Hearing the Healing Hearts [closed]

Amberdawn hadn't quite gotten over the initial disappointment of realizing Mintwhisker had left Highstones without saying goodbye - without saying hello, even! The medicine cat and her apprentice had been apart for nearly half a moon after having only been together for a moon before that after the flood. Hadn't Mintwhisker missed her? And, unselfishly, didn't she need to accompany Aspenpaw back home with his condition? The other medicine cats had emerged shortly after Amberdawn, though, and forced her thoughts away from the cat who she'd always thought of as a mother and was beginning to think of as a stranger. Mosspaw came up, and Pricklebush with Mistlepaw, and she remembered that she would be getting to walk home with her friend from the lake shore. It distracted her thoughts a bit, but not much.

Pricklebush parted to take a path home with Mistlepaw - one easier for a cat such as himself who would likely struggle to swim due to his long fur and massive frame - and left the two young medicine cat apprentices alone in the waning hours of the night. They would arrive home before dawn, but only just. They took the path alongside the river to avoid the noise of the Thunderpath partly because it allowed them to accompany Pricklebush and Mistlepaw longer but, more importantly, since it gave them a longer path to walk and chat.

A silence had stretched between them after the others parted ways, and Amberdawn looked aside at her calico friend, dimly lit on the dark night. "How was your first official meeting?" Amberdawn asked tentatively, wondering if the she-cat was still in the mood for catching up after the events of the evening. "Medicine cat... It's so fitting, but I must say I'm surprised. I didn't think Pricklebush was looking for an apprentice."

Mosspaw had padded alongside Pricklebush, Mistlepaw, and Amberdawn, enjoying the company. Especially taking joy in the company of her friend from the shore, the one who peaked her interest in herbs, she walked with a light heart. Sure, she was tired, but she just wanted this moment to last. She touched noses with Pricklebush as they went their separate ways, promising to stay safe and get home before too long. With their goodbye done, she joined back with Amberdawn and they continued the trek towards home. As the silence stretched, Mosspaw seemed to hesitate. She wanted to break the silence, but wasn't sure how, and was relieved when Amberdawn broke it for her.

"It was... Pretty quiet, actually. I didn't even speak with an ancestor, just walked among herbs in the forest and identified them, really." She laughed lightly, recalling Pricklebush's face at her ceremony. "Thank you, I'm quite enjoying it. There's a lot to learn, but I had a really good base knowledge of some things, thanks to you Amberdawb. Thanks a lot for teaching me what you did! He wasn't at all, but the day of my ceremony he collapsed and had a vision where StarClan told him that I was meant to be his apprentice. Just before I was given my name, Pricklebush interrupted the ceremony with that news. You should have seen Leopardstar's face!"

Amberdawn didn't have to worry about breaking the silence for long, for she was quickly relieved to hear Mosspaw reply, her voice helping to ease the tension. She felt a little more at ease as her friend answered, vaguely describing her visit with StarClan before carrying on to talk about life as a medicine cat so far. Amberdawn smiled bashfully when her part in Mosspaw's path was mentioned, and she listened as the calico described how her warrior ceremony was interrupted by Pricklebush. She squeaked a soft, "Wow, they did that to him?" and shook her head but then fell silent as Mosspaw finished speaking, her voice energized with amusement.

"Honestly, I can't even imagine," Amberdawn replied increduously, chuckling at the absurdity of it and at how strangely fate had wound its paths to lead the two she-cats here by the banks of the forest river. The SkyClan cat looked at Mosspaw again and smiled, purring, "They could've been a bit more tactful, certainly, but it's better they chose you late than never at all. I'm glad we found each other." The sincerity of the statement seemed sudden, and she added awkwardly, "On the shore, I mean - so I could teach you some of the herbs, like you said. It, um, came in handy now I guess."

She shook her head and asked, "What's it been like being Pricklebush's apprentice? Sometimes it's hard for me to read him, but I rather like him. I think he's very practical. It can be hard to be so down-to-earth amongst other cats who seem to see and follow invisible threads sewn by the stars. He's always felt a little estranged so maybe this will help him." Amberdawn's dark eyes lightened and she purred, "He took to Mistlepaw surprisingly quickly."

