emotional detour [c]

Subject: emotional detour [c] Tue 5 Mar 2024 - 22:29

Upon his return, Brackenpaw had learnt several things, each more and more shocking. Firstly, all his loved ones had escaped the wolves, and some were more than just alive and well, he glanced at his sister and smiled. Secondly, there had been a great war in his absence. He had known it was coming, but it didn't make it any worse. The war had taken several cats from him and almost a fourth. His smile from the previous thought, quickly became a frown. He wasn't sure how to process it all. Aunt Birdstar was gone, his Great Gramma and Harepaw's mentor was gone, and his mentor, Foxtrot, who had finally recovered from the illness had died days later from his injuries. In fact, he had died the morning of Brackenpaw's return. His heart clenched for all their deaths, especially Beechfang's he had not been kind to her last time they had spoken, and he had hoped to apologise - now he wouldn't get that chance. Thirdly, his siter was a warrior... AND DEPUTY!!! Brackenpaw could scarcely believe it, his Honeypaw, no Honeydew -that's going to take some getting use to- had changed the most out of all his siblings. He really couldn't believe it. Only a few moons ago she'd been so timid, and sweet, and she still was, he didn't think Honeydew had chamged that much, but she was so much more confident. His frown disappeared back to an ear splitting smile, he was so proud of her, but it was a shame he had missed so much. The tom feared he would never stop regretting it, and he was sure once he got round to spending some real quality time with Shatteredsky he receive quite the earful. For now at least, he had a peaceful day ahead of him exploring unfamiliar territory with his sister. A tour of his true home, even though he still thought of the lakes, where his mother was buried, as his home. The forest would certainly take some time to adjust to.

"So... Honeydew, huh?" he mewed, shaking his head "I knew I'd missed a lot, but wow." Brackenpaw inhaled, laughing. "I can't even begin to wrap my head around it! Gosh..." The aprrentice's eyes crinkled shut. "Everything's changed." So, so much had changed. Part of him felt outcasted, having missed so much. It was nice to have been accepted back with open arms, but after learning what had happened he felt like he was undeserving of his place back amongst the ranks of SkyClan. He hated how behind he was, that he was still in the apprentice's den, that he hadn't been there to save Honeydew from the ThunderClanner's claws that had almost caused her death, that in the end fighting the wolves had amounted to a big fat nothing. He wasn't sure if he'd go back and change it though, what if his attack had made a difference, what would undoing it do? It was something he didn't want to find out. He wanted to enjoy today, but it seemed every thought he had was an excuse to spiral, and while good things had happened, they were simply the silver linings to everything awful that had happened.

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Honeydew

Honeydew was excited to have a break and properly visit with her brother since his return. The night before had been a long one, ensuring that his and Ambersun's nests were both made with freshly-gathered moss, and the two had spent some time awake to share tongues. Everyone in the clan thought Brackenpaw had died, but not Honeydew. She held onto the hope of his survival for so many moons, and although she never expected to ever see him again, that alone had been a comfort to her. SkyClan had regained two strong cats.

She padded alongside Brackenpaw now, after he'd asked her to give him a tour of their territory. The she-cat could sense the melancholy behind his words, and she draped her fluffy tail over his back in a comforting gesture, a gentle smile on her face.

"Yes, and though it wasn't too long ago, it feels like moons have passed since I was named a warrior-" she nodded, "-and then deputy," she added, with nearly equal amazement. "It's all happened so fast, you know?" Honeydew reached up and touched her nose to her brother's cheek, a sparkle in her eyes. "But you know, just because things have changes so much, doesn't mean I don't still need my brother." A soft sigh escaped her. "I told Shatteredsky, too, that now I need you both more than ever."

As they traveled, the duo emerged from the treeline and approached the edge of a beautiful stream. Honeydew paused, looking down into the water as it meandered lazily by, as her own two eyes reflected back up at her.

"After all," she continued, "what is a deputy without her loyal warriors?" Her whiskers twitched as she looked back up at Brackenpaw. The deputy was aware that she had some of the clan's support for her new role, but she could not ignore the doubtful eyes she would sometimes notice as she performed her duties in camp. Honeydew's forehead creased with worry.

"This is the Moonlit Creek," she mewed, shaking her head to clear it of those negative thoughts. "It's very beautiful, and it flows through most of our territory. It has very clear, refreshing water."

