Always Remembered [closed]

Marmalade's heart raced as she bounded through the forest, her dark amber eyes wide with alarm as she searched the underbrush for any familiar or useful-looking paths. ThunderClan's territory was a touch more familiar now; after all, she'd snuck onto it and wandered about three times now. A claw twisted her stomach as she realized this would be the last time. Still, the golden kittypet raced along, her ruffle blue color jingling slightly. She could smell ThunderClan scent strongly now. Was she near the camp this time? Her ancestors had guided her every time she had sought out Mossbloom so far... She prayed they would do so again.

"Mossbloom! It's Marmalade!" she called out, looking around hopefully. Marmalade wished she had brought the rest of the catmint with her, but she hadn't had time. Her pale paws kneaded the ground anxiously.

Mossbloom had been just returning to her den, preparing to sort through the herbs she gathered most recently when a voice caught her attention. "Marmalade?" She whispered, whirling to face the direction the voice had come from and heading towards it. As she dove into the undergrowth surrounding ThunderClan's camp, she searched for the figure she knew would be waiting. The time since their last meeting had held more hardships, but that didn't take from the relief and joy that came with hearing her voice again.

Finally, the golden pelt of Marmalade stood out against the snow, and Mossbloom tumbled into it, sending them sprawling through the snow. Burying her face in her friend's chest, a choked noise escaped her. "Marmalade! You're here! Oh StarClan, you're here... I've missed you so much...."

A few long, anxious moments passed, and Marmalade stood in the snow holding her breath with her ears perked intently. A crunching sounded, and rustling followed, and swiftly the sound was drawing nearer. Before Marmalade had a chance to even acknowledge the fear building in her stomach, a tri-color pelt burst from the underbrush. "Mossbloom!" Marmalade mewed. The kittypet had no time to brace herself for impact before the ThunderClan medicine cat came racing over and crashing into her. With a squeal of laughter and delight, the pair of them both went tumbling into the snow, rolling over each other and gripping each other in a tight, heartfelt embrace. When they came to a halt, Mossbloom was burying her face in Marmalade's chest, and the kittypet found herself licking her friend's ears and neck as the time before.

"I've missed you, too, Mossbloom - I'm so glad to see you. I always am." She could hear the pain creaking away in the poor ThunderClan she-cat's voice, and Marmalade sat up slightly so she could better position herself to brush against and groom Mossbloom. Marmalade's dark amber eyes glimmered with concern as she guessed, "Clan life is still hard... isn't it? More losses?" It was painful on her tongue and in the pit of her stomach. How was SkyClan faring in the cold?

Mossbloom remained where she had landed, allowing Marmalade to groom her as she saw fit, too tired and grief-stricken to move to return it quite yet. She opened her mouth to respond and a cracked croaking noise was the only thing to escape. Shutting it again, she nodded, closing her eyes as she breathed in the scent of her friend before trying again. "Y-Yes... We.... My mo-mother.... was k-killed by a... by a fox. Beartooth... He was found.... Dead the other sunrise... By Oak-Oakstar and his m-mate, Ferretnose.... She's.... She's expecting kits any d-day now..... I feel so alone, M-Marmal...ade..... I keep... I keep failing them....."

The tears she had been unable to shed following her mother's death, and then Beartooth's came surging to her eyes, and she simply lay on the ground as the quiet sobs escaped her, not sure what to do or where to go. Nothing she had done recently had saved her clanmates, in a seemingly endless stream of death. Sniffling as she felt what little energy she had escape with her tears, she looked up to Marmalade. "What... What about you? How are things with the two- twolegs?" One of them had to be doing okay, right? Marmalade looked well, her pelt sleek and shiny. The faint scent of herbs still wafted from her pelt, comforting the younger she-cat.

The silence of the snow-blanketed forest stretched over the two healers for an uncountable span of time. Marmalade almost wished it could have been moons: that she would close her eyes in the warm, enlightening presence of her companion, and she would open them to the snow having melted and the dangers having passed and the grief having eased and to all of the forest existing in peace and calm. It was only moments, though. The cool leaf-bare breeze ruffled Marmalade's fur and Mossbloom's as they sat in the quiet. At last the ThunderClan cat tried to answer her friend's question, but the words died in her throat. "Shh shh..." Marmalade murmured soothingly, brushing her nose against Mossbloom's ear.

The calico found her voice at last, but her speech was stammering and choked as she struggled against the grieving that gripped her. As soon as the words came out, Marmalade sank down with a heavy, mournful sigh. Falconwing had fallen, killed by a fox. Long ago, at Flintfang's death, Marmalade had learned the truth about Mossbloom's origins - that Falconwing and Flintfang weren't her blood parents. They were her kin, though, by choice, and the kittypet knew how horribly painful it must have been to lose the warrior so soon. The next loss, however, even struck Marmalade. "Beartooth.... He was found... dead the other sunrise." "No... Beartooth..." The golden tabby felt her breath catch, and she pulled Mossbloom in closer for both of their comfort. As the medicine cat grew choked with grief and self-blame, Marmalade nuzzled her fiercely, rumbling, "Sshhh. It's okay, Mossbloom. It isn't your fault - none of this is. You're not alone."

