an ending, a beginning [open]

What little of the marsh territory Bubblebeam had seen over the former border had not really prepared her for the walk she had just gone on. The thin deciduous trees changed quickly to thick sprucey conifers, and the relatively firm ground quickly gave way to mud so squishy and slippery that she'd nearly slipped several times. The stench that she recognized from Gatherings rose into her nose with every step, and she only managed to bear it by reminding herself how many times she'd caught that same scent from a warm embrace rather than cold pine needles. Eventually, though, she made it--though she knew that the journey would be the easy part. Now would be the first of many difficult tests to pass. From here on, she was an outsider, an interloper. A curiosity at best and an enemy at worst. Hopefully a trusted Clanmate to some... but she knew that many would never trust her. She would just have to come to terms with that. Glancing around at the unfamiliar scenery, though, her eyes could not rest on any one place. She felt very truly alone in this strange camp, coated with brambles and full of suspicious glances.

Wordlessly she followed Leopardstar into the center of camp, hardly able to hear the names that the leader called out. She sat down on the odd terrain and swept her bushy tail over her mud-stained paws. This entire scenario felt unreal, almost like a dream. Maybe any moment she would wake up back in her nest alongside Sorrelmist and Ploverwing and Hemlockfox. Her mind felt oddly blank, probably overloaded by the simultaneous relief and worry and anxiety that had been flooding her senses ever since the Gathering. Bubblebeam hoped quietly that only the cats Leopardstar asked for would come. She did not know whether she had enough presence of mind to be stared at right now. Though of course, she knew that was not something that she could dictate. Everything from here on out was startlingly outside of her control.

--

Hedgepaw was accustomed to the leader's voice summoning the entire Clan, but to hear only a few specific cats named--and for most of them to be her family members--piqued her interest immediately. She peeked around the edge of the apprentice's den, and then immediately withdrew back behind it in shock. Who was that? Leopardstar had brought back a cat she didn't know! Was it a nomad, like Cherish and the others? Or maybe a rogue like Fishpaw? Fear of the unknown tingled in her paws, but her curiosity got the better of her, and she stole another hidden glance. The she-cat might have looked scary, with the massive scar over her eye, if not for the fluffiness of her gray pelt and the nervous twitching of her whiskers. She was so fluffy. She didn't smell like Fishpaw had, though, not from this distance anyway. What was a new cat doing in camp? Was she going to join, or just here to visit? Hedgepaw stayed at a distance for now just to be sure, but kept watching. Whoever this cat was, Silverhawk and Hawkmist and Mamma Pine would sort it out. They were the smartest cats that she knew.

Having gotten back from training, Briarpaw sat near the apprentice den grooming the mud from her short fur. Bright green eyes glanced up at the sound of her mother's voice carrying across camp, curiosity burning in their depths as Leopardstar called for several of the warriors and Sablestrike to speak with her. The gray she-cat who padded in behind the leader wasn't one she recognized beyond the somewhat familiar scent that emanated from the border of highpine - a Skyclanner, evidently. What could she want with Shadowclan?

Briarpaw did not move from her spot, but she eyed the stranger with a mix of wariness and curiosity. If this was important, Leopardstar would tell them soon enough.

Swiftheart scented skyclan before even seeing them and if it werent for Leopards words she was about to have raised alarm about it.

She watched with curiosity as this new cat seemed to be led in by their leader.

She gave a friendly wave of her tail to Bubble though she doubted she would be seen amongst all the curious cats that seemed to be gathering now.

Whenever Leopardstar’s voice filled camp, no matter the reason, Nettleweaver’s pointed ears stood at attention. It was rare she asked for him or wanted his involvement, but being clued in didn’t hurt. He wasn’t very clued in though, often she’d yell out and then take her little club someplace else and he’d be left in the dark, prodding mournfully at the mud like it held a petal to whatever secrets they were gossiping about. If it weren’t for the scent of SkyClan that swiftly followed the spotted leader, he would have assumed it was just another of those such occasions. With a yawn, he rose from his place in the shadows and approached closer. The warrior’s mismatched eyes instantly snapped to Bubbkebeam, completely ignoring the cats, regardless of his opinions of them, that Leopardstar had called forward and herself. Right now, the SkyClanner was the most interesting thing in the world. Before he’d seen her he would have guessed it were Wolfstar instead, here on leader business or whatever. He also wouldn’t have expected the SkyClan leader either if he was being truthful, especially given how Leopardstar was determined to push away any potential allies. It was all very surprising.

