Integrating your shadow [Briarthorn]

Between gatherings and border skirmishes, Bloodstar had been busy. He still had a few wounds he was recovering from, but with Muddythorn's assistance they were healing nicely. Now it was time for him to do yet another chore that was best left up to leaders. He had decided upon Briarthorn's guard as well, and likely would rotate them out so they could return home rather than spend too much time in Thunderclan. It was the end of dusk, nearing nightfall, where Briarthorn would likely be struggling to sleep even after working for the day. She wasn't going to avoid him tonight. He wouldn't allow it. He waited in camp to see her form practically fade into existence from the shadows once she stepped into the light of the moon, a sign of her Shadowclan heritage.

"Briarthorn, my den please." He nodded back at the leader's den where they would be talking. He didn't wait for her to agree, he simply stepped inside and expected her to follow. He'd gone through this conversation a few times in his head, but who knew how much good his preparing was going to do him. He sat down on one side of the den, allowing plenty of room for her to get comfortable. Once she had entered, he took a breath. Hopefully this would go smoothly.

"You haven't been around us much lately... doing the bare minimum hunting and patrolling. You haven't attended clan meetings or gone to gatherings... I think I know why. Beechface and Dovefrost had a prophecy about you and how you killed Robinloft. Maybe you did it in self-defense, maybe you didn't, I don't know... because you withheld that information from me." He paused and looked at her very seriously, clearly not pleased. "Minkstar and Wolfstar, while he was here, agreed on a punishment for you, and that was to go to Thunderclan and do work for them. Once I became leader, I spoke to Minkstar again. I have agreed to this punishment. I will send a guard with you to keep you safe, however, if you attack anyone in Thunderclan, I have instructed the guard to not interfere with whatever Thunderclan decides to do with you. On the other paw, if anyone in Thunderclan starts any physical confrontation with you, I will bring the wrath of Skyclan down on whoever was responsible. Minkstar has agreed to not protect whatever member of Thunderclan stupid enough to betray this agreement, that you are there to work and listen to whatever hateful things will be thrown your way but not be harmed."

He waited for a moment for her to wrap her mind around what was going on before he continued, prepared to finish up what he needed to say.

"I'm not sending you there because you killed someone in self defense. I don't care about that. I never knew Robinloft. I am sending you there because you lied to me and put my clan in a position where we had to make hard choices and be diplomatic. You've had moons to come talk to me about it and you have refused. You haven't even congratulated me on becoming leader... nothing. If you have any loyalty in your heart for Skyclan, I want you to go through with this. Once you return, I expect to see you fully participate in gatherings, border skirmishes, clan meetings, everything. Not just the bare minimum like you have been doing. Your kits hardly know you and some are even resentful. Are you okay with that?" He hoped she cared enough about her kits to get herself together. "No more slinking around at night to avoid the rest of Skyclan. You're not in Shadowclan anymore." The last time he'd really seen her was the battle against Windclan and that had been moons ago. He had to wonder if she only put forth the effort to try to cover up the guilt in her heart and to use it against anyone who questioned her.

But Bloodstar was the one addressing her now. That excuse wouldn't work.

As Briarthorn slowly made her way into SkyClan's camp, her mind buzzed with all the things that could possibly go wrong, as it always seemed to do. There was little time for her to think because before she had even made it far beyond the shadows, Bloodstar was beckoning her towards his den. His words seemed polite enough, but she could tell by his tone that this wasn't any sort of joyous occasion. She hadn't expected it to be, but the dread that filled her chest as she watched him slink into the leader's den went unmatched. Wasting no time, she followed him in with her head sunken low between her shoulders, tail brushing the ground as she went. Ducking into the den, she found a place against the wall, across the den from her mate... Or whatever they were, at this point.

A shaky breath found its way through her lips as she looked over to him, unsure what this would be about... But she had a few ideas. As soon as he began speaking, her heart sunk. Shame burned in every fiber of her being as he spoke about what she'd done to Robinloft. She wanted to speak up about what had happened, how she had been attacked and had to defend herself and her kits. Their kits. She remained silent, though, shoving the lump in her throat down with little success. She knew this was no time for excuses, but she wanted to explain herself... She wanted, for once, to feel understood. Part of her wanted to accuse Bloodstar of not checking in on her or putting forth any effort into their relationship either, but she knew in her heart that would get her nowhere... And he had a myriad of other things to worry about as a leader, anyway.

"I understand." She said simply, head hanging low and tail curled around her fluffy paws. She'd maintained eye contact with Bloodstar the entire time he'd been speaking, but now her gaze shifted down to the ground in front of her, ears turned back. "No, I'm not okay with that... I don't know why it's been so difficult. I want to be a part of this Clan, to be a part of your life, and to be there for our kits." The lump in her throat proved even more difficult to speak with, and made her voice sound weak and frail. She wasn't weak or frail... At least she thought she wasn't. "I'm afraid I'll go and mess these things up for myself, and for our kits. I've done it time and time again, it just seems inevitable. Ever since I was a kit, I've never been able to maintain anything good. Everything I touch just... crumbles." Memories of her mother and father's passing flashed in her mind, of The Righteous Few striking them down without a second thought. The thought of it brought an unwelcome feeling of discomfort that she tried, to no avail, to shake off. Briarthorn could hear her heart beating in her ears, the constant thump of it drowning out the sounds of the night beyond the den she sat in. Her eyes flickered back up to meet Bloodstar's, light green eyes seeming duller every day. "Of course I'll go through with it... I respect your decisions, and Minkstar's as well. I do want you to know, though, that it wasn't planned. I didn't want to do that to her. I didn't even know her name. She... She would've killed me, and I had our kits to think about. I know it was wrong, but I'd do it a hundred times over if it meant our kits stayed safe." Her eyes stayed trained on Bloodstar to gauge his reaction, wondering if her words meant anything at all. Probably not, but she felt it was important enough. Part of her hoped he'd respond so that they could keep talking, and the other part was embarrassed that she'd admitted such things.

Hesitantly, she mewed, "And I'm sorry. I'll do better... By you, our kits, and the Clan." Every muscle in her body was tensed, and thoughts of self-loathing and regret ran rampantly in her mind. "When do I leave, and how long until I'm able to return?"

Bloodstar was... fairly surprised that Briarthorn was taking this as well as she was. He patiently waited for her to talk and nodded in satisfaction with her answer. Everything she touched crumbled? He could sympathize with that. "You'll be leaving in the morning. Pigeonsun will be going with you as a guard. Don't let those Thunderclan cats enrage you enough that you do something impulsive. My best advice to you is be professional, be polite and don't let them get under your skin. Take the high road while you're there and maybe you'll start changing some minds." He didn't want to have to do this again. He at least could see that she was willing to do what he asked. Maybe there was hope for her still, though they would certainly need a very very long heart to heart after this.

"You'll probably be gone almost a moon. Ask Minkstar if we can pick you up at the next gathering. If you do your job well, he might let you off early, especially if you are nothing but pleasant the entire time you're there. And I know that's asking a lot... especially from someone as hot-headed and willing to get my claws bloody as me... but it's imperative that this be diplomatic and stay that way." He paused for a moment before he continued. "They will arrange border meetings if you wish to see us before then. Just let them know."

OOC: At work and things started picking up pretty much right as I go to post... Sorry this couldn't be better.