The Victor's Lament {Closed}

Thunder crashed over the hills of WindClan as this terrible storm raged on, freezing winds and waters buffeting the she-cat's once sleek pelt as she plodded on quietly, ascending the ridge surrounding Fourtrees as she left the ancient clearing behind.  To some, she would be unrecognizable, flank marred by terrible injuries only just healed and pelt streaked with mud and the grime of Twolegplace.  Yet, underneath it all, she was still a warrior.  Her firey soul burned strong as ever, setting slit yellowish-green eyes alight to conquer the dark weather that threatened to stop her.  She though, could never be defeated.  Not by something as petty as nature, or infection, or gravity...she had risen above those inconsequential things.  With every painless pawstep, her resolve grew, the calling put upon her by moons of waiting and anticipation finally rising up into view.  Soon, this land would be hers...just as it always should've been.

It's time...I went home.

Ever since that little SkyClan medicine cat had sent her on her way, Laurelsong's life had become one she never could've recognized.  Twolegplace had welcomed her with the same amount of warmth a badger would've, and instantly she had been on the defensive, an injured cat in a cruel world she had no idea how to traverse.  Sleeping under dead monsters and crowfood containers, she scavaged survival from scraps and thin rats for what felt like ages until she collapsed again.  Simply clearing her wound of blood and pus had been a feeble effort, and while hunting she had fallen onto the weird stone paths Twolegs used to walk on, vulnerable and dying.  Next thing she knew, she was waking up in a blurry white room, head too fogged to think clearly and body completely numb, though thankfully painless.  That day she had faded in and out of consciousness, each time waking up in a different place, each more strange than the last.  A hard gray container made of slippery stone and mesh, a much softer place with a comfortable nest, and finally, a Twoleg nest.  She had been confused, scared, and insurmountably pissed off, yet the cooing Twoleg had only smiled and kept giving her those disgusting pellets which she guessed was supposed to be food.  She lived like that for what felt like ages, eventually being able to roam the tall creature's camp which smelled of dog, before finally getting her chance.  An open door was all she needed, and Laurelsong was free again, free and...healed.  Her wounds had been closed by means unknown, with all infection gone.  It was an enigma to her, she had expected to seek out a healing rogue, but this she supposed was better than anything.  She did not ask questions or show any thanks; she needed to return to her mission.  By the time she had gotten back to the clans, the snow was melting, and rainstorms were tormenting the land.  No matter, she would just wait them out, but not in the forest.  She couldn't bear to spend one more night underneath a dismal canopy, and thus, she set out for the moor in the early morning hours, though without the sun shining it was hard to tell.  

Laurelsong felt her heart flutter as the border markings passed under her paws; she was back.  On her homeland, the territory of her ancestors...the place where her parents and friends waited for her.  The springy meadow grass soaked with moisture was a relief for sore paws, and as she padded further and further away from the forest, a strong wave of nostalgia swept over her, almost filling her eyes with tears.  That rock...those bushes, the scents!  Oh WindClan...how much I've missed you!  If she wasn't on enemy land, she would've leaped for joy, yearning to run around like a kit just out of the nursery, but she held back.  Instead, she decided on her destination and broke into a stealthy trot, using the tall grass to her advantage to hide her form.  I'll make it to the Outlook Rock up ahead, then keep going towards Highstones.  I'll find a den between there and here easily...then, I'll wait for my chance.  After a few minutes of careful walking, the ticked tabby exile caught sight of the large stone she and Nectarleap had once played upon so long ago and bounded towards its shelter.  For a moment, she rested under the lip of the rock, shaking off the rain before jumping up onto the stone, padding carefully to it's very tip.  Ahhh...I'll never get tired of this view.  The cloud-covered territories stood before her in all their glory, but she needed to concentrate.  Turning around, she glanced towards the peaks of Highstones, trying to make out any recognizable landmarks.  "...I'll need to be out of here before the dawn patrol comes snooping around...how long will that take again...?"  She usually wasn't one to talk to herself, but sometimes it helped her connect her thoughts, especially with how scrambled they were at the moment.

They're all so close...yet I can't reach.  Mom, Dad...Nectarleap...I'll see you all soon, I promise.

Nectarleap was broken. That was the word for it. The word to describe how he hadn't said more than a few words at a time in moons, how he hardly ever socialized anymore. How he had stopped talking to anyone, and cats had eventually stopped talking to him. At first, he had thought he was getting better. He was starting to feel hope again. For the first time in a long time, he saw a clan of cats who got back to their paws when things got hard, and he still a wonderful daughter and amazing friend to love in life. The clouds of his mind had begun to clear, and the smallest bit of sun had poked through. Then Laurelsong betrayed him, and the storm was back with a new ferocity. At first he had felt blinding anger. She had reassured him that she wouldn't when he asked her about it, and made him feel bad for even wondering! How could she betray the clan like that, and more importantly, how could she betray him? The thought felt so selfish, but he was past caring. Maybe if he no longer loved in life than these things would stop happening. It was for that reason that he closed himself off from everyone else. Now when he thought of his old friend, he just felt grief instead of anger. And regret of how he dismissed Stoneheart's accusations all those moons ago. A dark that Swiftstep had been wrong, and that she was dead at the bottom of the gorge, lingered in his mind. It was far better for her to just be gone from his life forever than living somewhere out there, knowing how she had hurt him. For a few days after the betrayal he had hoped to see her again, either for her to tell him it was a misunderstanding, or for him to tell her how much pain she had caused him like looking her dead in the eyes. Now he hoped that he would never have to see her again, or the pain would just come back stronger. As much as he tried to close himself off and stop loving to dull the pain, it wasn't working. All it did was give him time to wallow in his grief. But at least this was the worst it could be. Reconnecting with the clan was a risk he didn't have the spirit left to take. All he did was serve his clan mindlessly, hope slowly seeping out of him as the days passed.
Why he left WindClan camp on that stormy night was a mystery to Nectarleap. Nobody else wanted to, and the clan still needed food. Eventually someone would have to go hunting, and since he didn't seem to care about anything anymore, it might as well have been him. But he didn't tell anyone. Whether that was because it required talking or because he didn't care if he died alone out there, he kept silent and just left camp. The wind howled and the immense amount of rain coming down prevented him from finding any sign of prey. The continuous splash of the rain stung his eyes and the cold wind numbed his paws, and as the thunder roared, he couldn't sense anything besides the storm for a few moments. Blinking the rain out of his eyes, he carried on, determined to at least mark the borders if he couldn't catch any prey. The though occurred to him that the scent would wash away immediately, but he was determined to at least do something on this patrol. If he didn't serve his clan, what was he for? The feeling began to come back to his paws as he trudged on, knowing the territory well enough to keep his footing despite the harsh conditions of the weather. Though he couldn't remember the last time the storms had been this bad, he didn't pay attention to it. It, like everything else, was beyond his control. For a few moments, his mind wandered back to his past, as it often did in these types of situations. When he had been young and happy, surrounded by loved ones. If only his optimistic and enthusiastic old self could see what he'd become. These thoughts should have made him determined to get better. Instead, they only made him sink further into self pity. Those were the days before Stoneheart died, before Laurelsong betrayed him. When his worst fear was falling off a rock and dying. Oh, how he missed those times.
Looking up, he nearly gasped. The outline of Outlook Rock was clear, even in the storm. What surprised him was that there was a figure on top of it. Because of how faraway he was, he could only tell that it was a cat, and not much else. Who else was thoughtless enough to come out in this weather? Padding closer, he began to feel an old emotion of curiosity begin to unfold in his chest. Immediately he pushed it down, knowing he would only be disappointed. It was his duty as a warrior to make sure the clan was safe, and that was all he was doing. However, as he padded closer, he began to see more details. It seemed to be a she-cat, and one that should have been white, but was covered in dark reds and browns. She had a traditional WindClan build that looked terrifyingly familiar. Like it was someone he knew, but at the same time a stranger. Then as lightning struck in the distance, he caught the light reflecting off her bright, yellow-green eyes. No. It couldn't be her. It was just because he had been thinking about her, and recalling this memory. This she-cat was nothing but a ghost his own mind had created to make him feel even worse. His breath caught, and all of the sudden he was panting. Closing his eyes tightly, he reopened them to see that she was still there. Squeezing his eyes shut and hanging his head, he let out a yowl of frustration. He was going insane. He knew it was just a matter of time before all this grief got to him and pushed him over the edge. But why did it have to torture him with hallucinations such as this? Before he knew what was doing, he was sprinting towards Outlook Rock, eyes fixed on the she-cat that his mind couldn't make go away. Laurelsong had to be dead, this couldn't be her. It was the only way he could live with himself. All he had to do was convince himself that she wasn't real. Reaching the large stone, he jumped onto it's surface, almost slipping on the wet stone, sheer determination allowing him to regain his balance. He had to stop his own mind from torturing him like this.
"You're not real!" Nectarleap yelled, a sob catching in his voice. Now he was only a few tail-lengths away, and Laurelsong was still there, still haunting him. "Get out of my mind! Please! Please..." His voice was pleading, and on the verge of breaking down completely. Now he was close enough to see her clearly, and there was no mistaking who it was. While she looked different than he remembered, he suspected his mind couldn't make it totally realistically. But as he stood there, the fact that this was his imagination felt more like a hope than a fact. She just looked so real.

