clearing the air [TC Clan Meeting]

Mottlestar had lost another life.

To say the least, it had frustrated the leader greatly. There was too much to handle at all points of the day now, it seemed. An attempt to look into what was going on within her Clan after having heard a rumor that a fight between her own kits had left Murkyripple with a facial scar, the mysterious large prints on the ground, and the growing number of dogs that seemed keen on snooping on Thunderclan territory. It all had culminated to even more chaos when Mottlestar had to face what Windclan's medicine cat had come to speak to her about, in which those details then were revealed at a gathering.

A gathering that had cost her her second life, her sanity, and perhaps every ounce of trust that existed within the Clan. To make matters even worse, Sunfire had passed. The tom had been a young warrior, a cat gone far before his time. Grief, frustration, tension, it all was practically palatable in the air.

Not to mention, those large prints? It had gave way to a battle that the leader herself was still trying to wrap her head around and comprehend. Large cats, larger than even those that typically roamed Skyclan in today's era, fighting. Somehow, able to speak their tongue as well. Still, their nobility in fighting as an ally was rewarded, as it was the least Mottlestar could offer to get them patched up. How long they stayed - that was a question to be decided by the Clan. She would put it in their paws. But there was another matter she had needed to clear up with them as well: what had happened at the Gathering.

She had spoken to Thrushnose about it, as well as Murkyripple. Stars knew she needed to try and talk to Comfreyheart, but every chance she tried, she was pulled in another, much more pressing direction. Dogs attacking a patrol! or We found more large tracks! Even worse, Windclan has greatly increased the patrols on their border! They were all whispers and words that gave no help to the leader's current mental state.

Or physical, for that matter. The encounter with the dogs had left her back leg severely mangled, and only with Fawnshine's help and whatever healing the Stars gave her in losing a life was she able to limp. It was still turned inward at a slightly awkward angle, and the leader was convinced she'd be dealing with it for the rest of her life. Tortoiseshell ears found themselves tilted just slightly back out of the pain that winced through both her shoulders and hip, but despite Fawnshine's advice... she needed to talk to her Clan. They deserved it. More than deserved it at this point, actually.

She considered leaping to the top of the high rock, but one glance at it send a gulp of fear down her spine. That one isn't happening. She decided, swallowing down that ounce of fear. Instead, she half-limped, half-dragged herself to the base of the rock, taking a moment to breathe before calling out.

"Let all cats old enough to catch their own prey gather beneath the High Rock for a clan meeting!"

Would they even come to her voice? She wouldn't blame them. The doubt that swirled among her clanmates, the betrayal, the frustration... she didn't doubt. The guilt still crushed her, stealing sleep from the molly any moment she even attempted to get some rest. But perhaps this would be one step to building trust again. To lay herself bare before her Clan, in easily her weakest state. If they wanted to strip her of her lives and title? She would let them. Part of her felt she deserved it, not simply the repentance that Batsong had called for. Stars, she tried to repent every night. To get just one more chance to talk to Morningsun, to tell her she was sorry. It never seemed to come. Nor did any sign of Minnowfin within the stars. If he shunned her? She didn't blame him, either.

"Thunderclan, I owe all of you an explanation. We all know what happened at the gathering by this point. For those who didn't, I urge you to ask a clanmate. I feel it is not fit for me to speak those events, but to bring truth on the situation." The tortoiseshell began, soon as enough had gathered. She looked weak. Her pelt was still matted in some spots, dried blood still stuck in others, cobwebs tightly wrapping around her leg. For all purposes, she looked rough. But she continued.

"To keep it short: The accusation of Nightstar and myself having a fling is true. Minnowfin had just passed, and as tradition set, I immediately appointed Thistlemask as my deputy and left that very night to go get my lives without even taking the proper time to grieve. Nightstar had gone on the same evening to get his own as well, and we made the journey home together. It is with guilt that I permanently remember that evening, but it faded to time."

"The kits I soon found myself to be carrying after... It was still so close in time I had every belief they belonged to Minnowfin. Restless nights and questions to confirm yielded nothing from the Stars... so I thought they were. It wasn't until I lost my first life that I had finally learned of their true lineage. Morningsun himself came and scorned me for it. Starclan scolded me for it." She had nothing else to say than the truth. No twisting it. After all, there was more to the tale.

"I did not tell anyone in the Clan because I was shocked from it all. I had lost that first life out of heartbreak from all that had happened within the Clan. My first move, however, was to go to Nightstar. I did not want him catching rumor on the wind and bringing war to our camp because of it. In our conversation, he stated his desire to have no claim to his kits. Furthermore, he said he would fully allow them to live their life in Thunderclan with no knowledge or attachment to their Shadowclan blood, and should any kits from that litter find themselves on Shadowclan territory, they would be treated no differently than any other Thunderclan warrior. I accepted this - because I felt it would be best for all involved. But I still fully intended on telling the kits of that litter about their lineage, as well as what their sire decided." It made her dizzy to continue speaking, and she had to adjust herself as she swayed. But there was no choice.

"I returned to hear about the sightings of feral cats on our territory, and a day later, Batsong from Windclan on our land. Starclan had given the message to Batsong as well, and I begged her to leave Thunderclan out of whatever malice she intended to bring towards Shadowclan in lieu of her knowledge. The gathering is evidence that she did not heed my plea. But that is not what this meeting is for, though we can talk another time. For now..." She had to pause, panting as pain seized her hindquarter, forcing the leader to try and readjust. The hiss of pain was quiet and brief - but she couldn't hold it back.

"To keep my current state brief: On a patrol, Darkspirit, Lichenwing, Nightdancer, Comfreyheart, Firefly and myself came across three dogs. There were also three large, feral cats fighting them. These cats spoke our tongue, so I called to fight the dogs first. I was injured by this fight. As gratitude for their aid against what seemed to be a common enemy, I called for them to come to camp and be seen by Fawnshine and Echopaw. One of these cats, Sleet is her name, offered to carry me back in my injured state. It was as soon as we had reached camp that I lost my life, but I would have lost it sooner, and perhaps a second, if she had not carried me. Thunderclan, I come to you with this information, as well as the information of my transgression and mistake. I fully admit to my fling with Nightstar and the resulting litter, and know that there are no excuses for what I have done. I feel no love for Nightstar, or allegiance to Shadowclan, but simply regret and guilt that I will carry with me for the rest of my lives. It was a mistake I made, and I broke the code that I was entrusted to uphold. I leave it in your paws to see fit my punishment, whatever that may be, as well as our Clan's next steps to the guests we now have." She spoke all that she could. But in doing such, the black spots that now dotted her vision brought the leader further to the ground.

"If you have questions, Thunderclan, I will answer. Any and all. I do not see it fit to beg for your forgiveness... that is something I will leave in your paws to deem whether I am worthy of."

With that, the tortoiseshell hung her head, listening for whatever questions, accusations, or statements would come her way. Whatever anger they felt, whatever vitriol and wrath she would receive. She was there to weather the storm.