January Medicine Cat Meeting

(OOC: well, since nobody else has I guess I'll start it then? XD)

Softpaw fell into her typical fashion of flanking her mentor's right flank. Each time, he'd tell her he'd been like this since he was an apprentice and he hadn't fallen yet, and each time she'd continue on his right side as if he hadn't said a thing. Softpaw wasn't sure how to feel. Two things were certain, though: one, she greatly enjoyed the long walk to the Highstones with her mentor, and two, she couldn't wait to see the Moonstone again. The first time, it had taken her breath away. It was the most beautiful thing she'd ever seen. Will it have the same effect this time? She wondered.

As they approached the tunnel under the Thunderpath, Softpaw made sure to look down, wary of getting sand in her eyes, so far away from any known celandine patches. What she didn't expect, however, was a mouse to be startled by them and scurry away from its apparent home, leaving a cloud of sand. Softpaw sneezed. Hard. So hard, in fact, that she fell backwards. After her initial shock, she began laughing, had a mouse seriously just attacked her?

It was with a heavy heart that Mothglow drifted over the path to the Moonstone; she didn't have the heart to think over anything that had happened in the last moon. She was following the motions now, wondering if the stars had any need of her at all. She loved the StarClan she had known, the cats that had welcomed her as a medicine cat and taught her what she needed to know, but she couldn't reconcile them in her mind with this new image of so-called righteous fury.

How could they be so kind and so cruel all at once?

But she wasn't going to dwell on it. Not now, not tonight. Tonight, if they'd take her, she would face them - she would lay her questions out in the open, and ask for answers. Understanding the mysteries of StarClan was never easy, but now the weight of that duty threatened to tear her down where she stood. Where had she gone so wrong? She wanted to help others, to be kind and spread kindness in turn. To heal the injured, to help the helpless. StarClan hadn't led her to this path, but once she had chosen it for herself they had guided her.

The journey felt slower than it often did, in part because she was moving slowly. Lingering fears echoed in the back of her mind - that they didn't want her anymore, that they never really had. She wasn't meant to be a medicine cat, just as she was never meant to be a warrior.

She shook those thoughts off, perhaps more forcefully than she meant to - jerking her head to the side and hoping there was no one there to see.

Even if StarClan abandoned her - and she couldn't know if they would, not until she tried - she would not abandon ShadowClan. She would continue to heal them, to help where she could, and to do her best to spread the kindness she had always thought the stars to represent. Love and compassion, and the kindness they'd shown her.

(Not this, the feeling of fury so unfamiliar to her that she struggled to recognize it.)

Finally, she came upon Mothermouth. She didn't enter, watching the tunnel with trepidation, but after a moment she realized she wasn't the first to arrive. She offered a silent greeting, not trusting her voice not to break if she spoke. She tried to smile, and wondered if it came out looking as forced as it felt to her.

Spiderpaw's heart drummed a quick and steady rhythm in his chest as he and Mistleshine approached Mothermouth. It wasn't his first time here, obviously, but it would be his first time meeting the other medicine cats, as well as his first time seeing how these things worked. He was excited but scared, given the current state of StarClan. He wished he hadn't found out about their anger, which he found so out of character for them. Weren't they supposed to be infallible?

He shook it off and continued at his mentor's side, spotting a kind of familiar apprentice sitting outside the tunnel. He didn't know her name, but he decided to introduce himself anyway. "Uh hi, I'm Spiderpaw! What's your name?" He spoke barely louder than a whisper, not wanting to ruin the serenity of the silence that surrounded them.

After the tunnel incident, the journey to Highstones was smooth. Her nervousness flickered on as she recalled the gathering and its turmoil. Aspenheart and she were the first to arrive, and so they sat just outside the tunnel. Mothglow showed up soon after and gave them a friendly nod, but Softpaw could tell the gathering had an effect on her.

Two more cats approached and Softpaw recognized the tom who had comforted her. She jumped up from where she was sitting. She realized she might be a bit too excited to see him, but she shook it off. Medicine cats were allowed to be friends, right? She thought when she spoke it would come out smooth and calm, since she felt comfortable around him, though she quickly found her voice didn't agree with her, as it came out squeaky and with a stutter. "H-hi Spiderpaw! I'm, uh, I'm Softpaw."

