Badgerpaw's Moonstone Journey

It was time for Badgerpaw's Moonstone journey, as she was told by Nightstar. The sun was warming the camp now, and the apprentice and Burdockroot should leave shortly. Lumbering her form over to the apprentice's den, she spotted the apprentice for today's trip. Not really caring if she woke anyone else, she only merely avoided stepping on paws and tails before standing above the sleeping form. Nudging her with her paw, the medicine cat flicked her tail. "Come. Moonstone." Burdockroot said flatly before retracing her steps back to the medicine cat den. A pile of herbs lay there for the apprentice.

When she was finally joined by the soon-to-be warrior, she nudged the small pile forward with her paws. "Eat. Yes, it's gross. You don't need to tell me." She flicked her tail and glanced towards the sun.

Badgerpaw's eyes flickered open with a soft groan as she felt a paw in her side, glancing up to see Burdockroot standing above her. She blinked tiredly at the medicine cat a few times before the words sunk in, her eyes widen as the sleepiness that had plagued her quickly disappeared. Oh! She opened her mouth to say something but the she-cat was already gone, leaving her to scramble to her paws to follow after her.

As she stepped from the den, she padded over to where Burdockroot was waiting, glancing down at the herbs as the medicine cat gruffly referred to them as 'gross.' She leaned down to lap them up, wincing at the taste but held her tongue - no doubt she had heard enough apprentices complaining about the taste given her response but it wasn't anything she couldn't stomach. As she finished swallowing them, she sat up with a grimace - saying nothing but giving the medicine cat a resolute nod to show that she was ready for whatever was next.

"Let's go." Burdockroot said, eyeing the apprentice before turning and stalking out of camp. Her badger pelt was left behind, so her mottled fur was left to bounce with every step. The trip was much like the others, uneventful and quiet. Burdockroot didn't speak unless spoken to, and if she was, it was quick replies with no context. The journey would eventually end, and the apprentice and medicine cat found themselves at the entrance of the cave.

"Follow my tail. It's dark." Plunging into the darkness, Burdockroot didn't hesitate and followed her paws through the winding cave. At this point, it was sheer habit. Eventually, they emerged into the large cave, where the Moonstone had just started to shine.

"Lay down and touch your nose to it. Wake me when you wake up." With another yawn, the mottled cat walked to her usual spot and plopped down, curling into a ball with her tail over her nose. She kept her mismatched eyes open to make sure Badgerpaw did as she was told.

Honestly, Badgerpaw appreciated the medicine cat's short commands - content to follow her in silence as they padded from the camp and out into the territory - and soon, beyond it. She said nothing as she kept her gaze alert, only glancing back at the medicine cat ever few steps to make sure she didn't lose her as she took in the sights. Being away from the territory it...Tickled something within her brain - faint kithood memories of being out beneath the stars before they had made their way back to their camp. Nothing that she recalled clearly, but the memories were there - as jumbled and confusing as they were.

Soon, they reached the entrance of a cavern and as the medicine cat spoke up, the apprentice only managed a nod as she padded after her - eyes trained directly on her tail tip. Her pace slowed however as the two entered into a cavern bathed in moonlight, her eyes widening at the glowing rock. Her ears twitched at the orders - lay down and touch her nose. Simple enough...That was really all it took? She spared a glance over at Burdockroot who was curling into a ball, gaze staring intently at her.

She simply nodded weakly and padded forward, tucking her paws beneath her as she touched her nose to the rock - a shiver running through her at how cold it was. Within heartbeats, she could feel her eyes start to droop, a sudden sleepiness washing over her as she closed her eyes and surrendered to the beckoning darkness.

Badgerpaw found herself blinking a few times as the world around her came into shape. She wasn’t sure what to expect of StarClan - but as she spared a glance around, she couldn’t help but find that it looked rather…Normal - minus the faint stars that made up everything, painting the entire world like how they were scattered across the night sky.

So caught up in it all, she almost missed the entire uncolored form that was sitting on a fallen tree trunk a few tail-lengths away - it's back to her. “Uh,” she started - causing it to shift. Its - his, she could recognize it as a cat now that it moved. Black, gray and even a few patches of white made up its pelt - a large thick mane of fur around its neck. His head turned ever so slightly, a single ear twitch before he flickered his tail for her to join him.