In her silent moment of reprise, Laurelsong hadn't expected any disturbances; though she was in enemy land now, her vast memory recalled the fact that WindClan usually didn't send out patrols in weather like, since their pelts were short and wiry and getting wet was a hassle most would do their very best to avoid.  Even now, her skin prickled unpleasantly as water soaked through, and she shook out her pelt in vain at almost the same moment lightning struck in the distance, a beautiful symbol of power and yet, also highly dangerous.  I probably shouldn't be standing around on a rock right now, I'd just bait StarClan to try their luck at striking me down again...  With a hint of a smirk, the exiled she-cat began to turn around, her ears swiveling cautiously when over the crashing of thunder and din of the rain...she heard something.  A voice.  The fur along her spine flicking up, she prepared herself to spring around and face an opponent, possibly one she recognized and seeing the cat's frame in the distance she did recall that it looked familiar...

A few more dashing steps, and she realized.

The tri-color fur...sunken amber eyes that still glowed like the absent sun...all so familiar.

"N..N-Nectar...leap?"

She shrunk back against the edge of the Outlook Rock, chartreuse eyes so wide her vision was blurred around the edges, but it was still him... When he jumped onto the stone, she flinched, and for once didn't take into account how weak she looked, how puny.  It was...him.  She could see his face, every detail of it...all her recallings of good times spent with her best friend back in that dank cave had been unable to capture the vivid beauty that was Nectarleap, her brother...her soulmate.  He was here, standing before her now, and for once, she had no words, nor time to say any.  "You're not real!"  A ripple of shock ricocheted down her spine; I don't think I've ever heard him sound like this before...where is his soft voice...comforting, trustworthy words?  She knew she was being stupid, how could she expect him to greet her like usual when nothing was the same as before?  Yet, she could feel cold tears well in her eyes as she stared at him, open-mouthed.  "Get out of my mind! Please! Please..."  No...I'm here...I'm here!  I'm real!  Nectarleap, I'm here, I'm real, I promise!"  Her voice rasped out like an elder's, clogged by the growing lump in her throat.  "I-It's okay, everything's fine now..."  On shaking paws she stepped forward, breaking the distance between them, and pressed her face against his, a chocked laugh of pure joy spilling from her throat as she finally made contact with him, after all these moons... "See, I can feel you!  And you can feel me..."

"I'm here...I promise."

"Laurelsong..." Nectarleap didn't want to believe what was happening, in case it was all just a dream. But Laurelsong was there. Right there. He had thought he would never see her again. In his mind, he had convinced himself that he was glad of that, but now he could easily see through the lie he had been telling himself. Now that she was here, she would be good again. Everything would be great. The moment she touched him was like everything was okay again. For a few moments, all he could feel was pure joy that someone he loved wasn't completely gone from his life. This was actually her, and not some cruel joke his mind was playing. She was here. His best friend, the she-cat who had always been there for him. "You're here. Laurelsong, you're here!" A kit-like excitement seemed to fill him in the last few moments that the initial joy remained. "I thought you were dead." Looking into her eyes, he could only smile. This was real. But as lightning struck again, her wounds were so much more apparent, and the spell seemed to break. This wasn't at all like how it was before. She was a selfish traitor, and he was a depressed shell of his former self. Nothing could go back to normal even if she was here. Now the knowledge that she was alive didn't seem like such a good thing. This might not be a trick by his mind, but fate was definitely playing some twisted game with him. No matter where she was, what she had done was still the same. Very suddenly he jumped back, his face lighting up with anger. He couldn't feel good in her presence again until he got some answers.
"You! You ruined everything! You told me you were okay, that you wouldn't do anything. You betrayed me! How could you? I trusted you, Laurelsong! Why did you have to make everything go wrong? I was getting better, I-" Necatrleap's fury gradually faded into frantic sobs, his breathing growing more raged and unsteady the more he talked. His amber eyes seemed to spark with rage, and even as he seemed to break down, that didn't go away. Laurelsong was the cause of everything that made his life go downwards. If she hadn't betrayed him, his life would be good right now. Moons of shutting himself off from emotion just made this sudden rush of feelings too much to bear. Rational and irrational anger mixed together in his mind, and all of the sudden he felt such a deep hatred towards the friend that he had loved so much. "I loved you! I was happy! And you took it all away! You ruined my life! You betrayed the clan, you betrayed me, you turned into the cat I always believed you wouldn't be! You made me feel horrible for even considering this! You have no idea how much that hurts! Whatever pain you think you're in right now, I promise you, is nowhere near the pain you've caused me. I hope you're happy, you TRAITOR!" The last word came out as more of a crazed yell as his sobs started coming out more quickly and uncontrollably. Trying to step forward, he slipped on the wet rock, and his unfocused mind couldn't recover his balance in time. He felt so powerless. Laying fallen on a rock in a thunderstorm, his best friend turned worst enemy standing above him. It wasn't a question in his mind now. Fate definitely hated him.
"Please, Laurelsong," Nectarleap found himself saying. "Just leave. Spare me, you, and everyone else the pain of your return." His voice had less of the passionate anger from before, and more the tone of a sincere plea. As his breathing calmed down, he once again saw Laurelsong as his best friend, but still one that he couldn't find it in himself to forgive. "I still love you, but I will never be able to forgive you for all the pain you caused me and the clan. If you ever loved me, please don't this any harder. Unless you can tell me that it was all a misunderstanding, and that you always have been and always will be a good cat, then you have to leave. And I don't think anything you say can make me believe that you'll never wrong me again. If you can't say that, then leave. Or I will make you."

