We Should Talk More [Closed]

Trushstripe sat in the camp going over all of the duties for the night ahead. It was just starting to get dark as he paced around the clearing waiting for the other warriors to begin their days. On occasion he even joined the guards at the entrance of the camp, but it wouldn't be long before he'd end up taking their place. At this point in his life, he'd gotten used to not sleeping. Of course, he was always tired, but he'd learned to control the grumpiness that came along with it. On occasion, he'd get some rest, but not much. Like always, he'd keep himself busy until he was around other cats, always trying to think of new ways to keep everyone out of harm's way. But as the sun went down, the more tired Thrushstripe had begun to feel, but it was too late now. He needed to stay awake for his clan. Sitting down at the edge of the clearing, he began to watch the clan stir and waken. It just so happened that the first one out of any of the dens was Mistflower. That was a slight surprise.

The queen quietly padded out of the nursery, seeing Thrushstripe's stiff sillouette against the sunset. She let out a small sigh, though she knew better than to be surprised at this point. Still, he worried her. Maybe she was stupid for caring, or for loving him at all, but she couldn't help it - no matter how far a distance he tried to keep himself. So alone, yet trying to hold the clan together by a cobweb. "Thrushstripe," She called softly, padding over to him. "You know they say insomnia can drive a cat to madness?" Mistflower had no trouble voicing out her concerns to him . Not bothering to wait for a greeting back or an objection, she sat down next to him, curling her tail gently over her feet.

"Hmph," he huffed, his tail flicking behind him for a split second as he turned to face Mistflower. "You know that if I could sleep, I would." It was really his only response. He didn't know what else to say. He just knew that he didn't have a whole lot of time to talk. He had a lot of apprentices to train and a lot of patrols to get organized. He had no downtime to sit around the camp like he was doing right now. "How have you been doing, Mistflower?" he asked, wondering how the queen had been holding up after the kits were starting to grow up and begin training.

The she-cat twitched her ear, but said nothing. Would he? Would he really? She honestly wondered if he ever even tried anymore. "Even the strongest, wisest warriors need rest." Mistflower pointed out quietly, prodding him gently with her words. "If they didn't get any, they wouldn't be near so strong or wise." The tabby gave him an almost teasing smile, though there was no masking the clear concern she had for him. It almost frustrated her at times how hard he worked. He wasn't the clan's leader, not yet, though she understood why he did what he did perfectly. Sometimes, it didn't help.
"Only as well as I can be," Mistflower meowed, frowning a bit. "Cormorantpelt's kits are growing healthy. And I expect Moonstrike will be moving to the nursery soon." Although, it was obvious to her that the she-cat would be having kits of her own, it was even more painfully clear that they were Soulfang's kits. She shook the disdainful thoughts away. "It'll be good to have more warriors." When their kits had started their apprenticeship, it was clear Mistflower had the choice to return to the warriors den, though she chose to stay to help the other queens and raise the kits.
"How have... you been holding up...?" She asked cautiously, wondering if she'd get a real answer, or a dull response ingrained into that mental barricade of his.

Honestly, he couldn't have been driving himself crazier. With all of the different things going on with rebuilding the camp, watching the other clans, and wondering what was going on with Nightstar, he was most definitely driving himself mad. He had just kept at his duties and took each day one at a time, but it was so hard to keep calm. Yet, somehow he had managed to keep a brave face even when talking to Mistflower. She was the only one who could break through him and see who he really was which was terrifying and almost calming at the same time. It was terrifying because that meant getting close to someone. It wasn't that he liked being alone, it was the fact that everyone he had ever been close to had been ripped away from him worse than claws ripping out his fur. He couldn't go through that again which is why he had been pushing himself and the others harder than ever. It seemed to be helping too. "I've been holding up." it was really all he could say. It wasn't the truth but it wasn't a lie either. "I've been really busy trying to keep everything in order. It's been a little more difficult now with extra patrols around the borders, but thing are fine." There was that same tone of voice again. Pretty emotionless with not much eye contact with the she-cat.

"A little more difficult", Mistflower's ear twitched, her voice a little mocking before giving him a serious look. She sighed, "Thrushstripe, you're a mess." The she-cat shook her head, gazing out through the dark entrance thoughtfully, the scars of the many invaders still left their marks on the wall, but it was... healing. That was the best way to describe it. To describe their entire clan. "You're right about one thing, though. Things are fine, for the moment, so you can relax and leave things to Nightstar for once." The tabby stood up, "Come on to the den?" She made a small motion back towards the warriors den, expecting and half-hoping for him to follow, but having to pause and check if she actually did. Of course, she had her doubts.