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"I hope that we can meet again one day, you and I," she mewed, "under peaceful skies."

Love Letter to WCC

Subject: Re: emotional detour [c] Fri 8 Mar 2024 - 20:53

Brackenpaw let out a soft purr as Honeydew touched her nose to his cheek. "You're just saying that to make me feel better," he laughed. He blinked, turning his ayes to Honeydew with a determined look "But, don't worry, I bet within ten sunrises we'll be in the same den again. Just you watch." He hoped it was true, his whole purpose since before he was even an apprentice, or could hunt or fight, was to protect his siblings, now they had all moved on without him. There was so much lost time to make up for. He hadn't hesitated to throw himself back into the clan routine since returning, his dedication even more then before to compensate, but Brackenpaw felt useless all the same.

As the pair broke through the undergrowth, he lifted his eyes to where Honeydew pointed, taking in the flowing stream. She was right, it was very pretty. "If it were warmer I'd love to go swimming... Not that I can swim, but a paddle would be nice." he mewed turning his attention back to his sister "Where to next then, deputy?"

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Honeydew

"No, I'm serious!" she purred back, leaning into her brother's gesture. "Of course I need you. Honestly," she trailed off, her eyes reaching for the sky beyond the canopy of branches, where she knew Thornstalker was watching her. "Being deputy is a little scary, but having you back makes me feel so much... I dunno... stronger. Like back at the lake. I always felt like I could do anything if you were by my side, Brackenpaw." She flicked his ear with the tip of her tail and lightly headbutted his shoulder. "Now that you're back, my paws don't feel so uncertain."

The cream colored she-cat returned her brother's determined look. "Oh I definitely believe it," she chirped back, "And I'll make sure you have a nest right next to mine, just like always," she purred. "Oh - that is, if you don't mind being close to Yewshade and Bubblebeam as well." It sounded like the little knot of nests were about to become even more tightly-woven. The thought was comforting to Honeydew, and she felt her shoulders relax a little. Just like it was always meant to be, she thought.

Honeydew's whiskers twitched at the thought of watching Brackenpaw get his paws wet. Who was he, RiverClan? She giggled, shaking her head. "Alright then, fish-breath," she teased. "Maybe come newleaf we can come back," she suggested, her tone more serious.

The deputy's tail twitched for a moment as she considered their next destination.
"The Moonlit Creek flows right past Halfstone," she considered. "We will go there, but when we get close, be careful. Predators have been making their homes there recently." Honeydew lead the way, padding along the smooth bank of the creek, grateful for the soft bubble of the water passing over the stones, and the chirping of birds in the trees. Her mind quieted, her brother by her side, and she took a deep breath, parting her jaws and allowing the scents of the forest to flow over her tongue.

"Speaking of Yewshade," she mewed softly after a moment, slowing their pace, "He and Mallowpaw have been really supportive since we arrived back at the forest," she explained. "I've bonded a lot with them both, and also Bubblebeam, Myrtlebloom and Thymelight. I've made lots of friends." Honeydew wasn't entirely sure where she was going with this, nor was she sure why her pelt burned so hot while she thought about Yewpaw, and his nest being so close to her's in the warrior's den. "Anyway, I think you should re-acquaint yourself with them," she suggested. "It must be strange coming home to so many cats you knew being all grown up, and some that you've never met." She blinked warmly at her brother. "They're all really good friends, and I think you'd get along with them well. Perhaps we can all go on a patrol together sometime."

Honeydew's paws stopped as she felt pine needles beneath them.
"This is it," she mewed, lowering her voice. "Inside here is Halfstone, so be on guard." Signaling with her tail, she lowered herself closer to the ground, her belly fur just skimming the soft pine needles underpaw. "Recent patrols have mentioned scenting fox near here," she whispered. "If we see one, don't engage it. We will return to camp and inform Wolfblossom, and she will decide if we should send out a battle patrol." Honeydew felt her heart thumping against her chest at the prospect of seeing a fox. Though much smaller than the wolves at the lake, foxes had a narrow snout full of sharp teeth, and long, bushy tails. The young she-care barely suppressed a shiver as they neared the small clearing, where the great boulder jutted out from the earth.

