Runs in my Veins[CLOSED for Kj]

RiverClan's camp was oddly quiet today. One could say it was just a lazy day, or that it was just too early for anyone to be out- but those who had had the displeasure of sleeping in the same den as Mountainheart knew the real reason: she was missing. Well, not missing missing. The others wouldn't even notice she was gone! And even if they did, she was a warrior now! She could go wherever she wanted! The newly named warrior slowed down, now far away enough from camp that nobody would hear her. She wasn't here to enjoy being a grown-up, as wonderful as it felt. She was here to find her sister, even if it ruined the surprise. Whatever she was working on, it must be difficult if it was taking her this long! Mountainheart could help! She was a grown up now! "Sneezingpaw! You can come out now, you missed the ceremony! I can help with whatever surprise you were planning!" She trotted deeper into the forest, following the river. Whatever Sneezingpaw was planning, it probably had something to do with fish. "Sneezingpaw! Come out! We can get mom to give you a ceremony today! You can be a warrior like me!" The smile on her face was beginning to falter a little. Was something wrong? Could Sneezingpaw not hear her?

"Karbo! Please stop hiding! It's okay if the surprise is spoiled!" Mountainheart was speeding up again now, her heart beating louder and louder. "Karbo please! You'll miss breakfast!" She was sprinting now, her smile gone. Where was Sneezingpaw? Why couldn't she hear her? Was she hurt?? Was she... no.

No. Please no. Mountainheart looked up, though the dawn sky showed no sign of the stars.

She... couldn't be. She never got into fights, she was always careful with poisonous things. After the fourth incident. Everone loved her, nobody would... "Sneezingpaw! SNEEZINGPAW!!" Her voice was shaky. "PLEASE COME BACK! I-" Her voice finally broke and she sat down by the river, hot tears spilling down her cheeks. Featherk- Featherfall was gone. She couldn't come back. Mountainheart thought- she thought at least she had Sneezingpaw. They were going to do everything together. Become warriors together. Why did she leave? Why did they both have to leave her alone? If she didn't have her family... Who was left?

Sinking to the ground, Mountainheart buried her head in her paws and sobbed. She didn't care what was going on around her, and as such didn't so much as twitch an ear at the sound of two cats approaching from their own side of the River.

The sun warmed her fur as Smokefeather made her way through the territory. She was too restless to stay in camp any longer, and usually her cure for that would have been hunting. Her injured leg, held off the ground and tucked close to her body made that impossible, and meant that she moved much slower than she otherwise might have. As such, it took little effort for an unwelcome tag-along to catch up to her, and Smokefeather bit back a growl of annoyance. All she wanted was to be left alone, to get away from the suddenly overcrowded elders' den and to avoid the bitter taste that coated her mouth at the sight of the queen and kits in the nursery, but of course Beechface would spot her and follow.

Of course, with Dawnhawk's whereabouts still unknown, and what had happened the last time she'd left camp alone, someone watching out for her was probably for the best, even if Smokefeather didn't want to admit it. At least the medicine cat kept quiet, blessedly not pestering her about Tornshadow or Smokefeather's shortcomings. So long as she stayed quiet, Smokefeather could pretend that her daughter wasn't watching her, she could pretend that her expression wasn't one of pity masked by concern.

Smokefeather's uneven pawsteps wandered, and soon enough she found herself beside the river. What had once been bone dry and barren now flowed freely, waters no doubt cool under the late newleaf-early greenleaf sun. The crash of the water as it flowed downriver was almost soothing. It looked inviting, almost, though Smokefeather had always hated getting her paws wet. With her long, thick fur, it only became sodden immediately and then took forever to dry. How Riverclan could be so adept at fishing along the shore or swimming, Smokefeather wasn't sure. She wondered if fishing was something a cat with a lamed leg could do effectively. It could be something useful... Unlike her existence for the past several seasons.

Smokefeather stared down at her reflection, made hazy and distorted by the waterflow. She hardly recognized the thin, patchy-furred creature that stared back at her with dull eyes. White hairs stood out starkly against her muzzle. When had they appeared? Smokefeather lifted her gaze to the opposite bank of the river, a soft sigh escaping her.

