Struggling to Fit In [OPEN]

For a long time Mikael stared into the water at his own reflection. There were other kits around him learning to swim with their mothers there to instruct them, but Mikael gave them their space and was alone. Sometimes the ripples from the other kits in the water would disfigure his image, but he hardly blinked. Water... learning to swim... It would have been a useful skill not more than two weeks ago. There was an irony there, perhaps a cruel one, that he was now being sheltered by the clan cats that specialized in swimming. Guilt consumed the golden kit and fogged over his vision. The ripples became more intense as more kits gathered up the nerve to go into the broken pools. He looked up at them briefly with a mostly neutral gaze, but there was a touch of sorrow in his eyes as well. He sighed as he watched them play, innocent and carefree. Yet he had no motivation to go join them. Some of the other mothers would look at him and even look like they wanted to say something, but in the end, they didn't.

Mikael eventually brought his eyes back to the water in front of him. It was now or never... He placed one paw into the water, already not liking the cold or the wet. He visibly grimaced at it, but something else in his mind urged him to keep his paw there. This was his new family and his new life. If an important part of their culture was swimming, then learn to swim, he would. He took a breath and quickly dunked his other forepaw into the cold, wet water. Images of a kit being swept violently down the river flashed through his mind, but just as suddenly as it came, Mikael forced it away. The water had been cold and uncomfortable the first time he tried to go in too. He wouldn't let it win, not this time. In defiance of the memory and his natural instincts telling him not to go in, the kit forced himself the rest of the way into the pool.

Water slowly crept higher up his legs as he walked. He took several gasping breaths as the shock of the cold clawed it's way through his body. The instant it touched his belly, he gasped again and had to stop. His claws extended from his toes and he grit his teeth in determination. I can do this... I can do this... I'm a Riverclan cat now. He forced himself forward more and grunted as the water raced up to his neck. He had to pause again and allow his body to get used to the change in temperature. Its just water Mikael... He coached himself. It'll pass... just don't leave or going back in will be that much harder. He shut his eyes tightly and pushed off of the bottom. He kicked his legs and began to swim, the water fully submerging all but his face and the base of his ears.

After several kicks, he realized that the water wasn't so bad. He might not have been swimming as efficiently as the other kits that were getting supervised instruction, but he was confident in himself that he would figure it out. He just needed to practice. The one thing he didn't expect was to run out of energy so quickly... Mikael turned back around to the shallow end and let his paws touch the bottom of the pool again. He smiled to himself, even laughing briefly. He'd done it! It wasn't the river, but it was a start. He had been about to go back in when a sudden violent splashing occurred.

Mikael snapped his head in that direction to see that another kit seemed to be struggling to keep himself above the water. No! Not again! I can't let this happen again! The kit's mother had risen to her paws quickly, but Mikael had already spun and threw himself swiftly into the water. He kicked and kicked towards the splashing. The kit was smaller than him by at least three moons... The adult cat waded into the water quickly, closing the distance between her and her kit at about the time Mikael reached the kit as well. She reached her jaws down to pick up her kit and Mikael dove under it to try and push it up with his head, his shoulders, his back... anything that he could offer to assist.

The mother she-cat probably didn't need Mikael's help, but he couldn't just stand there and do nothing. Not again. The kit was carried safely back to shallower waters while Mikael kicked his way back tot he shallows himself. He walked completely out of the water and dropped to his belly, panting. He didn't know what to expect from the mother, the kit, or the kit's siblings... but he didn't understand when the mother simply stared at him for a moment with a blank expression and then turned her attention elsewhere. The kit and his siblings stared for a moment, some curious, some unsure... but not one of them said a word to him. They simply went back to what they were doing, though the kit that had panicked in the water seemed content to stay on solid ground for now.

Mikael felt his heart sink. Did they just assume he did that to try to show off? Did they not want him there? Should he just leave? He didn't know. He didn't know what he expected from trying to help save a kit's life (though maybe it was never in any really serious danger to begin with), but the cold shoulder and indifference to his existence wasn't it. You're welcome... glad he's alright. There was some mild resentment in his thoughts, but mostly just a crushing wave of disappointment. He looked away from the kit's family and lie his chin down on the ground. One moment he had been proud of himself for swimming a short distance... and now the wind had been taken right out of his sails.

