fields when the summer's gone (c)

Perchstar had been too complacent. She had thought that the Twolegs would surely disappear soon, and that they had only taken very few RiverClan cats, who would surely be able to escape quickly and find their way home. That was before this recent moon. One after another, Clanmate after Clanmate had been taken, snatched away, or even just wordlessly vanished... including what seemed like every last one of Poppyshine's kits. Minksplash, Sootspirit, Hawkshriek, and especially Sandyshell, now leaving them without a medicine cat. Not to mention that Rowanpaw and Sprucebark were already gone. That was most of their young warriors suddenly vanished. Their Clan had already been relatively small, but now? She was lucky that there was no war in the forest, otherwise they would have been hard-pressed to properly defend their camp from any invaders. However much it bothered her, however, she knew that Poppyshine had it worse. The deputy loved everyone and everything with her whole heart, but especially her and Mapleleaf's kits. Rowanpaw and Sprucebark's disappearances had been a major blow. But now that nearly all of her other kits had been taken away.... The very few times they'd managed to interact in the midst of all the chaos, Perchstar had seen the pain that was ineffectively and shallowly hidden behind her bright eyes. The stars seemed determined to not give them a break. After all Poppyshine had done, why would she deserve such agony?

Even now, her dear friend was sitting next to the markedly small fresh-kill pile, staring at it with a dullness in her gaze that sent a pang through Perchstar's heart. She probably wasn't even aware of her surroundings at the moment. Taking just a second to clear all the prickling memories from one's mind before going back to pretending everything was fine... it was something she knew all too well. Unfortunately. The thought that her deputy, her friend, might collapse again with the stress of it all sent the leader's white paws moving determinedly forward before she could stop to think. Thought was unnecessary. Her friend needed her. The only question was... what could she possibly do? Without leading some kind of attack to storm the camp of the Twolegs--which was neither possible nor advisory--she couldn't bring all of their Clanmates back. She couldn't beat the leaf-bare back into some semblance of greenleaf. She couldn't do anything. So why did her chest tighten as she strode forward? Why was her jaw set in such resolve? She was just one cat.... One cat who had lost too much to ignore the pain of someone who was going through a torment far greater.

"Poppy." The shortened, familiar name slipped from her mouth as she approached. Seeing the slim, slightly hunched calico figure of her friend looking so despondent made her want to unsheathe her claws, but she kept control. If there was one thing she could do, it was control herself. Instead, her face and bearing were calm, but there was an obvious concern to the dip of her head and the lowering of her voice. "Are you all right? I mean, I know that things are... well. Is... Is there... anything I can do?" Her words were pointless, purposeless. She couldn't do anything. But maybe at least she could make her desire to help known.

"Could you join me for a meal?"

It was a simple request, but one that only strengthened the bitter taste of guilt that lingered on the back of Perchstar's tongue. Only a moon or two ago, her friend had watched her collapse on the ground and lose a life for no reason other than her own foolish negligence. A few more bites of fish, a couple more hours of attempted rest, may have spared that life to be used in defense of her Clanmates as its intended use. Though Poppyshine had not meant it as a rebuke, Perchstar could not help but take the slight blow that momentarily halted her breath. But she shook it off and nodded instead. "Of course. I suppose we could both use the extra energy."

She took a fish from the diminished pile--not the smallest one, which surely would have drawn Poppyshine's ire, but not one that was too large--and walked over to the driest bank in camp. The soft sand had absorbed what little sunlight leaked from the deep gray clouds, and it was no longer the sludge that had caught her paws as the camp flooded moons ago. Camp had all but recovered from the scars of the shaking earth... and yet, the emptiness made it feel even more eerie than when they had returned to collapsed dens and damp ground. Perchstar pushed the unhelpful memories away and settled down on the sandbank, taking a small bite out of the fish she'd selected. The taste was unnoticeable behind the sharp bitterness of guilt and worry, but she forced it down anyway. Neglecting herself would do no good. Carefully, she watched Poppyshine, making sure that her friend was doing the same. Though it would undoubtedly be just as difficult for her.

What could be said? She had no clue. Perchstar had never excelled at small talk, and these circumstances were far more dire than most. Nearly all of their Clanmates, vanished. Poppyshine's kits among them. The Twolegs still lingering in the forest. No sign of reprieve from the blows which came, one after another... not to mention the frigid leaf-bare weather that, as always, made life even more difficult than it already was. There was no good weather to remark upon, no encouraging remarks to make, and no interesting Clan affairs to pleasantly discuss. Should she talk about the kits in the nursery, maybe? And who would mentor them? But with most of the warriors gone... and her recent altercation with Larkkit... the idea was unappealing. There was simply nothing to say that would not make everything worse. So, Perchstar fought down the bitterness in her throat and simply ate a few more bites of her fish, chewing slowly, alternating between looking at Poppyshine and staring down at the barely-warmed sand below. It was pathetic of her to wait for her friend to speak first. However, she simply had no idea what to say.

The close contact from Poppyshine was something that Perchstar had once been confused about. Being unfamiliar with physical affection, back when they had been apprentice and mentor, it had led to several moments of surprise or discomfort. Now, Perchstar was used to the soft rub of her friend's fur against hers... and even welcomed it. Though she might never say so, it was comforting to feel Poppyshine's warmth. It showed that she was here. It showed that she was alive. After several scares in the past and all the other troubling things that were weighing down the leader's shoulders, it was a breath of fresh air to spend time with her closest--figuratively and literally--friend.

Thankfully, Poppyshine also ate her food. It did not seem pleasant to her either, but at least they were both eating. Neither of them would collapse from sheer exhaustion. That was the last thing that RiverClan needed. Ever the conversationalist, the calico finally found a topic on which to speak that was neither overtly saddening nor bringing up the many troubles they now faced. More new kits would, in fact, be born soon. "Yes. Despite leaf-bare, life keeps going," Perchstar murmured, glancing at the high river that lapped around the banks of camp. Time wouldn't slow down for anyone... least of all her. There were at least one or two good things that could come from that. And yet, the mention of apprentices reminded her of Hickorypaw--her own apprentice--lying nearly comatose in the medicine den, without the use of his hind legs. And the mention of kits brought back the memory of Larkkit in her den, unknowingly poking at sore wounds that had yet to scar over. It was impossible to keep a good mood when there was truly nothing to be optimistic about. But she couldn't complain about such things. Not in front of Poppyshine. Instead, she found herself shaking away the bad memories and looming anxiety, choosing instead to take another bite of heavy, flavorless fish. "...I'm sure a few more active apprentice paws will do the Clan some good."