Watching You Stand Alone, All of my Doubt Suddenly Goes Away Somehow

(OOC: takes place a sunrise after the gathering)

Downpaw was fuming. And rightfully so. It had been two sunrises since Softpaw had shared with him what had happened at the half-moon meeting. The ginger apprentice could hardly restrain his rage. How dare a medicine cat hurt his own apprentice? Downpaw was nowhere near as forgiving as his precious, innocent sister. An apology was enough for her. Downpaw demanded justice. And he would get it. StarClan wouldn't punish Aspenheart for what he did, they probably supported it! If StarClan wouldn't do anything, Downpaw would. Maybe then WindClan would see the true nature of their 'good-humored medicine cat'.

The tom wasn't planning on doing anything about it today. Maybe he should just tell Finchstar and have him deal with it. That would be the sensible thing, right? But then he saw Aspenheart in the clearing, going about his day as if all was normal, and a switch flipped in him. Rage blinded him. Downpaw himself wasn't sure what happened after that. There was a yowl and a flash of fur, then Downpaw was on him. He screeched with blood-curdling fury. Thorn-sharp claws were unsheathed, and they were scoring marks down the wobbly walking tom. He spat with rage, fur bristling. He heard gasps, but he didn't register them. Paws rushed towards them, but the ginger tom could care less. He had a score to settle. This was for Softpaw's sake. And Downpaw would do anything for his sister, and she would do anything for him.

He'd get in trouble, that much he was sure of. But he didn't care. Softpaw was his best friend. She didn't deserve to be treated like that. Downpaw had never particularly cared for the unsteady tom, but Softpaw had adored him, and he respected that. Softpaw had looked up to Aspenheart. She'd loved him. She was willing to do anything for him. And he repaid her by attacking her? No. That wasn't right. Only Downpaw knew the truth right now, but when he was done, all of WindClan would know. They would all know the heartache and suffering Softpaw went through because of Aspenheart. And Finchstar would deal with him. His mentor wouldn't, couldn't let this go unpunished. It was wrong. And wrongdoing always got justice.

"You hurt her! You monster!" He hissed venomously, as they wrestled in a ball of ginger and gray. Even as he felt teeth grip his scruff and drag him off the medicine cat, he still hissed and spat. "Let me go! He needs to pay!" Downpaw yowled to Aspenheart's savoir. He wasn't sure who the cat who had dragged him off of Aspenheart was, and he didn't care. Aspenheart needed to pay. That was all that mattered right now.

As it turned out, a few sprouts of herbs were beginning to push up from the thaw. Generally, Aspenheart was good about leaving them to grow larger, but his rationing was getting to be a dangerous task. With so little to go around, he could not leave any to spare. He plucked them up in his teeth and crawled through the gorse tunnel on the way back from his venture. The plan was to wordlessly push them towards Softpaw and trust she would know where to file them in the great expanse of stores, as he had been doing for quite a few days now.

It started to make him feel like dung, not talking to the scrap. There were many pieces of him that begged him to apologize, but at every step, he felt like he was restricted by a brick wall. To admit he was wrong was to admit he had dropped the ball, and that? It was barely digestible. The medicine cat was supposed to be even-tempered and compassionate, and Aspenheart was neither of those things. Maybe Softpaw should just accept that. Maybe she was the problem! Yeah, that was it! She couldn't develop a thick enough skin to work alongside a cat of his caliber!

The more excuses he made, the more he hated the tom he was becoming. The rationalizations for the awful, abusive thing he did became more and more warped in his mind. Aspenheart himself made it permissible, not holy wrath or mentorship rights. As he walked back into camp, making a wobbly beeline for the medicine den, he shoved back the character reflection once more. It was much like trying to shove the spirit back into a deceased clanmate. Try as he may, it didn't last very long. Maybe it was time to-

"OOF!" Aspenheart grunted as a bruising weight battered his flank, spraying the herbs from his mouth. He tumbled a few feet with his attacker before it occurred to him exactly what was happening. Claws raked his side, stinging his skin, as a miniature explosion erupted around the brawl, paws tumbling towards him. Alarm burst through the medicine cat's chest, and he began furiously hissing and swiping back at the cat on top of him. He could do little more than scrape the unknown weight's chest with his weak and trembling paws. Aspenheart rolled left and right, trying to wiggle free and find purchase on the ground to crawl away. It wasn't enough, and the attacker's claw hooked the corner of the medicine cat's mouth...

