spinning gently out of time [c]

Forest Speak
Feral Speak

There was a new fire burning within Silverdusk as they returned to camp following the events of the last gathering, blossoming from a single seed of hope. Their search that had been previously fruitless may finally have a lead. Sprucebark, or to be exact, what he promised had sparked it. She would join him on his hunt, it was better than staying in ThunderClan, not knowing the truth was torturous. As the resting the cats slipped away to their dens, the tall warrior found Acornstar and Sageroot, asking them for a moment of their time.

She already knew this would be a hard sell, particularly with Acornstar. ThunderClan’s numbers dwindled, fewer by the moon, and here they were asking to leave, even if only temporarily. Her tail swept the dirt. There were also her commitments; she was a mother to three kits, a mentor to two apprentices and arguably one of the clan’s best warriors. The more they thought about this, the worse this idea seemed. They were in half a mind to say just forget it, but the idea of willingly letting the chance to find Wiggleworm again slip away made them feel ill. She had chosen to go to war for him, this was nothing compared to that. Silverdusk was allowed to be selfish. Why should she suffer? Why should her kits be fatherless? StarClan may will it, but they did not follow the stars. Asking to leave was a curtesy.

“I would like to leave ThunderClan temporarily.” stated the she-cat “At the gathering I spoke to Sprucebark, a tom from RiverClanthat has Poppystar’s permission to search for the missing cats. I wish to join him.” Silverdusk let the words hang in the air “If there’s a chance that Wiggleworm and Bearpaw are still alive I want to bring them home, and even if they now rest in Gekala I still want to bring them home.” Her gut twisted painfully at the notion of losing both cats, they had to be alive for their sake. “I promise I will return.”

“Can you keep that promise?” Sageroot asked. “In better times, I would go with you in a heartbeat. As it stands though, ThunderClan has fewer than ten warriors, and that’s including myself and Acornstar. If you are allowed to go, how long will you stay away? If your search is fruitless, will you turn around? I know you need your mate, I feel like my heart has been ripped out too when I think of him, but your clan needs you. Can we trust that you’ll know when to come home?”

Acornstar turned to face Silverdusk, a gentle smile on her face - ready to lend an ear to whatever the she-cat had to say...But after the first few words out of her mouth, the leader's expression darkened. Silverdusk wanted to leave. The simple thought made her stomach turn, feeling sick as the words lingered in her head as the warrior went on. Even temporary, it was a hard ask - multiple cats had gone missing the last few moons, their two medicine cats among them. Outside of blind hope that her mate was alive, what was the hope that Silverdusk had that those two, who had disappeared at the same time, could be found when there was multiple other Clanmates who had likewise disappeared without warning?

"I agree with Sageroot," she finally said, her voice colder than she would have liked as she fought to keep the despair at the idea of losing another Clanmate, even if for a moon or two, from being clear in her tone. "ThunderClan is not in the position to lose anymore cats - not willingly, and certainly not one of our best. My heart aches for the Clanmates we have lost, and I would do almost anything to get a single one back. Wiggleworm and Bearpaw were not the only Clanmates that have disappeared, we do not have the cats to try to find answers on what happened in each. Losing your mate is not easy, I know this, but to ask to step away from ThunderClan for...A moon? Two? If you cannot find the two of them, even with the aid of this RiverClan cat, how long will you search? You are one of our best, to lose you even for a bit could spell disaster if something were to happen to us - from predators or another Clan."

The guilt that Silverdusk had only just quelled stirred once more as Sageroot spoke. Six warriors… That was all that remained of their clan. They had sworn an oath to protect ThunderClan, and now her selfish wishes would cost them. She should have backed out while she had the chance, but it was too late for that. Besides, they meant their promise, she’d never broken one before and as uncertain as the future is they would return. As much as they loved their mate, she had her kits and in the end they would come first. The tall warrior tried not to let their upset show as Acornstar also agreed with Sageroot, the only consolation so far being that it wasn’t a flat out ‘no’. Both leaders concerns were more than understandable, more than reasonable, in the end they knew it was their request that lacked sense and logic. She knew it was driven by emotion and refusing to accept reality. She sniffed, nose twitching. Why did they have to be so stubborn?

”It would be just that, a moon or two, maybe less.” answered Silverdusk “The idea of being away, of leaving my kits, i do not care for it. I could not last any longer.” There was more to her request though than just finding those that were missing, it was also about protecting what they still had “If there is something lurking in the forest that is taking cats then I do not want to be caught unawares if it decides to take more.
Aiding Sprucebark and the other cats on this patrol it could also help
solidify our bonds with the other clans, RiverClan especially.”

Sageroot felt her world spinning. No, no, they couldn’t lose another warrior! But if she didn’t go, would that be a diplomacy problem? Finally, Sageroot cleared her throat and spoke. “I just… don’t know what we’ll do if whatever might be out there takes you, is all. We’re safer as a clan. I don’t personally love the idea, but I leave the decision in Acornstar’s paws. I love you, you’re a dear friend and clanmate, and if you die out there I’ll just have to go to the moonstone and rake your ears personally.” The last part was an exaggeration, obviously, but she needed her feelings to be clear.

Acornstar's tail thumped behind her as Silverdusk spoke - two moons at most, if nothing befell her. Her point to learn what was taking their Clanmates was a fair point, and to strength the ties between Clans... Sageroot was still against it - but the choice was in the leader's paws as she turned her gaze away - staring skyward as she chewed on her thoughts. She didn't like this, losing a warrior - mostly with the seasons were starting to turn cold. But... An annoyed hiss escaped her, giving her pelt a shake as she stood up to her full height - even if it was still a nose shorter than Silverdusk.

"Two moons," she warned, eyes narrowing. She hated this, she didn't like the fact that she was agreeing with it - her heart ached to agree with Silverdusk, but the burden of leadership demanded another choice...But she was finding her own compromised. "I will give you two moons at best. Greenleaf is coming to an end, we will need all paws we can muster for Leaf-bare. Whatever missing Clanmates you can return, all the better - but I am ordering you back by the first snowfall at the latest even if it means empty-pawed." A heavy sigh escaped her, her expression softening. "You will be on your own, outside of the aid the other Clans give. I don't like losing a single pair of paws, but we will manage Leaf-bare without you. But you are right, we need to strength ties - with our Clan as small as we can, anything we can offer to the other Clans is worth it."

She glanced at her deputy, before she let out a huff. "But I second Sageroot's thoughts - you better not die out there, Silverdusk. To lose you even temporary is hard enough... I can't bear to think if ThunderClan truly lost you for good."