Nettleweaver did feel a little bad for staring so intensely, it wasn’t nice and as always he wanted to be her friend. Wanted to know all about her, like he did with everyone. He knew something already, the molly was Silverhawk’s friend. They always sat together at the gathering. The white tom saw them talking, like he’d talked to Vinecrawler or Asmodeus. It made him happy to the grey warrior in ShadowClan camp, and it wasn’t just because he was excited to unravel whatever secrets she had about SkyClan or herself, but for his friend. If Bubblebeam were joining them (hopefully!) then surely that would make Silverhawk happy, and Nettleweaver only wanted the best for his friends. He wished he was as lucky as the tabby tom, it would be nice if any of his friends decided they’d like to settle down in the marsh. Leopardstar let anybody into their clan - which wasn’t a bad thing to Nettleweaver.

Sunflare’s eye happened to be caught not only by the newcomer, but also by Nettleweaver for some reason. Something about the angle of the younger tom’s head, his posture, the way he smiled… huh.

Anyway, this was an important event. Sunflare approached Leopardstar. “I understand this is not my conversation,” he mewed. “But if you need me for anything, don’t hesitate to ask.” He turned and walked away to sit near Nettleweaver. For no particular reason.

Standing alone, standing here surrounded by strangers in a distinctly unfamiliar camp, still didn't make Bubblebeam question her decision--but she couldn't deny the way that her fur prickled uncomfortably with each and every added set of eyes staring at her, and the cold and commanding voice of Leopardstar calling out over the evening air. However, the raw edge of anxiety found itself soothed in a moment by the appearance of two cats. First... Silverbird. A pair of forest green eyes sought hers, before sliding casually away to look at his Clanmates. But after the frequency of their meetings, she knew him. She saw the way that his eyes kept darting back to hers, the way that his whiskers twitched as if holding a calm facial expression through great difficulty. Even sitting further away as he was, his presence washed away the harshest fears lingering on the edges of her consciousness. Then, not far behind him came Hawkmist, his lanky, ghost-like form appearing as if an apparition. His yellow gaze met hers, and then... the smile. That smile, so brief, but so honest and natural and full of so much undisguised care and warmth that Bubblebeam couldn't help but reciprocate. A small answering smile crept onto her face, directed first at Hawkmist, then at Silverbird, and even briefly shown to the belatedly-recognized Pineblossom before she schooled her face back into seriousness at Leopardstar's tone. This had only begun. She'd done her part as well as she could. Now she had to hand over the burden to her friends and hope that their eloquence did not fail them. It was out of her paws for now.

The way that the ShadowClan leader spoke to the three cats she'd named, the unnaturally even tone with such stern and even heartless words, nearly made Bubblebeam flinch. They hadn't done anything wrong--why was Leopardstar so upset with them? Was simply speaking to cats across the border cause for such harsh verbiage? Well, maybe she and Silverbird had crossed it once or twice, but certainly no one else knew that. She'd never understood the condemnation of the bonds of friendship across Clans, and she saw now the results, and their consequences. With the careful attention she paid, she couldn't miss the way that the two toms reacted. It was impossible to miss the way that Silverbird's shoulders tightened uncomfortably, eyes narrowed, or the lashing of Hawkmist's tail and the pinning back of his ears. They were being scolded for her treachery. They were bearing this indignity for her sake. It wasn't fair. And... she couldn't unhear the words directed at her, either. Was this what Leopardstar thought of her... and what Gramma Wolf thought, too? Was that all she was? Someone who couldn't be trusted to abandon others, no matter how much they cared about her. An oath-breaker, a traitor. Not just an outsider, but an enemy. They weren't unwarranted labels, but they stung. Bubblebeam kept her back straight, even when her paws trembled. She wouldn't back down from this. She would contain her cowardice. She'd known this would be hard. She could take it, if she had to. But the worst part was that, as true as those words were, she couldn't stand how they were being used against her friends.