(occ: sorry for the delay! I had this sitting as a draft for a few days)

Her name spilling from Nectarleap's jaws seemed to inject an energy back into her veins that she hadn't known was missing, and as her best friend slowly came back to reality the chocked lump in her throat dissolved, leaving room for an expelling of pure, joyful laughter to emerge as she bumped noses with her closest friend once more.  He was right there, in front of her, in all his glory!  That old smile returned, as his amber eyes met her own shadowed chartreuse, and she purred, waving her tail jovially high above her head as she chuckled at his statement.  "Pfft, have you forgotten me already?  You think a simple toss into the Gorge could've killed me?  Ha, no...guess I was just too stubborn."  Her familiar tone of arrogance had returned in full strength, but as always when it came to him, she was much more gentle.  For a long moment, everything was back to normal; just two friends, chatting atop an old stone they had traveled many times before.  Maybe next they would go hunting in the gorse fields or visit the Lone Stump, before returning to camp to greet their...families.

As quickly as the lashing rain had soaked her fur, reality once again came crashing down around their happy little bubble, reminding her of the vast wall that now separated them.  He was a senior, highly respected warrior of WindClan, and she, a lowly traitorous exile. His duty was to drive away threats from the moors...and now, she was one of those threats.  It seemed he realized this fact about the same time that she did, so it came as no real surprise when he jumped away, and yet, she could feel her heart slowly cracking into pieces.  Keep it together...this is exactly why you knew you would've be able to face him, you idiot!  He's your weakness...the greatest obstacle on this path you've chosen.  You must either convert him...or conquer him.  She listened, face fading to a painfully neutral expression as his barrage of acusations battered her, each raised word stabbing into her skin like a thorn.  'You ruined everything...You betrayed me...I trusted you, Laurelsong...Why did you have to make everything go wrong?'  "Listen-"  She reached out a paw as she spoke, but was cut off by Nectarleap's heartbreaking sobs, the tiny embers of anger within his once clear eyes almost scaring her.  He was breaking down, clearly pent-up emotions seeping out through the barriers he had been forced to errect...because of her.  A part of her soul, deep inside, deflated; I know what I was doing when I made my choice...but to have to face it now...this is too much.

The assault continued.  'I loved you...You ruined my life...You betrayed the clan, you betrayed me, you turned into the cat I always believed you wouldn't be...Whatever pain you think you're in right now, I promise you, is nowhere near the pain you've caused me...I hope you're happy, you TRAITOR!'  Her paws began to tremble with the same kind of fear experienced moments before charging onto a battlefield, and her wide eyes felt wet, not from rain.  Yet, she stared unblinkingly at her friend as he tried to step forward, only to wince as he fell, now in such a low position she had to look down upon his face.  She didn't want to...  Please, stand up, and face me as an equal!  I promise you'll understand soon, just give me a chance!  She opened her mouth, ready to explain, but he continued.

'Just leave. Spare me, you, and everyone else the pain of your return.'  ...No

'I still love you, but I will never be able to forgive you for all the pain you caused me and the clan.'  No...you will.

'Unless you can tell me that it was all a misunderstanding and that you always have been and always will be a good cat, then you have to leave'  No, I can't.

'And I don't think anything you say can make me believe that you'll never wrong me again. If you can't say that, then leave. Or I will make you.'

No...you will, believe me, I'll make you.  I have to...you have to see the truth!  I didn't mean...I didn't...

"...Nectarleap, I didn't mean for any of this to happen!  Not like this...I-I wanted to keep my promise to you, that I wouldn't do anything reckless, that I wouldn't fall back into my old habits...but I couldn't do it!  I broke your trust, and your heart, and knowing that absolutely kills me!  I love you, so much...so please, I ask that you believe what I say, and allow me to speak until the end.  I'll explain everything, just...give me the chance."

OOC: Thanks for making me cry :) Sorry for the short post.

"Fine." Nectarleap's voice was harsher than he intended, but he realized quickly that he didn't care. Just a few moons ago he would have given anything to hear those words, and believed them instantly. But now he had lived through such a long time of this pain, the grief growing exponentially each day. Time had a tendency to break relationships and cause memories to become painful, and the longer he had to think about Laurelsong, the less he longed for her and the more he felt burning rage towards her. Even the the initial excitement of weeing her again couldn't take away the mindset that had developed over moons. This pain he was stuck in was caused by her, and apologies couldn't heal wounds that had been left untended for so long. It was too late to make excuses, to try to trick him through his need to love someone. Not this time. He wouldn't fall for this. Strength suddenly filling him, he forcefully pushed himself to his paws and met her chartreuse eyes with an intense gaze. "Explain it to me. Explain to me how you tried to kill Swiftstep by mistake. I'm past the point of blindly accepting excuses and apologies. You've forced me to grow up and harden myself. I don't like it either, but you caused it and we'll both deal with it. So I need an explanation that really explains everything. Why you thought it would be okay to break me down like that, and why you thought you could fix it with an apology. Well, now that I think about it, you didn't even apologize. You just expect me to forgive you. I trust that you love me, and I still you love you as well. But that doesn't mean anything after what you did. So go ahead, explain yourself. I'll give you the chance you think you deserve. I'm listening."
By now, Nectarleap's voice had turned harsh and scornful, surprising himself at how quickly his emotions seemed to change. No longer did he feel any true anger. Just spite towards her, and a sudden confidence that he was in the right. Some part of him must have known this was just a way of letting out anger that he had never used before. Not even after Willowpaw's death did he feel this angry. Now he was much older, and much more angry. Never before had his anger turned him this way before, so he couldn't even really identify how he was feeling. Despite that, he still knew he loved Laurelsong. More than anyone else. As much as he loathed her, he still cared for her. He would never forgive himself if he let himself be tricked by her yet again, but he would also never forgive himself if he didn't at least give her a chance. Maybe a happy future was still possible for him. Maybe he could live whatever short amount of time he had left happily with her. But if he just blindly forgave her, it wouldn't be happy. Everyday would be full of doubt and lasting anger, and he didn't want to live like that. Still, maybe if he just gave her a chance, everything would be okay. The hope didn't quite push past his anger, but he was aware of it. As the rain pulled on his fur, he blinked the water out of his eyes and stared at his former best friend. How pathetic she looked made him both sorry for her, and angry at himself for feeling that way. Everything about his feelings for her confused him, and it began overwhelming him. 
"Please, do it quickly. I don't know how much longer I can last before my emotions eat me alive."

(occ: this whole topic makes me sob)

Nectarleap's low growl of consent came as a relief, as well as another weight upon her already bowed shoulders; hearing her best friend, always so full of light and determination even in his darkest moments, reduced to an agonized husk of his former self, all the emotion and passion she craved to hear sucked out of his voice to who knows where...because of her.  It was another stab through her already damaged heart, and she found that when he lifted himself to his paws to face her as she had wished, she could not meet his gaze.  The deep confliction that raged within her was made clear in the she-cat's twisted face, and her eyes flickered abruptly to the ground as Nectarleap spoke, squeezing shut as frustration began to bubble to the surface.  Stop using that dumb tone of voice...you sound like Brindlestar, reprimanding me.  I know I screwed up, I know I broke your heart into a million pieces, I know I can't fix this with a simple apology...let me speak!  You don't have to be sad anymore...I'll make everything better, you'll see!  This is my destiny...you are my destiny!  We were made to rule, side by side, to lead WindClan into a new age of prosperity!  Please...  Finally, he stopped talking, and Laurelsong flicked the water from her ears.  "I'll explain everything...let me start from the beginning, I guess..."