Mosspaw laughed lightly, the purr still rumbling in her throat. "Oh yes, it caught everyone by surprise. I think we all wish they might have said something even a little sooner, but.. All's well that ends well, I suppose!" She smiled over at the she-cat that walked next to her. "I'm glad too. Thanks for taking the time to teach us as we found the herbs! You did a great job, and it's really thanks to you that I was able to jump in to things so quickly." Her tail waved lightly, as if brushing aside any awkwardness that had come up.

She thought for a moment before responding to Amberdawn's question. "He can be hard to read, but don't let him fool you. He's a big softy, really, under that prickly face he puts forward to everyone. He's a wonderful mentor, and teaches quickly, Mistlepaw will do great under him. He's always liked the younger cats more, at least, that's how it has always seemed." She cast a look over her shoulder into RiverClan territory, where Mistlepaw and Pricklebush had disappeared, a small smile on her face. "He lost a lot, far more than I did in the flood. He's still standing strong though, in the face of it all. I hope that I can be as good a medicine cat as him when I get my full name." Her expression softened as she spoke of her mentor, wearing her heart on her foreleg as she spoke with her friend. "Even with everything he went through with losing his mother in the mountains, he still stood by me and helped me when Flint... When Flintfang left." Her voice caught in her throat, almost as if she had choked in the middle of his name and she turned her gaze to her paws. Her stare fixated on her paws as she carefully picked her way over the marshy ground.

Despite Amberdawn's misgivings, Mosspaw seemed genuinely glad for her help, and the SkyClan cat flushed with embarrassment - and a small glow of pride, though she'd never say so. It was helpful that Mosspaw had caught on quickly and been eager to learn. Lots of apprentices were interested in helping medicine cats for the first plant or two, but after that they learned what a tedious chore it really was and often gave up the endeavor when they were allowed. It seemed that the calico cat's passion for learning about plants was sincere.

The conversation moved on, and Mosspaw spoke fondly of her mentor, confirming some things that Amberdawn already knew as well as a few of the things that she had suspected. She explained how he had lost cats in the flood - his mother, for one, had died on the mountains, Amberdawn learned - but still managed to be there for her and stand strong through everything. She purred as she watched Mosspaw look fondly over the border where Pricklebush and Mistlepaw had parted from them. It seemed like the apprentice and mentor pairing was a good match, and hopefully it would always be. I hope Pricklebush doesn't forget about her like Mintwhisker seems to have forgotten about me, Amberdawn thought, feeling guilty about how bitter she felt.

Her attention was immediately drawn back to the conversation as Mosspaw's voice became softer, choked with hurt. Amberdawn turned her dark eyes to watch her friend with compassion as the she-cat stated that "Flintfang" had left. The SkyClan cat's mind wandered for a fraction of a second before recalling the stoic, pale warrior who had brought Mosspaw for treatment after she'd been attacked by a raccon. Her father! "Flintfang left?" Amberdawn echoed, the shock evident in her voice and the sympathy dark on her face. "When? What happened?" He had seemed so terrified when he thought he might lose Mosspaw, what could have prompted him to leave her?

Mosspaw's eyes widened and she looked as though she'd been caught trying to fish in the river by her leader. Backpedaling, she stammered a little in her response. "A... A few nights before the Gathering, he left camp. I... umm... I don't know what happened or why, really.... Just that he had to go...." Stars. She had said too much, revealed to much. It was like stepping on nettles lying to Amberdawn, at least with the clan there hadn't been a lot of the one on one questioning about it. Here though, surrounded by darkness and empty space, she couldn't help but want to share with someone what had truly happened, her mind wandering across the forest to the tunnel under the Thunderpath to ShadowClan. She studied her paws as she walked before continuing hesitantly. "He told me he had to go... That he had to discover secrets of the forest, and make a difference, a change for the better... But he's gone, and no matter what I do he's not coming back. I keep waiting to see if maybe he will... Even just to visit, but... He hasn't. I don't know where exactly he is now... All I know is that he's not here and I... I miss him... The tears that had welled up in her eyes started to fall silently, as she refused to look up at the pretty SkyClan medicine cat. With a quiet sniffle, she continued. "Enough about me though. What about you? How are things in SkyClan, how's Leafpaw? Is it hard being away from your mentor? With Pricklebush staying in RiverClan for a bit, I'm a little worried." Hopefully Amberdawn wouldn't mind her steering the conversation in another direction.