As his clanmate dragged the young-sounding tom off, so too came his claw across Aspenheart's lip with a sickening ri-i-ip noise. He gasped with the pain and the metallic taste of blood filling his mouth. There was a deep gash from mouth to chin when Aspenheart pressed his paw to the wound. It ran down his muzzle, hot and wet. He never got used to the feeling of his own blood. Fury finally overtook his adrenaline, and he hoisted himself up onto all four paws, blinking against the dizzy feeling. His eyes swam in the bright sun, but now that his vision was clear, his attacker was illuminated.

"DOWNPAW!" Aspenheart roared, stalking towards the apprentice. "What are you doing? Do you have any idea that you just broke the code, you angst-ridden, cowardly, stupid..." There was a moment of perception as he searched for his next insult where Aspenheart considered the words that Downpaw spat into the sand. He gulped, paws shifting. He searched the crowd for Softpaw. "What are you talking about?" he asked Downpaw tactfully.

The events of the Gathering the night prior had been swimming in Oilvepaw's mind, especially the fight that had broken out between the ThunderClan sisters, and the hurtful things that had been spat at her and the others that had been unfortunate enough to be caught up in the verbal barrage. She ran her paw over her ears, cleaning and smoothing her pelt, preparing for a long, cold day ahead. The camp was peaceful and calm as the sun rose over the snow-capped hills, and she took a deep breath, enjoying the quiet air in the camp.

When Aspenheart entered the camp with a mouthful of herbs, she raised her tail and opened her mouth to chirp a greeting, but was cut off by a hiss, a yowl, and a small body launching himself towards the medicine cat. She barely registered the attacker as Downpaw, and her mouth hung open as she tried to figure out why her denmate was attacking the medicine cat. Why he was attacking Aspenheart, she had no idea. She knew that Softpaw was Aspenheart's apprentice, and that she was also Downpaw's sister. The two siblings were best friends in the same way that she and Ferretpaw were, but she didn't know why Downpaw was attacking Aspenheart.

Still, it was wrong to attack one's Clanmate, let alone, one's medicine cat. She leaped forward, hazarding the blows that Downpaw was raining upon Aspenheart, and grabbed her denmate's scruff in her jaws before hauling the still-fighting apprentice off of their medicine cat. She flinched as Downpaw's claws raked her pelt, whether intentionally or not, she didn't know, but she held Downpaw fast, unable and unwilling to answer her denmate's fighting words.

Downpaw thrashed and writhed under Olivepaw's firm paws, accidentally clawing her. He'd apologize later, but for now, he had to get to Aspenheart. "Let me go Olivepaw! He... He's pathetic!" The ginger Tom snarled, teeth bared. Finally, he managed to kick one of his denmate's paws from under her, and in that split second, Downpaw was up. This time, however, he knew he had the Clan's attention. They'd have to listen to him now. He'd get his justice, right here, right now.

"Me? I broke the code? Well, what about you? Are you even sorry? Huh? You know exactly what I'm talking about. EXCATLY. WHAT. I'M. TALKING ABOUT!" He yowled, hissing, his entire pelt bristling. It took every ounce in him to not leap back at the cowardly tom. "If I'm cowardly and stupid, what does that make you?"

He circled around the tom, hissing and spitting. He deserved every scratch on his pelt and more. "You won't even own up to your mistakes! Won't even apologize! You just... You just blame everyone else! You selfish, back-stabbing, two-sided, spiteful pile of fox-dung! You're so crooked you can't even walk straight!" Everything he'd said had been building up to this moment. His speech had reached it's climax. It was time to reveal the truth. And Downpaw wasn't going to hesitate.