Taking a deep breath, the silver-ticked tabby exile lifted her head and finally met his amber gaze, a renewed determination blazing like the fire that had always been ignited behind her eyes...or was it desperation?  "For the most part, everything I told you in the past was true.  The only lies I've ever told you Nectarleap were about Stoneheart...he was telling the truth all along, I admit.  There's no use in hiding it now.  Yes, one time when we were out hunting I threatened him and told him to stay away from you...but please understand, we were really young, and I wasn't really able to handle my emotions very well yet.  I...I was worried that you, hanging around with a cowardly cat like him, would soften you up...I guess that's where this all connects I suppose."  Her eyes wandered to their surroundings, scanning the rolling rain-swept moor with such a wistful expression you would've guessed she was looking upon a lost lover.  "I've loved WindClan all my life since I was a toddling kit by Quailfeather's side...this place is the only part of the world I would ever want to call home, and since the beginning, all I've ever wanted to do was make it better, better protected and secure, as well as grander and brighter than it's ever been.  I saw my great-grandmother, Ashstar, sitting up on the Tallrock performing ceremonies and addressing the clan with such confidence and authority...and I knew from that moment on, that someday, I would be the one on that stone.  I could lead WindClan, I could speak at Gatherings and order my clanmates into battle, gaining territory and glory for the home I love...so that's why Stoneheart irritated me so much.  He was a weak, cowardly, dim-witted excuse for a WindClan warrior...yet everyone put up with it!  They coddled him, told him it was okay to be afraid, that you didn't need to be bold and brave to be a clan cat...fox-dung!"  The fur along her spine lifted, a feeble display of anger in her current state, but before she got too heated she took a deep breath.  She wasn't sorry for her words...but Nectarleap wasn't one to respond to fury.  "He...represented everything I hated about how our clan is run, Nectarleap.  Why are the weak and gutless prized just as highly as the strong and bold, heck, perhaps even higher?! How can cats who flinch at the sight of blood and run whimpering away from battle get their warrior names in a timely manner...when I had to wait for moons upon moons?!  It's illogical, backward, devastating even!  It's the reason why WindClan was forced to ally with ThunderClan in the first place, we grew too weak from the inside to take anyone on our own!  Doesn't that infuriate you, at all?! Nectarleap, don't you want WindClan you be one of the powers among the five clans again, to stand alongside the likes of RiverClan and ShadowClan, or even above them?  All I ever wanted was to bring glory to our clan, our home...our families.  I wanted to make a better life for my parents, stuck in the elders' den because of Brindlewhisker's incompetence...and, a better life for you.  I wanted to make a world where you would never have to lose another mate or kit.  A world where you didn't have to be sad anymore...it may seem right now, that I failed.  That I only caused more pain...but Nectarleap, this was the first step on a much greater path, one I didn't plan to walk, but found myself on anyway.  This...all of this was the will of fate, a power beyond which StarClan can handle.  It's been a long journey, but now...it's finally time to tell you."

It was at this moment, that an eerie light began to contaminate the once clean fire in Laurelsong's eyes, an aura of such smothering confidence and self-importance dripped from every hair on her pelt, as the she-cat straightened her shoulders, her heightened position upon the rock suddenly much more obvious.  She smiled, yet it was the farthest thing from settling.  

"Yes Nectarleap, I tried to kill Swiftstep.  There was no misunderstanding in that matter.  I didn't really plan to...when we left camp I didn't have the slightest temptation to try something of that nature...but when I saw him standing there, at the edge of the cliff, I knew.  He was the only thing standing between WindClan and it's great destiny...a feckless deputy to a foolish leader that would've only led our clan farther down its already dark path.  I acted on impulse, the same one that had driven me forward moons ago when I had unsheathed my claws in front of Stoneheart, but this time I felt no regret.  I didn't fear it like I used to...because I knew that it wasn't something to fear at all.  It was the world calling to me to act...so, I did.  Of course, it didn't go quite as smoothly as I wanted, and low and behold, I end up with this."  Shifting to the side a bit to show the three round scars on her flank, Laurelsong's face flattened a bit, obviously not pleased to recount this part of her story.  "I guess Sparkpaw was lucky when he fell, the drop itself killed him instantly.  I, however, hit the rocks at the bottom and was left with three festering holes in my side.  That's why I was gone for so long, I tried to tend to them myself, but couldn't find the right herbs.  I had long nights, filled with fever dreams...you were in some of them.  I saw a bright light in the distance - WindClan.  Golden and glowing with newfound power...but a shadow would always come between it and I.  The form of a cat...you.  You always stared at me, blank-faced, a solid wall I couldn't push past.  You see...I think it was because the only thing that ever compared to my love of WindClan...was my love for you."  Her voice faltered, and Laurelsong was suddenly flung back into the state of weakness only he could afflict, not knowing how to proceed.  Had she said the right things?  It might sound a bit crazy to one who didn't see things as she did...but she knew she was in the right.  She was immortal, StarClan was afraid to take her, unwilling even!  She had power above those lowly stars, the power to change the outcome of their will.  She charted her own course, took her own chances, and followed her own destiny.  Now, Nectarleap could follow it with her...how it was always meant to be.

Standing up taller than ever, Laurelsong met Nectarleap's gaze with an intense stare, radiating an intense wave of pure ascertainment.  She had never doubted, in all her years of life, if this path had been the one she needed to follow.  It was the one she wanted...and the one WindClan needed.  He'll understand now...yes...he must've seen the truth in my words, he has to!  "I think I know what the dreams were telling me now.  You've always been my greatest obstacle Nectarleap...yet my connection to you was the last thing holding me together in those dark times.  You and my destiny are intertwined, see?  We've been friends since the beginning, playing with mossballs in the clearing and chasing each other's tails...now, it's time for us to play with more than just toys. Nectarleap, once I've gathered enough information and gotten all my strength back, I will take over WindClan. When I do...my greatest desire is that you stand beside me as my deputy, so that we can protect and lead our clan into its new great age, together!  I need your help, I can't take out Brindlestar on my own.  She has too many lives left and is a formidable opponent I must admit...  With your help, we can corner her easily and end her reign of weakness, and with that, WindClan will be ours!  StarClan may not approve but...I don't really need those starry-eyed fools permission, nor do I need their lives.  I've risen above their control, above death itself!  I've cheated death twice, maybe more, in these last moons...it has no hold over me."  She smiled, that old grin that used to promise a bit of mischief now much more sinister, but underneath her skin, she had never been so scared.  If he doesn't believe me, I don't know what I'll do...I need him by my side, I can't do this without him...please please please, let him see!  Let him see that this is the best path for all of us!  "Don't you see?  This is the only way we can keep those close to us safe!  I can protect my parents, you can protect your kits, and together, we can protect our clan!  We'll instill proper pride and strength into our apprentices, conquer new lands with our strongest warriors, and watch as the other clans turn tail and run in fear from WindClan, the strongest clan of them all! As it always should've been.

