Doubt and Trust [Closed]

Crowstar sat outside his den watching his left over clan mates move about the camp, and occasionally interacting with the dead dark forest cats that were staying with him. It seemed Maplepaw had made a place with the apprentices and some of the warriors. She was kinder than some of the other dead cats he has seen but he knew she still had some violence to her. The leader let out a small sigh and settled down, keeping his yellow eyes on the others. Things seemed to be going well, but sometimes he still questioned his choice.

Poppysong, like Crowstar, had opted to sitting back and watching Clan life rather than participating fully. Although she knew some of those around her were under similar circumstances, she couldn't help but feel uneasy around her Clanmates. Her trust in them was stuck in between a life long loyalty and the pain of betrayal. The she-cat no longer knew what to think about those she once called family. It made her sick to the bones thinking about how many of them would turn against her if she spoke one wrong word.

The presence of the dead Dark Forest cats was no help either. Although she did help with daily task like hunting and patrolling, she made sure she was never with one of them. Even with her fellow living cats, she tended to venture away from the patrols and take care of things on her own.

The tri-coloured warrior was itching to escape from those around her. Her comfort levels were reaching an all time high as she left her den and padded out towards edges of the camp. Out of the corner of her hazel eyes she spotted her mentor sitting comfortably just outside of his den. Poppysong let her gaze rest on him. Although her thoughts about everything were confusing at the moment, her opinion about Crowstar was everywhere. She couldn't decide if the tom was good or bad. But compared to everyone else, she felt the most at ease when speaking to him.

Coming up to the dark tom, she gave him a respectful nod and too a seat not too far from him. "Hello Crowstar."

Some movement had caught the leader's eye, his yellow eyes flicked in the direction of the approaching cat only to find it was Poppysong. Probably the cat he trusted the most at this moment in time. There were others but since he was always questioning his choices he didn't exactly know who to trust that much anymore. He was still following the Dark Forest, and he still thought they could do a better job than Starclan, but who knew what would happen if something bad happened or someone spoke out against him or the dark forest. He didn't know what he would do if someone tried to throw him out of his leadership either. His warriors have always been loyal for the most part, it would break his trust if someone tried something like that.

"Hello Poppysong." He said with a friendliness in his tone. He was glad she was here.. and didn't straight up leave him like Snowstorm did. She wouldn't even listen to him... she was so set on Starclan, too blind to notice the obvious.. Even after what happened to Breezestar... What did she know about Starclan anyway? She was just a regular warrior she didn't have contact with them like he did at one point in time.. He looked up at the cat beside him. He was thankful she stayed. "I'm glad it was you who decided to join me and not someone else." He said to his former apprentice. He was comfortable around her.

The warrior froze at his comment. Her eyes flicked down to the ground in guilt. Her decision to join him hadn't been out of trust, or out of any remorse for the Dark Forest. Although he knew she did not support their actions, and believed in StarClan rather heavily, it seemed he thought part of her choice had something to do with the tom specifically. She could never admit it to him, but she made such a choice out of fear. A fear of the unknown. A fear of the Dark Forest. A fear of losing everything she held dear.

Bowing her head to the tom, she kept her gaze away. "Thank you, but I'm sure you would have been much happier with some other cat's loyalty. Snowstorm, for example..." the she-cat mumbled. "I'm not especially great at anything. I doubt that's better than most of our clan-- ex-clanmates."

Crowstar let out a sigh. "Even if Snwostorm were here I don't think her company would have made me happy.. She would probably be yelling at me right now for the choice I have made. She wouldn't even let me talk probably." He loved Snowstorm, but after what had occurred at the gathering. He wasn't too sure. She was supposed to be his mate but she just kept insulting him, all he was doing was making Skyclan strong, making himself strong. He was tired of Skyclan being walked over.

"I know with the things the way they are, aren't desirable for you.. But I'm still glad you are here. I wouldn't have asked anyone else to stay by my side. With you around I feel like I can just relax.. and not have to worry about things for a bit." He said. Honestly having her to distracted him for the time being prevented himself from rethinking every choice he has ever made.

