Struggling

It never ended. The cycle of night and day, it never paused. Not for any cat. Goldengale had started to grow bitter, putting on a facade of hope and strength in front of her family and her clan. The dark night and early mornings knew her true feelings. It all was just so unfair. Grousefrost, her dear, beloved mate, could no longer hear her voice. He'd never hear his son's warrior ceremony, never hear his warrior name. He had been such a strong, brave warrior, putting every need of the clan before himself.... And all StarClan gave him in return was this disability. She had never been more sure of her own love for him than in these days.... But without the ability to say it to him, she had no idea how to convince the tom of it. She had noted the distant look in his eyes, the tired desperation in his expression as he strained to hear anything.

She tried everything she could. Every day, she would speak to him, talk to him about the happenings of the clan, what she had done that day. She'd describe the sunrise to him, and the snow on the moors. She would press against his side firmly as he sat outside of Aspenheart's den, purring in a desperate effort to let him feel anything. The she-cat had a feeling that it didn't do much, in fact, Grousefrost had barely reacted the last couple days.... What more could she do though? She longed to go be with him this cold morning, snowflakes drifting from the sky above in lazy circles, but it could not be... Not this morning at least.

She had to go out to the moors.

The gold-furred she-cat had focused intently on her mate's condition, to the point that her own had been forgotten. Her paws would tingle at night, buzzing like they were full of bees, and she would sleep uncomfortably as her legs remained sprawled in strange directions, as she was unable to move them to a more comfortable position. She would take a step and crumple to the ground, falling with no grace. Just the other day she had nearly bit her own tongue off as she fell, the sudden giving out surprising her. She had to know.... She had to push herself... She just couldn't. It had been happening more and more recently, and she had to know if she would be this way for good.

She had been sitting at the camp's entrance for far too long, it was time. She stood, and her paws remained firmly under her. Good, now the first step. And the second, followed by the third. Okay, she was alright. Feeling her confidence return slightly, she took more steps, until suddenly... Head met ground as she hissed in frustration, feeling like one of her claws had been wrenched. Lifting her head to try to find her paws curled tightly near her belly, she saw where one had been frayed. She tried to get up, to no avail. Waiting several more heartbeats, she tried once more. No good.

With a groan of desperation, she waited longer, the sun rising higher above her. Who knew what the warriors leaving for their morning patrols were thinking of her, laying on the moors just outside of the camp.

After what felt like moons, Goldengale tried to rise again. This time, her legs and paws reacted, and she breathed a sigh of relief as she shakily stood. Time to do this. She had been teased by the scent of rabbit just over a nearby hill, and by StarClan she was not going to return to camp without it. She had to. Stars, Barleytuft would be furious at her for venturing out alone... But she had to. Perhaps he would understand someday. What would Grousefrost think? He probably felt the same as she did... Desperate to go, to help, to be what she had once been. Perhaps he wouldn't mind so much.

Slowly, carefully, Goldengale approached the crest of the hill. She stood still as she searched the land for the rabbit she could smell, so tantalizingly close. There it was. Outlined against the nearby grasses and the snow, the figure of a lone rabbit sniffed at the dusting of white on the ground. Now was her chance. She would show them all. Her paws kicked up snow and grass as she suddenly took off, but as she neared the rabbit her eyes widened and a yowl of shock and grief and anger erupted from her maw. The rabbit lifted it's head to meet her gaze as her legs sprawled out from under her, sending her tumbling in a blur of paws and fur, crashing into the nearby gorse as the rabbit simply hopped away, free of danger.

Goldengale attempted to catch Rabbit, catch was not successful. -3 SP.
197/200 SP (-3)

The member 'Mossletoe' has done the following action : Dices roll

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'Hunting Dice' : 8

For several long heartbeats, there was nothing. No movement as the snow slowly fell back into place, tracing back to the ground as the rabbit disappeared over a far hill. Within the tall grass, Goldengale breathed heavily, tears in her eyes as she fought the urge to let out a cry. No cat could see her like this... Not now, not ever. She had a mate, and her son to support and guide, a clan to be useful in. She couldn't stop now. Not after she had worked so hard. The cold breeze rustled the gorse overhead as she tried over and over to stand, to regain control of her paws.

Little did she know that her stress and efforts were only making things worse.

She gave up after a few minutes, pressing her head against the ground as the tears began to trace paths down her cheeks. A choked sob escaped her throat as her shoulders started the shake involuntarily, the urge to curl into a tight ball unable to be met as her legs remained lifeless. "Wh-what am I go-ing to... to... to do....." Goldengale sobbed into the dirt, the feeling of bitterness rising in her throat. She just couldn't give up... What could she do though?

She didn't know how long she had stayed with her head pressed into the dirt, her tears falling silently to the ground. When she finally raised her head, her neck felt stiff, and the sun was much higher in the sky than it had been. In fact, it was already nearly sunhigh. She tried to move her paws, and felt a dismal, wretched sense of relief as they moved in response. Positioning herself in a more comfortable position, she stared down at her paws. They looked the same as they always had, and felt the same. Pressing a paw to the ground, she took note of what she felt. The harsh cold of the icy snow, the gentle ridges of the grass, the hard unyielding of the cold dirt. She felt it all, so why then couldn't she depend on them?

As the sun climbed ever higher, reaching it's peak in the sky, the golden cat stood once more, shaking out her pelt. Dirt and mud from her earlier slide coated one side of her pelt, and she sniffed at it with disgust. That would not be fun to groom out. Looking in the direction of camp, she wondered briefly what Grousefrost was doing, what Crowpaw was doing. Was he with Spotlake again? If Grousefrost was never able to hunt again, then she needed to. She had to prove it to herself, before she could prove it to the clan.... So she turned away from the camp once more, trekking further into the moors.

It appeared that the moor had time to settle back after her fall and yowl, the slim amounts of wildlife having returned to their own searches for food. It wasn't long before Goldengale spotted something in the distance, but this time she refused to rely on her paws. They would only fail her. She had to try something new.... Perhaps she could wait for her prey to come to her? Who knew how long that may take, or that she'd even get anything... Perhaps she could work more on her stalk? That still required more walking, but if she did fall she should be able to avoid startling her target.

In a moment, she decided. She would attempt to stalk, like the RiverClan cat, Dappleshine, did. She had always thought it was such a weird way of hunting, but finding herself unable to rely solely on her speed made it clear that she had to find a different way to go about it. Crouching into an uneven stance, she tried to mimic what she had seen other cats do before. She had learned some stalking, but it had been moons since she had used it, she just had to remember. Begging StarClan to let her make this catch, she drew closer and closer with each pawstep....

The hare didn't hear her coming. She was almost as surprised as it was when she suddenly realized she was mere tail-lengths away, and she lunged forward, unable to resist the urge to chase anymore. To her relief, her paws did not sabotage her efforts once more, and as she stopped she stood tall, the hare between her jaws. There, she had done it. Now to show the clan... And work on perfecting her technique.

Goldengale attempted to catch Hare, catch was successful. -3 SP.
194/200 SP (-3)

The member 'Mossletoe' has done the following action : Dices roll

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'Hunting Dice' : 1