It was so strange how some simple knowledge had changed Nectarleap. Before Laurelsong had openly betrayed the clan, everything about how much she loved WindClan would have seemed so believable to him. Just a few moons ago he would have taken up on her offer with a lot less thought. All because she had been an escape from his pain, and that was all he really wanted. But now, there was a small difference that changed his entire perspective on what she was saying. No longer was she at all a shelter from his grief, she was the cause of it. Even with that, everything she said about wanting to protect him and WindClan sounded so true, but there was one bit that caused him to realize something. She might think was telling the truth, but she didn't really put WindClan's needs above her own. After all, her idea of making WindClan better was making everyone just like her, but with her as leader. He had no doubt she probably thought she was doing it for the good of the clan, but now he could see it was to feed her sense of self-worth. Still, part of him considered that he could simply point that out, and she would realize how she had been tricking everyone, including herself, for a long time. But the sudden change in who held power in the conversation was so apparent that he wondered if she would even listen to a word he had to say. Everything changed from him throwing accusations and asking for explanations while Laurelsong answered to her trying to prove her point and convince him to trust in her once again. Her sudden confidence was almost unnerving, and this cat he was talking to started to seem more like his old friend. The one who would always tease him, play games with him, always so sure of herself. Without meaning to, he started to listen a bit more naively simply because she seemed so much more like the cat he loved. However, the moment he realized what he was doing, he felt disgusted with both himself and her. This was another trick. She knew how much he loved the moments they had shared together, how much he loved her, and was using that against him. It hurt more the claws ever could to know that even now, she was doing that. And her complete arrogance that it would work on him. This she-cat was not the cat he had known and loved all his life. And now he wasn't sure she ever had been. If she had been lying to him since she was an apprentice, then who was to say she wasn't lying now? As his anger grew, he suddenly heard the tiniest falter in her voice as she said how much she loved him. While it could be another trick, it sounded so genuine, and he realized that he was someone she actually loved. He was the only one who had enough power over her to stop her, and he stood up taller as well to match her stance. Now her speech seemed for the purpose of gaining a follower rather than a friend, and he started to realize how little she knew about what happened while she was gone. She had no idea how much he had changed in personality, how he had closed himself off from his single kit left. Bribes like that had no effect on him anymore. Now the only thing he had to lose was his clan, and what she was saying would take that away as well. Though he never respected Brindlestar the way he had Ashstar, he would never dream of fighting his clan leader. Her dismissal of StarClan hurt his ears to hear, and for her to not even acknowledge what their clanmates might think was so strange. It was as if she was telling him what would make her agree, and not him. Her final question sent shivers through his bones, and he was suddenly more sure of his answer than he had been about anything else.
"I'm glad I gave you the chance to explain yourself," Nectarleap began, straightening his posture in an attempt to win back control. "Now I'm completely sure of what my answer is. No, I am not with you. I'm not the naive cat who loved you too much to believe Stoneheart, or the insecure cat who wanted to love you so much that I believed anything you told me. You know nothing about what has gone on since you left. I haven't moved past you, but I won't let myself get fooled by you again. I know you were trying to manipulate me there, and you have no idea how much it hurts to know a cat you once loved is trying to play you right into their paws like a piece of prey. I know you love me, but you have a way of treating cats you love like precious objects. I'm not something you can own, and you can't trick a cat you love into blindly following you and still call it love. I know you love WindClan, and you say all of this is to save them, but please explain to me how making the entire clan into copies of you is saving the clan. That is really one of the most self-centered things I've heard from you, and that's saying a lot." It caused him physical pain to say these things to Laurelsong, but he had to prove his point. This cat had stopped being his real friend a long time ago. "Killing a deputy won't change the way the clan is run, and it definitely wouldn't have made you leader. I want to believe you so badly, but how can I trust you if you've been lying to me since you were an apprentice? You have no idea how I've changed since you were exiled. I'm a worse version of myself, but at least I'm no longer vulnerable to you. Even when I did blindly follow you, there was no way I would ever agree to kill a clanmate, especially our leader. Your bribes have no effect on me, now that I no longer have cats to protect. The only thing I have left is my clan, and joining you would lose me the respect of my clanamtes forever. Killing the leader wouldn't give us power, Swiftstep would just become leader and choose a new deputy. Not only are you a traitor, but you're a mousebrained one too." Nectarleap was surprised that he was able to keep an aura of confidence throughout all of his words. Inside, his heart was beating faster and faster, and doubt raged through his mind. Part of him just kept feeling bad for saying these things to a cat who he had loved, and still did love, so much. As much as he wanted to, he still couldn't turn off his feelings for her. And now he was pretty sure she had the same problem with him.
"I believe it's true that our destinies our intertwined, but not in the way you think. I'm the only one who loves you enough, who you love enough, to be able to stop you. It hurts me so much to have to say this, but if I'm not with you, I'm against you. That's how it has always worked with you. I loved you so much, but now I'm not sure if you ever really were the cat I loved. You've lied to me and manipulated me so much that I have no idea what part of it was ever even real. Stoneheart was right, you are a monster. But he was wrong that you didn't love me. You're a monster that loves me. I'm so sorry to use that against you, but that's what you've been doing to me since you were an apprentice up until now. I took an oath to protect my clan at all costs, and I will, even if that means fighting you. I'm so sorry, but you need to leave WindClan territory now. And I never want to see you again. I don't want to hurt you, but if you don't leave, I will be forced to. So please, make this easier on both of us." Nectarleap wasn't sure what hurt him more. The way he had to betray his best friend like this, or the fact that he kept apologizing for it. After she hurt him and used him so many times, there was no reason why he shouldn't do this. But he was sorry. And up until he died, he would never stop feeling sorry about this.

A painfully long, echoing silence followed Nectarleap's valiant statements.

Laurelsong's tunnel-viewed mind couldn't even begin to comprehend what was happening, every stabbing word melding together in her mind into a swirling whirlwind of chaos and pain; but the emotions written on her beloved friend's face were her only clarity, however painful.  No...he said no...  The she-cat's dirty paws staggered, her form forcing itself to move back away from this tom she no longer recognized, and for a moment, the fire in her eyes was extinguished.  Glazed and wide enough to see the whites, chartreuse fell away from amber and landed on the stone below, vision too blurred to really see.  Was that tight knot in her stomach created from hunger she hadn't noticed or was she going to be sick?  She wouldn't have been surprised; her stomach to follow her pride, spilling its contents out onto the rainy stones for all to see.  "You..."  Her paws shook against her will, as long, sharpened claws slid from their shelters.  Laurelsong's face dropped to the ground, bending her face as if to track a scent, her tail once held high slapping against the rock.  Her single word lingered in the stormy air, face hidden from the one cat she thought she could trust in this world with her secrets, with her heart...  Does this mean...I'm going to lose after all?  After all I've been through...

No.

"...Nectarleap, you FOOL!!"

In the blink of an eye, Laurelsong leaped from her place and charged against Nectarleap's broad chest, knocking her friend backward across the Outlook Stone.  The sound of his impact, fur and flesh meeting the earth sent a pang through her chest, but she knew this was the only way.  Before he could regain his balance, the exiled rogue was on top of Nectarleap, pinning him down as firmly as she could.  He had always been quite a bit bigger than her...she remembered how hard it was to keep him grounded as a kit.  All she needed was a second though, a simple moment to change his mind!  She couldn't lose him...she couldn't bear it!  Breath rasping from her throat in the form of desperate small cries, she met his gaze head-on with as much bravery she could muster; all she managed to do was make herself look more pathetic.  "Please brother, please! You can't do this...you can't leave me!  I need you!  Why don't you see...?  This is the only path WindClan has left!  Without me, they'll die and be lost to history!  Screw your respect, by the time we're done you'll be more respected than ever!  I swore to myself...I swore to myself that I wouldn't let you turn soft, like him! WindClan today isn't worthy of your respect and loyalty...they don't deserve you!  You're the best, most kind, most supportive cat that I've ever known...let me make you a legend!  We'll take out Swiftstep too, and any other cats who oppose us until all those left are loyal!  I can give you purpose again, a reason to live and love life!  I know I hurt you, badly, but I had to!  Everything I've done...everything I plan to do, is for the good of our clan...for the good of our friendship!  And if you refuse to see that..."  Her voice faltered, as her throat rippled with a gulp.  The words were harsh, damming to her plans...but she had no other choice.  It had come down to this.  Like the melting of snow in new-leaf heat, Laurelsong's outer shell began to melt away, for the first time revealing her true heart to her best friend.  The fire returned with a fury, blazing with wild flares and explosions that only helped to fuel the insanity within her words.  The monster was freed.

