Too Old to Love the Light, Too Young to Give Up on the Night [C]

Falconmoon slipped out of Skyclan territory without incident, thank the stars. Thymelight accompanied him, though he said very little until they left Skyclan's borders behind them. His heart was racing and he swallowed hard. There was so much that could happen tonight. So much. Thymelight wasn't prepared for anything she was about to hear, and Falconmoon wasn't sure he was prepared to tell her. A blue bird flew over them, the same one he saw right before the battle between Riverclan and Skyclan. A kingfisher... that's what that was. A bird that ate perch fish... though Bird had not been successful in obliterating Perchstar's existence from the forest. Only the idiot leader of Thunderclan that should never have been there to begin with. It was a welcome distraction even if it had been a fleeting one. It was time... There was no point in delaying it further.

"So... what I wanted to tell you, only Wolfstar knows now. Seeing as we're going to Highstones to speak to Starclan, there is no way I'd be able to hide it from you. I'm sorry it took as long as I did to say anything... I was very afraid. I still am. I have to one day explain all of this to my family and I don't know how." He hopped easily over a small creek that ran through the landscape. At least the sky was clear tonight. No clouds, no threat of a storm. The stars were plainly visible, as was the sliver of a crescent moon.

"I am going to tell you a bit of Skyclan history that no one in Skyclan wants to talk about or remember. It all ties into me and who I am. Many seasons ago, the warrior you know as Bloodstrike had his first litter of kits with a she-cat named Smokefeather. Beechkit was in that litter, the one you knew as Beechfang, but she had siblings. Two sisters and one brother. Her sisters were Primrosekit and Dustkit, her brother was Dawnkit." The tom flicked his paws as the wetness of the land began to soak into his fur. They must be passing through a remnant or extension of what would have been Riverclan territory. Had it flooded recently, or was this dew? Movement off in the distance caught Falconmoon's attention. A warrior patrol.

He waved his tail high, showing that he was acknowledging them and he wasn't here to cause problems. "Going to Highstones with our medicine cat." He called out to them. The patrol must have been satisfied, because they went back on their way and gave them no further issue. With that out of the way, he returned his attention to Thymelight.

"Dawnkit would one day become Dawnhawk and would betray Skyclan, for his own selfish reasons. He joined a rogue army called the Asylum, and he killed many Skyclan cats in his quest for power. He even ordered that Bloodstrike be imprisoned at Fourtrees for an entire leafbare. That's why Bloodstrike looked the way he did when you met him. Dawnhawk killed or imprisoned any and all opposition to him, even coercing the previous Wolfstar into naming him as the deputy. He murdered his kit sister in the nursery in a fit of rage over something cruel his mother SMokefeather said to him. He fought Beechfang, left wounds on her and killed a member of the Asylum to make it look like the Asylum cat had killed the kit, that Beechfang tried to stop him and failed, and Dawnhawk was the real hero in that situation for killing the Asylum monster. He threatened Smokefeather to confirm his story or he'd kill the other kits at her belly." His eyes downcast and his tail hung low. The guilt of that situation haunted him even now.

"Eventually the Asylum was overthrown, the truth of what really happened came out, and Wolfstar ordered Dawnhawk to be killed on sight if he was ever seen again. Dawnhawk was a rogue, alone in the world after that. He preyed on the edges of Skyclan territory for moons, targeting any Skyclan cat that he could, but mainly focused on trying to kill Smokefeather, for her cruelty against him. She hadn't been the best mother... and she actually had abused him as an apprentice a few times and even as a young warrior out of frustration. He used that as an excuse to do the horrible things he'd done and would continue to do for as long as she lived. He evaded capture for moons and was responsible for the deaths of cats that weren't part of Skyclan, as the whole forest knew him and had been warned about him. He tried honestly a few times to start over, even disguising himself as a black cat in Windclan and started a family there too. He was found out eventually though, as his fur shed and revealed that he was not a black cat at all. He was white and gold, like me.