She raised an eyebrow, a little confused but she wasn’t going to say no to StarClan so she padded forward, jumping onto the log and took her seat next to the massive tom. She leaned forward to peer at his face - spotting a nasty scar on his leg, a scar that looked like it barely healed right. One of his yellow eyes was also flanked by scars - but the injury did nothing to lessen the spark within.

As she stared at him, he finally turned his head to look at her - the tom’s expression completely unreadable. He looked…Bored or maybe even annoyed. It made her fur prickle, but she could sense no hostility beneath it and he seemed to blink a few times as he recognized her uneasiness.

“I am Flintshard,” he spoke, giving her a small nod of acknowledgement. “Past leader of ShadowClan.”

Her eyes widen, straightening up a little. A leader? …A retired leader, if she recalled her stories right - he had given up his leadership and passed away as an elder but still. “B-Badgerpaw,” she responded, giving him a long look. Why was she talking to him of all cats? It's just… She wasn’t sure how to feel about it at all.

“I’m aware of who you are,” he retorted, gaze flickering away. “I do keep an eye on my Clan after all this time.” There was a long pause, before his eyes narrowed slightly. “...That was…Rude wasn’t it? My apologies - conversation was never my strong suit.” With no response, as Badgerpaw couldn’t find the words to say anything back, he let out a huff. “Well? Is there anything you wish to know?”

Badgerpaw managed to blink a few times at that, leaning a bit forward with narrow eyes. “Why you? Why me?” she questioned sharply, tail curling tightly around her. “I’m just an apprentice - why isn’t some other StarClan cat here talking to me? Why a past leader?”

There was a pause. “...Would you prefer Bearmask? She was a kind past warrior - often serving as my connection to StarClan when I was leader.” he asked, tilting his head. “Or Freckleface, my mate? Much better with conversation than I - better with knowing emotions. I…” he paused, something almost looking like hesitation crossing his face.

“No, I should answer your question - not offer choices. I…See bits of you within me. Some things, so similar. Others…Different. You, I - our anger is not burning hot like others, ours is cold and focused but you are emotional while I am logical. You do not like strangers - neither do I…But you are better suited to deal with them. But despite this all, there is one thing we hold above all else.”

There was another long pause there, causing Badgerpaw to give him a long stare as he turned to meet her gaze - his eyes unmoving, hard to read but yet…Still warm. “Family,” he finally answered. “For me, there was no higher bond. Family was the most important - I would do anything to protect them…” At that, his ears flickered back, eyes growing cold as his gaze drifted away.

“I failed. Many times. My mother - struck down by the Stars before me. My sister, dying alone within the territory. My mate, slain while I was not at her side… Even my own kits, I was forced to bury. The world is a cruel place - I always knew this but it did not make the pain more easier to swallow when it was my own family I was left to mourn for in my own way.”

Badgerpaw made a face at that, glancing down at her paws. “And…What? Why are you telling me this? That it is…It's pointless to care for family? That I won’t be able to protect them? I…I’m going to fight for them,” she growled softly, jumping to her paws as she spun to stare up at the tom - not caring how much bigger he was than her. “Nothing you or the Stars could say would stop me! They mean everything to me, even my dumb brother!”

The tom was unphased by her passionate vow, simply raising a slight eyebrow at it before a rumble escaped him - though she couldn’t be sure if it was his way of purring or what. “When I learned how cold the world’s thorns truly were - when I felt the pain of grief… I was confused, conflicted. Why did others allow themselves to care when the terrible emotions I was feeling were the price? I was unsure if I wished to risk it all, but found myself allowing it again…And again.”

He turned his gaze up onto the sky. “But when forsaken Stars came down and struck down my mother as a warning, do you know what I did?” A huff escaped him, giving her no time to respond. “I stood against them, because their ‘warning’ served to put the lives of my half-siblings in danger. Because as much as it hurt to lose Thornstar, I would not take the easy path and forsake my siblings.