Almost as soon as Amberdawn's pressing questions left her mouth, so loud that they echoed slightly in the nearby forest, she regretted it, for she saw the pang of hurt in Mosspaw's eyes as she was forced to remember the event - whatever it was. Amberdawn felt tactless and cruel while her young friend offered a stammering, vague explanation. Amberdawn's heart hurt and guilt twisted at her insides at the pain she had unitentionally forced her friend to remember, she'd just been so shocked to hear Flintfang would leave... Clearly the pain was fresh, for she spoke of looking for him and waiting for him to return to no avail. Amberdawn's face was dark with sympathy when Mosspaw finally trailed off, refusing to make eye contact with her friend. Another pang of guilt.

The calico tried to change the subject then and Amberdawn was only too happy to let her. While the first few questions were perfectly reasonable and the answers quickly began to formulate themselves, the last struck a nerve in the SkyClan medicine cat and she winced as her discomfort grew. "Is it hard being away from your mentor? With Pricklebush staying in RiverClan for a bit, I'm a little worried," Mosspaw admitted, opening herself up and expressing yet another fear.

I don't have to talk about me and Mintwhisker, Amberdawn thought, though she wished more than anything to be able to express her real feelings to--to anyone, really. Mosspaw was clearly hurting enough without the knowledge that her friend was struggling, too. The SkyClan cat decided to keep the hardship between her and her mentor to herself. "You'll do alright," Amberdawn tried to reassure the she-cat, but her voice felt hollow and emotionless much to her own surprise. "He's only across the river, and you've learned so quickly already. I'm sure you'll be okay until he comes back - and it's such a short journey, really." She really hoped she sounded more enthusiastic than she felt. All she could think of was the long trek between SkyClan and WindClan; really, if she thought too hard, she felt that they'd grown as far apart as Highstones and the lake - like they'd never even really reunited at the bridge.

Amberdawn remained silent while Mosspaw spoke, and the apprentice couldn't help but feel that she had said something wrong. She peered up at her friend nervously, worried that she had done something to upset her, which was only reinforced by the hollow sound to Amberdawn's voice. She turned her head up to fully look at the medicine cat, tilting her head in concern. "Yeah, I suppose you're right... It isn't a very far journey, huh?" She paused, hesitating before deciding to try to figure out what was bothering her companion. "I'm sorry if I'm overstepping boundaries, but... Is everything okay? It seems like something is upsetting you, is something going on?" Her fur brushed against Amberdawn's briefly as they walked, and she looked away as she stepped in a puddle and shook her paw off with a muffled grunt of surprise. As she was stopped, she gazed at Amberdawn with worry in her eyes. "If there is something and you don't want to talk it's fine, but I'll be here to listen if you do want to talk, okay?"

Amberdawn's attempts to conceal her troubles were in vain; Mosspaw was perceptive even struggling with the departure of her father, and without looking she could tell that the calico's eyes were searching her expression thoughtfully. There was no sense hoping that Mosspaw would leave it at that, and in fact she didn't. The SkyClan cat couldn't meet her eyes as she gently asked if something was wrong, offering a reassuring nudge. When Mosspaw stepped in the puddle it startled Amberdawn and she jumped slightly sideways. After recognizing what had happened she immediately looked at her friend with a glimmer of concern, but it seemed the paw had only gotten wet - not injured.

