I Don't Fear the Setting Sun or the Twilight That it Brings [Briarthorn]

The snow was half melted, leaving Skyclan's territory dreary and messy. Beechfang grimaced slightly at the slush and mud beneath her paws as she walked, but kept her complaints to herself. It wasn't as cold as the previous few days, a sign that leafbare might soon begin to draw to a close if the clan was lucky. The signs of warmer weather to come were far from bringing any sense of relief, at least not to Beechfang. Tension hung in the air, such that she thought if she lifted her paw she would be able to cut through it with her claws. Now that they were home, now that the sickness plaguing the clan was abated... Riverclan would be faring better. Their alliance had been shattered, as anyone with a working brain would have thought after Beechfang's return.

Riverclan would come for her eventually. Beechfang knew it and didn't flinch from that knowledge. Perchstar... Perchstar was right to seek justice for her long dead medicine cat, and Birdstar had betrayed her. Family, blood ties, it mattered not. If she had any sense at all, any shred of self-preservation, she might run, try to save her own neck. Beechfang would not, though. She had returned to a completely different clan than the one she had been exiled from. A clan she had grown to care for. She would defend them until she couldn't.

How funny that the cat who exiled her now patrolled alongside her once more. Still, Beechfang didn't blame Briarthorn for it. They had spoken briefly when she had found the clan at the lake, then the former leader had fallen ill like so many others. For all that had happened between them... "How are you holding up? The medicine cats have worked hard... It's good to see the clan recovering."

Silence had long been a comfort for the long-furred molly that now trudged through the slush and remnants of ice that blanketed SkyClan’s territory. Even before she’d been separated from her Clan and forced to endure the seemingly never-ending monotony of being by herself, she’d appreciated the stark silence that leafbare snow always brought, almost absorbing all sound and leaving nothing but a gentle crunch underpaw. The silence and tension were both thick as she patrolled alongside Beechfang, not daring to say a word unless the other she-cat did first. They’d come to tolerate- and perhaps even sometimes understand- one another, but that was a delicate and fragile limb that she didn’t intend on snapping, could she help it. Then, Beechfang finally spoke up.

Ah, small talk was never her thing. What else was there, though? ”Well enough, I suppose. I’m thankful to be back.” She mused. It was true- despite her affinity for silence and being alone, she’d missed her Clan and the comfort of a routine. ”That they have. You’ve much to be proud of, Beechfang.” The medicine cats had long carried the weight of the Clan’s burdens, what with the illness that plagued them for moons on end. They’d done exceedingly well, all things considered. After seeing Smokepetal, she’d recovered fairly quickly. All that remained of the sickness for Briarthorn was a faint rattle in her chest when she spoke, a raspiness that might not ever leave. ”And you? I’m sure you’ve got much on your mind.” Briarthorn wouldn’t force Beechfang to talk about anything she didn’t want to, but her mind and ears were open should she choose to divulge her thoughts.

"It's... Good to have you back." Beechfang admitted. They had been far from friends, but before her exile and and the former leader had at least talked. It was a strange feeling to be grateful, when she had spent so long for blaming Briarthorn for things that weren't her fault. She had led the clan well though, and done what she could for their safety.

"I wanted them kept away from leadership." She grumbled, "I saw the end of Spottedstar before he abandoned us, I saw what happened to Wolfstar. And dad. I never wanted that for them." Her tail twitched, ruined ears flattening. "They've done well, though. I don't know if I ever saw a more peaceful Skyclan than when I returned." Not that it had lasted. Peace never lasted. The moment her paws had set in Skyclan's camp, it was destined to be broken with blood and claws.

"So much on my mind my fur's gone gray." A soft laugh escaped her, "To think all this could come from war with Windclan all those years ago... And still, it feels like nothing has been learned. I understand why my daughters brought me back. I'm grateful for it. I'm grateful dad got to spend his last days here too, even if it... Wasn't a peaceful end." The memory tasted bitter on her tongue. "I'm not as close with my own kits as I wish I was, my own fault. Still, they chose to fight for me." Beechfang shook her head. They could have turned away from her like Birdsong and Shadewing had, that they didn't was... It was baffling, sometimes, knowing the chaos that her presence would inflict upon the clan.

In another life, Briarthorn would have laughed at the fact that Beechfang had just admitted that she was happy Biarthorn was back in the Clan. In this one, though, the brown tabby knew that you had to take your wins where you could.

"It is a burden unlike any other, that much is true. Some call it a blessing, but I say they can shove it." She supposed it was her fault that they'd ended up in the positions they were now. "I'm sorry, for subjecting them to it. But you're right- it was what SkyClan needed." She thought she'd made the right call. Perhaps she had made the right call in a deputy, but not by exiling Beechfang. Or perhaps it was the other way around. She'd never know the answers to those what-ifs, and as much as she tried to act like she didn't waste time thinking about it, it occupied her mind far more often than she'd like. No matter that, though. Birdstar had more than proven that she was a capable leader, and she couldn't fault her for what she'd done- Beechfang was her mother, after all.

Briarthorn could relate to her remark about grey fur. "They'll call me silver if any more of mine goes grey." She added, attempting- and failing miserably- to smile. Her muscles froze when Beechfang mentioned Bloodstrike. She didn't mean to literally trip at the mention of him... Stars, Beechfang hadn't even said his name. Some things would never change, she thought. She didn't even know the full story behind his death, just that it was at her claws. Someday she would. Shaking her head, she moved forward and quickened her pace to catch up to the other molly. This was not about her or her cursed relationship.

'Still, they chose to fight for me.' Briarthorn simply kept walking for a moment, unsure what to say next. An uncomfortable silence stretched between them as she chewed on the best way to respond. Finally, she decided that tomorrow was never promised, and she'd rather say this now than in StarClan- if she ever even made it there. "I'm sorry that I didn't fight for you, Beechfang. You deserved better than that." Short, but true. Briarthorn wouldn't lie and say that she fully regretted what she'd done, but there were days where she wondered what the point of it all was, when she now knew that she was just putting off the inevitable.

"Only the foolhardy would call leadership a blessing. Even being medicine cat... I wouldn't wish either on my worst enemy." She had watched her father go from an ambitious tom to a cat who had been so worn down by life and leadership that she'd hardly recognized him. "When I was an apprentice I had dreams of being a leader, of being deputy like Wolfstar had been at the time." A soft laugh escaped her, "But dreams and ambitions seldom turn out how we want them to, do they?" There was a hollowness to her voice, "After the Asylum there were points where I wished my parents dead... If only to stop the clan from suffering, or to put to rest the strangers that they became for so long." And both had died by her paw. By Dawnhawk's order. To spare them, to spare the clan. Something she tried very hard not to think about. Still, it was sickening.

Briarthorn has nearly tripped over her own paws at the mention of her father. Beechfang wondered if she even knew what had happened, if anyone had told her how horrifically her... partner's life had ended. She wasn't sure whether she wanted to know if she knew or not. The older she-cat continued, sparing her from the thought for the moment.

"Oh, quit that." The warrior let out a snort, "I don't think I was worth fighting for at the time, honestly. Dovefrost came to Skyclan for me and the kits, I said I would be better and then... You know. Threw away my chance to raise my own kits a second time. I failed them just as much as I did the clan." Part of her had still believed they were better off without her influence, but that had not stopped her from returning. "You did the right thing. With my exile and with Birdstar. Much as that decision still horrifies me." She added. Her kits leading the clan was something she had struggled to get used to. But she had to admit, they had done a lot of good, for their faults.