"Well, you're certainly no Riverclanner."

The rasp of the elder's voice threatened to rake Mikael's ears. At the edge of the broken pools was a tom that looked like he hailed from the dawn of Starclan themselves. His ancient coat was a mere ghost of the vibrant, brown tabby coat that had once carried him through warriorhood; it was now lined with an under pelt of various shades of gray. There was, by some miracle, little clouding to his judgmental gaze but the intonation of his words were a tad louder than normal, suggesting his hearing had suffered mild losses over the moons. All of this was complimented by the bare, tailless rump that was a mystery in and of itself.

Carpsplash's many scars told tales of the endless life he lived and something about his gaze hinted at the countless things he had seen and witnessed. None of them had ever made him more keen on bringing outsiders into the clan. But there was an innate soft disposition for kits, perhaps drawing from the fact he'd never sired ones of his own. It was for this reason that he found himself tipping his head to beckon the young tom over. If Ivystar had even thought to ask his opinion, perhaps this wouldn't have happened, but why would the younger cat ever think to consult with the elders. He huffed at the idea. Regardless, the grizzled warrior would never argue with his leader's decision, and would seek to make the best of it.

"If you want to swim properly, learn to conserve your energy. Don't think too hard about it. The water isn't there to fight you unless you struggle against it." There was a slight gleam to his gaze, curiosity at the reply that would come.

A voice caught Mikael's attention and he turned his head. He took in the sight of the old tom, scars everywhere and the tell-tale signs of old age. His ears pointed back a bit, not sure he actually liked the tone the old tom was taking with him. "I was just trying to help the kit. I panicked... I didn't know what I was doing." The old tom continued to talk though and... gave interesting advice. Mikael, now determined, pushed himself back to his feet. He approached, willing to listen despite feeling a bit... attacked.

"What if I have to fight the water?" Maybe it wasn't a smart question. Maybe the answer was obvious. But regardless, Mikael asked, because if the older tom wanted to give him advice, then he was going to ask as many questions as he could. "I'm Mikael, by the way..."

Carpsplash listened for a moment, resigned from saying anything in regards to the aid of the kit and only acknowledged the strange young tom with a mere flicker of his ear. The words that came next were filled with an untested ignorance that drew a decisive snort from his maw. Straightening up ever so slightly to lean forward, there was a twitch of the elder's frame as pain shot up his hindquarters. Education the youth was a far easier feat when not impeded by a failing set of limbs. He grimaced slightly but pushed it away, "Listen, Mikael-" The foreign name was with venom and little intent to restrain it, "a Riverclan cat doesn't need to fight the water. True Riverclanners learn to work with the river and let it guide them. Fish hardly struggle up stream. I can't expect a cat like you to know such things but it would do you some good to keep that in mind." The rasp of the words died out in the back of his throat, satisfied for now. Even if the old tom was grouchy as a prodded badger, it was obvious that he enjoyed sharing what he thought to be his own wisdom. Despite the fact the tom he now spoke to bore no Riverclan blood, something he found utterly distasteful, it would not stop Carpsplash from running his tongue.

Mikael felt a confusing mix of wanting to hold his ground and stand up for himself against the older tom, especially when his own name was spat back out at him like something foul, and a strong logical part of him told him he really just ought to listen. The fight that was buried deep within the kit flashed in his eyes just for a moment... before reason forced it's way passed the spark of heated emotion. Mikael relaxed.

"The river took someone from me once on my way here." His eyes suddenly seemed to stare through the older tom as unpleasant memories passed through his head. "But it saved me too. It only saved me after I stopped fighting it... but if only I could have... If I had been a stronger swimmer..." He got the feeling that the older cat probably didn't care for his story. None of the other cats did, except for Ivystar, though she didn't know much of his history either. It was difficult to talk about all in one go. Maybe one day he would be able to, but it wouldn't be for some time now.

"Nevermind. What else should I know?"