Going Off the Deep End [closed]

It had been steadily growing warmer after winter's second wind. Today, however, Mottledspark felt cold. It didn't seem that any thickness of coat could stop the cold wind from piercing through to his skin, and somehow the sunshine felt cold, too. Deep down he knew he was simply frigid from worry. Back at camp Sootpaw, his best friend and maybe, maybe, something more, was having a seizure - or maybe it was over at that point. Mottledspark wasn't sure. Shortly after the apprentice's seizure had begun the warrior had left the camp to give the medicine cats room to work on and stabilize him.

Well, and to stay out of Sootpaw's mother Flurryshine's way.

Mottledspark and the white queen had a tense relationship at best. The dark tortoiseshell warrior had been alone with Sootpaw when he'd experienced his first seizure. Constantly Mottledspark thought back to that memory, watching in hopeless horror as his dear friend convulsed and flailed, hurting himself and Mottledspark when he tried to help. He always wished he had been able to do more and that he had simply done more. The warrior constantly regretted that he had not endured the pain of Sootpaw's flailing and brought him to camp to save him from suffering... but then again, bringing him to camp was what had caused Flurryshine to blame Mottledspark in the first place. No matter what Mottledspark said or did, the she-cat wouldn't be convinced that he hadn't somehow caused Sootpaw's fit. When the second one began in camp, Mottledspark had, with a heart torn with grief and guilt, left to prevent a scene.

Since he had left camp, however, his thoughts had been consumed with gruesome mental images of his friend suffering. StarClan protect him, Mottledspark thought, though he certainly didn't expect those flea-brains up there to be listening to him. They always seemed to want bad things for the Clan. Sootpaw deserves better than what he's suffering through. The RiverClan warrior wasn't certain how long he had been wandering, but a strange scent reached his nose that made him bristle.

Mottledspark froze, taking in his surroundings for a moment. He had wandered near to the Gorge - much nearer than he had intended, especially considering the still somewhat recent discovery of the dogs residing there. It all sounded so peaceful, with the wind rustling in the trees and grasses. He wondered if Sootpaw were recovering from his seizure now, safe in the medicine den just like the first time.

Sootcloud's death was still fresh on Flurryshine's mind. He had forgiven her during his final moments, but that still didn't mean she could -- or should -- forgive herself for the terrible things she had said. She had asked Goldeneye to euthanize him with deathberries so that he didn't have to continue feeling the pain and torment of his seizures. That had been one of the worst things she had ever done. She had just wanted his pain to end, she couldn't think of any other way to relieve him of his pain.

Well... at least now he was up in StarClan. But it still hurt. It still hurt so much.

The white molly found her paws were leading her towards the gorge. She didn't know why, but here she was. She knew of the dog sightings around this place, so she would have to be careful. Then again, she didn't really care at the moment about them. They could have her for all she cared. She had lost far too much in life. She hardly had anyone left.

For a brief moment, she thought about racing right up to the edge of the gorge and jumping over it. Would she reach the other side and land in WindClan territory? ...Or would she fall into the abyss to her death?

A mottled pelt caught her eye. Sure enough, her Clanmate with such an appropriate name was standing by the gorge as well. She stared at Mottledspark for several moments.

Then something seemed to snap within her.

He hadn't been there for Sootcloud during his final moments. He had left the camp. He didn't even tell him goodbye before he died.

How dare he...

"Mottledspark!" Flurryshine yowled at the tom, stalking up furiously to him with green fire flashing in her eyes. "Mottledspark, how dare you! You weren't there for Sootcloud when he died! How could you do that to him? I thought you cared about him!" Then again, how could a cat who had potentially caused her poor deceased son to begin having seizures in the first place ever find the capacity in his heart to care for him?

After a few moments of staring over the edge, the dark tom let out a long, low sigh. As he started to take a few pawsteps again, continuing his journey, the sound of soft crunching in the snow made him pause and look around. At first he saw nothing, but a splitting yowl cut the air and immediately set his fur bristling.

"Mottledspark!" a shrill, familiar voice cried, and his hazel eyes found the source of the sound: a white queen moving against a snowy white background. Flurryshine.