"Hey, look!" Aspenheart rasped as he hauled himself up Highstones. "The hairballs found each other! You're Mistleshine's lackey, aren't you?"

His attempts to stay light and jovial were faltering. There was fury in the air that the apprentices had not yet learned to sense. Or, maybe, it was the knowledge that he was partially responsible. The forest had been lingering in quiet terror ever since the Gathering. At least the young ones were able to find happiness and excitement in this difficult time. He mrrped a greeting to Mothglow with a trouble and rather curt nod. There was a mutual understanding between them. Whatever happened tonight was going to be no good. He took it upon himself to inform Spiderpaw and Softpaw.

"Listen, kits," he whispered. "Don't blame us elderly folks for being skittish tonight. It's not usually like this. StarClan... um. StarClan's really angry right now. Thornstar and Torrentstar's relationship isn't going over well with them. We've been waiting for a sign. Look at that moon." On his own queue, Aspenheart looked up at the dull and gloomy thing, shrouded in mist above their heads. "Don't be afraid. They've got a funny way of dealing with conflict resolution, but they're not evil or anything. This is sacred ground. Nothing will touch us. Medicine cat's honor, okay? Let's wait for the rest of them to get here. Sagelight's got a long walk here from SkyClan."

Softpaw looked at Aspenheart with uncertainty in her normally clear blue eyes. Her mentor wasn't himself today. Actually, he hadn't been since the gathering. His witty quips were filled with as much energy and she knew he blamed himself. "Aspenheart.... We aren't k-kits. We... We know StarClan's anger now, we saw it ourselves." She sighed, guiltily looking at the ground. She hated talking to her mentor like this. "Spiderpaw and I can't just forget it..." Looking at Spiderpaw, she gave him a nervous smile of encouragement. Suddenly, a thought flickered in her mind. "Aspenheart... I have a question.. About Thornstar and Torrentstar.."


"Why does StarClan hate their love so much?"

"Yes," Mothglow nodded, speaking at last - though she wasn't sure how she felt about being considered elderly, she didn't comment on it. The air was too serious tonight. "It's safe, I'm sure... But I don't think anyone should enter alone regardless." She was sure the subtext of her statement was clear enough, to Aspenheart and Mistleshine, if not the apprentices. Please don't make me go in there by myself.

Perhaps it was only her nerves, or the cold that seemed to sink deeper into her than it often did, or simply StarClan's fury washing over her, but she found herself remembering Amberdawn's words to her so long ago, when she'd first taken on the responsibilities of a medicine cat. How the tunnel wasn't bathed in normal darkness, the necessity of silence... She didn't want to risk venturing through it alone. Not tonight. Even thoughts of the Moonstone, mysterious glow awaiting, couldn't calm her nerves. After all, StarClan was their source.

As Softpaw voiced her question to her mentor, Mothglow hung her head. If StarClan was angry at her leader - family ties aside - then wasn't she also to blame? She spoke softly, quoting a voice that had spoken only in her dreams at this very place. "Sometimes... Two cats find themselves in one another," she whispered. "And the stars would prefer it if they didn't. They see it as a mistake."

The last part, she left unsaid. Whether that means anything at all, though... That is their choice to make, and no one else's.

It didn't ring true to her anymore.

The first time she'd heard those words, they had held a hint of defiance. Now, in her own voice, they were quietly resigned. She had seen the mistake, she had known the truth... And she hadn't acted. She'd had her reasons - the kits, who didn't deserve the legacy they now had to bear - but now the truth was out in the open, and there was nothing she could do to help it.

Mothglow's point of view was an important one. It was her clan, after all. But Aspenheart preferred to see the logic, rather than the feelings. Maybe it was the fact that no cat, male or female, had ever caught his eye in the manner he assumed others experienced. He didn't particularly mind it, as the companionship of his friends and brothers of the clan was quite enough for him. What was that like, to be tempted by heartache? The closest he had ever come was nearly losing Finchstar. That dumb rabbit-brain gave lives like he was playing the egg game with them. From his perspective, Thornstar and Torrentstar's copulation was something very different than love. He wasn't even sure they really... liked each other that much.