When Skyclan found out, they invaded Windclan only to find that he wasn't there. Dawnhawk knew the war was coming, and invaded Skyclan camp that same night to try to kill Smokefeather. He killed an elder, an apprentice and his mentor that night, but not Smokefeather. She had bene out on a walk somewhere when all of this had happened. He kidnapped another apprentice too, ironically named Dawnpaw, who you may have known as Dawnfeather. He didn't hurt her though, in fact took care of her for awhile before bringing her to Fourtrees and releasing her safely. He started a rogue family, trained his kits to fight and to hate the clans, and even defeated Shadowclan in a nasty skirmish after a Shadowclan member had killed one of his sons."

The wind began to pick up as they neared the moor. The ground was less soggy and more grassy. His heart rate quickened.

"Dawnhawk heard a voice one day, a calling, from the Dark Forest. He made the same journey that we are taking now, to Highstones... but there is another set of stones there besides the moonstone. Its called the Night Fangs. It works like the Moonstone does to communicate with Starclan, but instead you'll speak to the Dark Forest. The pathway there is hidden and the ground his sharp. Its painful to get to, discouraging all but those who are desperate to speak with them. There, he met Slatethroat, a Dark Forest cat. Slatehtroat told him of a cat that could speak to both the Dark Forest and Starclan despite not being a medicine cat. He told Dawnhawk to seek her out, and Dawnhawk eventually found her. He earned the she-cat's trust, named Darkglow. Darkglow told him of a vision of the future she had one day, that the stars would be blocked from the sky and the Dark Forest could be released on such a night. With that information, Dawnhawk killed Darkglow so no one could know what was coming. He told Slatethroat at the Nightfangs, and Slatethroat killed Dawnhawk where he stood.

Dawnhawk returned as a Dark Forest cat and renamed himself Morningstar, in mockery of Starclan. He lead an army of Dark Forest cats to Fourtrees where they could take their revenge on the clans gathered there for a gathering. Many died that night, Bloodstar included. Even leaders would not revive with Starclan powerless and gone. He ruled over Skyclan just as he had as an Asylum member, but no one could defeat his undead warriors, nor him. He won. He ordered Beechfang to execute Smokefeather, her own mother, to prove that she would be loyal and obedient or the whole clan would be wiped from the forest." A rabbit scampered by, and Falconmoon nearly gave chase, but remembered where he was. The moor had opened wide before them. Highstones was visible in the distance.

"Morningstar was bored after a few moons of success, and unable to be challenged by any living cat. He lost his drive and his purpose and found out that even after all of this, he was unhappy. He only came alive once Starclan returned, choosing warriors to sacrifice their lives so they could come back and fight the Dark Forest cats. Smokefeather came back, and the two fought. If it hadn't been for Briarthorn stepping in to assist, Morningstar might have still won even that battle. He was sent to the Dark Forest upon his defeat, and he even made a statement that he'd return, that he would never truly disappear."

Wind buffeted the two of them as Highstones grew larger and they got closer.

"Morningstar howled his discontent in the Dark Forest, calling for the Stars to hear him. He argued he had tried so many times to start over and the clans never allowed him a fair chance to be kind. He roared that Smokefeather was the cause, but he had no choice but to act as he did throughout the rest of his life and he was never given a fair shot. He howled for moons in the dark place... until enough Starclan cats heard him that they... brought him to the Mist for trial. Lots of cats stepped forward to speak on his behalf at the trial, some scorning him and condemning him back to the Dark Forest... and others agreeing that he hadn't had a fair shot and that he should get a second chance at life. A vote was held... and Morningstar was granted a new life under the condition that he had no memory of who he was.

Morningstar was reborn into Skyclan. He was born to Wolfblossom... and his name was Falconkit." He paused for a moment and didn't dare look at her. If she chose to stop moving forward, he would stop walking forward too. But he could not meet her eyes.

"My memories of my past life started out as nightmares that I couldn't explain. They plagued me well into my warriorhood until I told Smokepetal to put me under a deep sleep so I could maybe unravel why I had these night terrors. I... regained my memories that night. I know what I did was horrible. If I was Starclan I would never have given me a second chance... yet here I am. I am Falconmoon, but I am Dawnhawk and Morningstar as well.