Mottledspark's fur did not lie flat right away; he saw the fury in her eyes, the way she skulked up to him. She was livid with him for reasons unknown, but if he had to guess he was certain that she was blaming him for Sootpaw's most recent seizure just as she'd blamed him for the first one. The warrior stood his ground with his back now to the Gorge, staring intensely into Flurryshine's flaming green eyes as she stormed up to him.

"Mottledspark, how dare you! You weren't there for Sootcloud when he died! How could you do that to him? I thought you cared about him!" the white queen yowled with a fury unlike any the tom had ever known.

He clenched his jaw and stared at her with disdain and defiance, and for a long time as she screamed at him her words didn't completely register. "How dare I?" he retorted, immediately taking a step towards her with his tail lashing angrily behind him. "How dare you! What, like you wouldn't have chased me away if I'd tried to comfort him? Like you wouldn't have blamed me? You--"

Then it hit him.

Mottledspark realized what she had said. His words stuck, his mouth hung open, and for a second the warrior cat just stared with a challenging expression which slowly changed to one of deep thought, and then, slowly, realization. The dark tortoiseshell tom's fur began to flatten slightly, and his gaping mouth slowly closed to form the beginnings of words that Mottledspark could hardly form. "Soot...Sootpaw is...? He...?"

Mottledspark swallowed, his whiskers quivering, as he stared with a confused, frightened expression. "H-He's... dead...?" he whispered. The words came out and the guilt knotted Mottledspark's stomach. You left him to die, a small voice told him, and you let him die thinking you didn't care about him.

Flurryshine snarled with rage, her fluffy tail whipping side to side behind her. "Yes, he's dead, you fox-hearted tom! And you weren't even there for him during his final moments! What kind of warrior causes a cat to have seizures, then flees when he needs him most? I though you actually cared about him!" Then the angry queen snorted. "Well, I suppose not, if you've done this to him. Maybe it was a good thing you weren't there. And for your information, I said Sootcloud, not Sootpaw. Jaystar dubbed him a warrior before he died. Show a little respect for your poor deceased Clanmate, you beast of a cat!"

Flurryshine said nothing in response to Mottledspark's first retorts. The bitter old wretch had no consideration for anything but herself in that moment. When Mottledspark had calmed slightly, the white she-cat didn't think to do the same. Her anger only flared at Mottledspark's surprise and sorrow; she had no sympathy, only rage and blame. She met his question of dread with fury, snapping back that he was a fox-heart for abandoning her son, blaming Mottledspark for what must've been the thousandth time for his seizures. She accused him of not caring for Sootpaw and he tried to explain desperately between her ranting, "I didn't cause them! I had nothing to do with them!"

The queen did not listen. Instead, she stated she was glad he wasn't there since it was likely all his fault in the first place. Now Mottledspark's shoulders bristled again, his own eyes beginning to flare with an anger that matched Flurryshine's as she condescendingly corrected Sootpaw's name to Sootcloud.

A part of Mottledspark's brain, still in denial about his dear friend's death, sucked the information in, cradling it desperately. He's a warrior now, he thought proudly, though even in his mind the thought was distorted and littered with soft whispers of the truth that he was dead. Sootcloud... Such a beautiful name. He would have brought honor and glory to RiverClan... it carried on in romantic, wistful sighs as the she-cat before him continued to rage.

The rest of Mottledspark, however, was as consumed with a grieving fury as Flurryshine was. "Show a little respect for your poor deceased Clanmate, you beast of a cat!" she demanded of him, her accusing green eyes boring holes into his flaming hazel gaze.

The tortoiseshell tom snarled at her, "You're one to talk about respect, you flea-bitten rogue. I never would have left Sootcloud in camp if it weren't for you being so overbearing, isolating him from all his friends! I would have done anything to make him comfortable - to take it all from him if I could. He deserved better than you. I bet he never would have had to suffer with any of this is he'd had his real mother." Mottledspark's eyes narrowed as he looked her up and down with an expression of disgust, and he growled, "Instead he just had you, and you chased away everyone he loved."

"I bet he never would have had to suffer with any of this is he'd had his real mother. Instead he just had you, and you chased away everyone he loved."