"HE ATTACKED HIS OWN APPRENTICE, AT A MEDICINE CAT GATHRRING! Why? BECAUSE SHE EXPRESSED HER OPINIONS, THAT'S WHY!" The snarling ball of ginger yowled loudly, echoing across the clearing. His green eyes blazed with a fury unlike any other. This was hatred. This was contempt. Pure blooded, red, hot contempt.

Clovertwist had been lapping at his short silvery coat, half-lulled into a peaceful trance, when the explosion of snarls sounded just across the camp. His amber eyes flew wide as he pieced together the sound of Downpaw's snarling voice, his claws battering Aspenheart who seemed totally stunned and surprised and was doing his best to simply fend off his attacker. Clovertwist was yowling, "Hey! Stop!" as he flung to his paws, fur bristling in alarm. Olivepaw had arrived already and hauled Downpaw off by his scruff, but he wwas flailing and snarling and talking nonsense. Clovertwist spat, "What in StarClan's name are you doing? That's enough!"

But Downpaw, apparently, had something to say, and a horribly sick and bedraggled Barleytuft had stumbled from his nest in the medicine den just in time to hear it. He blinked his dark hazel eyes with bewilderment and sorrow and wheezed, "Aspenheart did... what...?" He looked at the battered medicine cat, seeing the blood spilling across the medicine cat's face. His horror grew, and his feelings of confusion. "What is he talking about?" the whitecough-ridden warrior asked anxiously, and then a tightness gripped his chest and he struggled against a cough for several moments before giving in to cough, looking uneasily for an answer. He had seen the dramatic change in his daughter - she had refused to open up to him on the rare occasion she even interacted with him. Was this the cause?

Clovertwist looked aside at the sound of his father's coughing fit and question, but his expression was dark with concern as he waited for the answer, too.

Speckledpaw was scared. She had just gotten over the loss of her sister and now this! She looks at Downpaw, and she scurries over to hear. She pads over to olivepaw and Downpaw. Her fur was knotted and unclean, and she looked filthy. “What’s going on?” Speckledpaw asked worryingly. “Downpaw what did you do-! What happened!” speckledpaw was scared. She thought that StarClan was punishing the clan. First petalpaw, now Downpaw is attacking the medicine cat!

She didn’t know what to do. She wanted to help, but she hadn’t really gotten to know any of the other apprentices. She looked at Downpaw. He looked as if he was raging with fury. And she wanted to help him but didn’t know how. She padded over to Aspenheart and tried to help him with his herbs that were scattered.

Ferretpaw stalked into the camp, his tail swishing in frustration behind him. He was so ready for leafbare to get over with. Hunting had been hard recently, but it wasn't until that morning that he had missed a rabbit. Sure, sometimes he didn't find anything, but he hadn't failed like this before.

He was quickly distracted by the commotion, and rushed over. He shot a dirty look at Downpaw, stooping to offer a shoulder to Olivepaw to help her back to her paws that the other apprentice had swept from beneath her. "What are you-" he trailed off as Downpaw's yowling grew more intense with every word. His eyes widened, and he looked back and forth between the angry apprentice and the bleeding medicine cat.

He might have missed the drama at the gathering, but he was front row for this.

Olivepaw's breath left her body in a whoosh as she hit the ground following Downpaw unbalancing her, and rose to her paws, with Ferretpaw's help. She licked his cheek in unspoken thanks, and turned to lap at the stinging wounds that her denmate had given her in his fury. Luckily, they weren't deep, and would heal in no time. She paused in her wound care at the final words Downpaw had spat at the bleeding medicine cat, hardly able to believe such accusation. However, the rift that had seemingly grown between Aspenheart and his apprentice made sense, if Downpaw's words were true.