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"I hope that we can meet again one day, you and I," she mewed, "under peaceful skies."

Love Letter to WCC

Subject: Re: emotional detour [c] Tue 12 Mar 2024 - 8:51

Brackenpaw's blue gaze followed his sister's towards the sky, wondering what she was looking at. Whatever it was, he didn't see it. His eyes returned to her, as she continued to stare into the sky's open expanse, wearing a fond but confused look. "I'm biased, but I think we made a pretty unstoppable team too back at the lake." he mewed nuzzling his sister in turn. "I'm not going anywhere, Honeydew. At least I don't plan on it." The tom let out a happy purr, flicking his tail over her back. His smile widened as Honeydew laughed, he'd missed hearing her laugh and her voice so much, he felt so fuzzy and giddy just to be able to talk to her again. While everything that had happened was sad, the corners of his mouth could not turn downward while he was with her. "I won't mind at all, is Shatteredsky's nest not near yours?" The tom's head cocked in curiosity, had they fallen out? His brother had promised him he'd look out for their sister, but his nest wasn't near hers? It was strange.

He'd noticed his brother was notably, quite absent from SkyClan camp, but it hadn't concerned him much upon his return. Shatteredsky was a warrior, he had warrior duties now, and while his brother was always socially inept, this he could excuse. However, now Brackenpaw was beginning to second guess him, they had a pact and if he was never in camp and if he didn't sleep near Honeydew then in the apprentice's absence had he even withheld it? Was this why Honeydew was so changed? Forced to be by a brother that hadn't held his end of the bargain? Brackenpaw had been willing to give his life for their promise back at the lake, maybe that's what Shatteredsky had wanted all along. Brackenpaw to die so he could take his place, and without him he could easily take out Honeydew and Harepaw. He was suppose to be their defender, but this... Brackenpaw shook his head, vanishing the anger and building resentment. He was being ridiculous and paranoid and ruining this outting. Shatteredsky wouldn't do anything of the sort, sure he was like a frog without a pond, but he loved his siblings. Maybe he was just jealous he hadn't been named deputy, pettiness was something he wouldn't put past the flame touched warrior.

"It'll be nice to nice to be back in the same den, and Harepaw grows stronger everyday, he may even join your cluster of nests before I do." laughed the apprentice, but he was serious. Perhaps seeing Harepaw had been the biggest shock, his runt of a brother looked well, really well, taller than him too, but definitely not as muscled. Perhaps one day Harepaw would be both taller and stronger than him, he would like to see that day, but at the same time he dreaded it. Then he truly would be useless. But as quick as he dismissed his ill thoughts about Shatteredsky, he did these - this was no time for moping.

He followed after Honeydew, taking note of her warning, for now at least they were safe. His ears swivelled catching her words. "Predators won't be a match for us, I'm an owl and badger killer, and you're... Well as far as I'm aware an owl killer and deputy, we can handle whatever comes our way." Brackenpaw bumped his flank against hers, still grinning, but the thought of fighting anything still made him queasy, but he knew he was getting over it. His eyes drifted to the scar on Honeydew's flanks. She must have gotten over her fear, so I can too. Though, maybe the war made it worse I mean... The deep scars made him feel lightheaded, how someone could do that to Honeydew he couldn't comprehend it. She was gentler than a mouse and warmer than the sun, why would you want to destroy someone like that. His blood thrummed in his ears. ThunderClan and RiverClan would pay. He kept his face as neutral as someone like him could manage, his brow creasing, but he didn't want to show how he really felt - not when Honeydew was moving on to something else.

Brackenpaw nodded in agreement. "Funnily enough I already planned on getting to know your new friends. I figured I'd eventually end up having to put up with them." he meowed "Some of them I've met already in passing, but others I don't know at all like Yewthingy, you might have to introduce me to them, I feel a bit lost at the moment." he admitted, adverting Honeydew's eyes "Soon, once I'm familiar with this new territory and new clanmates and friends I'll feel better again."