The river looked inviting, more inviting than the tall trees of Skyclan's territory did. The pale mottled tortoiseshell turned, following the bank upriver. Skyclan's territory only bordered a small section of it, but there was a strange serenity to walking alongside it. Perhaps it was unwise, considering it was their border with Riverclan... But Smokefeather couldn't quite bring herself to care, not truly. Riverclan had sheltered Skyclan after the fire, they'd been the ones to find and save Mountainpaw and Sneezingpaw. She was certain that no Riverclanner would attack a clearly disabled former warrior simply strolling along their own side of the border.

An old memory stirred. She'd stopped by the river to drink once, as an apprentice... And a silvery she-cat had scared her half to death. Streamtail hadn't attacked her then, but instead they'd wound up sitting and talking. Smokefeather hadn't seen her in seasons now, and wasn't even sure if she still lived. Had Mountainpaw and Sneezingpaw known her? As far as she knew, Ivystar and her mates had taken the two Skyclanners in.

Dull gray-green eyes swept across the opposite side of the river again, though the search for signs of a familiar pelt was half-hearted at best. She almost missed the large, cream form among the reeds, dull eyes passing over it before snapping back towards the lone figure.

Mountainpaw, she realized after a moment. Her daughter. Yet another cat she'd failed to protect, and now Smokefeather hardly recognized her. Guilt buried sharp claws into her chest, and Smokefeather froze, one paw half-raised as indecision tore at her. Mountainpaw hadn't been happy to see her at that gathering, and Sneezingpaw had cried. They... hadn't recognized their own kin.

Not that Smokefeather could blame them for that, she hardly recognized herself. Still, Mountainpaw was her kit, however the large-pawed she-cat felt about it. Smokefeather had been happy that she was alive, but the knowledge had been bittersweet, painful.

"Mountainpaw...?" The name fell from her lips before she could stop herself, Smokefeather's tone laced with a mother's worry as she recognized the set of the apprentice's (warrior's? She had to be old enough to have earned her name by now, surely?) shoulders, registered that her face was buried in her paws, body wracked with sobs. Mind abruptly made up, Smokefeather struggled to make her way towards her kit. Pointedly ignoring the glare that Beechface leveled in her direction, heedless of her frustrated hiss to just leave things be.

"What's wrong, kiddo?" A mother's worry softened the edges of her weary expression as Smokefeather stopped a few tail-lengths from the cream-colored she-cat.

OOC: I am super sorry for how abysmally late and poorly written this is-

It would take nothing short of a miracle to get Mountainheart to look up. She wasn't much of a listener at the best of times, and this was not the best of times. So it managed to shock even the teary-eyed behemoth herself when her head lifted at the sound of an all-too-familiar voice. She met the eyes of the other she-cat, though between the haziness of her memories and the tears clouding her vision it took a couple of seconds for a spark of recognition to show in her eyes.

In any other circumstance, she would be beyond ecstatic. Her mother, her real mother! Here! But the little buzz of euphoria at the confirmation that Featherfall was telling the truth was quickly overcome by the thought of her sisters, and the beginnings of a welcoming grin fell away as yet another sob escaped her mouth. Her eyes squeezed shut for a moment as she stood up, trying to put her thoughts into some kind of order before she spoke. She had to stop crying. She didn't want to make Smokefeather sad.

Taking in as big a breath as she could, Mountainheart opened her eyes once again and looked at Smokefeather clearly for the first time in moons. Immediately she noticed the resemblance to Featherfall, albeit a differently coloured, smaller, more weathered version. But their faces were the same, at least in Mountainheart's opinion. All the fluff and the world-weary expression. "Sh-she was telling the truth. You look just like her." For once her voice was hushed, teetering as if it could give way to crying at any moment.

"I met Featherfall. She's my sister. My other sister. I have two, but only one of them is yours. Was. But I talked to her, so she can't be a was. She's an is. Is there something in between was and is? There should be, else I can't talk about any of my sisters. They're- They're both-" She'd managed to keep herself distracted with meaningless chatter for a few seconds, but the reminder of Sneezingpaw being gone hit her like a brick wall and her speech petered out. There was so much going on. Too much. Why couldn't life come at her one problem at a time? She sat down, the energy of standing suddenly too much, and tried to think of something to say to her mother. Her mother. it hurt her brain to think about. Four moms. She was almost sure that was too many.