For another long while they sat in the quiet forest, Marmalade listening attentively to their surroundings while Mossbloom wept and let her grief flow. The kittypet quietly soothed her friend, grooming her shoulders and nuzzling her. After some time Mossbloom sat up again, her face streaked with cold tears that had fallen into the snow. When the calico asked for updates on Marmalade's life, her stomach dropped slightly, and she glanced to the ground to shuffle her paws once. Oh, Mossbloom, I'm so sorry, Marmalade thought, her eyes sad as she looked back up. I don't mean to leave you alone, too. "I'm doing well. My twolegs are doing well. That's... That's actually why I came here. I promised you I would come back again and see you again, and I... well, I didn't want to break the promise." She took a deep breath, and then she said softly, "I'm leaving the forest, Mossbloom. The twolegs have been emptying the nest of everything - their nest materials, the soft ledges, their colorful pelts, even some of the things they seemed to have brought for me - and all the kittypets have said that it means the twolegs are leaving the nest for another one. They said... They said my twolegs will take me, too, if I let them.

And..." Marmalade broke her gaze away. "I think I want to go with them."

"I want to believe that I'm not alone, Marmalade, I really do.... But everyone I thought would always be there keeps dying and I can't do anything to stop it.... I don't want to be helpless to aid a cat anymore... What use is my training if I can't even do that?..." Mossbloom's voice crackled, crinkling with pain and regret and grief. For a long time the two sat in silence, a silence that was like a balm on the lacerations surrounding the medicine cat's heart. Finally her tears slowed as Marmalade spoke again, and she listened with perked ears as she spoke of her twolegs. Her head tilted in confusion as Marmalade stated she was leaving the forest, of course she was, she already had, she lived in Twolegplace now. What a weird thing to say when she had already known. What followed though made the pit in her stomach yawn ever wider, her eyes widening to match.

Oh. Marmalade was leaving. Leaving, leaving. Like the forever kind of leaving. No longer would Mossbloom hear her voice echoing through the forest, or smell her scent, so delicately balanced between sunshine and fallen leaves and herbs. No more promises to see each other. No more checking in, no more talks, no more friend to turn to. Mossbloom's breath caught in her throat as she looked to the ground, head lowering as her tail curled in close. "I... I see.... Thank you, for coming to tell me.... I... I hope that your new nest is as warm and comfortable as your current one, and that you are happy there. I hope the other cats are nice, and that you become friends with many of them. I...." A sob broke through her words, quickly covered as she clenched her teeth and continued. "I hope that you stay safe, like you promised me before. Take care of yourself, Marmalade, and may StarClan light your path always. I hope we see each other again someday."

All the while that Marmalade spoke and explained why she had come, she could see the realization settling on Mossbloom's face, and with each word the understanding and devastation in the widening deep green eyes of her friend became clearer. She couldn't bear to see that pain on her friend's face again, couldn't bear to be the source of it again... yet that was the choice she had made, keeping a promise but still breaking a heart. Hadn't Mossbloom suffered enough without Marmalade adding to it? Marmalade broke her dark amber gaze away, selfishly wishing to avoid seeing the pain that she knew she was causing. She would never be able to forget it, though. She would remember her dear friend for all her days, and she would carry the she-cat's joy and sorrow and friendship until she found her way to the stars. She could only pray that one day, when she thought of Mossbloom, she could see more than a heartbroken face.

From the corner of her gaze, Marmalade could see the calico drawing her tail close. Her response was quiet, choked and formal. The gratitude was tainted with sorrow. It withered the edges of the kittypet's resolve, and, uncertain of whether she would be received or shunned, the golden tabby moved forward, pressing her shoulder against Mossbloom's with all the support she could. When the ThunderClan cat's voice cracked with a sob, Marmalade leaned forward to try to lean her forehead against hers, murmuring softly, "Oh, Moss..." The she-cat continued and Marmalade listened, nodding intently. As soon as she went quiet, Marmalade replied with a husky tone, her eyes beady with tears. "We will see each other again, Mossbloom," Marmalade stated firmly.

"You remember, on the lake shore - StarClan had been quiet for so long, left behind in the forest we were torn from. We looked for them. They found us, though. After all that time they were looking for us, too, and they found us. They found me, and they found you, and they brought us home," the golden she-cat continued, her voice softening slightly. She sniffled and felt her lip quiver as a tear rolled off her cheek. "They will always bring us home. I know they will. I followed the stars once, and... and I'd follow them for a thousand lives to find my way back to you. I'll see you again... s-someday." Marmalade had to close her mouth to keep back a whimper, looking sadly at Mossbloom and edging away just a pawstep. She didn't want to go, but if she didn't go now, she never would. "I will always remember you. I love you. Stay... Stay safe."

Mossbloom didn't pull away as Marmalade pressed her head to hers, although a mocking voice in the back of her mind taunted her for not doing so. Placing gentle pressure into the gesture, Mossbloom tried desperately to hold back the tears, to fight the growing lump in her throat. Marmalade stated that they would see each other again, and Mossbloom clung to those words even as it felt like she had been swept away in the flood waters once more. It was funny, almost, that Marmalade brought that up now as she was thinking about it. However, Marmalade brought up a different aspect, instead of the uncertainty and turmoil of the flood waters she mentioned the certainty and absolute that had been StarClan through those days, over all of those tail lengths.

Marmalade spoke the truth, and the ThunderClan medicine cat nodded through tears. They would remain, they had to. And as long as both she-cat's followed them, they would cross paths again. That was how it should be - how it had to be. She couldn't bear the thought of anything otherwise. Raising her head with a broken smile, but a genuine one, her green eyes met Marmalades. "I look forward to that day with all of my being. You will never be forgotten, and I love you too... You... You stay safe as well." Her voice cracked as Marmalade stepped away, but Mossbloom remained where she was, letting her go.

Warring between the selfish voice demanding she beg, plead, Marmalade to stay, and the heartbroken one trying to convince her to give up and run away, far away, to a place that didn't have heartbreak and death and moving on, and the hopeful one that whispered everything would be okay, Mossbloom waited, watching after her friend as she continued down the path she had started those moons ago when she first left SkyClan.