Tear-Stained Moss

A lone figure padded towards the entrance to the dark, shadowy tunnel that crossed under the Thunderpath. A mouse dangled from the jaws of the shadow-covered she-cat before it was placed gingerly upon the ground just on the edge of the tunnel. A calico stepped into the faint moonlight, green eyes sad as she stared into the darkness. It had been countless moons since she had last come here. There had been a time where she made it a point to come regularly, and speak to the darkness… Hoping, praying that her father was on the far side listening to her. She would detail her days, her troubles, her joys to the darkness she hoped held her father. It was here that he had abandoned her, though his death had occurred elsewhere. Tears filled her eyes as she thought of that day at the Fallen Oak, Amberdawn protected from an owl by Flintfang, but a miscommunication resulting in Beartooth springing in to aid the previous SkyClan medicine cat… An act that had brought about her father’s last breath. A broken sob escaped her throat as she recalled the light leaving Flintfang’s eyes as she stood helpless… Useless. She had never blamed Amberdawn or Beartooth for his death, but that day yet another piece of her heart had fractured. Pricklebush was gone, ambushed by strange creatures and killed while buying time for Mistleshine and her to escape and get help. Emberheart, her first mentor, passing peacefully in her nest one beautiful morning. Dewpaw, killed by an adder shortly after the clan’s return to the clans. Raventail, murdered by Asylum after his mate. Falconwing, her beloved mother, killed protecting her. The elder collapsed, the mouse just past her nose as her choked sobs set the music for the others.

Leaopardstar, stripped of his remaining lives by a fast acting disease she could do nothing to stop. Oakstar, passing in a similar manner to Emberheart while she looked on helplessly. Duskrain, disappearing along with Houndheart, never to be seen again. Dacedream, killed by the ancestors she had placed all of her trust and hope in. She had spoken with them regularly, met with them moon after moon, shared tongues with them countless times…. But their cruelty could not be matched. They were beautiful, magnificent, and there was no doubting their existence, power, or strength, but as she lay alone in the moonlight she couldn’t help but doubt their motives. Her final moons as a medicine cat had shaken her belief far more than she had ever imagined possible, and though she had struggled to not become bitter, with each passing day the deaths around her grew. Nettlestar, killed by a badger. Beecloud, a kit that she had helped birth with her own paws, stolen from them by Asylum. By his own kin. Beartooth, found dead on their own territory with no trace of a killer. He had been discovered by Duskrain and Houndheart….

Wait.

Her heart clenched, breath catching in her throat. Beartooth had been impeccably cleaned, no traces of fur in his claws. The clan had thought he had frozen in his sleep, but his warmth should have prevented that. The memory of the small wound she had found in his neck, one she dismissed because of the size and how clean it was, made her stomach churn. The only scents around where he had been found were ThunderClan, notably Duskrain and Houndheart. No. It wasn’t possible. It couldn’t be possible. They wouldn’t… they couldn’t. Beartooth was Houndheart’s father. Duskrain was a friend, no, a sister. They didn’t share the same flesh, but their father was the same. The message she had received from StarClan so many moons before rose in the back of her mind, and she shoved it back into the dark corner it had lingered as she tried to force back the bile that rose in her throat. A low growl escaped her as she cried her pain to the stars that glinted silently above far above her head. It went unanswered, a bitter reminder that the stars were as uncaring as they were unchanging. ”I never even got to say goodbye, you foxhearts…” She whispered as she closed her eyes, only to find the darkness that stared at her from the tunnel meeting her there.

Amberdawn was gone, her clan becoming more of a prison than a home, having accepted a place among twolegs. Was she even still alive? Marmalade, she had explained her name was. The twolegs had moved away, taking her with them. Oh how Mossbloom missed her terribly. Aspenheart, the wobbly WindClan medicine cat, was gone too. Mothglow as well. They both had met their ends. Cinderpaw had disappeared, and Mossbloom wasn’t entirely sure what had happened to her. Sagelight was gone as well, having followed the others. She was the only one left. The new generations had taken up the roles in the other clans, and in turn she had passed them to Daisybloom and now Dovefrost. She simply wasn’t able to keep up with the responsibilities required of her anymore, the journeys to the Moonstone too much for her to bear any longer. Tears dripped from her closed eyes to the chilled ground below her, clashing against blades of grass and splattering before absorbing into the dirt. The same dirt that had absorbed countless rains, blood from only the stars knew how many battles, and her own tears from hours and days and nights of waiting for something to change that never would. So quickly had she been left behind by so many, never a permanent fixture in their lives despite the lasting impact and part they had served in hers. ”All I ever wanted to do was make you proud… To have you love me. Am I that pitiful, that worthless, that I could be tossed aside so easily?” Her words were spoken for one that would never hear them, one she was certain she would never see again.

As a kit, Mossbloom had been abandoned by her mother. Turned on by her father as she suffered countless wounds at the hands of the twoleg that claimed to care for her. Then abandoned in a snowbank not too far from here as her father did nothing to stop it. It made sense that the trend would continue through her life, as she was left behind over and over by those she counted as family and friends, companions in her walk through life. They moved on without her, and though she knew deep within her heart it was selfish of her to think this way, she couldn’t seem to silence the quiet voice that whispered it was purposeful. Every time she had thought she had found a place, it was stripped from her by something she couldn’t control… And now she was alone. Well, not quite alone. She still had ThunderClan, and Daisybloom… Daisybloom was busy with her duties though, and she was almost certain ThunderClan had forgotten her as well as the others. Ferretnose and Dustcloud were the two she felt she could still turn to, but it was only a matter of time before they left too. Besides, each was dealing with their own griefs, Ferretnose having lost her mates and Beecloud, Dustcloud having lost her mate. They weren’t alone in their griefs, but they didn’t share the same ones to the same degree. If only she were better, smarter, stronger, maybe she could have done something more, something to save them from their griefs the way she couldn’t save herself. What was done was done though, and nothing could change it now. Opening her eyes, they landed on the mouse she had so carefully selected and brought to this place. Slowly, shakily the old calico rose to her paws, keeping her gaze on the mouse. It was only a matter of time, and she had never been one to say goodbye. Turning her back on the small creature, she began to walk away. She wasn’t sure where exactly she was going, but one thing was certain… She would not be returning to camp tonight. Perhaps she would rest among the graves of her loved ones, visit her favorite spots, pass through the territory as the memories came to mind. The stars and moon watched over the lone figure as she wove through the undergrowth with precision from moons of practice.