"Oh! My name is Mountainheart now. My mom gave it to me. My other one." She managed a weak smile.

Smokefeather wasn't sure what she'd been expecting when Mountainpaw look up at her finally. She was still crying, but the spark of genuine recognition in her eyes made her shoulders sag with relief. Maybe... Maybe it meant they could put that uncomfortable gathering from several moons ago behind them.

As quickly as the welcoming smile had appeared on Mountainpaw's face, it faltered, and Smokefeather was left wondering if maybe Beechface was right. Maybe she should have just let her be and not approached. Seeing her daughter so close and yet so far was only bound to reopen old wounds, anyways. She could turn and hobble away, like a coward.

She'd ruined relationships with Bloodstrike and two of her children... And her relationship with her own grandkits hardly existed. What was one more to let slip through her paws?

But Mountainpaw had been taken from her, she wanted to at least try. What happened with Dawnhawk and Featherkit, Beechface, her treatment of Tornshadow... It was eating at her, guilt slowly but surely suffocating Smokefeather. She wanted to try and salvage something, at the very least. To walk away or not, and she was caught in the middle of that decision when her daughter spoke, voice softer than she'd been expecting.

She looked like... Feather... fall? Was one of her sisters... "Featherkit...?" Did she mean Featherkit? Had she met Featherkit on her moonstone journey? A sharp inhale of breath was all Smokefeather could offer in reaction, though her mind raced. She hardly noticed that she'd whispered her daughter's name, an overwhelming sense of sorrow and grief weighing her down. Through her pounding heartbeat she made out the rest of Mountainpaw's- Mountainheart's words. She'd become a warrior. A Riverclan warrior. And was referring to Ivystar and her mates as her mothers. And her other sister... Sneezingpaw, she thought, though it could have just as easily been anyone else.

"Mountainheart... It suits you." She said softly. Her apprentice ceremony, her warrior ceremony... Such important milestones she had missed. There was at least the excuse of distance between her and Mountainheart, a river separating them. All of her grandkits that were in Skyclan, though? What excuse did she have for them?

None. There was no excuse, only her own failures.

"Sneezingpaw is gone too, then?" The rest of Mountainheart's words had finally registered, and it dawned on Smokefeather that someone would need to tell Ashstorm. Ashstorm, who had already lost enough, who had already lost her kit twice over between the hawk and that stars-cursed gathering. The knowledge laid heavily across her shoulders, just one more way for Smokefeather to fail her kits, to drive even more distance between them. "She was... is your sister's daughter. Your niece." How was she supposed to tell Ashstorm that her daughter was gone? "I'm sorry, you must've been close, especially after..." The memory of the bird swooping on the two kits made her throat feel tight. She'd chased that dam.n thing across the territory, and she hadn't been enough to catch it. None of them had been.

With a sigh, Smokefeather sat, though it was more of an unconscious choice rather than something deliberate. Gently she pressed her shoulder to Mountainheart's in a small attempt at comfort, though she wasn't sure if it was meant for herself, Mountainheart, or both of them.

OOC: I'm so sorry about my activity I know it must be annoying to wait this long for me, I'll improve from here on out <3

Mountainheart, in her usual fashion, didn't quite understand the myriad of emotions going through her mother. Even with her limited understanding, though, she could tell that Smokefeather was affected by the mention of Featherkit. Her name slipped from her mouth in a whisper, though Mountainheart didn't think the other cat had noticed. She nodded her big head in confirmation. "Yeah, Featherkit- but she's big now! She became a warrior in StarClan. Her fur isn't grey anymore like it used to be. It would make hide and seek easier now, she always used to hide in the snow." She grinned a little at the memory. Mountainheart had sat on her then, though her sister was too big now to be sat on.