"We all have our feelings, Softpaw, nobody can doubt that," he explained. "But I pity those kits. If they find out who their father is, they'll have to choose between him and their mother in the end. I think that's unfair... to RiverClan and ShadowClan. There will always be war, even if you and I have the luxury of being above it. We're too close to each other, like littermates who are too big for the nursery. And when war happens, I'd personally feel a lot better knowing I wasn't tearing into the loved ones of the cat leading me. There is a method to the Code. It's not all tearing couples apart and preventing love." Aspenheart once again looked to the stars. There was so much he wished he could say. None of it seemed right. "We are trusted by StarClan to prevent unnecessary conflict. Part of that conflict is keeping our clanmates from making decisions that put everybody at risk. It's why you will never have a mate or kits. It's why Finchstar invited Dappleshine warmly into WindClan. Sometimes... the Code has a point."

Aspenheart looked to Mothglow, blinking softly. He hoped he hadn't trod on her toes. That wasn't his intention, of course. He admired the many varying understandings of the Warrior Code, even among those most trusted to interpret it. They were all guilty of some kind of bias or personal interpretation, but he thought that was what made it so interesting and unique. An exchange of philosophies was always appreciated. He bumped the she-cat's flank with a bittersweet smile. "I wish I was half as strong as you," he whispered so only she could hear. "I really mean that. I'm sorry. Whatever happens down there, we're all in it together. Sagelight, Mossbloom, Mistleshine, you, and me. Let's let the paws be paws for right now. This is our burden tonight, hm?"

Softpaw knew where her mentor was coming from; however, she disagreed, slightly. She didn't understand how love could be... Bad. Love had always made her feel warm, and well, fuzzy inside. Gave her a purpose. If she didn't love, life would be bland, and bitter, like burnet. Love made life more... Enjoyable, like poppy seeds, honey, or nectar. Love could patch up wounds, like cobwebs. But... Could love also cause wounds, like claws? Could it torment one and strike them down like deathberries or Deadly Nightshade? Or was it more like water hemlock, torturing a cat before killing them, only healing when one gets it out of their system? But love wasn't like that, was it? It couldn't be.... Right?

Mossbloom hurried up the path to Highstones, fur on end. Her white paws were still stained dark with the blood from Mistwalker's injuries, and she wobbled slightly as she came to a breathless stop near the other medicine cats, feeling like the world was spinning. Taking a few deep breaths, she looked over her shoulder before looking to the others and shaking out her pelt. "I don't envy Sagelight for the extra steps he has to take. The whole forest seems like it's holding it's breath. I'm glad you all made it safely." 

Her green eyes found Mothglow's, and she lowered her head. She hadn't known initially what her prophecy meant, and even once she had figured it out she had been content to hold her tongue, it wasn't her place. The way that StarClan had forced it from her still sat on her tongue sourly. "I'm sorry, Mothglow. It felt like I didn't have a choice...." Raising her head again, she looked around to the others before her eyes landed on Mothermouth and she shuddered, stepping to the side to wait with everyone else.

"No," Mothglow whispered to Aspenheart as Mossbloom arrived. "It's not strength, keeping secrets like this... It's selfishness. I knew and I said nothing, thinking it was for the best. Thinking that what no one knew couldn't hurt them, that it was best for the kits not to know until they were old enough to understand."

Mossbloom spoke then, and she sighed, speaking now so the others could hear. "You didn't have a choice, which isn't fair to you. But that doesn't matter now, and you shouldn't apologize. You were only doing what you were meant to do, like I should have been... But then, I don't think any of us expected anything like this to happen."

A stocky gray and tan tabby trotted through the frost on the ground, his paws stinging with the cold. His face was twisted, brows furrowed in a serious expression that was not like him at all. The days after the Gathering had been troubling for the whole forest. While he wasn't actually present at the Gathering when it happened nor had StarClan whispered to him the secrets they had shared with Aspenheart and Mossbloom, he had heard everything from his dear brother Spottedstar. Or...at least a biased version of everything, as he knew as well as anyone how opinionated Spottedstar could get.

