objection, to tell him that he should stay here where he belonged. Her leaving had no reason to also be the reason that he left as well, as it was unfair of her to ask that he give up his life just for her. But her maw closed again as she thought through her actions, the realization hitting her harder than even the coldest leafbare night. To ask him to stay was asking him the unforgivable question. It would be a bigger unjustice to ask him to stay behind, to leave the one he'd already given up so much for.

That word fleeted on her tongue for just a moment, instead, the large fluffy molly only taking a deep breath. "Birdstar has already stripped me of my rank. So... yes." It was the first question answered. There was nothing left for her here, no one left to say goodbye to. She'd asked Birdstar to give her farewells on her behalf, so there was no need to stay behind or delay. After all, she'd been told directly not to betray the leaders' trust. The leader, no longer hers. Moonlily herself wanted the leave to be as peaceful as possible. But there was one last, crucial piece to that puzzle.

"We will be leaving tonight. If you'll join me, Yewfrost, for the rest of my days... our days. I don't know where we will go, but... just stay by my side?"

Yewfrost’s chartreuse eyes did not leave the she-cat’s face as she thought. Something slowly tensed in his chest the longer their silence stretched. At some point he had begun to feel like they were inseparable. He sent a wordless prayer to those who listened to the living in StarClan, if there were any, that this feeling was mutual. Perhaps his brother would take pity on him. Or maybe he’d laugh at the look on his face.

What sweet relief it was to hear those words from her mouth. A rare purr rumbled in his throat. Nothing could describe just how heavy a weight he felt being lifted from his back, how the words of one cat and one cat alone could hold such power over him. Indeed, he felt so light that he thought he might sprout wings and fly. They would leave together. They would no longer be two warriors of SkyClan, but simply two cats with the names Moonlily and Yewfrost. Today, after a long, long Leafbare, would finally be his heart’s first Newleaf. The ice sheet locking him in place could finally break apart and float along the river to who knew where. An artless, fond expression softened his face, saying everything of how he felt, everything but the name for it. What a fool he must look like. And yet, he didn’t care anymore. Freedom he didn’t know he needed was open to him. To them. All because of her.


“I would not dream of doing anything else. Wherever we may go, whatever paths we take, I will stand beside you. Always.”

Their journey together had only just begun.