It was so hard for Thrushstar to sit still for long periods of time, but at right now, there wasn't much else he could do. He had already double checked over Cormorantpelt's patrols earlier today and made sure that the freshkill pile was still fresh. He checked on apprentices and did some training, and now there was nothing left but to sit. That was what he was most afraid of. Times of sitting made him think and thinking always led to nightmares whether it was while he was asleep or even sitting in the clearing next to his den like he was doing now. All of the memories drowned him no matter where he was or what time it was. Seeing Mapleface for the last time, watching Gingerheart die, seeing so many crippled bodies of clan mates lying in the mud at the hands of the other clans. He tried to do what Starclan had told him to-- let go and look to the future-- but it was so difficult, especially when his thoughts began to shift to Soulfang and Scratchclaw. Murderers in his clan that he had trusted... for the most part. He didn't even feel like he could be part of his own clan anymore. His life felt like a living hell anymore. The only one that ever seemed to be able to break through that was Mistflower. He could barely even talk to his own kits. He was always terrified of getting too close to a cat. At some points, that even caused him to push his own mate away. He couldn't bear to think about what would happen if he were to lose any of them, and because of that, it severed any relationship he could have had with them. That was what haunted him every single night while he did his usual duties.
While the leader was so lost in thought, he didn't even realize when another cat had walked up to him. Looking up, he was rather surprised to see who was walking towards him.