So now that I have broken the code... I do not know what will happen. I may be struck dead the instant I touch the moonstone, despite all of the good I have done before this. Too many in Starclan want me to die and to be sent back to the Dark Forest, Thymelight. I am so... so sorry that you may end up raising these kits alone, but I thought it was better that you were prepared for the possibility of this outcome."

He could not look at her. Would not. He waited, his voice finally silent. Whatever judgement awaited, he would take it. She had every right to be angry with him. She had every right to shun him.

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thymelight

"she'll walk with springtime wherever she goes."

t3 medicine cat | skyclan | she/her

Thymelight could feel sour bile rising in her throat as she followed Falconmoon out of camp, and left the familiar territory behind them. She disliked this feeling of being shrouded in a cloud of tension. She was terrified to hear the news that he had to share with her, which must’ve been undoubtedly heavy considering how cryptic he was about it back in camp. She kept her eyes glued to her paws until the tom beside her spoke. How dark were these matters? So dark that StarClan themselves were involved? Thymelight clenched her jaw as the words continued to roll out. SkyClan’s history was long and rich. It was full of curves, losses, victories, and setbacks. There were plenty of happy stories, but there were enough horror stories to balance out the amount. The medicine cat knew that she would never truly know about every timely detail of the Clan’s existence, but she had always been determined to learn as much as possible. This time, however, she was frightened. This secret that would soon be hers to keep… there was a possibility that she would never be able to see Falconmoon the same way, and that was the true source of her fear. Not only that, but she would be breaking the promise that she gave to him only a matter of heartbeats ago that she wouldn’t be upset.

Even though her stomach churned almost painfully, Thymelight listened. She had met Beechfang once when she was younger, and she had personally witnessed her death on the battlefield. Was this litter of kits that were born so long ago destined to cause problems for SkyClan? She didn’t understand how Falconmoon was involved in any of this. The vigilant RiverClan patrol that eyed them from nearby made the she-cat shudder, but she offered them a small, polite smile nonetheless.

Dawnhawk… where had she heard that name before? One of the queens had probably used that name in the nursery to scare a few kits into going to sleep on time when she had been younger. It was an infamous name that would forever haunt SkyClan’s dens, and the tabby couldn’t help but frown upon hearing it. It was hard for her to imagine that any cat alive could ever be so uncaring, so cruel, so heartless. No cat was born evil. Something had to have happened to Dawnhawk that caused him to act so maliciously. Half of her heart was sympathetic, but the other half was angry. So many innocent cats had died at his claws, from kits to elders, and that was something that could never be forgiven.

Ah, there it was: the real reason why the tom had become the villain of the story. The way he was raised by Smokefeather was bad enough to create a monster. Thymelight flattened her ears against her head as she thought of her own kits that she was set to bring into the world. They would never know the pain that Dawnhawk’s mother inflicted on him. They would be loved unconditionally.

Dawnhawk, who was now Morningstar at this point in the retelling, had caused trouble for practically all of the Clans. Even the rogues and loners that pledged allegiance to none of the Clans had been wrapped up in the mess that he had created. It made the she-cat feel sick, and extremely grateful that she had not been born and given to SkyClan during a time where he roamed the forest. Her pawsteps slowed down slightly at the mention of a second chance, and then her steps completely stopped. Thymelight listened to his last few words from where she stood. She couldn’t bear to move anymore. The medicine cat needed to process this, but she knew that she didn’t have a lot of time before she had to give a response. The Moonstone awaited them.

When Falconmoon finished, Thymelight remained silent. All that was to be heard were the sounds of nature and the slight breeze. The she-cat’s heart pounded in her chest as she counted every single blade of grass around her paws. If she understood everything that she had just heard correctly, then she knew what she had to say now.

“This is not Dawnhawk standing before me… this is Falconmoon.” She began, finally meeting his gaze with two round eyes of her own. “If what you say is true, and this all happened in a past life, then… you are no longer him anymore. I’d be lying if I said that hearing his name didn’t leave a bitter taste in my mouth, and I can’t say that I’d ever be able to forgive the actions of Dawnhawk, but Falconmoon has done nothing but offer me support and comfort and I do pray that the stars don’t strike you down because I want you here to continue to offer that for me.”

