Walking On Thin Ice [Clan Meeting / Open]

"But if our reputation is spoiled, the Clans might attack us, and we can't risk that right now," Scarletpaw protested. "Besides, the mistake Gingerstripe made wasn't just an ordinary one. He killed another cat, a medicine cat! StarClan wouldn't have revealed it if they wanted to forgive him, would they? Also,
WindClan might get upset we took a murderer in.

Gingerstripe listened with amazement as a few cats spoke up to defend him. These cats were kinder to him than... than his own family had been. Complete strangers who wanted to give him a chance. He offered those cats a grateful nod, then listened with a wince to the... other opinions. Though a few of the naysaying voices- namely, a couple of apprentices- were obviously just bigoted towards outsiders, some had legitimate points. Some did not. The flame-orange tabby stood up from where he sat, ready to defend himself. The majority was currently for kicking him out, and if that didn't change, he might be condemned to a rogue's life. He wouldn't let that happen. "You are all so quick to label me a murderer because of an accident," the tom protested, speaking up. "I accidentally killed a rogue, who was exiled from the Clan, the same as I have been. I know it was wrong, and I wish I could undo it, but I can't. All I can do is beg for a second chance. Blinded by anger and our own medicine cat's words, my own Clan- my family- wouldn't listen. Please, hear me out, don't you reject me too."

There was a distinct note of desperation in the former ShadowClan tom's voice, a heartfelt plea that none could deny was real, unmistakably so. "I promise, that if you take me in, I will not be a burden. I will take none of your precious fresh-kill. I will hunt enough to feed all your queens and kits and elders, and only eat what remains of what I catch. From what it sounds like to me, you could use another pair of claws- I could be welcome help this leaf-bare." He saw the thinness of the warriors, the few straggly rodents in their frostbitten fresh-kill pile. They needed help. "Just give me a trial until newleaf, and if you are not satisfied then, do with me as you please. If I endanger anyone somehow, or cause problems with your ally WindClan, throw me out then. But please, don't reject me just because of what might happen, or a mistake I've made in the past."

Gingerstripe's green eyes looked at the faces of every cat in the Clan- those who had supported him, those who wanted him long gone, those who even wanted him dead- and those who had not answered, whose voices could still let him stay. "I promise you, I will be loyal to ThunderClan and ThunderClan alone if you accept me. ShadowClan has rejected me and my loyalty- my own family has denounced me as many of you have." And it still hurt- the anger in Firestone's eyes alone was enough to break him again. He shook off the pain and tried to continue. Was it a lost cause?... "From- from what I can tell.... you all have lost Clanmates and family to the effects of killing, taking another cat's life. In their memory, please, offer me mercy. At least for this leaf-bare... give me a chance. If anything does not work out, you can tell me to leave at any time. But please... just give me a chance." The disgraced warrior's voice broke, and he sat back down, ashamed of his weakness. He'd said all he could. If they still wanted him gone... At least he'd tried.

Leafstorm sighed softly as Gingerstripe spoke. The orange tom had a hollowed look in his eye- Leafstorm knew it well. How on earth was he supposed to deny this young warrior a home now? When he looked at the young tom, he saw a version of himself- he saw young Leafstorm, alone and afraid with a newborn kit and a forbidden mate. When he had admitted this to Blizzardstar, he, too, had asked for forgiveness. Of course, murder and forbidden romance were two very different things, but if Leafstorm had been forgiven, why couldn't Gingerstripe be as well? The tall brown tom flicked his ears but said nothing. He had already said his piece, and he couldn't take back words that had already been spoken. It was up to Blizzardstar now.

Sharptooth cursed softly. She couldn't possibly stay quiet now. With a quiet huff, she stepped forward. "For what it's worth, I think we should let him stay for a moon." She mewed, looking around at the others. "We cannot forgive what he has done. Every life has value, no matter their origins or clan. You have fought the defenseless, and although I admire your honesty I believe that, unless you prove yourself to be more than a murderous codebreaker, you shouldn't be allowed to become a member of Thunderclan. And that... that's what I think."
Sharptooth ended lamely, stepping back. Starclan, she really was a hypocrite, wasn't she?

Newttongue flicked his ear, dipping his head to Emberheart appreciatively. His pelt fluffed up at the murderer begging for mercy on the deaths of others. Drawing his lips back, he clawed at the ground. Now wasn't the time, now wasn't the time... He couldn't try to silence him right now.

Birchheart's eyes glazed over with no emotion at the tom's pleas. Whiskers twitching. Grief clouded her vision at the thought of another killer in her home, in her ranks. Shaking it away, she stood tall.

Boarpaw sighed and looked at Gingerstripe. He felt the same time and time again. His paws trembled as he remembered the way he used to beg for help while he froze as a kit. Shutting his eyes, he tried stilling his breath before speaking. "He should be given a chance. Let him prove that he's learned and that he can do better. Life alone is worse than death. Let that be known. If his anger truly is sparked so violently, we-... ThunderClan'll know. Any thought that ThunderClan will take in bloodthirsty cats can be put down by throwing him out if he kills another defenseless cat. It won't be easy to redeem such an act but, if he truly cares, he will try." The tom meowed, eyes snapping to his paws when he was done. He wasn't a ThunderClan cat yet, should he have spoken? He couldn't just turn the tom away without a sniff as he'd been himself. That wasn't something he could live with.

