charon's burden [C]

Adderdawn

Whisperear– and Brackenwing's –return had been a surprise, but it was far from an unpleasant one. However long they had been gone, it suddenly didn't matter: they were home. That was all that mattered. Adderdawn was more than grateful for their return. His tireless upset was relieved a bit now that the tall warrior was within reach. But at the same time– Whenever he looked at Whisperear, he could only think about everything they had missed, all WindClan had lost in their absence. About the angry voices he heard as they and Brackenwing and Coyotegrin talked in Shrikestar's den. And about how Whisperear's scent had changed, about how much more tired they looked. About how he'd run away when they were captured. About how much they'd missed.

Adderdawn's ears turned downwards, and he looked away from Whisperear, watching his paws shuffle through the snow. They were walking towards the flower fields, an old place of familiarity and comfort. Even though the sea of color and life would be dead and wilted now, buried under snow, too, knowing where they were brought him comfort. Breathing in, he told himself to focus on that instead of... instead of so, so much else.

But his mind wouldn't stop turning. Even as they slowly drew nearer to the now-barren fields, he couldn't force away the whirling thoughts. Stepping a little closer to Whisperear, Adderdawn dragged his eyes off the snow to look again at one of his oldest friends. Concern and conflict were evident in his furrowed brow and slightly widened eyes. Softly, hesitantly, he mewed, "Are you– how are you doing, Whisperear?"

Whisperear

Whisperear had felt more fatigued than before they had been captured by twolegs. It had perhaps been a number of things, but mostly the arduous trek back home had sapped them of most of their strength. The longest journey they’d ever made prior to that were the monthly walks to Fourtrees and back, which also often left them tired for the following few days. This new fatigue, though—this was lingering.

They turned at the soft voice and their expression softened at the sight of Adderdawn. Returning home to all of the cats they loved was just one of the things that made them grateful to be home. As frustrating as some of the news of WindClan was, it was almost worth it to see cats like Adderdawn again. “Adderdawn, hello…I am doing alright. I wanted to take a walk to stretch my legs.” They tilted their head. “Will you join me?” They knew that look in Adderdawn’s gaze, which spoke of conflict and worry. They’d seen something similar after Goldenpaw’s death. They were not sure they could fix things, but they could at least talk with him and hopefully ease his mind.

The pair began the walk out of the camp. It was still cool and brisk, but Whisperear had been gone for the coldest parts of leafbare. It was almost nice out as they walked through the territory—or perhaps Whisperear was still riding the high of being home.

Whisperear looked to Adderdawn as they walked. “What is on your mind?” they asked. It was a simple request, hopefully with no pressure.

Adderdawn

Walking with Whisperear was always pleasant, even when Adderdawn felt the worst. Whether or not his upset persisted through their company, their presence was comforting either way. Not for the first time, a muffled sigh of relief left him as the pair walked side by side over the moors. It was like being with Flutter, almost. He didn't necessarily feel better– his mind continued to spin, frustrations and ruinous ideas clattering noisily together. The simple echo of Whisperear's voice drew soft eyes, that just as quickly looked down to focus on the trailing of dark paws.

"Always something," he murmured. It came out shorter than he meant it to, and his brow furrowed against his own tone. His jaw worked up and down, a hundred different words resting at the tip of his tongue. Where would he even start? What's on your mind... Adderdawn wished that was an easy question to answer. His chest felt a little tighter just at the thought of sharing, too. Whisperear surely had enough to think about, with everything they'd missed.

His reservations didn't stop Adderdawn from sputtering, "I tried to fight Shrikestar." A hissing laugh, insincere, passed his teeth, followed by a sigh. "That's... an exaggeration. I don't know, just– something about the way he spoke when we got back from Highstones." A pause, searching for a word. When he found nothing that fit, Adderdawn just shook his head. "I don't know." He hated that, more than anything. Not knowing. "I just started shouting at him. In front of the whole Clan. Called him a– coward." The last word was tightened, spoken like Adderdawn had to choke around it. It certainly felt like he did.

Forcing himself to relax, Adderdawn felt his claws unsink. He hadn't noticed them flexing, digging into the earth below as they padded along, and he put conscious thought into keeping them retracted now. "Sleepyhollow barked at me, Shrikestar barked at me, and everyone else just looked... disappointed. I don't– but I can't convince myself I was wrong, for it. No, he shouldn't be turning away from his warriors trespassing or whatever else happened, but- but- You wouldn't envy anyone that saw Russetrye and Amberstone being carried back to Highstones." The words felt heavy and tight in his throat again. Adderdawn realized his eyes had gotten misty, and he squeezed them tightly shut, ducking his head until they cleared and he could look up again. "How can he be so quiet about–" he sputtered, the phrase Clanmate's dying withering on his tongue when he thought about Daisybreeze's body, and stammered into, "It- it doesn't... No, I guess WindClan isn't faultless, but why do we get spoken to like kits? Why does Silverwing get exiled for- it isn't protecting after she got hurt, but for defending, I guess, her apprentice? Why is it Coyotegrin handling the foxes that keep eating our warriors, and Shrikestar only speaks to reprimand us?"

Adderdawn's tail lashed once. His vision was cloudy again, but with a swift rattle of his head, it cleared– mostly. The wetness was persistent, but he only fought harder again. With a steadying breath, he collected himself enough to speak without a distinctive warble to his voice. "I'm- sorry, Whisperear." His tail flicked lightly over his friend's shoulder, and Adderdawn let his paws come to a steady halt. He looked just past their shoulder, staring out into the distant horizon. "I didn't mean for... all of that."