She took a couple of slow steps forward until she was close enough to gingerly rub her head under his.
“I can’t imagine how you must feel everyday, being able to remember what he did as if you did it yourself, having to live with guilt that isn’t even truly your own. You carry such a heavy burden, but please allow me to carry it with you now that you’ve trusted me enough to share this with me. I fell in love with you for who you are, and that will continue to be true. You’ve done so much good for so many. I’d be a fool to be angry… I’m tired of being angry. I feel as if I’m upset with the entire forest for the amount of loss that I’ve had to go through recently, and I need something good. Even if the circumstances are against the warrior code, just know that you are that something good that I’ve hoped for. Don’t be afraid that it will change.”

discord: chuufacts | timezone: est | code (c) kieer

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Too Old to Love the Light, Too Young to Give Up on the Night [C] Ezgif-1-d163073db6

『 thymelight skc t3mc 』

『 smallfawn skc queen 』

『 pantherpounce wc t4w 』

『 cardinalpaw sc app 』

『 deerkit wc kit 』

profiles | heart chart

Falconmoon had been hoping for the best but braced himself for the worst. A few tense heartbeats passed and Falconmoon was almost prepared to just make the rest of the journey in pained silence. She finally began to speak and he finally tore his gaze from the dirt and grass in front of him. His eyes brightened with hope and his heart finally felt like it was beating again after a long pause. The muscles in his shoulders relaxed and his spine stopped being rigid.

A breath escaped him, one he hadn't realized he'd been holding, when she offered to share his burden with him. Had any cat ever offered such a thing? Tarot had been the closest one, and while he held a deep gratitude toward his old friend... he wasn't nearly as pretty as Thymelight. Sorry bud. An odd pressure was suddenly on his eyes as the release of tension coupled with the rise of emotion made them water slightly.

"How...?" He muttered, not even above a whisper, probably a word lost to the breeze. How could she love him still, knowing what she did now? She didn't believe he and Dawnhawk were the same cat, and on many levels perhaps that was true. Two sides of the same coin, but still separate, however slightly. He was something good...

Something good.

He returned her affection by pulling her in close to him with his chin and wrapped his tail around her's. I am not who I was. I am who I choose to be. He affirmed it to himself, Thymelight's words giving him the strength he needed to see it. The ground beneath his paws that always felt so tumultuous and unstable was suddenly solid. Gravity had finally taken ahold of the tom, and he never realized how shaky his footing through life had been until he had been stabilized again. And it was because of Thymelight.

"Thank you Thymelight. I couldn't even begin to describe how much I needed that. Maybe if I had support from other cats, good cats like you back then, maybe I would never have become as lost as I did." Even Sunnyskip, the bright and happy she-cat in Windclan that he had kits with, was upset with him once she found out who he was. He blinked away the wetness in his eyes, not permitting tears. He stood there in silence for a few moments, staring out across the moor and toward Highstones.

Suddenly, they weren't so imposing. Whatever was going to happen, he would not endure it alone. Neither would Thymelight. With a long, slow inhale and exhale, Falconmoon gathered the courage to move his paws again. "Come on." He encouraged softly, gently pulling away from her. "We will face the stars together, whatever may come." He took a few pawsteps forward before he looked back at her, his gaze as soft as baby bird down. "Also, I love you too." How long had it been since he said that? A lifetime ago, at least.

Switching his gaze back to Highstones, he set his paws on the path toward it. He was still nervous, but did not wallow through trepidation like he had so many times before. His expression had a strong determination if not a bit grim. At least he had someone else vouching for him, if the Stars debated destroying him for his transgression. He could do this this time. This time, he would not sink to the ground in terror like a kit.