The golden tabby cat sighed, slowing her pawsteps as she mulled over her thoughts. What could she say? "No, it's okay, you're right," she murmured. "I know what it's like to miss a mentor. I miss Mintwhisker, too. The whole time I was on the shore without her, I kept worrying about her and praying she was alright somewhere. We were so happy when we found each other on the bridge - you were there, you saw what it was like for everyone to reunite. Then... Then we got back to the forest and now she's off in WindClan training Aspenpaw. She didn't..." She trailed off slightly and sniffled, tears welling in her eyes. "She didn't even look at me tonight. I know, she has a lot on her mind, but... I just thought she'd at least want to see how SkyClan has been doing."

Mosspaw slowed with Amberdawn, noticing the pensive look on her friend's face. Something was on her mind, and Mosspaw couldn't help but feel it was something that was truly troubling the pretty SkyClan medicine cat. She listened thoughtfully, she remembered how Amberdawn had looked for Mintwhisker and missed her, and she remembered watching the reunions on the bridge. She hadn't really been a part of them, as one of the lucky few who had already been reunited with her loved ones, but she had looked to see who was there and watched the friends she made reunite with their own. She frowned, Amberdawn was right, Mintwhisker had said almost nothing to anyone, immediately disappearing into the tunnel that lead to the Moonstone. And now that she was thinking of it, Mintwhisker had been long gone before she even woke, her scent beginning to grow stale in the coolness of the cave, leaving poor Aspenpaw to make the journey alone. She rested her tail on her friend's shoulder, her paws coming to a stop.

"I'm sorry, that must be really difficult... Maybe things are worse in WindClan than we thought, with Aspenpaw still learning and not really knowing what happened to.... Briarpaw, was it? Maybe they're having to start from scratch there, just as we did with our stores - at least we had the time to do so for a little bit before now though, and you know what you're doing, and thanks to you and Pricklebush I have a pretty good knowledge as well, whereas Aspenpaw is starting at square one..." She hesitated and then sighed. It was no excuse, Mintwhisker should have checked in on things, even if it was just SkyClan as a whole. "It's really no excuse though. As a mentor, you're called to help guide those who were appointed to you, even once they are grown and out from under your guidance. Emberheart, my mentor in my warrior training, is always there to listen and offer words of guidance, even though she's no longer my mentor. I hope that once things calm down a little, she comes to visit and just talk things through with you, that way you two can see and spend time with each other again. In the meantime though, if you ever need to talk to someone, I'm just over the border. We could walk along it and chat while we gather herbs, or even exchange tips and tricks! With Pricklebush gone, I'm sure I'm going to have questions... And it's a lot easier to take a walk through the forest than try to cross the river, especially with it as high as it is still...."

Now that she had put the words out in the open, Amberdawn felt even more pathetic as she considered what she was sad about. At least she had a mentor; that was more than could be said for Aspenpaw, Mothpaw, and Mistlepaw, although all of them had healing figures on earth or in the stars to help guide them on their paths. Mosspaw and Amberdawn were lucky to have mentors all their own even if it seemed like those mentors were always running off somewhere else to teach someone else. They weren't under nearly as much pressure as the other three apprentices who had to care for and heal their Clan all on their own. Did she really have a right to be upset, then, that her mentor didn't check in at all?

Mosspaw threw out a few suggestions which might explain Mintwhiser's absence. Amberdawn wasn't convinced by any of it, but she listened with quiet respect, knowing that the ThunderClan apprentice's words were meant compassionately. It made sense that Aspenpaw might need an extra paw, but it seemed as though the WindClan tom had been handling himself fine; aside from that, Mintwhisker had left without even waiting for Aspenpaw, her new apprentice. Did Mintwhisker just not care about her fellow medicine cats anymore? What had happened - what changed her? Maybe she'd simply always been closed-off and Amberdawn had missed it because she'd wanted to see otherwise. Whatever her reasoning, neither Mosspaw nor Amberdawn could fathom her behavior, and after some contemplation the calico stated, "It's really no excuse though. As a mentor, you're called to help guide those who were appointed to you, even once they are grown and out from under your guidance."