Whisperear

Whisperear’s eyes widened as Adderdawn explained what had been going on with him. Though, they could not say that they were upset—or even disappointed. Their expression evened out again save for the occasional irritated flick of their tail. When Adderdawn hesitantly finishes, they shook their head. For Adderdawn to feel embarrassed about talking about all of that with them? Whisperear wanted none of that. Perhaps if Adderdawn was actually confessing to something concerning, but they were probably the least concerned WindClanner they could have told, perhaps with the exception of Brackenwing.

“I think you’re right,” they replied. “Russetrye and Amberstone…When Brackenwing and I went into Shrikestar’s den, he spoke nothing of what had happened. He claimed that Silverwing that had tried to kill a ShadowClan cat, and framed it as though it was unprovoked.” Their tail flicked with further irritation. Neither Shrikestar norCoyotegrin had made mention of the fact that two of their clanmates had been nearly ripped to shreds before Silverwing attacked. And that got her exiled? Whisperear never thought that they would feel such disappointment for their former mentor along with their leader. “In all honesty…I am not sure that Shrikestar has been doing well in leading our clan in the first place.” From making the alliance in the first place to this—they could not remember a decision that he had made that Whisperear wholeheartedly agreed with.

They sighed and shook their head. “I do not blame Sleepyhollow for barking at you. She would see your criticism as attacking her father.” Stars, Whisperear had done the same to Daisybreeze when she verbally mocked Batsong. They could not hold it against Sleepyhollow.

Whisperear looked to Adderdawn and shifted closer, pressing their shoulder to his. “For what it is worth, I am glad that you spoke your mind. Many cats are too fearful to talk back against their leader, and it can lead to leaders with bad judgment continuing to make the same mistakes. He did not listen to you, nor did he listen to me or Brackenwing.” They sighed. “Sometimes I wonder what could be done to return to better ages of WindClan like I’ve heard about in stories.”

Then again…perhaps there would always be unrest. They had heard good things about Ashstar, a distant leader of WindClan, but then Lionfur had proclaimed how Ashstar had been an awful leader, and it was up to him to free WindClan when he was alive. A shiver ran down Whisperear’s spine. Surely they were nothing like that horrendous Dark Forest cat?

Adderdawn

The moment Whisperear spoke, Adderdawn’s eyes widened and he looked more directly at the other warrior. Right?! They were the first cat to even suggest he was right, let alone say it outright. His ears swiveled forward and his tail started to bristle from surprise– and anger. What did Shrikestar gain, leaving the most important details out of their recount? Unless– Adderdawn’s bristled tail lashed once. Surely, they hadn’t left things out intentionally.

They wouldn’t, would they?

Shrikestar he only had pitiable faith in, but Coyotegrin… Adderdawn felt a little twinge of preemptive grief in his chest. He’d never been sure where he stood with her, but she’d always been in his life; a new queen when he and Flutter had been born, nearly his own mother with how close they’d all been as kits. And his mentor, on top of it, the cat that had made him a warrior at all…

Though he’d been focused on keeping his paws soft, Adderdawn’s claws flexed again, scoring lines through the earth. He desperately wished he could have been in the den for that conversation, to hear exactly what had been said. He couldn’t imagine it– lying. For what? What agenda were they suddenly insisting on pushing? For all Shrikestar’s heart over WindClan greatness, he sure seems enamored with ShadowClan’s wellbeing.

Adderdawn’s ears flicked to attention again at Whisperear’s suggestion that Shrikestar was unfit to lead. A stuttered breath caught in his throat before he remembered to exhale, however shakily. He shifted forward to meet them as they pressed against his shoulder, eyes still wide and focused intently as he listened. “Thank you,” he breathed softly. “I– I thought it was the right thing to do, but the way the Clan responded…” Adderdawn’s nose wrinkled again, and his gaze dropped to the tough, frosted grass underpaw.

“What all did they tell you?” There was agitated energy through his voice and body now. Every hair on his pelt stood on end, and his paws restlessly kneaded the earth. “And– there has to be something we can do. If you and Brackenwing both understand and agree, and… I don’t know. It wasn’t just me!” The revelation of that still shocked him. He hadn’t just been spurred by some sort of mania! He was right! Adderdawn quietly pressed a little closer to Whisperear, appreciative.

“There have to be other warriors that would agree with us. And maybe if we all were to talk to Shrikestar together– even just the three of us –he’d have to listen. Right? He can’t punish us for talking. If he does, then– then that tells us more than a conversation could. But we– I, I can’t just sit and watch while Shrikestar trades our lives away and lies to two of his more senior warriors to cover his own tail.”

Whisperear

Whisperear understood Adderdawn’s frustrations. Whisperear felt them too. They still did not know the whole story in regards to what happened with Silverwing, and probably would not unless they got a chance to speak with her personally…and that opportunity was likely long gone. But while they may not know the whole story, they knew that Shrikestar did not tell them the full story when asked plainly for it. The lack of tact he had used when he told them everything still made Whisperear’s blood boil in frustration. How could a leader be expected to have his clan’s trust when he delivers news of tragedies like that?

They looked back to Adderdawn. “I’m sure there are cats that agree…but I’m not sure it is as simple as just getting Shrikestar to listen. That may be the way that you view it, but you also announced in the midst of the clan, to his face, that he was a coward. I said in all but words that he is unfit to lead. Gathering cats to speak with him about this can easily be seen as an attempt of something treasonous, even if that is not our aim.”

Whisperear sighed and looked down at the snowy ground. “That is not to say that there is no point in trying, but if Shrikestar would be so callous about the clan and its warriors in regards to something like this, who is to say he will just listen reasonably and make changes if you approached him? I don’t have patience for such conversations anymore, and Brackenwing is as short with these headaches as I am…We will support you, in whatever you aim to do, but I want you to understand that something of this nature is not so simple as you may hope for.”