Her chest swelled a little with pride at the comment about her name. It did suit her, didn't it? Sneezingpaw would have said the same. Ah, there it was. No amount of conversation could distract from it, Smokefeather had even brought it up now. Her smile faded a little. "Y-yeah. She didn't show up for our ceremony, and I went out to look for her, but..." She shook her head. She barely reacted at the revelation that she was her niece; blood or not, they were sisters. That was all that mattered. "We are close. We were. I can't- I don't know how to be without her. We did everything together. RiverClan feels... Weird now. It's quiet. I don't like quiet."

She looked down at the ground, tears threatening to spill yet again. She reciprocated her mother's comforting gesture, trying her best not to push her over as a result. "What's SkyClan like, Smokefeather? I don't remember it. All I remember is the snow, and Featherkit, and a big fluffy tom with a funny looking pelt. Do I have more sisters? Or brothers? Are they nice like you?" She looked Smokefeather in the eye again, waiting expectantly.

Smokefeather listened as Mountainheart spoke. Featherkit had earned a warrior name in Starclan. Featherfall, it was... fitting, Smokefeather thought. Her lips twitched up into a soft smile at Mountainheart's words.

"You always loved playing that." Something in her chest tightened painfully, the memory of a kit asking where her sister was hiding, trying to gently explain that she wasn't coming back, that she wouldn't find her if she searched the camp.

Mountainheart's voice snapped Smokefeather's attention back to the present. "I'm sorry..." The way Mountainheart spoke, Smokefeather wondered if Sneezingpaw was what had tied her to strongly to Riverclan. She hadn't paid as much attention to Sneezingpaw and her siblings when they were kits. She'd been too wrapped up in her own grief to do so. Ashstorm would be devastated, she knew. To lose her kit only to find her again and be rejected... And now she'd never get the chance to speak to her again.

"I- yes, you have siblings." Lots of siblings. Only nearly half the clan. And the rest of them were all related, somehow. "Primroselight and Vulturecry are sweethearts. Lichenblaze is loud, but he's a good cat. Ravenclaw, too. Beechface is an overbearing grump, but she cares." Her tail flicked in the medicine cat's direction. While they were talking she'd been looking around the reeds for herbs, and Smokefeather thought she'd found fennel. She was no medicine cat, but it was hard not to pick up on some of the herbs the medicine cat used often. She'd remained close enough to hear what they were saying, however.

"I'm not overbearing. You just don't listen." Beechface muttered, wrapping the herbs she'd found and padding forward. "Hey, Mountainheart, remember me?" Smokefeather thought there was a flicker of hope in her eyes, but she was wary, too.

Mountainheart nodded with a grin on her face. She still loved hide-and-seek, even though she wasn't a kit anymore. Sneezingpaw didn't think she was too old for it, so she didn't either. Her face fell again at the thought of her, and all she could do at Smokefeather's condolences was nod shakily.

Thankfully another distraction came around as the topic shifted to Mountainheart's family in SkyClan. Her eyes widened as her mother listed Mountainheart's siblings. She kept on expecting her to stop but she kept going. One, two, three, four... Five siblings! Five! Maybe more! That meant she had more siblings now than she'd lost! Her face lit up once Beechface came out from behind the reeds, though she recognised her a lot less than she had Smokefeather. Her general aura was familiar, but the cream she-cat couldn't for the life of her pinpoint a memory with Beechface in it. Still, a sister was a sister, and she excitedly barreled forward to come face-to-face with the silver tabby. "OHMYSTARSANOTHERSISTERHELLO!!" She was practically buzzing, ecstatic at the idea of having siblings again. "I'm Mountainheart! You already know that. But it's polite to introduce yourself! Sneezingpaw also calls me Menace, it's my other name! It means something good." Her energy was entirely mismatched with Beechface's, the latter's wariness being met with an overabundance of joy and energy. Unsurprisingly, Mountainheart didn't notice the imbalance.

Beechface stared at her younger sister in surprise, taken aback by the excitement with which she was greeted. She caught Smokefeather's shrug out of the corner of her eyes, and sighed., though her lips quirked into a smile at Mountainheart's words. Menace, indeed.

"Menace..." Smokefeather sighed. "I told you not to encourage that." She muttered to Beechface, tail tip twitching.

"You don't remember throwing snowballs at mom?" Beechface asked Mountainheart, throwing a smirk in the elder's direction. She was a little disappointed that Mountainheart had said she didn't remember her, but was trying not to show it.