Amberdawn nodded her golden head once in acknowledgement and agreement of the younger she-cat's words, feeling validated in her disquiet. Mosspaw explained how her former mentor was still here for her even now that she was learning under Pricklebush. SkyClan's medicine cat felt a prickle of envy - no, not envy, perhaps just longing - at the thought, wondering how different the relationship between a warrior and their apprentice must be compared to that of a medicine cat and their apprentice. In the absence of Mintwhisker, Mosspaw offered herself as a shouder to lean on and someone to talk to. Sniffling again Amberdawn looked aside at Mosspaw, regarding the soft-spoken medicine cat apprentice with faintly admiring eyes as the calico offered her company across the forest border.

When Mosspaw mentioned the high water of the river, Amberdawn felt a discomfort stir in her tummy. She turned her dark eyes onto the river and stared at it with something along the lines of suspicion and mistrust, watching the swirling torrents beat against the shore before getting sucked beneath more waves. RiverClan cats didn't seem to mind the water even after the flood, but Amberdawn wasn't a swimmer and she never had been. Seeing the dark water now reminded her of when the flood had come, sending her tumbling, blinded, under the surface as she fought desperately to find the surface and something to cling to. Unsettled, Amberdawn looked back to Mosspaw again and responded with a tight voice, "I agree, I wouldn't try to cross unless the forest were on fire. I've had enough swimming this year."

She sighed and brushed her side against Mosspaw's, starting to pick up her pace to a gentle walk now since they had slowed so much. It wasn't like she had anyone back at camp waiting for her - Tinystar had likely already gone to bed, Leaftwirl as well. "I'd like to visit you," Amberdawn mewed. She looked aside to her friend and asked, "Do you think Leopardstar would mind? Or Pricklebush?" Her whiskers quivered and she added sheepishly, "I don't want to step on his toes or interfere with your guys' training."

Returning the look as she heard her friend sniffle, Mosspaw brushed her tail against the other she-cat's side. "Things will be alright, I'm sure. Hopefully once the clans get settled in more things will start geting back to normal. Until they do though, you know where to find me!" She smiled up at her friend before nodding seriously. "Yeah, me too. I have no desire to ever set foot in water again.." Amberdawn picked the pace back up, and Mosspaw matched it, enjoying the company she found in the SkyClan medicine cat. She laughed as Amberdawn voiced her worries, shaking her head lightly. "I'm sure neither of them will mind at all! In fact, I would think that Pricklebush would appreciate the helping paw, poor Mistlepaw has a hard road ahead of her. She'll need all the guidance she can get. And Leopardstar won't mind either, at least, I'm pretty sure he won't. So long as we explain you're there to help and check in that is." She smiled as their journey continued, happy to just be able to chat with the kind she-cat again. Her worries about Flintfang and Dewpaw seemed to melt away, even if only a little bit, and she looked up to meet Amberdawn's eyes with her own. "Thanks for walking with me, it's nice to have company. Is it hard, learning everything to be a medicine cat? I worry sometimes that I won't be able to live to Pricklebush's expectations, or I'll let him down... Or that I'll mistake and herb for something else and mess up and make a cat sick, or worse.... Does it ever get any easier to pull together things like traveling herbs and other ointments and poultices without second guessing yourself?"

The late night shimmered on above in the distant stars, glimmering off the river that the two apprentices regarded uneasily. Doubtlessly, dozens of cats had lost their lives to it and other sources of water over the generations, yet somehow it remained necessary for life and even a pillar of living in RiverClan. Amberdawn wondered if she would ever feel as comfortable by it as she once had as a younger cat. At least the Moonlit Creek in SkyClan's territory hadn't become too frightening by association, but the high water levels still filled her pelt with unease. Mosspaw seemed to agree that the water was unsettling. It was nice having someone who felt the way she did.