Crowspirit padded into camp hurriedly, having heard the commotion coming back from a patrol. He dropped his catch in the fresh-kill pile, before padding over to where everyone was gathered. “Aspenheart? I don’t believe it. I grew up under him, and he can be a bit grouchy, but I find it hard to believe he would harm his own apprentice.”
He made eye contact with the medicine cat, odd-colored gaze puzzled. “Tell me it isn’t true, Aspenheart.”

OOC: i swear every time i look at this title i start singing a thousand years )))

Smallpaw had been sitting at the fresh kill pile, pawing at his mouse. The camp looked somewhat deserted today, with but a few cats wandering around. Then again, it was pretty early in the morning, the sun just peaking over the horizon. Most of the cats were either in their dens or out on patrol. The apprentice had gotten up but a few moments ago, hoping he'd be able to catch one of the patrols, only to find that they had all left. Now all that was left to do was wait for the next wave to go out around sunhigh.

He stopped playing with his mouse and took a bite out of it, feeling content with himself. He looked over at the camp entrance when a figure caught the corner of his eye, and saw Aspenheart appear with a bundle of herbs held tightly in his jaws. 'Must've just come back from herb gathering trip' Smallpaw thought, taking another large bite from his mouse. He started sinking back into his inner thoughts when a large commotion sprang up. All of a sudden, out of the blue, Downpaw had launched himself onto the medicine cat with the most anger and hatred he'd ever seen in a cat before. Shocked and Stunned, he stood up from the fresh-kill pile and dropped his mouse. He tried moving, but he couldn't. What was wrong with him? Why couldn't he move? The apprentice stood, frozen in fear, watching the two cats wrestle and hiss at each other.

Smallpaw didn't think he would be so happy to see another cat than the moment he'd seen Olivepaw jump on Downpaw and pull him off of the medicine cat. He breathed a breath of relief and watched as more cats approached. First Clovertwist, then Barleytuft, and then Speckledpaw, Ferretpaw, and Crowspirit. Feeling obliged to join the group, he forced his legs to move, finally freeing himself from his state of panic. As he neared the crowd, his ear caught many things he didn't want to hear. One of them being the phrase, " HE ATTACKED HIS OWN APPRENTICE!" With those words started to feel a pit grow in the depths of his belly. He pushed his was into the crowd, and boy was Aspenheart in bad shape. "Why did you do that?" Smallpaw asked, surprising even himself when he heard a tone of anger ring in his meow. He didn't think he'd ever heard himself sound like that. He took a deep breath and listened to what the other apprentice had to say in between questions being asked by other clanmates. He sat back and raised his ears, hoping to catch something worth hearing. Attacking a medicine cat was already pretty far over the line. But according to what he was picking up, Aspenheart had inflicted harm on his own apprentice, Softpaw. If this were true, Smallpaw could see why Downpaw had done what he did, but this didn't give him the excuse to upright attack a medicine cat like that. The right and logical thing to do would be to tell Finchstar.

The commotion in camp was deafening. Hisses, yowls of anger and pain, the likes of which Starlingkit had never heard before. His little head was poked out of the nursery opening, watching it all go down with wide eyes. Aspenheart had attacked his apprentice? Wasn't that against the rules? But...then an apprentice attacked Aspenheart, and he was pretty sure that wasn't allowed either. Starlingkit looked over towards the leader's den, waiting for Raventail or Finchstar to make an appearance.

Ploverpuddled woke with a start and was already on his paws exiting the warriors' den as the noise of a fight. By the time he had emerged Olivepaw had already pulled Downpaw off of... Aspenheart? What was going on? Curious the fluffy tom stepped closer to the gathered group, his muscles tensing ready for action as soon as the apprentice escaped his friend's grasp, but he didn't make another move to attack at least not yet.

As soon as the tom spoke up though.. his eyes moved from the apprentice to Aspenheart. His eyes narrowing in a questioning glare. He had seen how Softpaw had changed and heard the camp gossip about it but he wasn't close to her to warrant him stepping in to the situation. But this? This was something that needed to be discussed. Especially if it was effecting the young medicine apprentice in an extreme way. The gray warrior wasn't going to stand for it even if he considered Aspenheart his friend.