“You do not know this pain yet, Badgerpaw. It will not be pleasant when you do - you may question it as much as I did. But as I learned, emotions are messy, tricky to understand. Logic may say it's smarter to distance yourself from the sources of pain… But it makes life more…” There was a pause, his head tilting slightly. “Worth it. Every death I witnessed pierced my soul, but I would not trade that pain away if it meant losing the nights I spent with those cats…Content. Happy. I do not know emotions well - but I knew I treasured those ones.”

There was a long silence as Badgerpaw chewed on those words. She…Got what he was saying - that the idea of losing family might terrify her but…Not to waste those days she did have. She stared down at her paws, claws digging into the star-dotted wood beneath her. Not to take these days together for granted.

She remembered how her stomach twisted at her mom being attacked - of seeing her family crumble to the ground of the dog’s paws… She had protected them, maybe she had made a difference, maybe she hadn’t. She had done her best and everybody had survived. …But what if it hadn’t? What if she had lost… She swallowed, not finishing that thought as she looked up at Flintstar.

“I guess…I hadn’t considered that we wouldn’t always…” Her ears slicked back. It was hard to imagine life without them - she loved her family - even if she didn’t know her siblings that well. She knew, ever since that dog fight, that she would fight tooth and claw for every one of them but…The thought that she could fail…? Her shoulders sagged a little, but she jolted as the large tom let out a huff - one that sounded almost annoyed.

“I’m…Sorry,” he sighed, catching her even more off guard. “I knew this would not be easy for you - perhaps I should have chosen my words more carefully. It has…Been… Forever since I’ve done this…Emotional…Conversation. Freckleface and my….Friends here are more used to my poor words.”

Badgerpaw blinked, opening her mouth and closing it a few times. He was…Really apologizing to her? Huh. “It's fine,” she meowed, giving a shrug of her shoulders. “I mean, you are right - about the whole…Thing. I hadn’t considered it, of what I was getting myself into I guess. Caring, as much as I do about them. My…Determination - I hadn’t thought about if I had ever failed or if I wasn’t there or…”

She sighed, curling in a little more on her. “I think that scares me more than anything now - that one day I’ll wake up and I won’t see them around the camp. A-And I get what you are saying, the temptation to…Not care upon realizing how much it's going to hurt. Maybe I would…If I thought I could,” she admitted, a soft weak laugh escaping her at that. “But…I think I care too much. My entire world view shifted the moment I realized I had to protect them. Maybe I can’t protect them from everything but… You are right, the happiness is…Worth it. No matter the pain in the end.”

“...Oh, good,” Flintshard meowed a bit awkwardly, shifting on his paws - large paws tearing at the wood beneath him. “Well then - if you have taken my words to heart, then…I guess we are done here.” There was a long silence between the two as he looked down at her. Badgerpaw stared back at him, before realizing that he was likely waiting for her to just…Wake up or…Something?

“...This is your first time talking to a living cat, isn’t it?” she gawked.

The retired leader gave her a long look - though it was impossible to know if he was bothered by the statement as his expression was the same boredness it was at the start. “I told you, speaking to others is not my strength.”

A huff escaped her. She tucked her paws beneath her, giving a shrug of her shoulders. “Well then, how do we end this?”

“...Not with small talk - I dislike it,” he grunted, his gaze turning to the horizon out ahead. Badgerpaw gave him a glance at that, before she smiled softly.

“Works for me.”

With that, the two of them stared out at the StarClan lit fields in comfortable silence - minus the sound of Flintshard scraping at the wood in a rhythmic pattern. It was beautiful, the way it glimmered and shined. A well-deserved resting place for any warrior, she imagined. She couldn’t help but stare - not even wanting to blink lest it fade from sight. But finally, her vision started to burr and with that dreaded blink…

Silence. Darkness. Then she opened her eyes to the faint glow of the Moonstone. Slowly she adjudged to the new sounds of the waking world, pushing herself to her paws with a stretch of her legs and arching of her back. She turned and padded over to where Burdockroot had curled up, prodding her gently on the shoulder. "Hey, I'm awake," she meowed, thought she paused to glance back at the Moonstone. "That was...Something. I wasn't sure what I expected..." she sighed, before glancing back at the medicine cat. Well, that was that - it was time to head home, wasn't it?