Silverbird and Hawkmist didn't deserve this embarrassment, this punishment just for being associated with her. They hadn't done anything wrong. They had never been anything but kind and caring to her, moreso at times than even her own family, and this was how she repaid them? By showing up in their camp and destroying the trust that their leader had placed in them? How could she do this to those who had never shown her anything other than unconditional gentleness and goodwill? If not for the many assurances they'd given her, she might have opened her mouth to take it back, to beg that they'd never done anything wrong and she had only mistakenly called their names. But she could not take it back--it would be a disservice to the sacrifices they'd already made. So she locked her teeth together, but the anguish deep in her light green eyes at the pain she caused the two toms who meant so much to her was impossible to disguise.

Leopardstar finished her part, with her threat hanging lowly in the air, tension bearing down on the small group like the pressure of an oncoming hailstorm. First Pineblossom spoke--the cat that Bubblebeam knew least. The stocky senior warrior's words were eloquent and well-spoken, sensible and intelligent. She could see why a cat like her would be placed on the "council," whatever that meant in a context like this. As always, the resemblance to Rainfrost was palpable--though thinking of her uncle admittedly sent a pang to her heart, remembering the last conversation that they'd had. She shook it off to focus on the here and now. Time for reminiscence later. Quietly she decided that once this was all over, if it ended in a way that allowed such a conversation, she ought to thank Pineblossom profusely for being willing to speak up in her defense. The points that she brought up were all good ones, even though they'd only met once. She didn't quite miss the insinuation that Leopardstar was correct to be so hostile to her Clanmates--a thought that Bubblebeam vehemently disagreed with, though she had no place to say such a thing--but that may have been nothing more than a gesture to placate the angry leader. All in all, it was a good beginning to this conversation, despite the bumpy way it'd started, but Pineblossom could only do so much. After all, she was only there because Silverhawk was her son. It was a motherly kindness and nothing more. The two who'd really invited her here would have to take on the brunt of the explaining. Despite all her desperate desire to help, the soft gray-furred warrior could only bite her tongue and stay silent. They had to speak now. She had to trust them.

Silverbird met her eyes. Through her gaze, even with the contained stress and worry and pain, Bubblebeam did her best to give him the slightest of nods. You've got this. He could do this. He'd charmed her effortlessly; surely his eloquence would not fail to ease Leopardstar's mood. If anyone could do such a thing, it was him... though she hated having to force his paw like this. But something behind his handsome face tightened, and after one last glance at Hawkmist--and something passed between them that she knew she would likely never understand--he spoke, and his voice remained as smooth and warm as it had ever been. The apology must have been difficult, but it was the words after them that felt like a physical blow against her aching heart. "I hadn’t expected her to come so soon." Was all this animosity entirely her fault, then? Perhaps if she'd managed to suffer through a few more days, then this meeting would have been easier for all involved. Had her weakness ruined some well-laid plan of his? Maybe he had been frustrated with her appearance, even angry that she'd messed it up. She should've waited. He was being yelled at by his leader, and it was all because of her. With or without Ploverwing's death, she ought to have remained in her stasis for a while longer. She'd done it for so long; what would a few more days be? Of course, it was far more likely that she was overthinking this, looking for some explanation for the many uncomfortable sensations pressing outwards on her frame from deep inside her. But it seemed as likely an explanation as any.