"Mountainheart... If you... wanted to come back home-" Smokefeather began, tone hesitant. The large molly was clearly excited at the realization that she had siblings... But Smokefeather found that she was almost afraid to ask the question. She belonged in Skyclan, not Riverclan. Now probably wasn't the best time to ask given that they'd found her crying on the side of the river.

"Ne- nevermind." Smokefeather shifted her paws uncomfortably, suddenly feeling far too awkward and far too old to be out of camp like this.

Mountainheart kept on grinning giddily, the comment about the name 'Menace' sailing right over her head. She was far too elated to register the quiet words, and they hadn't been meant for her anyway.

"Snowballs?" She did remember snow, but from what she could gather, most of her kithood was spent in the snow. It was hard to separate one memory from another when they ware all so blurry, and very similar at that. Not wanting to disappoint her newfound family, however, she tilted her head to the side and gave a hesitant nod. "Well, I think I remember something about snowballs! It was so long ago, it must have left my brain by now! But I'll try to remember, okay?" She gave a bright smile, one that only slightly faltered at her mother's hesitant question.

Home? It took her far too long to realise that Smokefeather meant SkyClan, not RiverClan. To her, the latter was more of a home than SkyClan had ever been. She had her siblings, her moms... She struggled to think of any more than that. Wait, what? Did she even have friends in RiverClan? No, this couldn't be right. Had... Had Sneezingpaw been her only real friend this whole time? Try as she might, she couldn't think of another cat her age that she'd interacted with more than once. All she could think of when RiverClan was mentioned was Sneezingpaw...

But Sneezingpaw was gone. And without her... was RiverClan really home to her at all?

The stark realisation caused the she-cat to stand stock-still for several seconds, creating an uncomfortable silence. "I... um..." She wrung her paws. She was acting a lot like Dennis at the moment, which was not exactly a natural-looking way for a huge cat like her to act. "Would... Would they like me there?" It was the only question she could think of in the heat of the moment.

A concerned glance was shared between the elder and medicine cat as Mountainheart spoke, though Beechface managed to hide her disappointment. Mountainheart surely must've had good memories as a kit but... There had been things that no cat should ever have to go through, as well. Smokefeather wouldn't push it anymore than she already had, she decided. Mountainheart was talking to her, she was alive and healthy. That was enough for Smokefeather.

There was an awkward silence as Mountainheart stood still after Smokefeather had asked her about returning home, and the elder's gaze lowered with a quiet, barely audible sigh. Maybe Smokefeather had said the wrong thing. Maybe she'd jump into the river now to avoid the embarrassment.

Mountainheart's voice made her look up, and Smokefeather wrestled with the burst of hope in her chest. She had no reason to think Mountainheart would want to come home. Mountainheart, she thought, had little reason to want to leave what she thought was her home. Getting her hopes up would be beyond foolish.

"Of course they would!" She hoped her voice sounded more reassuring than it did desperate. She would give anything to have Mountainheart back in Skyclan, but it also had to be her choice. She understood that.

Mountainheart smiled sincerely at Smokefeather's response. She didn't read into her tone at all (not that she had the ability to anyway), didn't catch the hints of desperation. She sounded like she was being honest, and that was enough for Mountainheart. "Well then I'd like to go! I'd like to meet all my sisters and brothers. I can go right now! I'm sure my moms wouldn't mind-" Her ears perked up and she cut herself off. She heard familiar voices, three of them. Neither her hearing nor her mental capacity were good enough to tell exactly who was approaching, but it was definitely a RiverClan patrol.

Mountainheart looked at Smokefeather, then Beechface, with a sheepish grin. "Maybe not right now. I think I have to go? I'll come to SkyClan soon though! I'll ask mom about it!" She didn't want to leave her new family. Old family? New old family! Yeah, that sounded right. But she wasn't allowed to talk to cats from other Clans, and if the patrol found them then she'd be in trouble with mom. Again.

The large she-cat turned back to leave, but then spun around again and bounded up to her mother and sister again. She pressed her head against each of theirs in turn, purring, before turning around again and bounding off. "I'll be back soon! Promise!"