The gray tom padded close to the medicine cat, standing tall, making the tom look larger. "Give us an answer, Aspenheart. Now." If they kept asking questions then the truth would be stumbled around and avoid, someone had to take charge in this situation and Ploverpuddle decided to fill it until the deputy or the leader showed up. " Better yet... Where is Softpaw? We can ask her ourselves." The tom decided. They could get the truth right from the source that was affected by all of this.

Aspenheart's gaze was soulless, cool, and steely, and it did not waver from Downpaw's face. He flinched as the apprentice made his case, but the gaze stayed fixed. The medicine cat ignored the cries around him; they were muffled to his ears, roaring like a great flood through his head and throat. He grimaced. He pulled his chin up, lifting his head high. Blood trickled off his chin, down onto his paws. It was warm.

"And she told you this, I'm sure," he said plainly. "Her 'opinion' put every cat in the cavern in jeopardy. Her 'opinion' spited StarClan. You couldn't possibly understand the depths of her station and mine, Downpaw! I did... I did what I..."

Aspenheart wasn't sure where the first round of tears came from as they spilled over his facial wound. He viewed them with a sort of confused, morbid curiosity, watching his vision of the ginger apprentice blur. His ears turned back in horror and embarrassment, and he broke his intense staring match with Downpaw. He swallowed with the feeling of what could only be described as dry burrs collecting at the back of his throat. In his mind's eye, he saw a hissing, sputtering vision of a she-cat he had not thought of in a very long time. It was a dream that he had not experienced since he was a young tom, when his eyes were not bleary and whiskers were not crooked. In his waking hours, it was even less common. Quite honestly, the scandalous nature of his mentor's life was a catalyst to his repression of her memories in his heart of hearts.

“Say hello to Rippedstar for me on your way down.” Mintwhisker surely believed she was doing what she had to do, didn't she? It drove her mad, ultimately. Each tether that bound her to her own grip on reality was worn down from the moment she murdered Sedgestrike. In her final days with the clans, Aspenheart didn't even know where she had gone. Sagelight had the worst job of them all; he had to pull together the scraps and spam of what she left in her destructive wake. The medicine cat recalled the scars that raked her face. Sedgestrike's daughter crafted each one with ravenous, vengeful precision. Aspenheart would never understand the bounds of biological family, the way a cat could dive into the darkest expressions of catkind for their kin. But he knew plenty about the shadows and the dark. He ran his tongue over the gushing wound on his lip. It was raw, and it stung.

To his left, Barleytuft came up quickly. In the reflection of Barleytuft's irises, Aspenheart swore he could see a brown tabby coat and sage-green eyes. The burrs rose back up in his throat. "I have no explanation for you, Barleytuft," he whispered. In a louder voice, he spoke again: "StarClan gave us a sign, and Softpaw rejected it. I panicked. She acted in passion, and she was punished with passion. A-and... and I was wrong. I was wrong. I am... wrong." Aspenheart pushed through the sick feeling in his belly, along with the hoarseness in his mouth. Often, he felt he knew what his worst fear was, only to be proven wrong when a greater fear rose to the occasion. At one time, it was dogs, and at another, it was kittings. Now, he knew the true thing that wrought terror in his soul. It was to be recognized for what he felt he really was, and not the image of a tom he had built up in himself. There were no great walls made of mischief. There was no moat running with waters of brotherhood. There was no army waiting at his side to proclaim his great instincts and wisdom. All of the protections came crashing down, and there was a milk-hungry kit shivering in the cold, admitting that he really was in the wrong.

Some things couldn't be talked out of. They couldn't be walked around, above, or below. Aspenheart could only walk through it. There were bigger rabbits to chase than the crowd, for there was a face missing. "This is out of hand, and I'm not letting us all turn her pain into a spectacle! We're all standing around discussing her when she isn't even here to defend herself! Where is my apprentice?! Downpaw, bring her here." The older tom bit the inside of his cheek. Blood seeped into his gums. "You're still in trouble, just so you know. Y'clawed the dung out of my face."  