Still, she swallowed the many conflicting emotions, and soon another one joined them--the buzzing heat that always accompanied any interaction with Silverbird. Even when speaking to someone else, the merest hint of his voice made it feel as if something fluttery and feathered had been trapped inside of her chest. His eyes seemed to leave a path of fire where they traced her form, looking at her ugly blemishes and scars as if they were flowers adorning her pelt, a decoration instead of a deformity. After everything she'd done to him, how could he still look at her like that? And the compliments that he laid at her paws! Though this was the entire point of their agreement--that he would convince Leopardstar to take her in--it suddenly took every part of Bubblebeam's willpower to keep her face straight. Smiling foolishly at flattery would not do her any favors. And yet... and yet. If he truly thought even half those things of her, how could she bear it? She was not intelligent, and the word "formidable" had certainly never been applied to her before, not with her string of catastrophic failures and pathetic, sobbing uselessness. Talent did not seem quite honest, either, if she were to say it of herself. But she could not say anything in her defense against either the brutally stern or the undeserved praise. She kept her tongue glued to the roof of her mouth, even through the blood-burning frustration she felt towards the necessity of his apologies. I'm so sorry, Silverbird. I'll make it up to you--I promise.

Then her eyes locked onto those of Hawkmist. Piercing yellow, gazing right through her. The first time they'd met, the angles of his face had seemed so hard and powerful. How did they now make such an expression? One of longing, of shared stress, but of strength derived from her presence? Just like the way that she felt bolstered, like the rough bark of a tree pressed into her shoulders to keep her standing tall, simply by seeing him. The bond of friendship they shared--that was the word, right, for this flame that sparked within her every time she thought about him?--softened his edges, just as it kept her balanced. Thank the stars he was here. He turned finally to say his piece. Though his voice carried none of the suave charisma of Silverbird's, nor the plain, practical logic of Pineblossom's tone, something about the gruffness tempered by his quiet honesty had a kind of pathos all its own. Bubblebeam listened intently, near-awed by how the normally growly tom spoke with such respect when it had become sincerely necessary. She saw the way his ears flicked, and how his fur barely kept from bristling with effort, but he did it. And he did it for her. He--all three of them--had done this for her. No one had forced them to. They'd decided to stand by her, an outsider, an enemy, when it actively caused them humiliation and a loss of respect. Renewed, her adoration for Silverbird and Hawkmist only grew, and her esteem for Pineblossom did as well. All three of them had done so much for her. She would repay this debt for the rest of her life, if they let her.

Finally the three had said their piece. Though perhaps it would be more prudent for her to remain silent and allow their well-said words to linger in Leopardstar's mind without complicating it further, Bubblebeam could no longer swallow back the mixture of gratitude and remorse and guilt and nervousness that boiled within her. "What they've said is true," she said, willing her voice to stay calm and not shake. Pale green eyes locked onto the immovable form of Leopardstar. "I was going to leave SkyClan anyway. Silverhawk and Hawkmist had become my friends, not because any of them did not care for their Clan, but because their good qualities drew me to them. We spoke only at the border and at Gatherings. My conversation with Pineblossom was only by coincidence. The three of them broke no rule, that I know of, and they have nothing to apologize for--I'm the one who came to beg for acceptance. They graciously offered to assist me out of the goodness of their hearts, not because they had to. They chose to be honest because they respected you, and they wanted to give me a fair chance." The words she'd been keeping inside came tumbling out in their regular fashion, over and over each other in a way that she hoped remained coherent, even as she hated the fact that she couldn't sound as sure of herself or concise or sensible as her friends. "I would've left SkyClan--I couldn't stay there any longer--and I could've gone anywhere--but because of them, I came here. But I'm not staying just because of them. I... I want to have a home that I can choose for myself, and I've chosen here. I'll work hard, I'll fight, I'll do whatever I have to. That's better, I think, than remaining in one place just because I was born there even though I feel no bonds of loyalty. Choosing ShadowClan means that I, I'll be more dedicated to it than I would've been if I took it for granted, so I'll do my best. Whatever you say. Just don't be mad at them, please. If you're going to punish anyone, it should be me. They didn't do anything wrong. They said that you're a fair leader, and this would be a good place to live, because they love ShadowClan. I... I want to love it, too, like them. And I will. Just give me a chance." Bubblebeam cut herself off before her pleas could grow any more desperate and hurt her case. She stood stone-still, tension in her frame so tight that she couldn't even flick the end of her fluffy tail. If she were to be cast out she'd have nowhere to go, and Hawkmist and Silverbird would have borne this disgrace for nothing. She had to be accepted.