There was a change in the air, and beside him the brindled tom felt the deputy tense. Instantly, he was switching modes, his attention turned fully towards the possible lurking threads. He held his maw agape, scenting the area and each of his foot falls was precise and measured. "I cand definitely smell stale fox." whispered Brackenpaw "Wait, why not?! Why can't we just kill them? Wouldn't it be better if we took out the problem right now?" he raised his voice a little, shocked, as he whirled round to face his sister. "We could totally best a fox now I bet, and then it would be dealt with. If we're capable fighters I don't see why there should be an issue if we do SkyClan a favour. Plus... Wouldn't you like a nice warm fox pelt to match my badger one?" Brackenpaw waggled his eye brows "You know you do, Honeydew, and I can vouch that a pelt is even more comfortable than moss."

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Honeydew

Honeydew's blue eyes locked with those of her brother. He thinks he could take on anything now that he's taken on a badger, she realized, shaking her head.

"And what would happen if there ends up being more than one fox, Brackenpaw?" she mewed quietly after a moment. "Perhaps you're right, and we could both take on one fox together, but what if that fox has a protective mate?" Honeydew's eyes flickered back to the clearing and the boulder, her fur on end. "It would be more wise to approach this with more warriors, just in case," she told him. "Let's skirt around the clearing. Stay alert, see if you can find any more signs of those... things," she spat the last word, visibly shivering.

As the pair circled the clearing, Honeydew couldn't pick up any more signs of the fox. When they reached the safety of the trees on the other end, her shoulders were allowed to relax a bit, and she let out a soft sigh.

"Listen, Brackenpaw," she mewed, turning to him, her expression serious. "I know you're strong, and you were even able to take down a badger while you were out there, StarClan knows where, in the wilderness, but... you're back in SkyClan now, and there's rules. If you ever come across anything like this out there on a patrol, it's important that you return to camp immediately and inform Wolfblossom."

Their pace quickened, back towards the direction of camp.

"Wolfblossom is our leader now," Honeydew sighed. "A lot happened while you were away. Cats have died. What I've experienced... it's opened my eyes. I feel like I can see so much more now. I feel like I finally understand what being a clan is all about." Her steps gradually slowed, until the duo stood in the middle of the well-worn path, dappled sunlight highlighting a bed of tiny blue and yellow flowers poking up through the frost at their paws. The she-cat's whiskers twitched as she bent down to smell them, and let out a small sneeze. "Newleaf is on the way," she murmured. "Along with great changes, to SkyClan, and all of the clans." Her voice was tinged with sadness.

"Do you trust me, Brackenpaw?" she asked her brother suddenly, alarm reflected in her eyes. "I mean, not just as your littermate. Do you trust me as SkyClan's deputy?" Her eyes searched his.

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"I hope that we can meet again one day, you and I," she mewed, "under peaceful skies."

Love Letter to WCC

Subject: Re: emotional detour [c] Sat 16 Mar 2024 - 21:10

Being reprimanded by his sister was a strange feeling, one he didn't like. It felt like thorns dragging slowly across his pelt with every word Honeydew said. This wasn't Honeydew, she had never told him off before. This was wrong. The tom's ears fell back. Even if it was brief, and even light hearted he felt cold. "I was joking, Honeydew. 'No' would have been fine." he mumbled, trailing after her. The excitement of hanging out with his sister ebbed away as they walked back to camp, clearly Honeydew had decided she couldn't trust him any longer, that he was going to do something stupid and hurt them both. That couldn't have been further from the truth. He'd never let Honeydew get hurt. Ever. Had he been gone so long she didn't remember that? Or was the fact she was now deputy a wedge between the two and the closeness they'd shared? Brackenpaw's pelt burned. Why did everything have to change? Why was Honeydew treating him like this?

The two stopped just before camp, the deputy spinning round to address him. Her eyes were hard, the usual colour that she looked at him with gone. Her tone just as cold as before. The thorns from before were now claws, and where they cleaved his heart the anger Brackenpaw had kept buried for so long seeped out. Anger, an emotion he'd never felt towards Honeydew, could never fathom feeling towards her, but this was white hot. How could she treat him like this? He wasn't some newly named completely green apprentice, he was her brother! He'd never been a green apprentice anyways, no, he'd made sure to be well ahead before he earned his apprentice name so he could always protect her and Harespring. The pelt along his spine rose. His mouth opened, preparing to hurl venom at his sister, but she was turning away, already moving on.

Just like that.