This comment absolutely broke Flurryshine's heart. She stared at him in stunned silence, eyes wide and beginning to brim once again with tears. The worst part of it all was she was actually putting his words into consideration. Was he right? Was this all her fault? She hadn't been his birth mother; no, his birth mother had been dead for a long time. She had only stepped in as an adopted mother because she had become Aspenstrike's mate.

Would he have really been better off without a mother at all?

Flurryshine's eyes, which had grown distant as she pondered to herself, focused in on Mottledspark again, as if she had just realized he was standing there. The cat before her was the cat who had caused all of this to Sootcloud. She knew he did something to cause his poor adopted son to have all those seizures. He had been just perfectly fine beforehand. Mottledspark did something to him, and he was trying to distract her from the truth by shifting blame onto her.

How.

DARE.

He.

Flurryshine snarled lividly at the tom before her. She never hated another cat with all her being as much as she hated Mottledspark. Even when she grew to despise Hillfire after he proved to be a traitor to the Clan, that was just a little kit grudge compared to the burning feelings she felt for the tom standing before her. The tom who caused her son's death.

"I HATE YOU!" she shrieked at the top of her lungs, her voice rising so high and so loud that she would have woken up the dead if it weren't for the wind blowing over the gorge. "I HATE YOU, I WISH YOU WOULD BE EXILED FOR KILLING SOOTCLOUD!" With a fierce caterwaul, tears staining her cheeks as they fell from her eyes, she swiped out a claw at Mottledspark's muzzle, just barely missing him due to bad coordination from her swimming vision.

The words left Mottledspark's mouth and surprised him with their ferocity. The quiet voice in the warrior's head which still cradled with fresh memory of Sootcloud cried out in protest, How could you say that to her? Sootcloud would never have wanted this; you know how much he loved her, how much she meant to him! Flurryshine's sudden silence - her stunned expression and glassy eyes - amplified the volume of the voice in his head. As Mottledspark stared with baleful eyes, Flurryshine's own glazed over, staring off somewhere that the tom couldn't see. He was panting with anger, though his breathing was slowing in the lull of their argument. The soft voice said, What would Sootcloud say if he saw you hurting Flurryshine like this?

Mottledspark's fur slowly began to lie flat, though he found that his claws were half-extended into the earth as he loomed threateningly over Flurryshine. He took one step back, then another, his eyes still full of anger but now also uncertainty. The guilty voice in his mind was working, and he thought, Oh, Sootcloud, please don't blame me - I didn't know any of this would happen.

Then, Flurryshine seemed to return to the present. Her sharp green eyes flickered to him again, and for a moment in the depths there seemed to be hesitation... perhaps a willingness for the both of them to take a step back and talk with each other rather than screaming. Maybe she would finally believe that he didn't cause her son's seizures, let alone his death. Maybe she would believe he loved Sootcloud. Maybe--

The white she-cat let out a snarl to rival a starving fox that, truthfully, chilled Mottledspark to the bone. The last time he had heard a sound that wicked, he had been getting his face pummeled by one of the Exiles during the Great Battle with Lichenmask.

"I HATE YOU!" Flurryshine screeched, and Mottledspark flattened his ears back at the piercing volume. He took a step back, his heart pounding in the tension of the situation, keeping his eyes fixed on her as she continued venomously despite the tears raiing down her face, "I HATE YOU, I WISH YOU WOULD BE EXILED FOR KILLING SOOTCLOUD!"

As soon as Flurryshine raised a paw, Mottledspark let out a snarl of alarm and spat "Don't you dare touch me!" Instantly her paw was swinging up, and the large RiverClan tom scrambled backwards with a start. He began to snarl, "You stupid crowf--"

... but then suddenly he found himself falling over the edge of the Gorge.

In the space of an instant, the warrior had placed one hind paw onto a patch of ice and the other into thin air. The dark tortoiseshell tom slipped before he could even register that his paws were unstable, his chest and chin slamming down hard into the rock as his front end slid over the edge. Mottledspark let out a panicked cry as he desperately tried to grasp at the rocks with his forepaws, but with his claws extended they simply skipped and slipped over the ice, sending the warrior plummeting.