He wanted to go back to the den. He really did, but there was still so much to do. He didn't have time to rest right now. It didn't matter that things might have been fine. And Nightstar... Thrushstripe didn't know what to think about Nightstar. She hadn't been the same since they got back to the camp. He couldn't figure out what was going on with their leader. If she was still acting the same way, there was no way he could relax. There was still too much to do. "As much as I'd like to, there's still too much to do, Mistflower," he told her, sitting down to show that he wasn't moving. "Maybe another time. I still have to send out the patrols, I have to make sure that we have enough fresh kill and that the border patrols are going like they should." It was hard for him to go on border patrols anymore. He knew that as soon as he would see another clan cat, he'd lose it. His hatred for the other clans ran deep, mainly for Riverclan, so keeping up with the border patrols and making sure they were run correctly was a difficult task but it was one that needed to be done.

Her ears flattened as she let out a silent huff, supposing she should've known better than to get her hopes up so easily. Circling around to his side again, she stared up at the deputy. "The clan isn't helpless, you know." Mistflower said mildly. At this rate, with the way that he was, she'd be willing to go out on patrols in his stead; even if it meant he could get a little bit of rest. "The warriors know how to hunt and how to patrol. They've been doing it their whole lives." She wondered if she should also point out how the borders had been quiet for the past moon; too quiet, actually. It was almost a little funny. She was almost certain it was because they didn't take ShadowClan seriously anymore, or thought them non-existant; otherwise, she couldn't see them doing anything other than gloating from their borders. The mere thought of either of the thoughts clenched her heart in anger, but there was nothing to be done right now. What she needed to focus on what getting her mouse-brain of a mate into his nest.
Of course, it wouldn't be that easy, though. For a second, she was wondering why she even was bothering. The she-cat sat down again, blinking slowly and gazing up at the sunset in the sky. "Before you try and wave me off again, could I say a few things?" She asked, slowing down and picking her words carefully out in her mind.

At first, Thrushstripe was going to speak up but Mistflower quickly cut him off again when she said that she had a few things to say. What did she have in mind? He really had no idea, but it was Mistflower. To him, she was always a sort of mystery. Sighing quietly, the deputy sat down and studied the she-cat. "What is it?" he asked, not being able to tell what was going on in her mind.

The silver she-cat took in a deep breath and let it out slowly, still trying to pull the right words out of her mind, hoping that this didn't come out the wrong way. After a few heartbeats, she flickered her eyes up at Thrushstripe, catching his deep green gaze - it was so easy to see how tired he was. "You know, we are mates. I know you more than any other cat, and care a lot more too..." Mistflower said slowly, tearing her gaze away and looking down at the ground. "I like to think it's the same with you for me. After all we've been through, and having kits together." She paused, wondering if it was worth it going on. "I've never once heard you say 'I love you'... I mean, I guess it's alright, I never have either... But..." Her eyes narrowed, trying not to give too much emotion away. She smiled a bit, thinking her mental wall was terribly weak, if at all existant.

Thrushstripe paused. Well, she was in fact correct. He hadn't ever said anything close to 'I love you.' It all led back to the same reason as everything else, though. He was scared to try to get close to her. Yeah, they had gotten... well, as close as they could get a few times in the past, but he would instantly push her away afterward. Yet, she was the only one who could ever get him to talk. He didn't know how she did it, but she could break down the barriers he would set up and this was no different. He really didn't know how to respond without seemingly breaking down in front of her. He couldn't just tell her he was scared to lose her-- that if he said anything of the sort, she would be ripped away from him like the rest of his family. "Well..." he started, but quickly stopped. He really had no idea what to say. He quickly pondered over everything that she had said, trying to find some way to work around it. She had said 'but.' Did she have more to say? "But... what?" he asked her. Maybe if she gave him more to work with, he could get himself out of the spotlight.

He didn't need to say anything at all to her. His stumbling silence told her everything that she needed to know, and that she was right on the prey. In all honesty, she hadn't thought of much to say beyond 'but'. Everything she had said before seemed to weigh enough as it was, while the rest of her thoughts were fleeting. Mistflower sighed, watching the last of the light tip over the horizon. "But..." The queen started again, this time looking up at him, her whiskers twitching in slight amusement. "You were never good with words." She said simply. With a quiet purr, she rubbed her head against a chest, nuzzling gently just under his chin. Even against his rigid stature, it felt nice. "I can see it through your actions. You say it, even when you don't mean too." Pulling away a little, she looked up at him with bright eyes. "Would you please...?" She shot another glance at the warriors den.

When Mistflower began to rub against him, Thrushstripe found himself calm for just a second. His body relaxed just long enough before he realized that his barriers were quickly dropping again. Well, what was left of them, at least. Within a heartbeat, he was back to his usual self, but in that moment, he honestly could say that it felt good to be so close to Mistflower, but there wasn't any way he was going to show that. He couldn't lose her. It would probably literally kill him if he lost anyone else he was close to. When she finally looked back at him, he only closed his eyes and let out his breath. Maybe she was right. The clan could take care of itself... maybe. He needed to rest, though. He could feel it. He could barely keep his eyes open long enough to walk around the camp. He just desperately hope that he wouldn't dream. "Fine, you win, Mistflower," he mumbled. "But just for a little while. I can't just leave my duties like this whenever I feel like it. The clan needs me."