She paused again, sniffing flowers, enjoying the beauty the forest offered. This was the sister he knew, but once again that same soulless voice left her maw when she spoke. It was just fact, something she'd tell a random clanmate, not like she was talking to her brother. Then she was addressing him and this time her voice was her own, tinged with fear and sadness. She was asking him for reassurance, like she hadn't just made it pretty clear where he now stood. Bracknpaw's blue eyes blinked as he fought to quiet his anger and give her the answer she deserved. It was a losing battle.

"No." he meowed, tail lashing.

"Not until you tell me what the fox that just was." his lip curled back, speaking having released the dam on all the emotions he had pent up for moons. "Who am I to you Honeydew, fast? Your brother or just another clanmate? Because just then... It felt like you didn't even know me. His words were hot, the opposite to how his sister's had felt to him. "You don't seem to trust me at all, did you forget who I am while I was missing? If you don't trust me, how can I trust you?" hissed Brackenpaw, turning his back on the cream warrior. "I'm not needed here anymore, not by SkyClan and not by you." he finished, the anger fading, leaving his words hollow and empty. It was the truth, he'd lost his place in SkyClan the moment Ambersun had torn him from that wolf.

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Honeydew

Honeydew flinched at Brackenpaw's words, sharp as thorns in her heart. Her eyes rounded and she took a step back. She fought the stinging sensation as her eyes began to fill with tears, attempting to blink them away. Why on earth is Brackenpaw attacking me this way? she wondered, bewildered. What in StarClan's name did I say to upset him so much? Have I really been so careless? The she-cat hung her head, hiding her face from her brother, as the tears she had been fighting back dropped onto the forest floor. Her pelt burned with shame, and her heart twisted with a mixture of confusion and despair. I've really messed up, but I don't understand how...

"I-I'm sorry," she managed to squeak out, her voice shaky. "Of course I trust you Brackenpaw, really," she insisted, "I promise. It's just that..." her voice trailed away as she sucked in a deep breath, images of her own kin flashing in her mind, their eyes murderous, unseeing, blinded by rage. A brief silence enveloped the two siblings as she struggled to find the courage to tell Brackenpaw what had happened during the war.

"...I didn't mean to project my fears onto you, Brackenpaw," she started, sitting on her haunches. Her eyes darted around, looking for anything to focus on except her brother's own eyes, for fear that she would be flooded with guilt and shame yet again, or that the tears would return. "It's just that... while you were away, SkyClan went to war with ThunderClan and RiverClan, and for some StarClan-forsaken reason, I was chosen to go into battle against them," she explained, strength slowly returning to her voice. "As it turns out, long ago, our great-grandmother, Beechfang, had murdered a medicine cat, and RiverClan gained ThunderClan's support against us. I... I wasn't sure how right we were, going into that battle. I had just been made a warrior, and you know how I've always felt about fighting. But that is the oath we take when we're made warriors, right? To protect our clan, even at the cost of our life? And so, I went... even though I didn't believe in the reason."

Honeydew finally gained the courage to meet her brother's eyes, her expression apologetic.
"Before the battle, I wanted to talk with Falconmoon, but he was... different. Distant, somehow. He wouldn't even acknowledge that I was standing next to him. I was scared, Brackenpaw, and our father was acting like some... other cat. He launched into battle without batting an eye in my direction. I was lucky that the ThunderClan cat I met was an honorable warrior. We fought hard, and I was losing a lot of blood." Honeydew gestured to the long scar along her flank. "She gave me this to remember her by," she joked, her tone slightly lightening. "But before our fight came to an end, something caught our attention. When I looked, I saw..." Honeydew gulped, hesitating. Should she be telling Brackenpaw about what she witnessed? What would he think? Would he agree with her, or would he back up Sunfire's actions?

"...There was a RiverClan medicine cat there, Littlesplash," she finally continued. "He was standing to the side, looking for warriors to tend to, as medicine cats do, and... our own uncle, Sunfire, suddenly seemed to lose his mind. He rushed across the clearing and attacked Littlesplash with no provokation. He couldn't have been bigger than an apprentice," she despaired, "and Sunfire just... sank his teeth straight into his throat, and thrashed him. Like it was nothing, like it meant nothing, like that isn't the entire reason we were forced into this war in the first place!" Honeydew trembled now, with sorrow and with rage, her blue eyes glazed over with emotion. "I know he would have killed him, if Littlesplash's clanmate hadn't jumped in to save him. Where is the honor in that?" Honeydew shook her head, tears streaking down her cheek fluff.