Spoiler:

thymelight

"she'll walk with springtime wherever she goes."

t3 medicine cat | skyclan | she/her

Thymelight was pleased by Falconmoon's reaction, but she didn't have the amount of time she wanted to truly bask in the moment. She had almost forgotten that they had a reason for coming here, one that she had worried about for quite some time. She was aware that she didn't have the same relationship with StarClan that most medicine cats had. In fact, she would've preferred to avoid them for as long as possible, but she knew that her role made that close to impossible. At least the two cats that she had faced last time had been somewhat kind and open to listening, but StarClan was such a vast entity. There were generations upon generations of cats that lived amongst the stars that Thymelight would never be able to count, and she was sure that plenty of them weren't anything like Bearflower or Graybird. She just had to be prepared to face whoever would be waiting for them with absolutely no regrets.

She silently followed Falconmoon through Highstone's familiar darkness before the Moonstone was finally there to face them, to judge them for the crime they had committed against the code. Thymelight couldn't even remember the last time she had been genuinely happy or relieved to see the brilliantly glowing stone before her. It was always a symbol of impending doom, or so it seemed. The she-cat fixed the Moonstone with a fiery stare, not from anger or resentment, but from determination. No matter how afraid she was of the star's judgement, she refused to let it show.

"We should touch our noses to it at the same time. I just... I can only hope that the stars don't separate us once we are placed into a dream." The tabby whispered to the tom beside her before inching closer to the Moonstone. It was so close that she could almost feel the coldness of the smooth mineral from where she stood. Thymelight glanced over at Falconmoon and nodded a couple of times, silently giving them both a countdown before they finally had to face their fears. Then, sleep consumed her almost as soon as nose and stone collided.

discord: chuufacts | timezone: est | code (c) kieer

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『 thymelight skc t3mc 』

『 smallfawn skc queen 』

『 pantherpounce wc t4w 』

『 cardinalpaw sc app 』

『 deerkit wc kit 』

profiles | heart chart

They passed into the Mothermouth and were engulfed in darkness. His eyes strayed over toe patch of extra inky blackness that would lead him to the Nightfangs. He couldn't help it. It was always there, calling to him. He wondered if he should show Thymelight, but thought better of it and kept moving forward without a word. He would resist the siren's song for now. Light appeared in the dark, soft at first, but grew in intensity as he approached the Moonstone. His breath caught in his throat, but he sighed, exhaling the anxiety that threatened to overtake him. Not this time. Not tonight.

At Thymelight's suggestion of touching the stone at the same time, he nodded. They lie down on their bellies before it... and Falconmoon's forepaw reached out to touch Thymelight's. His tail reached out in kind and laid over her's. If I am to have one body at the Nightfang's and another at the moonstone, I at least want to be in physical contact with someone I love for my last breath this time. Falconmoon closed his eyes, following the silent countdown with Thymelight... then his nose touched the stone along with her's.

* * *

Falconmoon's eyes opened... and all he saw was a set of acidic green eyes glaring back at him. Bloodstrike... the intensity of his gaze, his hatred, the pain that was inflicted upon him for moons by Falconmoon burned with white hot wrath. A rumble was in the air... a rumble that Falconmoon recognized as the infuriated growl of his father.

"How dare you set foot in this place, Dawnhawk." He spat, his tail lashing behind him. His claws were buried into the shimmering grass, ripping it apart without remorse. Falconmoon's heart beat quickly, but he managed to glance to the side to see Thymelight was with him. That was all he needed. His heart steadied itself and his eyes hardened in defiance.

"I am here to show my support for Thymelight as she reconciles with Starclan for her mistake. I am here to reconcile mine too, although my need is not as urgent as her's." Falconmoon spoke, his voice unwavering. His paw was still touching Thymelight's and his tail still touched her's. Bloodstrike gave a brief glance toward the medicine cat and flicked his tail dismissively just as quickly.

"She is guilty of nothing... as are you... regretfully." The massive striped tom finally took a step back and got out of Falconmoon's face. He did not however look any less furious. It was only then that the pale tom looked over Bloodstrike's shoulder and saw Copperfox. Before Falconmoon could say anything, ask any questions, Copperfox stepped forward.