"...if you refuse to see that...I can't allow you to walk away.  I've poured my soul out to you, Nectarleap, because I trusted you to know better on your own.  By listening to me...hearing my words, my plans...you've become a liability.  My destiny is set...whether you're beside me in flesh or in spirit doesn't particularly matter.  Either way...I refuse to surrender.  Not to you, not to the stars...no one can stop what I have started."

Somehow, it hadn't occurred to Nectarleap that she would strike the first blow. Despite recognizing Laurelsong for what she truly was, some part of him still loved her enough to not even consider that she might physically strike him down like this. Shock paralyzed him for a few moments and his eyes grew wide as he felt her paws against his chest, the impact sending him down hard onto the rock below him. His head felt like it was throbbing and black dots spotted his vision, but he was still conscious enough to hear and understand her every word, to see her chartreuse eyes meet his. It caused his mind go back to when they played as kits and apprentices, mock battles that always ended with laughter. How had it come to this? It was as if she had become an entirely different cat, one who killed and threatened instead of laughing contently. But even as apprentices she had lied to him, been like this to Stoneheart behind his back. Maybe he never really knew her at all. Those memories no longer seemed real, and all he could think of what was going on in the present. Every word she said terrified him with how real it sounded, scaring him with how much he wanted to soothe her. Oddly enough, her irrational anger brought a strange comfort to him. It was something so undoubtedly wrong, even coming from a cat that he loved, that he didn't need to be conflicted over it. It was when she used his name, begged him as an old friend, that it hurt the most. It made him doubt everything he knew about right and wrong, made him want to cry out in anguish. Perhaps that's what she was trying to do. Make him confused enough that he looked to her for answers, and trusted anything she said simply because it was something to hold on to. And it was so tempting. Just to give up in the painful struggle ad give himself momentary happiness. When right and wrong became so unclear, he could just hear what he wanted to. But at the same time, he could find answers within himself if he tried hard enough. He knew that she was wrong, and if he did anything else he would be full of guilt for all eternity, long after he entered StarClan. Her control over him had to be broken, and if he just trusted himself, maybe he could do that. The threats made it easier for him to see this wasn't for his own good, or even for the clan's. It was for Laurelsong alone, even if she couldn't see that.
"I said no." Nectarleap's confidence surprised even himself. Despite obviously being in the weaker position, his voice was firm and unwavering, as if he had complete control over the situation. "We've been friends for so long, I'd think you'd be able to read me as well as I can read you. My emotions have always controlled me, so you're trying to control my emotions. It almost worked. It was so difficult not to believe you. But you know what? The threats helped. You aren't trying to help anyone but yourself, and that's clear now. Thank you for showing me how wrong, how evil, you have become. I can control myself, thank you very much. You've past a limit for me. You can no longer pretend to be my friend as you constantly betray me, hurt me, and now even threaten me. You've shown that you're willing to fight me over this, and there's no longer any guilt or nostalgia holding me back from doing the same. I can't even say I'm sorry after what you've done to me." Here was when time really started to slow down for him. His claws unsheathed against the cold stone, rain dragging his fur downwards. His eyes were adjusted to the dark enough now to see every detail of the cat looking down at him. Her wounds, her fur, and especially her eyes. Once filled with love, now filled with fury. Though it took about a heartbeat of time, he felt like it took forever to raise his paws into the air, claws meeting the flesh and fur on her shoulders. The first blood of the fight was drawn as he raked his claws downwards, loosening her grip on him just enough to hop to his feet, lowering his paws down to take a defensive stance.
"This isn't what either of us wanted, was it? But I think we both knew this was what was going to end up happening the moment we saw each other tonight. Because I know you're a monster, and you know I can never be one." The weirdest thing was how he didn't feel any horror or guilt after what he did. Nectarleap had expected to feel horrible to ever hurt someone he had loved that much for so long in such a direct way. But he oddly felt a sense of pride fill him. He had done the right thing, resisting temptation and standing up against evil despite how emotionally difficult it had been. The rain quickly washed her blood off of his claws, causing a pool of red to surround his paws for a few moments before it was washed away. As lightning struck again, he was surprised to realize that he felt powerful. Filled with a purpose that he was completely sure of, rather than the meaningless depression that had lived in him for all those moons. It was hard to accept that Laurelsong was someone he couldn't love anymore, but finally making the decision felt freeing. Relieving, even. Now it was clear that this was his destiny. To protect the clan from a cat he had loved.

Every word that slipped from Nectarleap's mouth felt like a nettle's sting piercing her fragile skin; one tiny prick was easy to bear, to ignore even, but at the moment she was rolling around in the deceptively welcoming foliage, and soon enough, she knew that her body would burn with the consequences.  Laurelsong's body shook as she continued to pin her most beloved friend to the ground, but now...she could hardly recognize him, even though he truly hadn't changed one bit.  He still spoke as if he was in the right...like he was the righteous one!  Her breath coming in gasps, hissing between gritted teeth, her only response was the way her furious eyes darkened even more, her pupils contracted to the tiniest slits as if she was staring into the sun.  He sounds...  Her shoulders were screaming with pain as Nectarleap's claws sank into fur; blood dripped down her forelegs, and she stumbled backward.  The exile's wide eyes glazed over as a strange sense of detachment settled over her mind, growing ever stronger as she regained her balance and mirrored her friend's defensive stance, tail lashing in a jerky, sporadic manner.  Slowly, she lowered her neck, body dipping down towards the stone's surface, legs folded carefully as her claws clung to the only solid thing around.  She looked like a lizard, ready to dart away at a moment's notice...but she was far from prey now, nor had she ever been.  Clarity dashed across her face as once startled eyes regained their composure, narrowing sinisterly as Laurelsong's claws flashed out of their sheaths.  "You...that arrogant confidence that tells you that you're somehow in the right...that you know better than anyone, and no one should dare question you...you sound like Brindlestar."  As her enemy's name passed over her tongue, the ticked tabby she-cat felt every muscle in her body tense and a low growl echoed behind her words.  "You've let her contaminate you...that wretch's weak ways and nice pretty words have appealed to your better nature...but I won't fall for it!  I know what I need to do Nectarleap...and if you've chosen the wrong side...I won't let you contaminate me!"

Goodbye...traitor.

With a wild caterwaul, the far-gone former warrior sprung forward with all her strength, launching herself into Nectarleap's side and bowling him over; all former hesitation was gone.  In her eyes, Nectarleap's form had changed into one she detested; Stoneheart's cowardly fear glistening in his eyes, Brindlestar's stubborn insistence that she was always right, Swiftstep's weakness as he stumbled to avoid her claws.  He was just like the rest of them...and thus, he could not be spared for the sake of fulfilling her pipe dream of teamwork and friendship.  Hissing, the she-cat's sharp claws were illuminated by a flash of lightning through the storm as they came down upon the tom she once loved more than anything, her brother, her last light in the darkness.  Her talons hit flesh as she pummeled her paws against his face, the wildfire within her gaze consuming the last traces of sympathy she possesed.