The air rushed around him, sucked out of his lungs; maybe the fall happened quickly, or perhaps the tom blacked out during it, but within a few short moments his body slammed onto an outcropping of rocks, then another, and another, before finally the world came to a sudden, painful halt. Then, the world became a frigid, freezing torrent around him.

The RiverClan tom was familiar with the feeling of water and currents around his body, but this feeling was something different entirely. Raging eddies and undertows tossed his body like a ball of moss and, unable to focus his mind on anything, he swirled in the swollen river under the surface. His lungs screamed for air - for him to breathe - but try as he might, his body felt numb. Numb and, simultaneously, racked with pain. Mottledspark was certain his heart should be pounding with fear, but the sounds in his ears were irregular. Oh, StarClan... What... What is happening? He tried to suck in a breath only to have fire mushroom through his chest, pain crackling like lightning in his ribs and spine. He had barely been able to draw anything into his lungs at all, but what little he gasped was icy water. N-No. I can't die. Flurryshine didn't mean for me to fall, did she? She couldn't have; she'll get help for me...

Mottledspark could see nothing in the blackness of the water, but perhaps there was more wrong than just the river... Suddenly the tom found that his pain was ebbing. His thoughts were getting more and more distant, and, finally, they grew silent as the dark tortoiseshell body bobbed against the surface of the water.

Icy horror shot through Flurryshine's entire body the moment Mottledspark stumbled. Oh, great StarClan, no! With a yelp, she quickly rushed out to grab onto his paw with her teeth to haul him back up over the edge before he fell.

Her jaws snapped the air. She was too late.

She watched, dumbfounded, as the tom she developed a burning hatred for tumble over the edge of the gorge, hitting many rocks on the way down before crashing into the swelling river below. "Mottledspark!" Oh, no, oh, no, oh, no! This wasn't good! She keep her eyes on the river below, shifting her gaze all over the place, trying to find his bicolored pelt.

Too much time had gone by and she still couldn't see him. Did he...? Did she...?

Flurryshine began to tremble, her body colder than the frostiest leaf-bare night. Oh, great StarClan above, she had just killed her own Clanmate! It was an accident, but she killed him! Ohh, what's going to happen to her? She was probably going to be exiled from the Clan like Shade and Lichenmask, or perhaps even executed right then and there by Goldeneye or Fallowlight, or even Jaystar himself!

Stars, would they assume she was the one who caused the seizures for Sootcloud after this? Or Snowblossom's drowning? Or Aspenstrike's disappearance? Or even Firepaw's death during the Great Battle?

Driven by sheer terror, she suddenly experienced a nasty wave of nausea. Unfortunately, she hadn't eaten anything yet today, so she had nothing to retch up, and as a result she rather painfully dry-heaved over the edge of the gorge. She was going to die. She didn't want to die! She didn't want to leave her Clanmates! Ohhh, what would Lightstep and Dewshine think of her?

...No. They... They just wouldn't find out. No one would find out. She wouldn't say a word. Her scent was here, as was Mottledspark's, but the dogs' stenches overpowered them. Perhaps... Perhaps a patrol won't notice. And.. And Mottledspark fell into the gorge. It's not like he could be found now anyway. There was just no way. Not unless there was a sudden flash flood that would make the river below swell up and drag the dead tom's body into the open. ...No, no, that wouldn't happen. There's no possible way that could happen!

She'd just have to deny any cat asking if she saw Mottledspark. Then they would just assume he had gone missing, or perhaps even run away because he couldn't handle the stress of Sootcloud's death. Yeah... Yeah. Everything was going to be fine. It had to be just fine. There's no way it couldn't be fine.

Heart still racing with the horrid realization of what she had just done, fur bushing up and eyes wide with contracted pupils, Flurryshine turned away from the edge of the gorge and slowly made her way back to camp. She would give herself time to calm herself down. Perhaps she could even go hunting to take her mind off of everything, and take a dip in the river to flatten her fur so it wouldn't stick up anymore and give herself away. She turned slightly and headed towards the river instead.

Everything was going to be just fine.

It just had to.

There's no way anything could possibly go wrong.