The ThunderClan she-cat then began to talk about Leopardstar and Pricklebush and how they'd be fine with Amberdawn coming over to visit. Amberdawn agreed that Mistlepaw would likely need the help, remembering how terrified and helpless the poor girl had looked snuggled up against Pricklebush at Highstones. The more the calico talked about it, the more Amberdawn thought she might enjoy it. She'd always thought, looking over the border, that ThunderClan must be very similar to SkyClan because of all the trees, and she wondered if perhaps she'd be able to find out. The biggest different was the collection of underbrush. Maybe that meant medicine cats could find more herbs than in SkyClan. The thought was interesting, at least. How was their camp run? Were cats more comfortable around Leopardstar than they seemed to be around Tinystar?

Mosspaw's question sounded in the air and made Amberdawn think. Once, long ago, Tinystar had asked her something similar. Had her answer changed much since then? "It's not hard to learn it all, it just takes a while to become confident in it - I'm not sure any medicine cat knows it all, truthfully. There's a lot to memorize. Mintwhisker is always pretty quiet when she's working on a cat but I sometimes feel like she second guesses herself, too. Even StarClan isn't right all the time." The SkyClan cat glanced up to the sky, only to see it hidden behind boughs of trees above. She looked back to Mosspaw and murmured, "I think it gets easier, though. I don't think a night goes by now where I don't dream of the traveling herbs or the bundle to ease coughing or sore joints."

Nodding at the truth behind Amberdawn's words, Mosspaw stayed quiet, mulling them over. It made sense, really, there was a ton to memorize, more than she ever thought she could, but felt a little relieved at the quiet muse of her friend about there not being a medicine cat who knew it all, and even StarClan getting things wrong sometimes. "That makes sense... I just want to be able to be the best medicine cat I can be for my clan, and for the other clans as well should they need a helping paw. I hope I can do it. Pricklebush seems to have faith in me, and is happy with me as his apprentice for now, but... What if something changes? What if I can't do it, and I'm not good enough?" She sighed, shoulders slumping as she padded alongside Amberdawn, her mind drifting. "What if I find myself torn between my heart and my mind? Which do I follow?" The last two questions came out as hardly more than a whisper, skipping across the currents of the river like the breeze.

Mosspaw was quiet for a second, and in that time Amberdawn considered her own words. Once, long ago, Tinystar had asked her what she felt about her duties as a medicine cat apprentice. She had only been Mintwhisker's apprentice for a moon at the time. She distinctly remembered feeling overwhelmed at the time; there were so many herbs with so many details to know. It involved so much time, so much walking, so much searching, so much delicate claw-work... She could never have anticipated it, and it would take an entire apprenticeship for a medicine cat to explain all the intricacies of the position. It was lucky, then, that she had been chosen for the path to learn all she could. She knew so much more than she had then...

Her friend's voice broke Amberdawn from her thoughts, and she glanced at the ThunderClan she-cat as she explained her goals. At each thought, Amberdawn nodded slightly; she hoped the same for herself since she had learned her path as a kit and still as a fully named medicine cat apprentice. Even Mosspaw's slow turn to hesitance was familiar, and the golden tabby stepped sideways to gently brush her fur against her friend before stepping away again. Amberdawn strained to hear the final sentences, and she sighed when she put them together.

The earlier thoughts of Tinystar had been so fond, but now the day of Sparrowpaw's execution came to mind. That uncertainty, the choice between folowing one's heart and following one's head, flooded in and made her pelt prickle. She wished she had said something more - done something more - to prevent Tinystar from making the choice he did to take the apprentice's life. Her heart had said to stop a murder, but her head said that her leader's word was law and he was running his Clan. She hated the thought. The conflict was always there, but so much had passed since then. It was an old wound Amberdawn wished would stay closed.

"It's so hard to tell," Amberdawn replied gently, her voice aching with understanding and sympathy. "I... I feel like there is a point that we reach where we know what choice we need to make - or realize what choice we should have made." The SkyClan medicine cat realized that she scented her Clan's border approaching. Her heart sank as she realized that soon she and her friend would part ways back to their respective Clans again. Wherever she looked there was darkness from thoughts to pawsteps. Amberdawn looked at Mosspaw and asked, "Do you want to go home now? I don't mind walking the rest of the way alone if you're tired."

Secretly, she hoped her friend would stay.