"Your hypocritical insults are beyond my care now. You've lost you control over me, and now it's ever so clear that you're a monster," Nectarleap snarled, a heartbeat before Laurelsong barreled into him. The way her personality seemed so constantly changing still bewildered him, and he couldn't help but wonder why she was like this. Even just earlier that conversation she had acted so friendly, and part of him still wondered if that had been sincere. It didn't matter now that she was this enraged sociopath trying to claw his eyes out, but now he wondered if this was how she dealt with life's hardships. He had become sullen and reserved whenever he faced tragedy outside of his control, maybe this violence and irrationality where her ways of coping. To him, it seemed to just outline that he was in the right here. Despite how much he had hurt himself, at least he hadn't hurt anyone else. But seeing the error of what he had done also allowed him to find a burst of motivation inside of him. It was time to stop making things worse and make things right. Squinting up at his former friend's wild gaze, he let out a yowl of anguish and kicked his hind legs into her stomach with force. His claws dug deep into her soft stomach flesh, and he used the moment to jump to his paws. This time, however, he did not waste time with words. Laurelsong had proved multiple timed both that day and throughout their life that she could not be reasoned with. As much as he hated settling this dispute with a life-long friend with claws, he had already made up his mind. Not missing a beat, he lunged forward at the she-cat, unsheathed claws slashing across her face and chest. Blood from the wounds on his face began to drip into his eyes, but the adrenaline was pumping too quickly for him to notice any pain. His eyes stung as he blinked the red out of his vision, letting the rainwater wash across his face. The stone beneath them became flowing over with rivers of red as blood stained the water from the storm. Fatigue or pain seemed to be a thing of the past as he continued slashing, unaware of how much time was passing.
"You ruined my life! You ruined my life! You ruined my life, you ruined my life..." Nectarleap was only partially aware of the words he was muttering as he attacked, focusing on calculated and powerful blows. Laurelsong had ruined his life, and he couldn't let her ruin the lives of his clanmates as well. They were not weak. Brindlestar was far from weak, and Swiftstep had been strong enough to fight her off before. No, the two weakest ones in the clan had been him and her. Himself because of how easily he had allowed himself to be tricked, and how much grief caused him to punish himself and get nothing done. Her because she was a coward who needed to feel strong so badly that she needed a clan full of cats exactly like her to feel like she had succeeded. Fights didn't make a cat strong unless they were fighting for what they loved. That was what made this fight a redemption for him, and a transgression for her. "I'm done being controlled by you! I'm done going easy on you! I may be weak, but it's not the influence of Brindlestar or the clan. It was yours. Now I'll be the strong one for once in my life, because it's obvious you're not going to come to your senses!"
Lightning struck again, illuminating Nectarleap's agonized face. Tiredness was just beginning to set in, causing him to feel his heartbeat in his throat and his head to grow light. All of his senses seemed to be a bit off, and the whole scene felt surreal. Physically pain still hadn't set in, but the muscles in his legs screamed at him to stop before the drove himself to exhaustion. For just a moment, he let his blood covered paws drop to the ground, meeting Laurelsong's gaze for less than a heartbeat. It finally occurred to him that he was probably going to die right here. At the claws of a cat he had considered his best friend for so long. Any reasonable cat may have given up by then, but he knew he had to stop her. There's was no way he would let her kill him and get out of it alive. So he picked up his paw again and prepared for a strike. But he could tell that the half a moment of hesitation had left him open for a strike, and there was no way she would miss that. Still, another blow would do nothing to stop him. With a snarl of fury, he took another swing.

Whether to her advantage or not, all sounds except the pounding rain and the scape of claws against stone and flesh faded away from Laurelsong's ears, leaving only an intense desire to attack, to shed blood, to defeat this cat who had turned his back on his clan...who had turned his back on her!  Snarling so viciously she could've been mistaken for a fox, Laurelsong continued to bat her claws at his face, aiming for his eyes when, suddenly, she felt a pain in her belly and the warm feeling of more blood running through her fur.  With a pained shriek, she felt her grip loosening on Nectarleap as she was forced away, and with a hiss jumped back, placing what she thought was enough room between them to plan her next attack; but her chartreuse eyes widened as, to her shock, she felt the power of his well-trained paws as she raked across her own face and chest, leaving her with several cuts - one of which dripped blood into her eye - and a deep scratch on her chest before she came to her senses and jumped away, heart beating like a hummingbird's wings as she tried to catch her breath.  He...He really attacked me...  She didn't know for sure if her shock was fueled by fury or sorrow at this point, but nevertheless, her muscles tensed and shook as she crouched down, claws leaving marks on the stone as they tried to sink into something solid, only to feel one of them crack.  At this point though, the pain was exhilarating.  Every wound, every mark laid upon them both was retribution for their treachery; Laurelsong for leaving, and Nectarleap for staying.  Only one of them was in the right...and by the power given to her by fate, she was determined to prevail!  "But you could've been so much stronger...if only you put aside your crippling morals and loyalty to that wreck of a clan, and realized what your destiny truly is Nectarleap! This is your own doing!"

He was tired, weak...vulnerable.  The untamed predator within her urged her paws forward, opening her fangs and stretching her eyes as wide as they could go, truly making her look the part of the crazed maniac he thought she was.  She wasn't though...this was the only way to protect the home she loved!  This was the only way she would see her parents again, to hear the cheering of the clan as she made them proud!  This...this was the only way that she could truly make life worth living.  As she moved, seemingly in slow motion, a memory found it's way through her twisted mind, throwing her back to many moons ago, on a sunny day beside the old tree stump...

"I'm confident you'll find a name for yourself without needing to become leader or deputy. If I know you at all, nothing will hold you back from being the best you can be."

You're right Nectarleap...you were then, you were when I failed to kill Swiftstep, and you still are now...nothing can hold me back.  Not any word, any force, any cat...not even you.

I'm sorry you couldn't see the truth in your own words.

With a wild cry, Laurelsong dodged around his paws and grabbed the tri-colored tom's throat between her jaws, eyes closing as she bit down as hard as she possibly could, feeling hot blood flood her mouth and drip down her chest, a feeling that no longer sickened her.  She ripped away her friend's flesh as well as his life, as she felt his body crumple to the ground at her paws.  Her ears were ringing and black spots swam in her vision; stepping back, she found that her paws were unstable, and barely managed to remain standing.  She had killed him...the first cat she had ever killed with her own actions was her best friend turned traitor.  One would expect the murderer to have some sort of reaction, perhaps a bit of regret or reflection, but Laurelsong's face was concealed in shadow as she turned away, the rain slowly washing away the blood that lingered on her coat to join the dark puddles on the stone.   Thunder rumbled in the distance as the she-cat took a few small steps towards the slope of the rock, but no lightning was to be found.  The light - all light - had truly blinked out.