"Still, we can't afford to become enemies with WindClan, especially now," Scarletpaw insisted. "Besides, how do we know he is telling the truth? Since ShadowClan exiled him, he has nowhere else to go. He would say and do anything to stay in ThunderClan, even lie.

For a long while, Leopardclaw sat with his eyes closed, listening to his clanmate's voices ring out all around him; some in support, others in protest.  Despite the numb feeling that clouded his chest and distorted his feelings, he knew that he should speak up.  He knew that the clan would want to hear his opinion, and some would take it as guidance.  He knew how Blizzardstar valued his advice...  StarClan, I'm so tired.  Finally, after taking a deep breath to center himself, the golden spotted deputy opened his eyes and stood up to face the clan.  With great effort, he raised his voice so that it boomed around the clearing as he begun to speak.  

Fixing his gaze on Blizzardstar, he meowed; "Blizzardstar, you know that I always regard your views and ideas with the highest honor, but in this case I respectfully must go against letting this cat into our ranks."  Turning now to the crowd, he flicked his ears and continued; "I agree with those of you who are against this cat staying in our camp.  To willingly let him stay here and become a member of ThunderClan would dishonor the memory of Specklefang, a cat that we willingly handed over to RiverClan because of the blood that stained her paws.  To allow one of our own to be put to death because of her crimes, and then turn around and welcome this cat with open paws who has willingly admitted to committing the exact same crime is idiotic and dangerous, maybe not for the threat of him killing again, but for the effect that will have on our clan's image."  

His gaze rested on his adopted son Newttongue for a moment, who had been the first cat to speak out about this fact, before he continued.  "We are at war against three of the strongest clans in the forest, and allied with the only one willing to help our cause.  Do you really want to risk loosing WindClan's support?  Do you all want to face RiverClan, ShadowClan and SkyClan on our own?  Because I sure don't want to!  With that, taking in this cat would only reinforce the notion that RiverClan holds of us that we are a den of murderers that only managed to breed more.  If the tom's story is true, ShadowClan will surely want our hides if we admitted him, and what would we do if both RiverClan and ShadowClan decided to attack us in vengeance?  Even with WindClan's possible help, we'd be doomed.  This is not simply a matter of heart, it is a matter of politics."  

Finally, Leopardclaw came to fix his gaze on the cat in question, Gingerstripe.  His green eyes were stony and cold, as if he no longer had any emotion to spare at this cat's expense.  "The amount of work you would do means nothing.  Even a trial until newleaf is enough time for the other clans to come knocking at our door, demanding an explanation for why we let you stay for even a heartbeat.  If you truly cared about ThunderClan, you would leave and spare us the dangers that your presence would cause.  We don't need cats here who only wish to spare themselves from the elements, and we don't need more cats who will cause us problems.  The hearts of this clan have been torn to shreds in the last few moons...we don't need more pain."  His lip drawn back with a hint of a snarl, Leopardclaw lashed his tail once in a controlled display of anger before sitting back down.  This was the first time the rogue-born deputy had not been open to a cat being accepted into their ranks, and in any other situation he probably would have questioned himself about that; but his verdict had come from nothing but the facts.  He was so tired of the pain and destruction that plagued his clan, and he could not allow this cat to walk freely in the same camp as what remained of his beloved family.  He couldn't bear to loose anyone else.

(OOC: A little late, but it was already almost completely written so I figured I might as well finish it.)

Marshpaw looked back at Swoopnose, his ears flattened uncomfortably.
"I was neither driven out, nor did I commit any crimes to the warrior code." He kept his voice calm, and patient, despite his racing mind. Was this going to jeopardise his chance to be near the last of his own kin? "If he was simply a ShadowClan defector, I would be in favor." He paused thoughtfully. His tail twitched as he put together his final word on the matter. "She had already been kicked out. Had gone as far as the Thunderpath when he 'acted mindlessly'." Marshpaw paused, then stepped forward. Still among the gathered cats, but also slightly apart as he stared at Gingerstripe.

"My concern, is that it won't be just that once. No matter how much you declare your loyalty, what is to stop you from losing your mind again if any cat here breaks the code? Will we have to live in the constant fear that you will one day lose your mind once more, and kill one of us?" He shook his head solemnly. "The most sympathy I am willing to offer you is to lead you to the twoleg place. Maybe one of them will take you in and you can live a life knowing you cannot hurt another cat."

Tigerspark flicked his tail, and in annoyance stood. "I know I am a rogue myself. Someone who came from somewhere much more horrible as here. My brother was murdered, my father was murdered, and I have had kits die because they were killed for food. I have seen a lot of death, I have been wronged many times in my life. I have only killed in pure self defense. I miss my tail because it was ripped off as punishment..." He paused, calming down. "I have faced al this horror and yet I have not lifed a claw in malice. I have not pushed a cat onto the Thunderpath in revenge. I do not know clan culture well yet, but straight from everyone's mouth here, is the medicine cat not to be revered and respected? Why are you not taking the word of a medicine cat and StarClan[/], your own ancestors, above that of someone who admitted to maliciously killed? I have faced so much, mouse dung, from clannmates to prove myself even though I have done nothing but help. I [i]refuse to let a murderer stay with my kits and mate!" He hissed, protectively shielding Tatteredleaf.