Bird calls rang in Finchstar's head as he heaved himself from his nest. The tom smelled of sickness and death. A part of his soul didn't follow the leader, a part rested in StarClan, gone. He now possessed four lives, having given yet another to the seasonal greencough. Galestar had called him reckless, not just his tendency to attract all things dangerous, but his actions as well. Finchstar frowned as he followed the sounds of the birds, mind hazy. But the birds were cats, the calls were the sound of WindClan drowning in blood. The vision. Galestar's vision.

Finchstar watched as Downpaw threw himself atop Aspenheart, seeing it all unfold in front of him. But the leader felt as if he was walking in mud. His pawsteps slowed, he watched as WindClan called Aspenheart a monster. Not his brother, no. Angry now, Finchstar pulled through the metaphorical mud and heaved himself in between his apprentice and medicine cat. "Stop this!" Finchstar rasped. A voice that was usually filled with honey was now hoarse from the ease of greencough. His yellow eyes swung to Aspenheart's, then to Downpaw's, and finally to Barleytuft. His anger melted to sorrow, and Finchstar's temples leaked water as he stumbled and caught himself.

"Downpaw, fetch Aspenheart some cobwebs, and follow his creed and find your sister as well." Finchstar dismissed the tabby tom with a flick of his tail, wheezing now. "Smallpaw, Ferretpaw, take Starlingkit to the nursery and discuss your opinions there. I respect your fortitude however we must let our thoughts settle first." Sorrow deeped in Finchstar's face as he called Barleytuft, Ploverpuddle, and Clovertwist over, sitting. A long silence passed until Finchstar watched as Olivepaw let Downpaw to his feet. He gave the gray she-cat a solemn nod and gestured for her to follow Smallpaw as well. Normally Finchstar was an advocate for including cats of all ages and walks of life in clan business, however he had seen WindClan drown in blood. Crimson was already lapping at the floor now as Aspenheart was wounded. This was no place for young cats who had yet to see the world. And stars, Finchstar would disown StarClan before he let them lay a paw on the innocent.

The leader padded to his medicine cat and rested his face on his, the haze that clogged his mind now turning crystal. He rubbed the blood onto his own white and ginger fur, a beastial action. Now both coated in their sins, Finchstar turned toward Barleytuft and Clovertwist, his friends. "WindClan is me, and I am WindClan. If it were not for my declaration at the gathering, perhaps Softpaw wouldn't have spoken out, and perhaps Aspenheart may not have hurt her. But that is the past." Finchstar rose to his feet and tasted the blood on his lip, relishing the copper tang as it made him realize what they were fighting for. "I died last night. The greencough took me, and I recieved a vision. Galestar, an old WindClan leader showed me the clan bathed in blood. She declared that this is the punishment WindClan would face for betraying StarClan. Her wrath saw Zinnia, Patrick, and the SkyClanners that now reside with us. I understand Aspenheart's fears as I now wear his lifeblood."

Finchstar looked to see that Smallpaw, Olivepaw, Ferretpaw, and Starlingkit were on their way. "However Softpaw has my allegiance. She was right in her declaration, and her youth doesn't weaken her assesment in comparison to mine. When Softpaw arrives, we will discuss this further. It is no longer a matter of mere claw marks or words. There is a grave future ahead of us. Barleytuft, Clovertwist, Ploverpuddle, please join me and my bleeding brother here as we muse on the future, no matter how bleak. There is no time to reminisce on the past as it is behind us now. Softpaw and Downpaw will join us and I will decide their fate."

As much as Olivepaw wanted to continue watching and see the outcome, she knew that she couldn't disobey direct orders from Finchstar himself. She stood and turned to follow Smallpaw and Starlingkit, curling her tail around Ferretpaw as if to prompt him to follow the trio to the nursery. She knew that he'd want to stay too, but she knew that Finchstar would like him to follow them out of the clearing as well.