Sagelight's breath came in cloudy puffs from his mouth as he neared Highstones. He was destined to be the last one at the meeting; by the grace of StarClan, SkyClan was the furthest from the Moonstone. He had a long way to travel. Today his pace was quickened in his haste to speak to Mossbloom and Aspenheart, his friends and colleagues. His muscles beginning to ache from his long journey, he finally leapt up onto the clearing at the entrance of the Mothermouth. Of course, everyone was already there. "Thank you for waiting for me," he huffed, squinting at each cat in turn before stepping forward to greet Mossbloom and Aspenheart specifically. He brushed his mentor's flank with his tail, gazing at the two cats before him with concern. "Are you two okay? What...What happened? I mean, I know what happened, but I wanted to hear from the source." He turned to look around again, a nervous smile gracing his features. He laughed uncomfortably, flicking his ears back. "Torrentstar and Thornstar, huh? Wow...I never would have seen it coming!"

Mistleshine strode into the meeting a couple of moments after her apprentice, expression grave. Her permanent limp and the steep incline to reach Mothermouth did not make a good combination, causing her to be much slow compared to her apprentice. "I really would've appreciated some help up the hill, you know," she padded up to Spiderpaw and nudged him, eyes shining with playfulness. The atmosphere among Starclan's messengers was definitely more serious than she liked; however, there was no need to expose the apprentices to their problems. She had to experience firsthand the burden of being a young medicine cat apprentice and receiving prophecies; she didn't want to shove that role, or the stress it brought, onto her apprentice so early. He was still so young and much to learn...it wouldn't be fair of her to do that to him. "Stay close to me tonight, ok? I have a bad feeling that something will happen tonight," she lowered her voice so only he could hear her.

After straightening herself again, she looked around to see who was missing. It appeared that she was the last one to arrive, and they had all been waiting on her. She nodded a greeting to the other medicine cats, forcing a smile despite the flips her stomach was doing. "Sorry for the wait, everyone. My leg gave me trouble on the way here.." she glanced down at her crippled leg, tail twitching slightly, "now that...we're all present, shall we get going?" A pit dropped in her stomach as she said those words, and her heart began to beat furiously. Although she was petrified, she had to keep a cool and collected disposition. "For Spiderpaw. For Riverclan," she reminded herself, taking the first shaky steps down into the cave. 

She purposefully walked a bit slower than usual, trying to prolong the inevitable for as long as she could. She was trying to stall in order to calm her reeling nerves, but it was for naught. No thoughts of comfort could relax the medicine cat or decrease her rapid pulse. She was practically trembling by the time they arrived at the Moonstone. "Torrentstar, Thornstar, you've really screwed us over now. What in Starclan's name are we going to do?" She inhaled sharply, glancing over at her apprentice and then the rest of the medicine cats. She offered them a smile, but it didn't quite reach her eyes; fear and panic swam within the green irises of the gray tuxedo cat. "Whatever happens, we're in this together," she thought reassuringly, turning back to the Moonstone and gently pressing her muzzle against the cold surface.

"We're in this together, Mothglow, all of us," Aspenheart promised. Mistleshine's arrival at the top of Highstones was the signal. He gave each of his contemporaries one final nod (for strength, maybe?) before allowing the rest of them to go ahead of him. He leaned in once more to speak to Spiderpaw and Softpaw. "Apprentices don't receive messages from StarClan... enjoy the lack of responsibility while you've got it!"

Hobbling down the dark tunnel, the silver tabby's heart began climbing into a thundering rhythm. If the drumming were pawsteps, he could never outrun it. The cold stone underfoot was significantly more chilling on his pads. Everything... Everything sucked. Everything was crowfood and foxdung. To the Dark Forest with it all! He wished for a fleeting moment that the roof of the tunnel would come down over his head. He was so sick of dealing with everything that his life kept throwing back in his face. There was no joy, no happy song to be sung. Kits were dying, cats were going deaf, leaders were having illegitimate litters, and he was about to get skinned by his ancestors along with the rest of the leaf-catchers who let them down.

Wow, Aspenpaw, he mused to himself. Are you done throwing your hissy-fit yet? Are you ready to be grown-up? Have you earned the name "heart"?

That was all he needed. Aspenheart took a deep breath and half-crawled to the Moonstone, grimacing under its bright glow, and pressed his nose firmly to the surface of the rock.