Blizzardstar listened to her clan as they argued about Gingerstripe’s fate, as well as Gingerstripe himself as he clearly did his. The discussion started to immediately divide the clan with different points of view, from those that felt like her and desired to give the tom a chance to redeem himself from the accident occurred, to those that felt that he was a murderer and the last thing they wanted was to have him around. Some even involved her own choice regarding Specklefang and Flickerpaw in their decision towards the matter, which caused her to look down and her ears to lower for half a second…she still couldn’t forgive herself for giving in to Ivystar’s demands so easily, and still wished she could turn back time and make things right, get over that moment of weakness and blind rage…

Things took an unexpected turn, however, when Leopardclaw spoke. She felt like a stone had fallen in her stomach and weakness on her legs as he gave to her his own decision and reasoning behind it. She didn’t blame the tom for going against her desire to give Gingerstripe a second chance, but deep inside she wished he had agreed with her…but given the division within her clan, his words were what finally put it to an end at least for her.

Within her whole clan, he was between the three cats whose opinion she valued the most…and given the increasing negative reception to Gingerstripe added to said fact she finally lowered her head and nodded slowly “I understand…” She said almost in a whisper.

“I can see your opinions vary on the matter, but there is one choice I can hear the most. I want those who agreed to let him stay and have a second chance to know I appreciate the trust you have in me and the mercy you’ve shown. To those that decided against it, I understand your reasoning and I can feel that some of you may had gone on said route given the things I did in my past” Her eyes drifted to those who mentioned Specklefang and Flickerpaw “If you want to talk to me about it just come to me, I know my choice was not the wisest, so I don’t blame you for such resentment. However, putting that aside, you showed loyalty and strong morals, and that is also greatly appreciated…”.

Once she was done her eyes landed on Gingerstripe, a sad spark easy to see in them as she forced the words out from her muzzle, as her whole being was against those same words being pronounced “I’m sorry Gingerstripe, but my clan took a decision and as much as I want to let you stay I won’t ignore them. You can’t stay…we can escort you to the borders of the territory to ensure you make it through safely, but I can’t offer you more…”.

Of course.

Gingerstripe's shoulders visibly slumped as the remaining cats- apprentices, warriors, former rogues, a former ShadowClanner like himself- all rejected him. Even Blizzardstar, eventually... the final blow came down on his weakened, bloodied heart. For one mistake he'd made, he'd tried harder than anyone could know to redeem himself from... his whole life had already been destroyed. He had already been thrown off the cliff, at this point he was scrabbling with desperate claws to hold onto something, anything, to keep from falling into the void that awaited below. The most promising ledge, the one he'd finally thrown all his hopes onto, had finally crumbled. He had been finally, truly, abandoned.

Gingerstripe fell.

As his spirit plummeted of the cliff of despair to which he'd been pushed, the tom physically dropped as well, as if a heavy burden- once lightened by others- had suddenly fallen squarely onto his back. His shoulders slumped, his knees weakened, he was barely standing. Breathing was a foregone conclusion. Pathetic. Is this what you've become? And to think you once dreamed of being the greatest warrior in the forest. Still, the tabby tom managed to stay on his feet and look up at the fluffy white leader he'd desperately hoped could save him, to look at her as he tried to speak. He couldn't look her in the eyes. All he could do was stare up at the vague white shape swimming in his tear-filled eyes.

"I...." The former warrior's voice came out as barely a croak. He swallowed and tried again- one last moment of strength. "I u-understand. It was m-my mistake, and there is n-n-no excuse that y-you would accept. I don't, d-don't deserve, your mercy." He could hardly speak, his voice kept cracking and getting caught in his throat. Gingerstripe managed to stand up, forcing himself onto his feet. He didn't want to break here... not here.... But where, where would he go? There was nowhere left. But he couldn't go home, and he couldn't stay here. His home.... wasn't his home any longer.

Trying to blink back the demeaning tears streaming down his face, he shook his head at Blizzardstar's offer. If she really cared, she would have given him a chance. But he didn't deserve one. "Th-that's very kind of you, but I... don't want to be... any t-trouble. I'll just, I'll just, I'll g-go now. Thank you for... t-trying." He couldn't bear it anymore. The angry glares were too much- all he could see was Firestone, and his daughters, and their anger and sadness and....

The loner ran out of ThunderClan camp, not knowing where he was going. But thanks to his mistake of being complicit in a rogue's death, he wasn't welcome anywhere in this hypocritical forest. Wherever he went, he'd never see his family again.

Rowankit dashed out od the nursery, his mother right behind him. "No Rowankit, get back in the den."

"But mama... I wanna see the evil cat!" He mumbled, "And I'm almost an apprentice!"

"Fine. but only for a bit."