meme police
Characters : Antkit, Dipperkit
Clan/Rank : ThunderClan/kit, ShadowClan/kit
 
Number of posts : 1976
Age : 22
 | | Subject: SwordsMan Review Thu 14 Jun 2012 - 19:44 | |
| Yea...That...Horrible story...More will come, though!
Constructive criticism only, please! No noob talk, and no just telling me you liked it or didn't. Explain, so I can get better. ______________________________________  Art credit to Grey. |
|
Honey
Number of posts : 1655
| | Subject: Re: SwordsMan Review Thu 14 Jun 2012 - 19:50 | |
| *noob talk* ______________________________________ - Spoiler:
[23:50:34 23/05/2015] Honey Desu~ : grey
[23:52:01 23/05/2015] Grey : honey
[23:53:56 23/05/2015] Honey Desu~ : GREY
[23:54:39 23/05/2015] Grey : HONEYYY~
[23:55:37 23/05/2015] Honey Desu~ : GREYYY~
[23:56:21 23/05/2015] Grey : NNNNGH HONEY-CHAN~~~
[23:57:16 23/05/2015] Honey Desu~ : NNNNGH GREY-SAMA~~~
[23:57:40 23/05/2015] Grey : NNGH TAKE ME OUT FOR DINNER HONE~~
[23:58:31 23/05/2015] Honey Desu~ : NNGH HOW ABOUT NO GREY-SAMA~~
[23:59:10 23/05/2015] Grey : BUT HONEY-CHAN I LOVE YOU~~~
[23:59:53 23/05/2015] Honey Desu~ : BUT GREY-SAMA THAT'S THE ALCOHOL TALKING~
[00:00:14 24/05/2015] Grey : BUT I'M NOT DRUNK HONEY-CHAN~
[00:02:08 24/05/2015] Honey Desu~ : BUT I DRUGGED YOU GREY-SAMA~
[00:03:50 24/05/2015] Grey : NO YOU DIDNT HONEY~
[00:06:05 24/05/2015] Honey Desu~ : OH, I DIDN'T DO THAT YET, GREY?~
[00:06:31 24/05/2015] Grey : OOOOOOOOOOOH
[00:06:55 24/05/2015] Grey : NOPE, BUT DO IT HONEY AND TAKE ME UNF~
|
|
Sunny
Clan/Rank : RiverClan Warrior
 
Number of posts : 1492
Age : 22
| | Subject: Re: SwordsMan Review Fri 15 Jun 2012 - 5:54 | |
| *applauds* I love your writing style, and your characters, but try adding more detail. You did a good job on the people and sound, but try describing, say, the town square that the people gathered in. The look of it, what the recisived swords style was. Try not to simply say "swords." Try to discribe them. Also, what region where the people from? If you do this, you will find your writing sounding better, and being a bit longer without have totally different things in them. ^^ ______________________________________ Amberheart, she-cat of RiverClan (Warrior, alive)- Spoiler:
Mystic, rouge she-cat (Alive)- Spoiler:
Streamclaw, she-cat of RiverClan (not alive yet)- Spoiler:
Blue----, she-cat of RiverClan. (not alive yet)- Spoiler:
Epic Rain-made avatar - Spoiler:
|
|
Sleepy
Clan/Rank : RiverClan
 
Number of posts : 9738
Age : 25
| | Subject: Re: SwordsMan Review Fri 15 Jun 2012 - 12:51 | |
| It's an interesting premise and I'd like to see it continue. I especially like the culture and setting you've created with it.
I can't really say anything about the characters quite yet, I've hardly gotten to relate with them and it's only the first chapter after all, so I'll save that for later.
In fact, I can't really say anything at all. Oh well, I'll try.
While I like the social structure of this place, I still don't quite get why the Swordsman is treated so highly despite the fact that they wield swords and no one else can. Your vocabulary is good, I suppose, though a little bland.
Also, try to divide it into paragraphs. I found it rather hard to read when it was like that ;u; ______________________________________ ‹‹ former site administrator ››
pm me |
|
meme police
Characters : Antkit, Dipperkit
Clan/Rank : ThunderClan/kit, ShadowClan/kit
Number of posts : 1976
Age : 22
| | Subject: Re: SwordsMan Review Fri 15 Jun 2012 - 18:11 | |
| Thanks for information guys! I really appreciate this! I'm about to start working on Chapter 2, but he probably won't be done for a while..dance recital basically all day tomorrow, but I'll try to finish Sunday. Whenever I can! ______________________________________ Art credit to Grey. |
|
Sponsored content
| | Subject: Re: SwordsMan Review | |
| |
|