"No!" Nectarleap wasn't sure what he was saying no to, or even if it was to himself or to Laurelsong. Just saying no to everything that had happened in his life for so long. No to how fabricated his happy little life had been as an apprentice, not understanding that his mother and sister were gone forever or that his best friend was deceiving him already. No to how he had let himself fall into this she-cat's paws like a trembling kit as soon as his other supports broke. No to how he had been punishing himself for moons by closing himself off because of something she had done. Life hadn't really been happy for him for a long time. Not since he let Laurelsong into his life. Long before he had even really known what had been going on, she had been slowly killing him. So why was it such a surprise when she lunged for his throat, jaws gaping? Never before had he felt this terrified of anyone. Of ideas, yes, but never of another creature. Fangs that could be wide open in a laugh were bared and coming straight for him. In less than a heartbeat after he felt her teeth in his neck did he realize that he was going to die, and allowed himself to be horrified by it. His paws scrambled to try to free himself, but he wasn't even able to penetrate skin on the soft blow that ht her shoulder. For a moment his vision went completely dark and he could hear nothing bedsides his own heartbeat, as if he were completely alone in the world. When senses returned a moment later, he was splayed on the ground, his vision red with the blood in his eyes and filled with dark splotches. All at once he realized that he couldn't breathe, ether from the blood filling his throat or from his crushed windpipe. It was a wonder he wasn't dead before he hit the ground. Struggling to breathe, blood gurgled disgustingly in his mouth, no air able to pass through. Panic filled him, at first simply at the notion that he only had a few moments before he was inevitably going to die. Within a moment he realized what had happened, and what it meant. The cat he had considered his best friend his entire life had killed him. Ripped his throat out, left him to suffocate or bleed to death on the rock while she turned away, surveying the land she believed to soon be hers. She would go after WindClan. While it was improbable she would be able to take over the clan on her own, she could certainly take more lives, and ruin so many more. No, he couldn't allow her to do that. He had failed in his mission, his destiny, to stop her. That was what caused the second moment of panic.
"No!" Some how he managed enough air to let out a single word, barely understandable through the mass of red fluid in his mouth and throat. This time, he knew exactly what he was saying no to. Laurelsong couldn't be allowed to do any more harm to the one thing left that he loved. His clan. He couldn't have failed, and he hadn't as long as he still had even a little life left in him. A surge of power filled his muscles as he gathered his paws beneath him, not even completely sure of how he was doing it. In one long leap, he covered the distance between him and his murderer, bloodstained fangs wide open and paws outstretched. It was almost like hunting, just with his prey being his former best friend. No memories of times they spent happily together came to mind while he was in the air, just the memory of all those moons alone and the feeling of her teeth wrapping around his throat. Barely able to see or think, he reached his target, instinctively knowing what to do from his life of hunting on the moor. Claws digging into the she-cat's shoulders, he pushed her to the ground, opened and exposed for an attack. Without hesitation, he took the chance to twist his head around and dig his fangs deeply into her throat. It was odd how different this felt than a simple killing bite to a rabbit's neck. She was much bigger, and he had to use a lot more force to hear the crack of bone and the rush of blood he knew was coming. Task completed, he fell down limply to the ground.
Nectarleap had expected to feel at least a little bit of horror after killing Laurelsong. Strangely, he only felt relief. Relief that he had saved his clan, relief that he had finally found the strength to stand up against a cat he loved who had been hurting him. Relief that he didn't have to fight pain and fatigue anymore. And above everything else, relief that he redeemed himself for everything he had done to himself and to his loved ones throughout his life. Those moons of pure nothingness were made up for by this final act of heroism. Now the knowledge that death was in just a few moments no longer sent his mind into a panic. What he had been born to do was complete. His clan was safe. He could rest in peace.

Her ears flicked tersely as raindrops splattered from the sky; they once had been powerful enough to wash away the blood which had fallen upon the Outlook rock, but just as she had become powerful enough to fend away death, the dark red puddle forming around her former friend's body just kept growing, her inhumane act overcoming the forces of nature.  Yet still...she felt no emotion.  Perhaps the sorrow and agonizing guilt would hit her that night once she lay down to sleep, or maybe it never would.  After all, her destiny led down the path of domination; this great loss could be training, preparing her to cast aside the last part of her soul that remained completely and fully innocent.  Childhood memories and pretty little illusions of teamwork were in the process of being wiped away, replaced by thoughts of future glory, honor for WindClan, a new world for the Clans as determined by her, Laurelsong!  The song of victors would play for her, and only her, forevermore...this was just the first step.  She had defeated the last obstacle and was on her way to the finish line.  Chartreuse eyes glinting like guiding flames through the stormy din, the slender, blood-soaked she-cat lifted her paw to take another step, away from the tri-colored pelt of the cat who had betrayed her, away into a more beautiful new day...but as the storm raged on, she heard something.  A low, almost unrecognizable sound, partially drowned out by a sudden roar of thunder.  Her fur spiking along her silver ticked back, the murderer had only turned one eye behind, barely seeing through the pouring rain, before a weight came crashing down onto her body.

Her cry faded as a bolt of lightning touched the distant hills...and fangs ripped through her throat.

No...

Laurelsong's whole body burned as she felt her skin breaking and the ability to draw air into her lungs diminish as her windpipe collapsed, just as she had done to Nectarleap.  She tried to scream, to protest, to curse, but all that came out was a horrible gurgling wail, chilling even to herself.  She could feel Nectarleap tumble off of her form, but even without his weight, she couldn't stand up.  Eyes bulging in pure, unhidden fear, the she-cat's claws scrabbled against the stone, realizing through her quickly blurring senses that they were covered in blood, her blood...  "N-n-n...NO!"  This...this isn't possible!  I can't die...never!  I'm immortal, I cheated death!  I overcame it!  Black spots swam in her eyes, but she could see through the darkness Nectarleap's form, collapsed once more, as it should have stayed.  You...  Her teeth gritting against blood, she tried to pull herself towards him, a terrifying sight.  She was covered in both her own and her best friend's blood...and soon, they would both no longer have any to give.  She didn't know what she could do with these emotions...  I want to kill him...it's not fair!  I already killed him...he has no right!  "I-I...k-killed...y-y-you, how..."  Breath wheezing in her destroyed throat, she felt the sudden urge to cough, cutting off her words, but the weak force only sent more blood down onto the stone, and she watched it as it drifted away in the water stream.  Gaze unfocused, she trembled as she gathered her forepaws underneath her, using what little of her strength remained to tower over the calico, blood dripping down onto his face.  "I-I...it w-was-snt s-suppo-sed to...e-end like...t-this."  It was if something came over Laurelsong's face at that moment, an expression that, through the gore and desperation, proclaimed clarity.  Remembrance.  Her chest heaved, wheezing until the stunned she-cat could no longer keep herself upright, and collapsed, her body leaning against Nectarleap's.  He was so still...yet warm.  In her mind, she could feel the light green-leaf breeze against her fur, as she pelted across the moor, following his bobbing tail.  In her memories, she laughed, a wide smile overtaking her face.  A real smile.  And as Nectarpaw turned around to look at her, she realized...

He was the only thing...that ever truly made me happy.

Nectarleap...

"I...I-I'm...sorry."

Her head fell against his shoulder, eyes streaming with blood, rain, and something else.  At that point, she was too far gone to really think anymore, all the oxygen had left her body.  The world was a jumbled mess of colors and concepts she could no longer comprehend, and feelings she hadn't felt for so, so long, if ever.  It was as if, finally, in death...she was free.  The monster was gone. The ability to repent though was out of reach; as her mind slowly drew to a blank, the once fearless, independent, adventurous she-cat for the first time wondered that maybe, just maybe, she had followed the wrong path, that she had chosen to see the wrong signs.  Had embraced the wrong destiny.  Time though was a cruel thing, and just as the thoughts came, they faded away, to be replaced with a crushing darkness from which she could not escape.  With a final, soft breath that held the tattered scent of her best friend, Laurelsong's spirit left her body and the eyes which once blazed like an unstoppable fire finally burnt out, left to stare endlessly up at the stormy sky forevermore.