Bitter Pill [Briarthorn]

A full day had passed since Skyclanners had returned to camp, injured and beaten, with two still bodies among the patrol. One gone forever, the other, one that should have risen.

And hadn't. With each passing hour, Wolfblossom had felt the panic beginning to take hold, claws circling her throat. The belief she'd clung to so desperately had growner thinner and thinner, until finally even she had been forced to admit the harshest of realities. It had not been just one death, but two. Birdstar was buried alongside their mother, and the father who had left the world far too soon.

So many gone before their time.

The rising panic she had felt did not lessen as she made it back to camp on shaking paws. At least the tears that had wet her face had dried. She had no more left to give. The sun was setting, but she didn't feel tired. Not physically, at least. Her paws shook, but Wolfblossom knew they would not sit still tonight. Nor would her mind, for all that she wanted it to.

Her sister, her best friend... Birdstar was dead. Another one she had never been able to even say goodbye to. The one cat she had never wanted to lose, even more than her parents. The one sibling who had been there through it all. Who had not left, who had not turned on them despite her desperate attempts to connect and keep this family together. Who she had shared everything with, her worries, her fears, her triumphs. Her grief.

Too many of her clanmates were injured and in the medicine den. Two too many had already been buried, and she could not stomach the thought of any more joining them.

And Skyclan was... leaderless.

If there had been anything in her stomach, she was sure it would not have stayed put. Sleep would not come, and Wolfblossom had not even bothered to attempt it. As her clanmates settled into their nests for the night, the mostly-white she-cat sat near the edge of camp, a silent watcher. If she couldn't sleep, she might as well take the night guard. She... Wasn't sure who she had assigned to it. Perhaps she hadn't, in her daze. She didn't remember.

Either way, someone had stayed out in camp with her, and Wolfblossom blinked dully at the large tabby. "Briarthorn..." She had appointed Birdstar as deputy, she had led the clan before her own time was cut short. To recognize that it was her standing with her was a relief. If anyone understood... Maybe it would be her.

"I... What am I supposed to do?" The deputy rasped, her throat felt tight. "She had lives, this wasn't... This shouldn't have happened." She felt lost, so very lost.

A leader was never supposed to outlive her own deputy.

There were very few things that Briarthorn was certain of, but that was one of them. Beechfang's death hurt, and the absence of the silver she-cat was something she felt with each passing day. But it was something that, as much as she refused to admit it, Briarthorn had been able to mentally prepare for. Perchstar had wanted her head for longer than some members of SkyClan had been alive, and so it was no surprise, however hurtful it was, that she became a casualty of this war.

The loss of Birdstar, however... That was something the Clan hadn't been able to prepare for. It was the single outcome that Briarthorn hadn't thought to come up with a plan for; the one thing she didn't know how to process. Grieving Beechfang should have been the only thing on Briarthorn's mind, but she didn't know what came next for the Clan now. Sleep was a fleeting idea that the former leader hadn't bothered chasing in the days following the war, and as such, she found herself frequently taking on the watch.

Tonight, another she-cat joined her. Briarthorn admitted only to herself that she was a little surprised to see relief soften Wolfblossom's form when the deputy realized who was nearby. She couldn't come up with a good reason her presence would bring anyone relief, but she was glad that during these times, perhaps she was able to help even a little. Slowly, she made her way over to where Wolfblossom sat and dipped her head respectfully.

A deep sigh was the only response she could muster at first. Truthfully, she didn't know what anyone was supposed to do. The feeling she had was only comparable to when she was a young kit in ShadowClan who bit off just enough from a frog that it got stuck in her throat. She sat awkwardly as she pondered what to do. She wanted to comfort her in some way, to do something to help, but there was nothing she could do that would actually matter in the end.

"If I had a mouse for every time something that shouldn't have happened did, I'd have enough to feed the forest for moons." Oops, maybe that was harsh. "I don't say that to upset you. Grief is understandable. Feeling lost and confused is understandable, and I don't envy your position at all. The Clan needs you, though." Stars, wasn't that where Briarthorn herself had gone wrong? Not taking the time she should've to care for herself, for her family? It was a balance she'd never been able to figure out, even before leadership. Being a warrior and a mother, trying to fit in, not letting anyone down...

She shook her head. It was impossible. "The Clan needs you, but you cannot serve the Clan if you don't first take care of yourself." It was true. She'd drive herself into the dirt if she didn't keep her own health in check. "There is an impossible burden on your shoulders now, and it will feel like there is nobody that you can talk to about it. Very few cats have been in your position, so that feeling isn't entirely wrong." That was especially true when you consider the fact that so many recent SkyClan leaders were family. "There are so many cats that are hurt by Birdstar's loss, myself included. Lean on them, and let them lean on you. It is hard to be vulnerable, but this is a time when it is necessary."

After a few silent moments passed, she shook her head and said, "I wish that I had all of the answers, Wolfblossom. I truly do." Another moment of silence passed before Briarthorn spoke up again. "I don't know why what happened on that battlefield happened. It... It baffles me, and I don't know how to handle it, either, to tell you the truth. What I do know is that SkyClan will persevere." They always would- that was the way of things. "Birdstar trusted you with something more important than her own life, or the life of any individual cat. She trusted you with the future of SkyClan. You and I both know that is not a decision that a leader makes lightly, and I have faith that she did not make the wrong decision by putting its future in your paws." Briarthorn finally lifted her eyes from the darkness of the territory that stretched out in front of them and locked eyes with the soon-to-be leader. She meant those words.

"I'll stay here for as long as you need, Wolfblossom." She meant those words, too.

Briarthorn's first words were expectedly hard, something she might have expected from Beechfang or Bloodstrike too, if they had still been around. "You... Are right. Things going right these days feels like wishing for water from a stone." It was a battle... Perhaps they all should have expected for more to go wrong than just Beechfang dying. Birdstar, though... She had left camp with seven lives, how could she have died so suddenly?

"I know they need me, it's just..." Wolfblossom trailed off, feeling like she was trying to flail her paws in the river - useless. She didn't know how to articulate the feeling, for once. That the idea of the clan needing her was absolutely terrifying, much less having to navigate leading them. Briarthorn seemed to understand some of what she was getting at though.

"Your own leadership was more abrupt than this, wasn't it? How am I supposed to... To... Move forward, from here? I know they need me." She added, though the thought made her grimace. "I know I'll have to pick a deputy and go to the moonstone, but it seems... I don't think daunting is a strong enough word. How did you even make sense of it all?"

Birdstar had chosen her as deputy for a reason, that was true. And Briarthorn had faith in her? Wolfblossom's gaze turned back to the warrior, "Did she make the right decision? I have clanmates pulling me every which way, I have clanmates deeply unhappy. Not just with the deaths, but with me asking them to heal and to not escalate things with allies that are now our enemies." Wolfblossom wasn't so sure that Briarthorn or Birdstar were right. "And they are rightfully upset... It was our decision that put them all in danger." She added, frowning.

The former leader said she would stay with her, and all Wolfblossom could offer was a grateful glance. She... Wasn't sure she wanted to be alone with the anxieties and thoughts that were running through her mind.