She once again looked up to meet Brackenpaw's eyes.
"So, you see... I can't forget what he did. It was wrong, Brackenpaw. And it feels just as wrong, to have so much doubt in any of our clanmates. But I worry for SkyClan," she continued. "Wolfblossom chose me to be her deputy because she believed that I could help her lead us out of this endless cycle of bloodshed and violence. And it's scary, knowing every single cat is relying on me. I am sorry for projecting my fears onto you, too," she apologized, dipping her head. "I shouldn't have spoken to you like that. I do trust you, Brackenpaw," she reassured him.
"We've always had each other's backs, ever since we were kits. How could I forget that?" Honeydew sighed.

He'll think I'm soft-bellied, she worried inwardly. He'll think I'm a coward. All I've ever wanted was to become a strong warrior that Brackenpaw and Shatteredsky would be proud to have alongside them. But I have failed. Honeydew shredded a leaf at her paws anxiously, acutely aware of her brother's sharp gaze burning into her pelt. Now I've gone and turned my brother - my best friend, against me, and not so long after he's returned. He hates me, and he hates it here. What have I done?

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"I hope that we can meet again one day, you and I," she mewed, "under peaceful skies."

Love Letter to WCC

Subject: Re: emotional detour [c] Mon 18 Mar 2024 - 9:07

Like the way frost cracked under paw, Brackenpaw felt his heart shattering as Honeydew began to cry. He began to splutter incoherent words at his sister trying to get her to stop. Nothing came out he just stood there in horrified silence at his own words and actions as Honeydew's quiet sobs broke the forest's tranquillity. This was his doing, and he wanted to bundle her up and apologise over and over and over, until she promised a thousand times over that he was forgiven for what he had just done. Anger was quickly replaced with misery and self loathing, he was better than this and he knew it. What had he done? All that preaching of how mature he was, how he'd changed only to reduce his sister to tears with his burning words.

Btackenpaw was in shock, his body shutting down. He felt feint. Stars, am I truly going to pass out now? His eyes closed and the brindled tom was sure that any moment now he'd feel himself careening towards the floor. Maybe he'd awake in his nest and this would have all just been a nightmare, a projection of his own failure and insecurity. But when Honeydew's voice, croaky and thick from her sobs, hit his ears he realised this was all painfully real. He swayed as she spoke, blue eyes fixed on the ground. If he looked up, saw the pain he had caused he would throw up. He didn't even try to apologise, not when the only thing that would come out of his throat would be his lunch.

No laughter escaped him at Honeydew's joke, not a sound escaped him as he listened and forced himself to remain upright. After what felt like hours, drawn out to torture him, she finished recounting the past moon and everything that happened to her. Brackenpaw wished he'd been as intelligent as he was now claiming to be, used a pawful of maturity to consider how and why Honeydew seemed different. Though the reality of what she'd been through was worse than anything he could have conjured up. "I..." he began to speak, before suddenly slumping forwards his knees buckling beneath him, and the ground rising up to meet him.

-

He didn't know how long he passed out for, but when his eyes cracked open he was still just outside of SkyClan camp, and Honeydew was standing over him. Her face was still blotchy with tears, and her nose was running. Guilt crashed into Brackenpaw again. Slowly, he pushed himself into a sitting position. "Honeydew I..." he blinked, opting not to shake his head in case that brought back on the nausea "Come here..." He waited for his siter to come to him before wrapping his tail around her, and placing his chin atop her head. "I'm sorry, Honeydew. I'm so sorry... I didn't... I was wrong... I just..." his explanation came out broken and jumbled, words failing him. "It's just hard, being away... I missed so much, and I feel like I'm on the outside of some big family secret all the time. I feel like a rogue in my own home and I..." Brackenpaw's voice became thick as he admitted it, his body shaking. He pulled away from his sister to finally meet her blue gaze. "I'll always trust you, Honeydew. Always. And I'll always look out for you and be by your side, and I know Shatteredsky is... Well, Shatteredsky, but he always has your back too, I promise. Don't worry about Sunfire, or RiverClan or ThunderClan, just don't worry at all. Everything is going to be okay."

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