Hearing Crowstar speak so... well, so poorly of his mate made her heart drop. Looking up at the black tom, she saw a sort of pain in his eyes as he spoke about the absurd hypothetical situation. Obviously he didn't want to be in this situation, whatever it was, but it seemed odd. Snowstorm was such a sweet she-cat. Poppysong could never imagine her yelling or shouting at anyone, let along her mate and leader. Something must have caused a change in her at the gathering. Something that Poppysong was sure involved her leader's choice in loyalties. Something she couldn't blame Snowstorm for thinking or doing.

"I'm sorry," she meowed solemnly. Even if she agreed with Snowstorm, and as much as she might have wanted to leave, seeing Crowstar's expression brought on some form of pity. Losing someone so close to him must have been painful, even if it was from his own doing.

"I see. I... understand, in a way. I don't trust anyone around me anymore. Especially not those Dark Forest cats. You're doing this for us, I know that, but I don't know why they're doing this. It's all too frustrating and nauseating," Poppysong murmured, settling down on her stomach and tucking her paws underneath her. "It feels like I'm betraying so much just by being here..." Her head came down on the ground and her ears bent backwards. Why was she telling him this?

Crowstar didn't looked at his warrior. "You don't have to apologize. You didn't have anything to do with this situation." The black fluffy leader said. His words went to silence as Poppysong spoke up again. He didn't like the fact that she said she couldn't trust the dark forest cats. Not everyone had dark intentions. They just wanted what was best for the clan, especially him. He also knew that if anyone else heard her say that then the dead ones wouldn't have been happy.

The leader didn't look up, he just kept his yellow gaze to what was in front of him. "Well.. do you trust me?" He asked. For some reason he needed to know, and he felt if she said no then... he wouldn't be too happy about it. Honestly he would be a bit crushed. He liked having Poppysong around, and he didn't wan to lose her.

'Well.. do you trust me?' A lump rose and stuck itself in the she-cat's throat. Could she lie and tell him she trusted him beyond any other cat? Or could she speak about her wary feelings and admit her confused and hurt thoughts.

She had trusted him from the moment her eyes laid on him. He was her mentor, her friend through thick and thin, and the cat her father most trusted. There was no denying she still held even a bit of respect for him, after all they had been through, but her feelings were undefined. She couldn't decide whether she really trusted this tom anymore or not. Being confronted with it on such short notice... she was nervous, if not terrified.

Sucking in a deep, shaky breath, Poppysong looked at Crowstar. His gaze was directly in front of him and seemed distant. There was a noticeable tension in his face. Was he worried about her answer?

The lump in her throat grew wider, but she knew she couldn't avoid it. "I-It's not as if I don't... trust you... I just... I'm confused. I've followed you and my father for as long as I can remember. Both of you were my idols. If I had any problem, I knew you'd be there to help me. I can't.. not trust you, after all you've done for me. But I feel... betrayed..." she paused to collect herself. Her voice rattled and seemed like it would break at any moment. "Everyone's betrayed him. Their loyalties were gone at the simple mention of power." The warrior buried her face into the ground. She couldn't believe how openly she was speaking. Especially after she's held her tongue for so long. "H-How can I trust them when they turned against Breezestar so easily?"

Crowstar's ear was turned in her direction as he kept his gaze away. He was interested in her answer, but he didn't want to see her face, her expression as she explained what was going on. What she was thinking. She trusted him.. but she didn't at least not at this moment from what she had explained. She was just trying to had it behind not so harsh words, and then she flipped it to be about them, not him. He could tell she didn't want to hurt him.

And then she had to bring up Breezestar like this was about him. Breezestar was dead. Their loyalties didn't lie with him anymore it was in their new leader. It was in him, and a lot of them followed him because of his words. The fact that she had brought up this was all for power, he didn't like it.. It wasn't just for power for him. "Some of them were just following their leader. Many of us have been hurt by what happened in the past, that we want a change." He didn't see just power in following the dark forest. He saw a new future. A promise of change. Maybe for a future that didn't involve so much blood shed.. It's what he hoped for.. and he didn't see that happening under Starclan's rule seeing how it didn't happen before. Though he didn't know what to think if all she saw was betrayal...