"Yes... about that. Starclan has been conversing about our view on medicine cats and relationships within their own clans. I'll let others explain it. Bloodstrike... take a breath and calm down. Neither of them have done anything wrong and you made it to Starclan by the skin of your teeth as it is."

Copperfox gave Bloodstrike a look, and while it was clear on the large tom's strained expression he was reluctant to do it, he did finally recline onto his haunches and take a breath. He would attack no one... for now.

"What do you mean?" Falconmoon asked. "About Medicine Cats...?" He clarified, not trying to rile Bloodstrike any further. The striped tom, no longer covered in scars or missing a tail or half of his upper lip, already looked like he was waiting for an excuse to rip Falconmoon's fur clean off of his body.

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thymelight

"she'll walk with springtime wherever she goes."

t3 medicine cat | skyclan | she/her

Thymelight had never felt so small and helpless as she waited for StarClan's hunting grounds to reveal themselves to her, and once the clearing finally came into view, she still wasn't able to calmly breathe. She was relieved to see that Falconmoon was still beside her. Facing the stars alone again would've only made her feel worse. The two toms both seemed rather serious. One was angrier than the other, but Thymelight didn't have the opportunity to open her mouth and defend Falconmoon from Bloodstrike's sharp tongue. She was more focused on the faces of the two familiar she-cats that she had seen face to face before.

"Bearflower... Graybird... oh my gosh. I- I'm so sorry. I don't even know what to say, I-" Her words began to spill out like a waterfall, and she couldn't even fully hear the conversation that Falconmoon was having with the toms directly beside her. She was determined to clear her image in front of these two StarClanners that had claimed to be on her side during her last visi. She would've preferred it to be anyone else, anyone that she didn't know. If Graybird and Bearflower were disappointed in her, that would've been a nasty blow.

"You're always apologizing for something. You should really look into breathing exercises." Bearflower's voice was as light and friendly as the first time they had met, but Thymelight was confused. She wasn't supposed to be so chipper. She had broken the code... why wasn't she being reprimanded and yelled at?
Graybird's calm, stoic expression was unchanging. "Those two are right. And so is Bearflower, I guess... in her own way. You did nothing wrong, Thymelight. This is a big change for the forest. Medicine cats haven't been allowed to take a mate for moons, way before I was born, but that rule no longer exists. Well, at least, it doesn't exist as far as StarClan is concerned. We can't exactly stop your leader from condemning the relationship."

"I never understood that rule anyway, like who gives a rat's tail if a medicine cat falls in love with someone in their own Clan? StarClan has always cared about the wrong things. Y'all have bigger problems to worry about down there." Bearflower snorted, rolling her eyes.

"Wait... what? I-" Thymelight wasn't sure what to say. She looked to Falconmoon for guidance, then to Graybird, then to Bearflower. There had to be some sort of catch. It couldn't possibly be this easy, right?

"Why do you always trauma dump on living cats? We get it, you're mad because you're dead." Graybird narrowed her sharp eyes at Bearflower before looking back toward the tabby medicine cat. "You two no longer have a reason to be here. Return to the forest. Do with this information what you will."
"You're so boring..." Bearflower muttered, ...not you two. Obviously I meant Graybird. Sometimes I wonder how we're related at all. But yeah, anyway, you both can wake up now."

Thymelight wanted to speak so badly, but what else could she say? The dream world around her was starting to dissolve, but she wasn't ready to leave. She felt as if there was something missing that she needed to hear, but the stars seemed to be finished with their explanation.

Bearflower's voice echoed in her ears as everything faded into darkness. "Oh, Thymelight, I still think you're pretty cool.

The Moonstone was back in front of her, but Thymelight didn't want to look at it anymore. She backed away from it as if the stone itself had threatened her livelihood.
"This has to be a trick... or a joke... or a- I don't know. I don't know what just happened." The she-cat stumbled over her words as she looked over at Falconmoon with wide eyes.

discord: chuufacts | timezone: est | code (c) kieer

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『 thymelight skc t3mc 』

『 smallfawn skc queen 』

『 pantherpounce wc t4w 』

『 cardinalpaw sc app 』

『 deerkit wc kit 』

profiles | heart chart

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